Spats said:

But maybe that's because you can only be attracted to women who you can objectify because you're too afraid to get close to them and actually know them. Oh wait, and that means...they'd have to get to know you! I can understand why you'd be scared.

I have got to know every woman i have been involved with or dated. Some for the good and some for the bad. There is no special reason why i am attracted to what i am attracted to. Like everyone, you cannot help what you are attracted to. It's just the way it is.

TMPletz said:

I can hear his nasaly voice now: "SPAAAAATS?! What's up buddy? What's goin' on with ya??"

Spats said:

WHAT IS THIS!.....THE FRICKIN SPANISH INQUISITION!!!....LEAVE SPATS ALONE....HE IS ONLY BEING HONEST!!!....IF HE WANTS A GOOD LOOKING WOMAN THEN BEST OF LUCK TO HIM...I DONT SEE MANY GOOD LOOKING WOMEN WITH RIGHT UGLY BASTARDS (unless they are loaded) SO IT WORKS BOTH WAYS

blackbob said:

FINALLY, someone stands up for Spats!!

Passion and physical attraction, sense of humor, open lines of communication, respecting and understanding the fact that both of you are still YOU. Being willing to find a middle ground in matters where you differ for the mere reason you love and respect this person.

All of these things, and perhaps more that I am not thinking of rightnow, in no particular order.

billyjackbitch said:

well said

I agree with most of what you say.

There has to be passion and physical attraction. This is number 1.

There have to be open lines of communication. I agree. I always tell them what i want and what i don't want. What turns me off and on.

As far as coming to middle ground, it depends on what the problem is. I have never pushed anyone to do anything they don't feel comfortable with they i expect the same from them.

Respecting and understanding the fact that both of you are still YOU? Sounds like a therapist speech at this point. If the YOU meaning her is annoying, a nag, self obsorbed, loud, has bad table manners and some other stuff then i cannot not respect and understand that. If she has her shit together then i can.

Thanks Bob, I notice that the people that are riding my ass are women. What a surprise. They don't want to accept what women out on the dating scene are like today. If they saw what i saw they would agree with me. And they also like to pretend that looks do not matter. Yet, if they found someone physically unattractive they would not be hopping in to bed with them either.

Some Women Think Men are Stupid. They think they can Let themselves go and Still keep the man. Men are Not Going to Stay with a Ugly Woman who Doesn't Please him nd Gains like 100 pounds since they were Married. Women ARE JEALOUS OF BEAUTIFUL,Thin Women or alot of times Single and Free Women. The Women are always Fighting and Pushy and acting like Men at Supermarkets and Driving. I am Sure they are a Turn-Off Being SO OVERLY AGGRESIVE and HOSTILE. Plus those WOMEN with GOLD Teeth and DOO RAGS are UGLY as Hell and then they Give ya this UGLY RAP LOOK. The Rap Women are BEAUTIFUL NOT MANLY and UGLY. These Women I have seen are UGLY with GOLD TEETH . I Wouldn't go After a Woman like that. YUCK!

I had a friend once who complained that all her boyfriends had a problem where they didn't bathe often enough. I thought that was strange and somewhat amusing since I've never dated someone with that problem, or rarely even met someone with that problem.

CalhounSq said:

lol and the reason why? they're prolly in the same damn boat...

didnt one just come out of a relationship?

u gotta be with someone who makes you dance when you don't want to and drink shots when you don't want to!!!!!

www.eharmony.com

Zelaira said:

Good Lord Zel, you never fail to confuse me

What would be a good way to connect to someone we like?

This boy and I are attracted to each other at work but we become very shy around each other. If I talk to other boys, he becomes jealous and begins to treat those guy friends differently. My friend told me that he likes me a lot but is lost as I am how to express his feelings. I wish we would open up to each other. I wish I knew what to say and do. Sigh-

Please help .

Well if you definately know that he likes you then make the first move. What is the hangup that women have about not wanting to make the first move???? Give the guy a freaking break and do it.

