Vendetta1 said:

No, while other people pat me on the back for my oldest son's success, I give all the praise to him. Once my kids got of age to know right from wrong, the path that their lives took was on them.

So you believe you have not influenced your children in how they live their lives? That they just are the way they are because of their own nature?

can't spell edit

[Edited 10/2/10 18:31pm]

I won't take credit for my eldest being a genius he is smarter than me at 10, so how could I be responsible for that!

Hopefully I can, later on, be responsible for pointing him in the right direction in making use of his intellect.

ZombieKitten said:

I won't take credit for my eldest being a genius he is smarter than me at 10, so how could I be responsible for that!

Hopefully I can, later on, be responsible for pointing him in the right direction in making use of his intellect.

Well dang-nabbit! You're a better person than me... because I'll put my stamp on all of it... while wearing a wide brimmed church hat and singing it like its a gospel song!

"YEEESSSSSSS... he gets it fromm myyyy.... I said myyyyyyyyy.... my, my ma ma ma myyyyyyy side of the familyyyyy... yeeeaahhhh"

Even though I can't co-sign completely with vendetta's (and others)POV I do agree that a child's personality in addition to parental (enviornmental/family) upbringing that does influence a child in how they make their decisions.

paintedlady said:

ZombieKitten said:

I won't take credit for my eldest being a genius he is smarter than me at 10, so how could I be responsible for that!

Hopefully I can, later on, be responsible for pointing him in the right direction in making use of his intellect.

Well dang-nabbit! You're a better person than me... because I'll put my stamp on all of it... while wearing a wide brimmed church hat and singing it like its a gospel song!

"YEEESSSSSSS... he gets it fromm myyyy.... I said myyyyyyyyy.... my, my ma ma ma myyyyyyy side of the familyyyyy... yeeeaahhhh"

Even though I can't co-sign completely with vendetta's (and others)POV I do agree that a child's personality in addition to parental (enviornmental/family) upbringing that does influence a child in how they make their decisions.

nature PLUS nurture

if you influence your kid (with certain personality traits) in the right way = success

(although that RIGHT way, in my case is elusive )

Vendetta1 said:

No, while other people pat me on the back for my oldest son's success, I give all the praise to him. Once my kids got of age to know right from wrong, the path that their lives took was on them.

Between this and the fathers getting credit thread I've thought about posting something very similar to that several times. A parents real job is to just keep their kids alive and out of jail until they move out of the house. Some are able to do more and that's great! But we all know from personal experience that you don't really start learning how to run your own life until years after you've left home (some never figure it out!). And we sure as hell don't admit our parents knew what they were doing until like, twenty years later.

paintedlady said:

So you believe you have not influenced your children in how they live their lives? That they just are the way they are because of their own nature?

Personally, I think some if it is innate, some is instinct, some is genetics and some is taught. You can teach right from wrong, but you can't act for them.

Cerebus said:

Vendetta1 said:

No, while other people pat me on the back for my oldest son's success, I give all the praise to him. Once my kids got of age to know right from wrong, the path that their lives took was on them.

Between this and the fathers getting credit thread I've thought about posting something very similar to that several times. A parents real job is to just keep their kids alive and out of jail until they move out of the house. Some are able to do more and that's great! But we all know from personal experience that you don't really start learning how to run your own life until years after you've left home (some never figure it out!). And we sure as hell don't admit our parents knew what they were doing until like, twenty years later.

My posts were referring to YOUNG children, not adult children.

I hate to see a two year old being called "bad" or a "brat" for instance. This happens a lot and it is those kids that are called "bad" at a very young age that grow up with little self esteem. How can you call a toddler, or a school aged child a "bad" person? Heck, I bet Hitler's mom thought he was a "good person" as a kid.

The situation described by both you and Vendetta is more of a trial and error life choice thing that anyone can go through for many reasons. In that situation, the parents influence is only one factor of many... if any at all. Heck, at that age ... many of us try NOT to do what our parents did if we lack confidence in our parents belief systems. Teens are usually expected to rebel.

Like with religion for example.

Cerebus said:

paintedlady said:

So you believe you have not influenced your children in how they live their lives? That they just are the way they are because of their own nature?

Personally, I think some if it is innate, some is instinct, some is genetics and some is taught. You can teach right from wrong, but you can't act for them.

True... even at a young age, this is true.

ZombieKitten said:

paintedlady said:

Well dang-nabbit! You're a better person than me... because I'll put my stamp on all of it... while wearing a wide brimmed church hat and singing it like its a gospel song!

"YEEESSSSSSS... he gets it fromm myyyy.... I said myyyyyyyyy.... my, my ma ma ma myyyyyyy side of the familyyyyy... yeeeaahhhh"

Even though I can't co-sign completely with vendetta's (and others)POV I do agree that a child's personality in addition to parental (enviornmental/family) upbringing that does influence a child in how they make their decisions.

nature PLUS nurture

if you influence your kid (with certain personality traits) in the right way = success

(although that RIGHT way, in my case is elusive )

JustErin said:

I've never cared about anything as much as I care about my son, and nothing can compare to the love a child has for their parents.

It's hard work and yes, frustrating at times...but the rewards far out weigh the hard times.

This is exactly what I've heard from formerly reluctant dads.

Another advantage is someone who can help you out when you're like 80 years old.

paintedlady said:

Vendetta1 said:

No, while other people pat me on the back for my oldest son's success, I give all the praise to him. Once my kids got of age to know right from wrong, the path that their lives took was on them.

So you believe you have not influenced your children in how they live their lives? That they just are the way they are because of their own nature?

can't spell edit

[Edited 10/2/10 18:31pm]

I am sure I have influenced Dorian. We have the same music taste. He went to my high school. He was in ROTC. He has told me I am a great parent. BUT, applying the lessons I tried to teach him is solely on him. The same thing goes for Aja.

My mother was a terrible parent. She was not around, left us subject to sexual predators, chose her men over her children but I excelled in life because it was what I wanted to do. The kids have got to want it and like Cere said, we can't make them act on it.

Perhaps my daughter will see what I was trying to teach her once she gets out of my house. It is my hope that I still want to have anything to do with her by then.