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Thread started 09/20/10 9:56am

CarrieMpls

Ex-Moderator

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people who have kids

What makes it all worth it?

My bf and I are at a bit of a cross roads. He has made it clear to me he’d like to have a baby (someday). I have made it clear to him that that’s never been a goal of mine. So now we both have a lot to think about. I’m willing to reconsider my position (provided we’re still together and married down the road) as long as we can figure out how to have a baby and still accomplish our other life goals. But he’s also got to consider the possibility that it may never happen. I’m making no promises right now.

So tell me all about the advantages! I know all of the reasons I don’t want one as that’s all I’ve ever focused on my whole life. I want to hear about why it’s the greatest thing ever to be a parent.

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Reply #1 posted 09/20/10 10:06am

myfavorite

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just dont let them live after tha age of 12......doom and gloom baby, doom and gloom!

THE B EST BE YOURSELF AS LONG AS YOUR SELF ISNT A DYCK[/r]

**....Someti
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Reply #2 posted 09/20/10 10:09am

BklynBabe

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Imma tell you the truth....if you don't want one, don't have one.....if you have to be convinced, it's a clue.

I'm sure kids can be wonderful and all if you want to be around them, but you have to know you are dealing with little narcissists that will suck up your time, your money, and your peace of mind. I did not want one, and having to raise one, I can see that my reasoning was correct. It will be a lot of rearranging your life around the child's needs. Children deserve to be around people who really really want to be around them. That's why we have so many miserable kids and parents....anyone can have a baby (or get a child on way or another) but not everyone is mentally equipped to deal with kids.

get a dog! DOG=perfect (after the puppy stage).

(this biased opinion is free.99) BTW and FTR I do think you would be an awesome mother with your intelligence and whatnot. Hope kids wouldn't be a dealbreaker in the relationship.

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Reply #3 posted 09/20/10 10:13am

Genesia

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After spending part of yesterday with a pair of frustrated, filterless grandparents and a pair of manipulative, spoiled, obnoxious children (with a wuss of a mother in the middle), I am definitely not going to give you the answer you're looking for. lol

We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves.
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Reply #4 posted 09/20/10 10:21am

CarrieMpls

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BklynBabe said:

Imma tell you the truth....if you don't want one, don't have one.....if you have to be convinced, it's a clue.

I'm sure kids can be wonderful and all if you want to be around them, but you have to know you are dealing with little narcissists that will suck up your time, your money, and your peace of mind. I did not want one, and having to raise one, I can see that my reasoning was correct. It will be a lot of rearranging your life around the child's needs. Children deserve to be around people who really really want to be around them. That's why we have so many miserable kids and parents....anyone can have a baby (or get a child on way or another) but not everyone is mentally equipped to deal with kids.

get a dog! DOG=perfect (after the puppy stage).

(this biased opinion is free.99) BTW and FTR I do think you would be an awesome mother with your intelligence and whatnot. Hope kids wouldn't be a dealbreaker in the relationship.

Thanks for the compliment! He thinks I’d be a good mother and make a good baby too.

As for not wanting a baby, I never thought I wanted to be married either and about 5-6 years ago I changed my mind on that. When I was about 30 my outlook changed and I realized it was something I wanted very much for myself.

Over the last 5-7 years I’ve entertained the thought of having kids from time to time… I thought it was mostly hormonal – I had these irrational pangs of WANTING one, even though I was far from a place where it would be realistic.

So while it was “never a goal of mine,” that doesn’t mean I haven’t thought about it. I just chose other things to focus on. Now that I’m in a different position, I’m reconsidering. Very carefully.

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Reply #5 posted 09/20/10 10:24am

kimrachell

hi carrie,

i felt the same way you did, i never wanted or planned on having a baby in my life. it was never apart of the life i wanted to have. and i didn't feel like i needed to have a child to fill a void in my life. but after i married my husband it all changed, i was in my mid. 20's & felt happy with my life, and it was just a natural progression of our lives. i have to say that it's one of the best things that ever happened to me and my husband. no matter how much someone tells you it's this or that. you can't really understand how it feels to be a parent until you yourself become one. but i think it's one of the greatest things you can ever experience in life. for someone that thought they would never want to be a mother. i 100% love it! sure it's not always easy, being a parent can be difficult. it's a very unselfish job,where you have to think about another life besides your own and your spouse. but it's well worth it. the joys out weigh the negatives. biggrin i am most happy in my life and in my day when it's spent with my son and husband.