Spats said:

I don't know what to do. I get along with people pretty much in general but when I am around him, I become so shy, look down more, and don't know what to say. I feel like I lead a boring life.(I feel like I mucked up because when he did take me out to lunch once( 2 months ago), I was veryyyy veryyyy quiet) I've been trying to be more open. I even am the first to initate the hello , but he doesn't really talk to me so I don't either.

When his friend told me he likes me but is as lost, I called him 3 times on his cell. Leaving a message twice. He got back to me just once. I feel like storming in his department to find out if he likes me then why is he so shy. He's a guy and he already had a g.f. before. What is there to be shy about? What is he so busy with that he can not return any phone calls or take me out anywhere?

Arbi said:

This should be GOOD

Guys get nervous and shy around girls too. For whatever reason women don't understand that guys can get like this. A lot are like Synthia Rose and think guys should be these all powerful beasts who come and sweep the women away. What year is this? I thought women wanted equality?

Storm into his department and tell him you want to take him out somewhere. Don't sit around waiting for him to take you out somewhere. Don't turn into SynthiaRose.

Spats said:

so what to do if both are too shy? this is not gonna work

Spats said:

uh tried that...twice. both times fell flat on my face but have thankfully picked up the pieces

WON'T be doing it again in a hurry

Natisse said:

Not wanting to kill them every other minute

being funny goes along way with me, not cheesy funny - laugh till i pee myself funny!

It's to bad you failed. Now you know what guys go thru everyday of their damn life. Does not feel good does it? Go back to sitting around for the guy to do all the hard work.

Spats said:

you're the LAST person that should EVER be giving advice
you're worse than fucking dr. Phil.

What's wrong with my advice? I advised the girl to get off her ass and make the first move instead of waiting around for the guy to do it like 95% women of you women. She knows the guy like's her so she is not really risking anything. If she did not know that would be another story. What is this need that women have for the guy to do it? Will this ever answered?

Spats said:

I guess it is all in the way you interpret my words
"Finding a middle ground" was meant in a way where you do things differently than your partner, or you disagree about something or anything else that causes you and your partner to be on a different level. Finding that middle ground in which both people are comfortable would be the best solution right? Agreeing to not agree is an option, but both people would have to really agree to disagree and let it go too. An innocent example would be: Your girl thinks you don't do enough in the house and you think she spends too much time on the phone with her girls at times. A middle ground would be: you help out a little more than you are used to (own initiative of course) and she would cut a conversation one hour shorter just because she knows it is something that annoys you. Out of respect for you. This is the best example I could come up with, but there are always little daily issues, where you will just have to bend towards each other a little so that both of you are satisfied with the alternative and nobody pushes his or her wish on the fore-ground.

And respecting the fact that both of you are still a YOU is not such a therapist-speech as you think. Again, it is all about the interpretation. You are still YOU, right? You do things differently than your partner. You act differently. Nomatter how much in love you are or how close you are,.. you are still a different individual, with own needs and own routines. There are couples who "won't allow" his or her man or woman to go out on their own with his or her friends,..a short trip to Paris maybe, or whatever ... If you understand that your partner has his or her own needs to, such as spending time ALONE with friends, family or just by him or herself... then there is always room for both partners to grow. It was just a statemtent I made that shines a light on jealousy, or not allowing stuff to happen, preventing your partner to grow as a person. As therapist-speech as this may sound to you, I think it is one of the most healthy visions you can have on your relationship.

blackbob said:

there r so many aspects of physical attraction that have nothing 2 do with the actual physical... it's obviously important and intertwines with a multitude of factors in a relationship.

maturity is a must. having complete faith in one another, without it what is the use?

compatible personalities are extremely important because they r set at such a young age... don't fool urself in2 thinking ur going 2 'change' someone (trust me on this one) don't lie 2 urself and believe if u just love them 'hard' enough they will change

shared interests and views on life, love, children...

above all, an instant spiritual connection... it can't be aquired it either is or it isn't.
[Edited 11/3/05 7:41am]