JustErin said:

johnart said:

That's a sweet sentiment. I just don't subscribe, sorry.

There are things that are out of your control. Count your blessings as a parent and your particular situation.

Also, your son is still very young. My aunt spoke the same way when her kids were yours ages. I'm not saying yours will go wrong, of course. I'm just saying, you can't really speak with absolute certainty until it's all be said and done and you look back at the whole picture.

I'm not worried about it.

Are you one of those people who believe that some people are just born bad?

kinda going off topic here but...

I do think some people are born with certain brain deficancies or what have you that may make them...bad. I think it's both...what your born with combined with your up bringing.

JustErin said:

johnart said:

That's a sweet sentiment. I just don't subscribe, sorry.

There are things that are out of your control. Count your blessings as a parent and your particular situation.

Also, your son is still very young. My aunt spoke the same way when her kids were yours ages. I'm not saying yours will go wrong, of course. I'm just saying, you can't really speak with absolute certainty until it's all be said and done and you look back at the whole picture.

I'm not worried about it.

Are you one of those people who believe that some people are just born bad?

Well, you know what they say: Some people are born bad...some achieve badness...and others have badness thrust upon them.

JustErin said:

johnart said:

That's a sweet sentiment. I just don't subscribe, sorry.

There are things that are out of your control. Count your blessings as a parent and your particular situation.

Also, your son is still very young. My aunt spoke the same way when her kids were yours ages. I'm not saying yours will go wrong, of course. I'm just saying, you can't really speak with absolute certainty until it's all be said and done and you look back at the whole picture.

I'm not worried about it.

Are you one of those people who believe that some people are just born bad?

I'm neither here nor there. I'd like to think that they are not.

But I am not one of those people who think it's always the parent dropping the ball if their kids turn out bad.

Shorty said:

JustErin said:

I'm not worried about it.

Are you one of those people who believe that some people are just born bad?

kinda going off topic here but...

I do think some people are born with certain brain deficancies or what have you that may make them...bad. I think it's both...what your born with combined with your up bringing.

But brain deficiencies do not equal being born bad. It's a cop out, in my opinion.

All I'll say more is, if you think some people are born a bad seed, I wouldn't recommend you ever have kids.

Genesia said:

JustErin said:

I'm not worried about it.

Are you one of those people who believe that some people are just born bad?

Well, you know what they say: Some people are born bad...some achieve badness...and others have badness thrust upon them.

That sounds good, not bad to me.

All jokes aside, If you are lookin for a mold to fit in, with kids, it just wont work. You can rear your children with all the values and principles you have, but it a great possibility they can turn on you. I had to learn to become a great listener during those moments in life but that doesnt mean when they go out into the world they wont look just like what you reared them to be, most likely, a lil carbon copy of you/you and your husband. Outside of the house, they are a joy and can make you very proud and give a sense of fulfillment they may never realize, but your heart, for all practical purposes, is glad overall that there is an actual person who you cared for, help grow into a thinking, decision making, contributor, who is carrying on your name throughout his/her life...

ooohhh and the grandchildren.........if you do happen to miss something with your own...thats god's way of giving you a second chance or if you are cynical like me in regards to child raising....god's way of allowing you to exact revenge on all your childs rebellion...... At this juncture...I enjoy being a single grandma, they think granny is wonderful cause i can save them from the torture of their parents...lol

you are smart carrie. I could see you now with the jogging baby stroller, the pram, the zoo animals on the wall, lil einstein toys all over the house......science projects in the back of the van, wondering whether he should drive your car................good luck if you decide to rearrange your single life......

johnart said:

Shorty said:

I basically just said that's why I decided to have kids...and it was the best decision of my life...so ...the end result is NOT always what she not so elegantly described.

sometimes it's next to impossible to be sure of something you've not yet experienced. I think it's tempting fate to not have kids in favor of other goals and wants...cause other goals and wants maybe more obtainable at a later age where children are not.