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Reply #6 posted 09/20/10 10:25am

JustErin

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I never, ever planned on having a child either, but it happened.

Kids are only as bad as their parents are, so if you're an awesome person, you'll have an awesome kid.

I've never cared about anything as much as I care about my son, and nothing can compare to the love a child has for their parents.

It's hard work and yes, frustrating at times...but the rewards far out weigh the hard times.

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Reply #7 posted 09/20/10 10:27am

CarrieMpls

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Genesia said:

After spending part of yesterday with a pair of frustrated, filterless grandparents and a pair of manipulative, spoiled, obnoxious children (with a wuss of a mother in the middle), I am definitely not going to give you the answer you're looking for. lol

lol

I have nieces and nephews and while I know it’s not the same, I know of plenty of examples like you’re mentioning.

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Reply #8 posted 09/20/10 10:29am

BklynBabe

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I was the same way. Never wanted to be married, never wanted kids....been saying this since I was a lil lil girl! Marriage is starting to sneak up on me (although I may want to date or something first). I also had the moments of "maybe a kid...." bilogical clock tick tock BS. I have really only met one man in my life that made me rethink marriage and babies and unfortunately when I met him we were too young to go that route and now it is too late. I can say however that raising my nephew definitely put my biological clock on permanent snooze and I can see that I really don't have the mentality to raise kids.

too bad you can't rent-a-kid and test it out before commiting.....LOL

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Reply #9 posted 09/20/10 10:30am

kimrachell

JustErin said:

I never, ever planned on having a child either, but it happened.

Kids are only as bad as their parents are, so if you're an awesome person, you'll have an awesome kid.

I've never cared about anything as much as I care about my son, and nothing can compare to the love a child has for their parents.

It's hard work and yes, frustrating at times...but the rewards far out weigh the hard times.

so true! biggrin biggrin biggrin

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Reply #10 posted 09/20/10 10:33am

johnart

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BklynBabe said:

Imma tell you the truth....if you don't want one, don't have one.....if you have to be convinced, it's a clue.

I'm sure kids can be wonderful and all if you want to be around them, but you have to know you are dealing with little narcissists that will suck up your time, your money, and your peace of mind. I did not want one, and having to raise one, I can see that my reasoning was correct. It will be a lot of rearranging your life around the child's needs. Children deserve to be around people who really really want to be around them. That's why we have so many miserable kids and parents....anyone can have a baby (or get a child on way or another) but not everyone is mentally equipped to deal with kids.

get a dog! DOG=perfect (after the puppy stage).

(this biased opinion is free.99) BTW and FTR I do think you would be an awesome mother with your intelligence and whatnot. Hope kids wouldn't be a dealbreaker in the relationship.

There it is right there.

I think a lot of people have kids because they think "it's time" and that's what your'e "supposed to do". Or are afraid that "what if I later regret not having one/them", which amounts to having them out of fear. The end result is what you just so eloquently described. nod

I think people need to be sure that they have met their goals and wants before they move on to kids. Not doing so is tempting fate and setting yourself up for some resentment later on that you will probably keep bottled up (complicating matters further) because a parent is not "supposed" to resent their kids. What kind of parent does that? omfg

Sometimes things happen, and situations fall into your lap (like a kid in need or a family member's kid) and then you, of course, roll with the punches and do your best. But when you have a choice, I think it's healthier to care for yourself and your needs first so that you can better and fairly focus on the child. Kinda like the airplane oxygen mask thing. lol

[Edited 9/20/10 10:34am]

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Reply #11 posted 09/20/10 10:33am

CarrieMpls

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kimrachell said:

hi carrie,

i felt the same way you did, i never wanted or planned on having a baby in my life. it was never apart of the life i wanted to have. and i didn't feel like i needed to have a child to fill a void in my life. but after i married my husband it all changed, i was in my mid. 20's & felt happy with my life, and it was just a natural progression of our lives. i have to say that it's one of the best things that ever happened to me and my husband. no matter how much someone tells you it's this or that. you can't really understand how it feels to be a parent until you yourself become one. but i think it's one of the greatest things you can ever experience in life. for someone that thought they would never want to be a mother. i 100% love it! sure it's not always easy, being a parent can be difficult. it's a very unselfish job,where you have to think about another life besides your own and your spouse. but it's well worth it. the joys out weigh the negatives. biggrin i am most happy in my life and in my day when it's spent with my son and husband.

hug

That makes a lot of sense. I can always see by your posts and pictures how happy you are with your family.

