tinaz said:

CarrieMpls said:

This is the most recent I have. He's the one holding the beer looking dreamy. I'm the one sitting down looking tired. lol.

Its been bugging me that your bf resembles someone to me and I just figured it out!!

Dontcha think??

I was thinking the SAME thing.

^

WAIT!!! Wait a minute! I co-signed Tinaz post before her Lyle Lovett photo loaded!

I don't think Carrie's baby daddy looks like Lyle Lovett AT ALL!!!

...I think he looks a bit like Althom.

Lammastide said:

^

WAIT!!! Wait a minute! I co-signed Tinaz post before her Lyle Lovett photo loaded!

I don't think Carrie's baby daddy looks like Lyle Lovett AT ALL!!!

...I think he looks a bit like Althom.

He's already being referred to as Carries baby daddy!!!!!

Lammastide said:

^

WAIT!!! Wait a minute! I co-signed Tinaz post before her Lyle Lovett photo loaded!

I don't think Carrie's baby daddy looks like Lyle Lovett AT ALL!!!

...I think he looks a bit like Althom.

He is way hotter than Lovett!

Lammastide said:

^

WAIT!!! Wait a minute! I co-signed Tinaz post before her Lyle Lovett photo loaded!

I don't think Carrie's baby daddy looks like Lyle Lovett AT ALL!!!

...I think he looks a bit like Althom.

CarrieMpls said:

Cerebus said:

To be perfectly blunt about it, and speaking as someone who has known since the age of thirteen that he was never going to have kids, if you don't want a child, don't have one. There is no acceptable compromise in this regard. There are far too many people in this world who regret having children, or who just plain shouldn't have and end up doing a piss poor job of the whole thing.

If you know it's not something that you've ever been interested in, why would you change your mind about it now? For love? Because you think that will make the relationship last? Is taking away from the time you have to spend together and creating a whole other WORLD of things to worry about REALLY what you think will help in that regard?

I'm not trying to be an asshole here, either. But you mentioned that it was never something you wanted in the past. So in that regard I feel like I need to put this stuff out there. I know it's not popular, but I don't care. The societal norms forced upon us to go to school, get a steady job, buy car, get a mate, get married, buy house, have kids, wash, rinse and repeat are nonsense. They don't work for everybody and it's unfortunate that people who don't play by those rules are seen as the "strange" ones.

Anyway. Nuff' said. I'm actually really holding back here. But that's generally how I feel about it.

I agree with everything you’ve said.

I feel no pressure from family or friends to have a child. My brother has 4 kids, so my parents have plenty of grands to love and care for and my friends who want babies have them, for the most part. Many of my friends plan to remain childless – it’s totally normal in my social circle.

I also feel no pressure to have a child to fit into some societal norm. I already don’t. I don’t own a car, I’m a vegetarian… These are silly examples but they don’t fit the bill of “typical American”. I’m completely comfortable going my own way as far as how I want to live my life.

As for having a baby to keep a man around, that would never happen. I will make up my mind about what I want for myself and hope he and I can come to terms with whatever differences there may be. I’ve met someone who makes me happy. And I make him happy. And I think we could probably keep making each other happy. So I’m opening my mind and heart to the idea that maybe my life could be different than I initially envisioned. I’m open to change.

My initial plan was to remain single forever. Then I changed my mind about that about 5 years ago. And even after deciding marriage is something I really wanted, for various reasons I didn’t think it would ever happen. So I made my plans and goals assuming I’d be single forever. There was no room to even think about having kids if I wasn’t even going to find a husband.

Now I’m in a position to think about it. So that’s what I’m doing. Reconsidering.

It's good that you have no pressure from the family - that helps. Thankfully, when my Sister had her third I finally stopped getting asked about it. Up until then it was pretty common for every visit with any family member to involve asking me when I was going to have children (even if I was single at the time ). I think my Mom has taken it the hardest, too. She only has two kids, I'm her first and (obviously) the only male. For some reason she really had it in her mind that I was going to get married, "settle down" and have some Grandkids. Took right around twenty years of me telling her it wasn't going to happen for her to finally believe it.

No exageration, I have ONE friend out of ALL my circles of friends who doesn't have at least one child. She also happens to be an ex and one of my very best, life-long friends. Starting when I was about seventeen, all of a sudden my friends were having kids. They'd just show up all smiley and shit to announce, "we're pregnant!", or "we're having a baby". Most of them weren't married and very few of them stayed together for any length of time after the birth (maybe none of those particular people). Talk about helping to solidify a point of view!