I didn't say "always"

You are correct, sometimes it's next to impossible to be sure of something you've not yet experienced. Yesterday I took a chance on the Crispy Ginger Beef. It sucked and I ended up asking to take it home not to hurt the restaurant's feelings since we go there a lot.

And I personally think that chancing it just on the offchance you might later regret not having them is kind of selfish. So if it doesn't work out and I was wrong...no biggie, it was at the expense of a human being??

You and your children are very fortunate that it worked out for you guys.

I guess I took your "that's it right there" as an always kinda statement...my bad.

yeah but if you're even contemplating children it says to me that there is something inside you that is saying yes, have them. now that could just be basic reproductive instincts kicking in..who knows but it's something telling you to go for it. It may be selfish to want that kind of love in your life...call me selfish then. I have confidence that the majority of people in Carries position in life who decide to have children, who were on the fence about it at first will undoubtedly know it was the RIGHT decision to make.

JustErin said:

Shorty said:

kinda going off topic here but...

I do think some people are born with certain brain deficancies or what have you that may make them...bad. I think it's both...what your born with combined with your up bringing.

But brain deficiencies do not equal being born bad. It's a cop out, in my opinion.

All I'll say more is, if you think some people are born a bad seed, I wouldn't recommend you ever have kids.

Gurl....I didn't recommend it for myself either! trust me when I say scheduling a hysterectomy was one of the happiest moments of my life. But dealing with a kid that I have seen exhibit certain behaviors from birth, that have also been exhibited by adult members of his family, and having worked myself to basically a nervous breakdown to get him to ackrite, I will have to say that genetics are definitely something that needs to be considered in having children. They aren't born blank slates either....

now....I just will be focusing on the word thrust for a moment, pardon me.

BklynBabe said:

JustErin said:

But brain deficiencies do not equal being born bad. It's a cop out, in my opinion.

All I'll say more is, if you think some people are born a bad seed, I wouldn't recommend you ever have kids.

Gurl....I didn't recommend it for myself either! trust me when I say scheduling a hysterectomy was one of the happiest moments of my life. But dealing with a kid that I have seen exhibit certain behaviors from birth, that have also been exhibited by adult members of his family, and having worked myself to basically a nervous breakdown to get him to ackrite, I will have to say that genetics are definitely something that needs to be considered in having children. They aren't born blank slates either....

now....I just will be focusing on the word thrust for a moment, pardon me.

I'm glad you know exactly what you want and don't want. That's pretty awesome.

JustErin said:

BklynBabe said:

Gurl....I didn't recommend it for myself either! trust me when I say scheduling a hysterectomy was one of the happiest moments of my life. But dealing with a kid that I have seen exhibit certain behaviors from birth, that have also been exhibited by adult members of his family, and having worked myself to basically a nervous breakdown to get him to ackrite, I will have to say that genetics are definitely something that needs to be considered in having children. They aren't born blank slates either....

now....I just will be focusing on the word thrust for a moment, pardon me.

I'm glad you know exactly what you want and don't want. That's pretty awesome.

Still doesn't mean I got to have my life my way.

But I do wish a lot of people would put way more thought into having children, it's a huge responsibility with lifelong lasting outcomes, and if you aren't ready then you shouldn't do it, no matter what.

Hell, even getting a dog is a huge responsibility and some people can't even do that right.

Shorty said:

johnart said:

I didn't say "always"

You are correct, sometimes it's next to impossible to be sure of something you've not yet experienced. Yesterday I took a chance on the Crispy Ginger Beef. It sucked and I ended up asking to take it home not to hurt the restaurant's feelings since we go there a lot.

And I personally think that chancing it just on the offchance you might later regret not having them is kind of selfish. So if it doesn't work out and I was wrong...no biggie, it was at the expense of a human being??

You and your children are very fortunate that it worked out for you guys.