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Reply #12 posted 09/20/10 10:37am

BklynBabe

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JustErin said:

Kids are only as bad as their parents are, so if you're an awesome person, you'll have an awesome kid.

I disagree. I have met some shitty parents of awesome people and some shitty kids of awesome parents. Children are little people with their own minds and their own issues too. I think many people think you mold a child into what you want them to be but it really isn't that way at all. You are there to guide a future adult and hopefully show them how to make good choices and have good lives....that is a major responsibility to never be taken lightly.

Definitely the rewards of raising of a loving intelligent human being can be inspiring though.

It really is something that should be thought about.

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Reply #13 posted 09/20/10 10:37am

Sowhat

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CarrieMpls said:

I want to hear about why it’s the greatest thing ever to be a parent.

Being a Father of three girls I would say the greatest thing ever to be a parent really is indescribable. I know it sounds corny but it is a love I never knew existed and I would not trade it for anything in the world. Now that they are getting older (18, 12 and 10), I kind of regret not having more.

I guess it is kind of like you had resigned yourself to being single for the rest of your life then you met this great guy and that all changed. Can you really describe it?

It is hard at times and in my opinion is all about balance, but more than worth it, IF you truly want to be a parent. There are some who just are not parent material and that is fine. You give up a lot having kids, but in my case what I gave up (traveling more, more freedoms) is nothing compared to what I have gained. But most of the time you don't have to give up as much as you think. We as a family have traveled to Mexico on several occasions (including side trips to Ixtapa, etc) and Hawaii. I still go to concerts (I even took my oldest to see Prince twice) and Sporting events (often with my daughters) on a regular basis and get an occasional guys night out.

Now I always wanted kids so that is my point of reference. They do cost a lot of money (hell my oldest starts at a University on Wednesday and we spend at least $2,000 a year for my middle one to play Soccer) and they take up a lot of time if you do it right, but remember most of that time is spent being with family (your kids), including your significant other.

"Always blessings, never losses......"

Ya te dije....no manches guey!!!!!

mad I'm a guy!!!!

"....i can open my-eyes "underwater"..there4 i will NOT drown...." - mzkqueen03 eek lol
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Reply #14 posted 09/20/10 10:39am

CarrieMpls

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JustErin said:

I never, ever planned on having a child either, but it happened.

Kids are only as bad as their parents are, so if you're an awesome person, you'll have an awesome kid.

I've never cared about anything as much as I care about my son, and nothing can compare to the love a child has for their parents.

It's hard work and yes, frustrating at times...but the rewards far out weigh the hard times.

hmmm... all of my friend's kids are awesome, and they are all awesome. hmmm

From your posts you seem like a great mom.

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Reply #15 posted 09/20/10 10:42am

Shorty

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kimrachell said:

JustErin said:

I never, ever planned on having a child either, but it happened.

Kids are only as bad as their parents are, so if you're an awesome person, you'll have an awesome kid.

I've never cared about anything as much as I care about my son, and nothing can compare to the love a child has for their parents.

It's hard work and yes, frustrating at times...but the rewards far out weigh the hard times.

so true! biggrin biggrin biggrin

thank God for you too! Geesh!

I was very similar...I was kinda "meh" on kids. to me they were noisey, sticky...creatures. but as life progressed I really couldn't fathom being 50 and saying "nope, I never had children" so I decided what the heck...let's do this. It being hard and a bit frustrating at times is a given, but it is all SO worth it! It is a LOVE like no other, none, zippo, nadda. NOTHING comes close to how they love you and you love them. Nothing makes me more proud to see them playing with their father, nothing makes me smile bigger than to hear them laughing or even the pitter patter of their lil feet as they chase eachother around. Even when I'm at wits end I wouldn't trade them for the world! Being "Mom" or "Mumma" as I am is awesome, I will always be their mom, they can always count on me and they know it...they feel safe knowing that and that makes me feel good too.

go for it Carrie! wink

"not a fan" falloff yeah...ok
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Reply #16 posted 09/20/10 10:42am

JustErin

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BklynBabe said:

JustErin said:

Kids are only as bad as their parents are, so if you're an awesome person, you'll have an awesome kid.