Non car owning vegetarian here as well. We belong to our own society.

OK, I didn't really mean that you would have a child to keep a man around. I mean, I actually know people who have done it, but that's a bit too daytime talk show for most folks. I was more referring to the idea that a coupld finds love, moves in together, maybe gets married, time starts to go by.... and then what? The logical "next step" according to "what you're supposed to do" is have a child. Like, "We love each other and we're going to be together so it's time to have kids." I totally disagree with that on every level. I think that means it's time to explore the world and everything we can do in it. Preferably without having to worry about anybody else. Is that selfish? In some peoples minds, yes, it is. But there are plenty of people having children. Really, there is. So I don't really care about what "some people" think.

I'm glad you're able to reconsider and possibly even change your mind in regards to something you felt so strongly about. I'm not. No marraige. No kids. The first argument in this regard is the end of the relationship.

In the end I guess only you can know what's right for you. Which kind of makes all this rambling a wee bit pointless. But like a few other people have mentioned, it's great that you're talking and thinking about it before just, ya know, doing it.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Lammastide said:

^

WAIT!!! Wait a minute! I co-signed Tinaz post before her Lyle Lovett photo loaded!

I don't think Carrie's baby daddy looks like Lyle Lovett AT ALL!!!

...I think he looks a bit like Althom.

He is way hotter than Lovett!

I think Mr. Carrie AND Althom are way hotter than Lovett!

I honestly haven't read the thread but

NATALIA and ANTHONY

as you know, they are perfect. Luck I suppose!

I can say, there is no room for you, nor your personal desires coming first in the equation. The mathematical alignment places you dead last for a few decades. Ive traveled and the like as you know, but when it comes to recession like environments, it's all about them and all that is gone. ( Not that I mind)

There is no room for "me... me... me" in motherhood but I think youd find as most of us do, it isn't an issue once you hold the little screamer!

Lammastide said:

ThreadBare said:

Great thread, Carrie.

Uh oh! We could read an awful lot into an innocent statement like that, TB. Is someone looking to "build a nation?"

I... I... I dunno 'bout dat...

I keep hearing how kids can eat into the Guitar Fund...

I keed, I keed.

Mostly...

ThreadBare said:

Lammastide said:

Uh oh! We could read an awful lot into an innocent statement like that, TB. Is someone looking to "build a nation?"

I... I... I dunno 'bout dat...

I keep hearing how kids can eat into the Guitar Fund...

I keed, I keed.

Mostly...

Oh yes... I forget how much you love your current "babies."

Lammastide said:

ThreadBare said:

I... I... I dunno 'bout dat...

I keep hearing how kids can eat into the Guitar Fund...

I keed, I keed.

Mostly...

Oh yes... I forget how much you love your current "babies."

lol Its nice to see you both!

Lammastide said:

ThreadBare said:

I... I... I dunno 'bout dat...

I keep hearing how kids can eat into the Guitar Fund...

I keed, I keed.

Mostly...

Oh yes... I forget how much you love your current "babies."

I keep getting compliments on the latest one's sound. Here's what that's like for a musician who's chased and paid money to get the sound one's heard in their musical heart for YEARS.

It's like finally getting the number from and going out with that person you've been after for the longest time.... TIMES 10!!!

I'm all for settling down and all that, but I'm really, really happy with my sound right now. In a musical town, shoooooot, that's bread & butter.

Muse2NoPharaoh said:

Lammastide said:

Oh yes... I forget how much you love your current "babies."

lol Its nice to see you both!

Hey, K!

Muse2NoPharaoh said:

Lammastide said:

Oh yes... I forget how much you love your current "babies."

lol Its nice to see you both!

Hey there!

It's always nice to see you, too!

Hello sweet gentlemen!

ThreadBare said:

Lammastide said:

Oh yes... I forget how much you love your current "babies."

I keep getting compliments on the latest one's sound. Here's what that's like for a musician who's chased and paid money to get the sound one's heard in their musical heart for YEARS.

It's like finally getting the number from and going out with that person you've been after for the longest time.... TIMES 10!!!

I'm all for settling down and all that, but I'm really, really happy with my sound right now. In a musical town, shoooooot, that's bread & butter.

Very cool. Does this mean you're doing lots of gigs lately?

Lammastide said:

ThreadBare said:

I keep getting compliments on the latest one's sound. Here's what that's like for a musician who's chased and paid money to get the sound one's heard in their musical heart for YEARS.