I guess I took your "that's it right there" as an always kinda statement...my bad.

yeah but if you're even contemplating children it says to me that there is something inside you that is saying yes, have them. now that could just be basic reproductive instincts kicking in..who knows but it's something telling you to go for it. It may be selfish to want that kind of love in your life...call me selfish then. I have confidence that the majority of people in Carries position in life who decide to have children, who were on the fence about it at first will undoubtedly know it was the RIGHT decision to make.

All I'm saying is just because you want them doesn't mean you should have them or that you are even capable of handling what comes with it. Another family member wanted them...had 3...and is barely able or even equipped to care for any, if truth be told. It is the family who is making sure those kids are provided and achieve their best.

This is why I said you and your kids are fortunate that following your "want" was a successful move. And I agree about having confidence in people like Carrie. But let's face it, most of us here know each other on a limited basis (some of us share way too much ). This is why I said "to the extent " that I know her she'd make a great mom.

[Edited 9/20/10 11:15am]

johnart said:

Shorty said:

I guess I took your "that's it right there" as an always kinda statement...my bad.

yeah but if you're even contemplating children it says to me that there is something inside you that is saying yes, have them. now that could just be basic reproductive instincts kicking in..who knows but it's something telling you to go for it. It may be selfish to want that kind of love in your life...call me selfish then. I have confidence that the majority of people in Carries position in life who decide to have children, who were on the fence about it at first will undoubtedly know it was the RIGHT decision to make.

All I'm saying is just because you want them doesn't mean you should have them or that you are even capable of handling what comes with it. Another family member wanted them...had 3...and is barely able or even equipped to care for any, if truth be told. It is the family who is making sure those kids are provided and achieve their best.

This is why I said you and your kids are fortunate that following your "want" was a successful move. And I agree about having confidence in people like Carrie. But let's face it, most of all know each other on a limited basis here (some of us share way too much ). This is why I said "to the extent " that I know her she'd make a great mom.

[Edited 9/20/10 11:14am]

another mistake a woman can make is having a child just because her husband or boyfriend wants one, but deep down she really doesn't. but a lot of women have kids just to please a man.

I'm raising my kids to help take care of you one day or provide some much needed assistance, or to just be nice to you and make you smile or laugh.

We were kids too, and some of us turned out OK.

Carrie already knows all the advantages of NOT having kids since she doesn't have any.

She was asking parents to talk about the advantages and why they think it's worth it.

JustErin said:

Carrie already knows all the advantages of NOT having kids since she doesn't have any.

She was asking parents to talk about the advantages and why they think it's worth it.

you are right erin! this thread really did get off topic!

kimrachell said:

JustErin said:

Carrie already knows all the advantages of NOT having kids since she doesn't have any.

She was asking parents to talk about the advantages and why they think it's worth it.

you are right erin! this thread really did get off topic!

As things usually do around here.

Hopefully more parents will respond.

awww now i cant concentrate....nap time, phone, snacks...etc......ahhhum... ....

JustErin said:

Carrie already knows all the advantages of NOT having kids since she doesn't have any.

She was asking parents to talk about the advantages and why they think it's worth it.

I'm not a parent now, but was for a bit, and with full intentions on making it a lifetime commitment. We've not completely put it out of the picture. There's a few more goals we'd like to achieve (or at least be close to achieving) and be secure on before taking in a child.

So here's my positive:

Having a child look to you for love, nurturing and security is unlike anything else in the world. It is truly undescribable.

Better?

[Edited 9/20/10 11:31am]

BklynBabe said:

JustErin said:

But brain deficiencies do not equal being born bad. It's a cop out, in my opinion.

All I'll say more is, if you think some people are born a bad seed, I wouldn't recommend you ever have kids.

Gurl....I didn't recommend it for myself either! trust me when I say scheduling a hysterectomy was one of the happiest moments of my life. But dealing with a kid that I have seen exhibit certain behaviors from birth, that have also been exhibited by adult members of his family, and having worked myself to basically a nervous breakdown to get him to ackrite, I will have to say that genetics are definitely something that needs to be considered in having children. They aren't born blank slates either....

now....I just will be focusing on the word thrust for a moment, pardon me.

mmmmm, didi hear somebody say they had a tenderoni for meh...??? ...