I disagree. I have met some shitty parents of awesome people and some shitty kids of awesome parents. Children are little people with their own minds and their own issues too. I think many people think you mold a child into what you want them to be but it really isn't that way at all. You are there to guide a future adult and hopefully show them how to make good choices and have good lives....that is a major responsibility to never be taken lightly.

Definitely the rewards of raising of a loving intelligent human being can be inspiring though.

It really is something that should be thought about.

As a parent, I am telling you that this is true.

You may know awesome people who have shit kids but you really don't know how they treat their kids. And shitty parents that have great kids are a result of some other person stepping in somewhere (teacher, friend, other relative) and giving them hope and better guidance.

And any good parent who has children knows that it's absolutely not about "molding them into what you want them to be".

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Reply #17 posted 09/20/10 10:42am

johnart

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JustErin said:

Kids are only as bad as their parents are, so if you're an awesome person, you'll have an awesome kid.

Not true (across the board) at all.

My aunt was/is a wonderful mother. She's got some rotten ass kids. I shouldn't say that, they're my cousins, but they are. One aint talkin to me right now cuz I had to be truthful with him and the other...well...it's just way too out there to go into right now on this thread. lol

And my grandmother was an awful awful parent. Abusive, to the likes of "Mommy Dearest" no joke.

My mother turned out a wonderful giving woman and great parent.

And I know how she treated her. She treated me similarly to a degree.

[Edited 9/20/10 10:43am]

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Reply #18 posted 09/20/10 10:45am

JustErin

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johnart said:

JustErin said:

Kids are only as bad as their parents are, so if you're an awesome person, you'll have an awesome kid.

Not true (across the board) at all.

My aunt was/is a wonderful mother. She's got some rotten ass kids. I shouldn't say that, they're my cousins, but they are. One aint talkin to me right now cuz I had to be truthful with him and the other...well...it's just way too out there to go into right now on this thread. lol

And my grandmother was an awful awful parent. Abusive, to the likes of "Mommy Dearest" no joke.

My mother turned out a wonderful giving woman and great parent.

And I know how she treated her. She treated me similarly to a degree.

[Edited 9/20/10 10:43am]

As wonderful as your aunt may be, if she allowed her children to be influenced by someone else to be rotten ass, she wasn't the best parent.

Kids are not born rotten, something makes them that way.

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Reply #19 posted 09/20/10 10:45am

CarrieMpls

Ex-Moderator

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johnart said:

BklynBabe said:

Imma tell you the truth....if you don't want one, don't have one.....if you have to be convinced, it's a clue.

I'm sure kids can be wonderful and all if you want to be around them, but you have to know you are dealing with little narcissists that will suck up your time, your money, and your peace of mind. I did not want one, and having to raise one, I can see that my reasoning was correct. It will be a lot of rearranging your life around the child's needs. Children deserve to be around people who really really want to be around them. That's why we have so many miserable kids and parents....anyone can have a baby (or get a child on way or another) but not everyone is mentally equipped to deal with kids.

get a dog! DOG=perfect (after the puppy stage).

(this biased opinion is free.99) BTW and FTR I do think you would be an awesome mother with your intelligence and whatnot. Hope kids wouldn't be a dealbreaker in the relationship.

There it is right there.

I think a lot of people have kids because they think "it's time" and that's what your'e "supposed to do". Or are afraid that "what if I later regret not having one/them", which amounts to having them out of fear. The end result is what you just so eloquently described. nod

I think people need to be sure that they have met their goals and wants before they move on to kids. Not doing so is tempting fate and setting yourself up for some resentment later on that you will probably keep bottled up (complicating matters further) because a parent is not "supposed" to resent their kids. What kind of parent does that? omfg

Sometimes things happen, and situations fall into your lap (like a kid in need or a family member's kid) and then you, of course, roll with the punches and do your best. But when you have a choice, I think it's healthier to care for yourself and your needs first so that you can better and fairly focus on the child. Kinda like the airplane oxygen mask thing. lol

[Edited 9/20/10 10:34am]

I agree with this whole-heartedly. Which is why I never really considered it until now.