It's like finally getting the number from and going out with that person you've been after for the longest time.... TIMES 10!!!

I'm all for settling down and all that, but I'm really, really happy with my sound right now. In a musical town, shoooooot, that's bread & butter.

Very cool. Does this mean you're doing lots of gigs lately?

Thank the Lord.

ThreadBare said:

Lammastide said:

Very cool. Does this mean you're doing lots of gigs lately?

Thank the Lord.

Sweet.

Lammastide said:

^

WAIT!!! Wait a minute! I co-signed Tinaz post before her Lyle Lovett photo loaded!

I don't think Carrie's baby daddy looks like Lyle Lovett AT ALL!!!

...I think he looks a bit like Althom.

http://prince.org/msg/100/160783

I have three things to say on this.

1. Many women reach a time in their lives when all of a sudden all they want is a child - don't rule it out and certainly don't make any decisions based on your current feelings as it could all change a few years down the line.

2. Many days I wake up thinking I wish we had never had kids, but every night i go to bed missing them - even though they are sound asleep in their rooms just down the landing. I am welling up now trying to put the feeling into words. So I can't, it is a special thing that cannot be described and I would see it as a terrible thing to never experiece.

3. I have only met you briefly, on a couple of occasions, but you would make an excellent mother. There are too many shit parents in the world, you need to even up the odds, for mankinds sake!!

TotalANXiousNESS said:

Lammastide said:

^

WAIT!!! Wait a minute! I co-signed Tinaz post before her Lyle Lovett photo loaded!

I don't think Carrie's baby daddy looks like Lyle Lovett AT ALL!!!

...I think he looks a bit like Althom.

He's already being referred to as Carries baby daddy!!!!!

right?

And incidentally, no, I don't think he looks like Lyle Lovett, but I can see what you mean by that particular pic... maybe...

I do think he looks a bit like althom which is hilarious considering when he was still he here he used to ask me to marry him, like, every week.

And yes, my man is way hotter than both of them.

Muse2NoPharaoh said:

I honestly haven't read the thread but

NATALIA and ANTHONY

as you know, they are perfect. Luck I suppose!

I can say, there is no room for you, nor your personal desires coming first in the equation. The mathematical alignment places you dead last for a few decades. Ive traveled and the like as you know, but when it comes to recession like environments, it's all about them and all that is gone. ( Not that I mind)

There is no room for "me... me... me" in motherhood but I think youd find as most of us do, it isn't an issue once you hold the little screamer!

You're one of my awesome friends who has awesome kids.

PREDOMINANT said:

I have three things to say on this.

1. Many women reach a time in their lives when all of a sudden all they want is a child - don't rule it out and certainly don't make any decisions based on your current feelings as it could all change a few years down the line.

2. Many days I wake up thinking I wish we had never had kids, but every night i go to bed missing them - even though they are sound asleep in their rooms just down the landing. I am welling up now trying to put the feeling into words. So I can't, it is a special thing that cannot be described and I would see it as a terrible thing to never experiece.

3. I have only met you briefly, on a couple of occasions, but you would make an excellent mother. There are too many shit parents in the world, you need to even up the odds, for mankinds sake!!

Thanks for that last one.

As for maybe changing my mind, that's what I'm trying to open myself up to. And I'm open to it, but I'm definitely not there yet.

My only concern now is what if I don't? I don't want my bf to miss this experience because I don't want it. He's totally a catch, I have no doubt there would be women lining up to have his babies. And we're both getting older. So making these kinds of decisions sooner than later is really only fair to both of us. So now I have to see where he stands with the idea of it never happening.

JoeTyler said:

Perhaps I'm completely wrong, but the "masses" keep having kids because it's one of those things that "you're supposed to do", like High School (and college), or a nice pension plan; "basic" things that keep the system functioning correctly. Or maybe is just that old instinct of self-preservation ... humanity needs new specimens... and people unconsciously know it...

Hell, those marriages who refuse to have children are somewhat stigmatized by 90% of the society...they are viewed as excentric, vile, materialistic, bitter and/or just plain immature... and that's not fair...

Also, I strongly think that I'd be a very bad father: irresponsible, cynical, slighty uncaring, etc. ; why? I'm not sure, perhaps because I'm the youngest of three brothers and I've always received love by people older than me, not the other way around; maybe because I like to party too much (and children ARE expensive); maybe because there are A LOT of things that I STILL want to do and that I COULDN'T do with a kid; maybe because many things about this world are just plain wrong and my kid would be raised in cynicism and fear, or maybe because I like kids but I don't like it when they grow up to become irritationg teenagers with their silly complaints ...