I like em young, they keep me ...you know....young.

JustErin said:

Shorty said:

kinda going off topic here but...

I do think some people are born with certain brain deficancies or what have you that may make them...bad. I think it's both...what your born with combined with your up bringing.

But brain deficiencies do not equal being born bad. It's a cop out, in my opinion.

All I'll say more is, if you think some people are born a bad seed, I wouldn't recommend you ever have kids.

when I said brain deficiencies I didn't mean like slow or some condition with a name on it...I just mean I think people who masacre or serial killers ....truely bad people...there is something wrong upstairs....it ain't just their parenting or upbringing, more likely a combo of the 2.

I have kids.

johnart said:

Shorty said:

I guess I took your "that's it right there" as an always kinda statement...my bad.

yeah but if you're even contemplating children it says to me that there is something inside you that is saying yes, have them. now that could just be basic reproductive instincts kicking in..who knows but it's something telling you to go for it. It may be selfish to want that kind of love in your life...call me selfish then. I have confidence that the majority of people in Carries position in life who decide to have children, who were on the fence about it at first will undoubtedly know it was the RIGHT decision to make.

All I'm saying is just because you want them doesn't mean you should have them or that you are even capable of handling what comes with it. Another family member wanted them...had 3...and is barely able or even equipped to care for any, if truth be told. It is the family who is making sure those kids are provided and achieve their best.

This is why I said you and your kids are fortunate that following your "want" was a successful move. And I agree about having confidence in people like Carrie. But let's face it, most of us here know each other on a limited basis (some of us share way too much ). This is why I said "to the extent " that I know her she'd make a great mom.

[Edited 9/20/10 11:15am]

I hear ya.

CarrieMpls said:

What makes it all worth it?

My bf and I are at a bit of a cross roads. He has made it clear to me he’d like to have a baby (someday). I have made it clear to him that that’s never been a goal of mine. So now we both have a lot to think about. I’m willing to reconsider my position (provided we’re still together and married down the road) as long as we can figure out how to have a baby and still accomplish our other life goals. But he’s also got to consider the possibility that it may never happen. I’m making no promises right now.

So tell me all about the advantages! I know all of the reasons I don’t want one as that’s all I’ve ever focused on my whole life. I want to hear about why it’s the greatest thing ever to be a parent.

I honestly couldnt think of one positive thing about having a baby. Then my wife gave birth and my son smiled at me. I come home looking forward to seeing him every day. Just being with him and being his dad is the positive.

I never thought I'd be like that, but it just happens.

I have, however, maintained my stance that people DO NOT want to hear me talk about my child.

Carrie, I don't envy your position. Nature made sure there was zero questioning for me and I appreciate that FULLY! good luck figuring all this out.

the person I've become because of my children

has made it worth it, for me

there is no doubt that I'm a better person because of them

and that has affected more lives than just theirs and mine

my entire outlook on things changed once a child became part of my life

there are countles examples I could give

but they're from my experience and every parents is different

here's one small example I'll share and it's trivial as can be

I recycle because of my kids, never did it before

I do it not because I want to make the world a better place

but because I want to make their world a better place

and I want to set that example for them in hope that they'll set it for their children,

should they have any

and that they'll continue to set positive examples throughout their lives

luckily, having kids didn't affect my goals

but it did make me set new ones, some that I'm still striving for

and some that I've already accomplished

there isn't any way I could think of to summarize

how becoming a parent has had such a positive, profound influence on me

an influence that has carried over into every aspect of my life

from my realtionships with other people

to how I plan for today and tomorrow

having children made me realize that

I'm not the most important person in the world

except to them

I'll continue to be the best father, best teacher and best provider

that I can be

I owe it to them and I owe it to all they'll ever come in contact with

orger said:

the person I've become because of my children

has made it worth it, for me

there is no doubt that I'm a better person because of them

and that has affected more lives than just theirs and mine

my entire outlook on things changed once a child became part of my life

there are countles examples I could give

but they're from my experience and every parents is different

here's one small example I'll share and it's trivial as can be

I recycle because of my kids, never did it before

I do it not because I want to make the world a better place

but because I want to make their world a better place

and I want to set that example for them in hope that they'll set it for their children,

should they have any

and that they'll continue to set positive examples throughout their lives

luckily, having kids didn't affect my goals

but it did make me set new ones, some that I'm still striving for

and some that I've already accomplished

there isn't any way I could think of to summarize

how becoming a parent has had such a positive, profound influence on me

an influence that has carried over into every aspect of my life

from my realtionships with other people

to how I plan for today and tomorrow

having children made me realize that

I'm not the most important person in the world

except to them

I'll continue to be the best father, best teacher and best provider

that I can be

I owe it to them and I owe it to all they'll ever come in contact with

that was awesome.

There has been some good advice already. I agree with Erin totally.

When I was younger, I never in a zillion years saw myself in a LTR. To a woman, no doubt!! And with a kid!!! I was perfectly content with -- even looking forward to -- the prospects of finding my perfect little rehabilitated historical townhouse in some coastal city, a bunch of oriental rugs, art and crap from all corners of the world to decorate it, a BMW, an amazing computer setup and a swanky, purebred cat or two to keep me company. Yeah...

Life happens, however. And while even now I have regular "how in blue HELL did I get here?" moments, I can't imagine how I could have anywhere near as fulfilling a life without my daughter (who, to be painfully honest, I could have pretty much done without until very moment I saw her, as she was my wife's idea). It's tough to explain -- and I'm aware this isn't true for everyone -- but life since meeting my little girl has been like good sex suddenly without a condom: I feel so many things differently, more closely, better. Things in my life I thought were important have shown themselves to be pointless distractions, while other things I ignored have taken on a new importance and richness. My anger is angrier. My sadness is sadder. My happiness is happier. My sense of privilege, responsibility, reward, freedom and consequence is privileg-ier, responsibilit-ier, reward-ier, um... you understand. To the point: Life, with all of its highs and lows, was blown open for me, making for a much more lush adventure... and now I have this beautiful little soul to experience that with and contextualize it all for me, because in her I have a tangible, intimate investment in the notion that everything I'm experiencing proceeds before, beyond and, hopefully, long after me. In a sense, she's showing me what life is about.

It's big work, but I'm learning so much, and I'm having a ball!

[Edited 9/20/10 12:15pm]

myfavorite said:

All jokes aside, If you are lookin for a mold to fit in, with kids, it just wont work. You can rear your children with all the values and principles you have, but it a great possibility they can turn on you. I had to learn to become a great listener during those moments in life but that doesnt mean when they go out into the world they wont look just like what you reared them to be, most likely, a lil carbon copy of you/you and your husband. Outside of the house, they are a joy and can make you very proud and give a sense of fulfillment they may never realize, but your heart, for all practical purposes, is glad overall that there is an actual person who you cared for, help grow into a thinking, decision making, contributor, who is carrying on your name throughout his/her life...

ooohhh and the grandchildren.........if you do happen to miss something with your own...thats god's way of giving you a second chance or if you are cynical like me in regards to child raising....god's way of allowing you to exact revenge on all your childs rebellion...... At this juncture...I enjoy being a single grandma, they think granny is wonderful cause i can save them from the torture of their parents...lol

you are smart carrie. I could see you now with the jogging baby stroller, the pram, the zoo animals on the wall, lil einstein toys all over the house......science projects in the back of the van, wondering whether he should drive your car................good luck if you decide to rearrange your single life......

Good stuff. Thanks!!

be sure and keep your medicaid up...you will spend a small fortune in that pink anti-biotic medicine...smh.