I wouldn’t dream of having one if I weren’t absolutely sure it was what I wanted and was prepared for. I’m just weighing my options.

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Reply #20 posted 09/20/10 10:46am

johnart

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CarrieMpls said:

johnart said:

There it is right there.

I think a lot of people have kids because they think "it's time" and that's what your'e "supposed to do". Or are afraid that "what if I later regret not having one/them", which amounts to having them out of fear. The end result is what you just so eloquently described. nod

I think people need to be sure that they have met their goals and wants before they move on to kids. Not doing so is tempting fate and setting yourself up for some resentment later on that you will probably keep bottled up (complicating matters further) because a parent is not "supposed" to resent their kids. What kind of parent does that? omfg

Sometimes things happen, and situations fall into your lap (like a kid in need or a family member's kid) and then you, of course, roll with the punches and do your best. But when you have a choice, I think it's healthier to care for yourself and your needs first so that you can better and fairly focus on the child. Kinda like the airplane oxygen mask thing. lol

[Edited 9/20/10 10:34am]

I agree with this whole-heartedly. Which is why I never really considered it until now.

I wouldn’t dream of having one if I weren’t absolutely sure it was what I wanted and was prepared for. I’m just weighing my options.

And I will also go on the record as saying that to the extent that I know you (on here and fb) you'd be a great mom. hug

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Reply #21 posted 09/20/10 10:48am

Genesia

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johnart said:

JustErin said:

Kids are only as bad as their parents are, so if you're an awesome person, you'll have an awesome kid.

Not true (across the board) at all.

My aunt was/is a wonderful mother. She's got some rotten ass kids. I shouldn't say that, they're my cousins, but they are. One aint talkin to me right now cuz I had to be truthful with him and the other...well...it's just way too out there to go into right now on this thread. lol

My sister is terrific. Intelligent (got her MBA in one year - with honors, while working a full-time job), creative (she has her own jewelry business), and hilarious. And yet, she has a couple of kids (the youngest, especially) who are pretty crappy. She's worked so hard at not being like our parents (who I agree were too hard-assed), that's she ruined her own kids in the other direction. disbelief

We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves.
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Reply #22 posted 09/20/10 10:49am

johnart

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JustErin said:

johnart said:

Not true (across the board) at all.

My aunt was/is a wonderful mother. She's got some rotten ass kids. I shouldn't say that, they're my cousins, but they are. One aint talkin to me right now cuz I had to be truthful with him and the other...well...it's just way too out there to go into right now on this thread. lol

And my grandmother was an awful awful parent. Abusive, to the likes of "Mommy Dearest" no joke.

My mother turned out a wonderful giving woman and great parent.

And I know how she treated her. She treated me similarly to a degree.

[Edited 9/20/10 10:43am]

As wonderful as your aunt may be, if she allowed her children to be influenced by someone else to be rotten ass, she wasn't the best parent.

Kids are not born rotten, something makes them that way.

That's a sweet sentiment. I just don't subscribe, sorry.

There are things that are out of your control. Count your blessings as a parent and your particular situation.

Also, your son is still very young. My aunt spoke the same way when her kids were yours ages. I'm not saying yours will go wrong, of course. I'm just saying, you can't really speak with absolute certainty until it's all be said and done and you look back at the whole picture.

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Reply #23 posted 09/20/10 10:49am

JustErin

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Genesia said:

johnart said:

Not true (across the board) at all.

My aunt was/is a wonderful mother. She's got some rotten ass kids. I shouldn't say that, they're my cousins, but they are. One aint talkin to me right now cuz I had to be truthful with him and the other...well...it's just way too out there to go into right now on this thread. lol

My sister is terrific. Intelligent (got her MBA in one year - with honors, while working a full-time job), creative (she has her own jewelry business), and hilarious. And yet, she has a couple of kids (the youngest, especially) who are pretty crappy. She's worked so hard at not being like our parents (who I agree were too hard-assed), that's she ruined her own kids in the other direction. disbelief

Unfortunately, that's all too common. One extreme to the other is just as bad.

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Reply #24 posted 09/20/10 10:50am

CarrieMpls

Ex-Moderator

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Sowhat said:

CarrieMpls said:

I want to hear about why it’s the greatest thing ever to be a parent.