The key is: many, many marriages keep having kids and then they realize that "maybe" it was a bad idea... and the one who pays for it is the kid...

I'm certainly looking for a woman who feels the same way ; that said, one (and one only) kid when we're both 38 or 39 would be nice, though...perhaps...

[Edited 9/21/10 10:37am]

Not many con-kids here, hey?

Well I can compare the situation to marriage : I'm 25 and I have many friends my age who decided to get married to "settle down": Not that they DECIDED to settle down, but they thought marriage would make them settle down... Its such a sad sight to behold, watching your friends always asking to go out on a bar and listen to them talking about their regrets "I thought this, but actually...", "I hoped, but...", "I expected,but..." .. And I'm like.. "Dude, why did U get married in the 1rst place only to complain about it few months later??" Such decisions are not simple: Marriage, children, it's all about commitment and sharing... If u are a selfish, party-all-the-time, dreamer, lonesome person like me, think twice.. A child/a wife/husband is not something u get and then sell or give away when you dont want it... You deal with people's feelings/life...

Personnally, maybe it's because I'm still "young", I dont want no wife, no kids : I've seen so much downfalls and hypocrisy (cheating, irresponsible parents, bad educated children) around me that these are two things I know I won't handle...

Any man can make a baby, but it takes a real man to be a father...

FrenchGuy said:

JoeTyler said:

Perhaps I'm completely wrong, but the "masses" keep having kids because it's one of those things that "you're supposed to do", like High School (and college), or a nice pension plan; "basic" things that keep the system functioning correctly. Or maybe is just that old instinct of self-preservation ... humanity needs new specimens... and people unconsciously know it...

Hell, those marriages who refuse to have children are somewhat stigmatized by 90% of the society...they are viewed as excentric, vile, materialistic, bitter and/or just plain immature... and that's not fair...

Also, I strongly think that I'd be a very bad father: irresponsible, cynical, slighty uncaring, etc. ; why? I'm not sure, perhaps because I'm the youngest of three brothers and I've always received love by people older than me, not the other way around; maybe because I like to party too much (and children ARE expensive); maybe because there are A LOT of things that I STILL want to do and that I COULDN'T do with a kid; maybe because many things about this world are just plain wrong and my kid would be raised in cynicism and fear, or maybe because I like kids but I don't like it when they grow up to become irritationg teenagers with their silly complaints ...

The key is: many, many marriages keep having kids and then they realize that "maybe" it was a bad idea... and the one who pays for it is the kid...

I'm certainly looking for a woman who feels the same way ; that said, one (and one only) kid when we're both 38 or 39 would be nice, though...perhaps...

[Edited 9/21/10 10:37am]

Not many con-kids here, hey?

Just a lot of people who actually read the original post.

CarrieMpls said:

As for maybe changing my mind, that's what I'm trying to open myself up to. And I'm open to it, but I'm definitely not there yet.

My only concern now is what if I don't? I don't want my bf to miss this experience because I don't want it. He's totally a catch, I have no doubt there would be women lining up to have his babies. And we're both getting older. So making these kinds of decisions sooner than later is really only fair to both of us. So now I have to see where he stands with the idea of it never happening.

So what would you do if he says he can't accept the fact that you don't want to have kids?

Maybe you would be a good mother- I don't know you like that- but I don't think it's a good idea to have a baby just to keep him.

It would be a good idea if schools taught parenting. Teach horny young boys just how expensive raising a child is before he sticks his little shlong in Betty.

I'm sooo romantic..lol

2freaky4church1 said:

It would be a good idea if schools taught parenting. Teach horny young boys just how expensive raising a child is before he sticks his little shlong in Betty.

I'm sooo romantic..lol

I was taking to the Biology teacher today, who told me that a student missed lab on Monday because he had no one to stay home and watch his 2-year-old daughter. He's in 10th grade.

I think HE figured it out.

I always knew I wanted to be a parent. And I think that's part of it. While I didn't choose to be a father at the time that I did, I'd always wanted to be a parent. But it's a hard thing to describe when talking about the benefits of it, because it is a lot of sacrifice. That's why I applaud folks who know they don't want kids as equally as I do those who do, because there are so many people out there who are raising kids and have no business doing so.

Lammastide said:

ThreadBare said:

Thank the Lord.

Sweet.