Being a Father of three girls I would say the greatest thing ever to be a parent really is indescribable. I know it sounds corny but it is a love I never knew existed and I would not trade it for anything in the world. Now that they are getting older (18, 12 and 10), I kind of regret not having more.

I guess it is kind of like you had resigned yourself to being single for the rest of your life then you met this great guy and that all changed. Can you really describe it?

It is hard at times and in my opinion is all about balance, but more than worth it, IF you truly want to be a parent. There are some who just are not parent material and that is fine. You give up a lot having kids, but in my case what I gave up (traveling more, more freedoms) is nothing compared to what I have gained. But most of the time you don't have to give up as much as you think. We as a family have traveled to Mexico on several occasions (including side trips to Ixtapa, etc) and Hawaii. I still go to concerts (I even took my oldest to see Prince twice) and Sporting events (often with my daughters) on a regular basis and get an occasional guys night out.

Now I always wanted kids so that is my point of reference. They do cost a lot of money (hell my oldest starts at a University on Wednesday and we spend at least $2,000 a year for my middle one to play Soccer) and they take up a lot of time if you do it right, but remember most of that time is spent being with family (your kids), including your significant other.

Great post.

All of these are great, but this speaks to some of the things that concern me - travel and other sacrifices.

Thanks! smile

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Reply #25 posted 09/20/10 10:50am

Shorty

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johnart said:

BklynBabe said:

Imma tell you the truth....if you don't want one, don't have one.....if you have to be convinced, it's a clue.

I'm sure kids can be wonderful and all if you want to be around them, but you have to know you are dealing with little narcissists that will suck up your time, your money, and your peace of mind. I did not want one, and having to raise one, I can see that my reasoning was correct. It will be a lot of rearranging your life around the child's needs. Children deserve to be around people who really really want to be around them. That's why we have so many miserable kids and parents....anyone can have a baby (or get a child on way or another) but not everyone is mentally equipped to deal with kids.

get a dog! DOG=perfect (after the puppy stage).

(this biased opinion is free.99) BTW and FTR I do think you would be an awesome mother with your intelligence and whatnot. Hope kids wouldn't be a dealbreaker in the relationship.

There it is right there.

I think a lot of people have kids because they think "it's time" and that's what your'e "supposed to do". Or are afraid that "what if I later regret not having one/them", which amounts to having them out of fear. The end result is what you just so eloquently described. nod

I think people need to be sure that they have met their goals and wants before they move on to kids. Not doing so is tempting fate and setting yourself up for some resentment later on that you will probably keep bottled up (complicating matters further) because a parent is not "supposed" to resent their kids. What kind of parent does that? omfg

Sometimes things happen, and situations fall into your lap (like a kid in need or a family member's kid) and then you, of course, roll with the punches and do your best. But when you have a choice, I think it's healthier to care for yourself and your needs first so that you can better and fairly focus on the child. Kinda like the airplane oxygen mask thing. lol

[Edited 9/20/10 10:34am]

I basically just said that's why I decided to have kids...and it was the best decision of my life...so ...the end result is NOT always what she not so elegantly described.

sometimes it's next to impossible to be sure of something you've not yet experienced. I think it's tempting fate to not have kids in favor of other goals and wants...cause other goals and wants maybe more obtainable at a later age where children are not.

"not a fan" falloff yeah...ok
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Reply #26 posted 09/20/10 10:51am

JustErin

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johnart said:

JustErin said:

As wonderful as your aunt may be, if she allowed her children to be influenced by someone else to be rotten ass, she wasn't the best parent.

Kids are not born rotten, something makes them that way.

That's a sweet sentiment. I just don't subscribe, sorry.

There are things that are out of your control. Count your blessings as a parent and your particular situation.

Also, your son is still very young. My aunt spoke the same way when her kids were yours ages. I'm not saying yours will go wrong, of course. I'm just saying, you can't really speak with absolute certainty until it's all be said and done and you look back at the whole picture.

I'm not worried about it. lol

Are you one of those people who believe that some people are just born bad?

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Reply #27 posted 09/20/10 10:53am

BklynBabe

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JustErin said:

BklynBabe said:

I disagree. I have met some shitty parents of awesome people and some shitty kids of awesome parents. Children are little people with their own minds and their own issues too. I think many people think you mold a child into what you want them to be but it really isn't that way at all. You are there to guide a future adult and hopefully show them how to make good choices and have good lives....that is a major responsibility to never be taken lightly.

Definitely the rewards of raising of a loving intelligent human being can be inspiring though.

It really is something that should be thought about.

As a parent, I am telling you that this is true.

You may know awesome people who have shit kids but you really don't know how they treat their kids. And shitty parents that have great kids are a result of some other person stepping in somewhere (teacher, friend, other relative) and giving them hope and better guidance.

And any good parent who has children knows that it's absolutely not about "molding them into what you want them to be".

as a former child I'm telling you that you can have the most awesome parent and still be a rotten ass brat wink

and we both know that unfortunately there are not as many good parents as there should be sad

and I absolutely know from experience that a person can be born like a "bad seed", I used to think that certain people lacked home training, but I now have seen with my own eyes that some people are born with a reluctance to be home trained.

But anyway the main thing is women shouldn't have to feel that having a child is the end all and be all thing to fulfill life, by all means if you want them then have them, but if you don't, don't apologize or feel like you are anything less, because that's just some societal bullshit.

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Reply #28 posted 09/20/10 10:54am

vainandy

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BklynBabe said:

Imma tell you the truth....if you don't want one, don't have one.....if you have to be convinced, it's a clue.

I'm sure kids can be wonderful and all if you want to be around them, but you have to know you are dealing with little narcissists that will suck up your time, your money, and your peace of mind. I did not want one, and having to raise one, I can see that my reasoning was correct. It will be a lot of rearranging your life around the child's needs. Children deserve to be around people who really really want to be around them. That's why we have so many miserable kids and parents....anyone can have a baby (or get a child on way or another) but not everyone is mentally equipped to deal with kids.

get a dog! DOG=perfect (after the puppy stage).

(this biased opinion is free.99) BTW and FTR I do think you would be an awesome mother with your intelligence and whatnot. Hope kids wouldn't be a dealbreaker in the relationship.

clapping

Exactly. Don't have a child unless you absolutely want one. Even if I was straight, I wouldn't want one. When you have a child, you have to put your personal life on the back burner and put the child's needs first. Children need and deserve to be wanted and they deserve to be happy so if someone doesn't want a child, don't have one. Lord knows, I would never take a back burner to anyone and that's one of the reasons I'll never have one. But the main reason is, I couldn't put up with and tolerate the little devils. Plus their life with me would be pure hell because shit hop is not going to be played in my house, not only for a few seconds. lol

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[Edited 9/20/10 10:56am]

Andy is a four letter word.
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Reply #29 posted 09/20/10 10:55am

johnart

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Shorty said:

johnart said:

There it is right there.

I think a lot of people have kids because they think "it's time" and that's what your'e "supposed to do". Or are afraid that "what if I later regret not having one/them", which amounts to having them out of fear. The end result is what you just so eloquently described. nod

I think people need to be sure that they have met their goals and wants before they move on to kids. Not doing so is tempting fate and setting yourself up for some resentment later on that you will probably keep bottled up (complicating matters further) because a parent is not "supposed" to resent their kids. What kind of parent does that? omfg

Sometimes things happen, and situations fall into your lap (like a kid in need or a family member's kid) and then you, of course, roll with the punches and do your best. But when you have a choice, I think it's healthier to care for yourself and your needs first so that you can better and fairly focus on the child. Kinda like the airplane oxygen mask thing. lol

[Edited 9/20/10 10:34am]

I basically just said that's why I decided to have kids...and it was the best decision of my life...so ...the end result is NOT always what she not so elegantly described.

sometimes it's next to impossible to be sure of something you've not yet experienced. I think it's tempting fate to not have kids in favor of other goals and wants...cause other goals and wants maybe more obtainable at a later age where children are not.

I didn't say "always"

You are correct, sometimes it's next to impossible to be sure of something you've not yet experienced. Yesterday I took a chance on the Crispy Ginger Beef. It sucked and I ended up asking to take it home not to hurt the restaurant's feelings since we go there a lot.

And I personally think that chancing it just on the offchance you might later regret not having them is kind of selfish. So if it doesn't work out and I was wrong...no biggie, it was at the expense of a human being??

You and your children are very fortunate that it worked out for you guys.

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