dJJ said:

Uhope said:

it is NOT easy being a single parent (nor being the child in a single parent household). i know it can be accomplished but it take two to make a baby for a reason. not denigrating any single parent out there -- i am one and did a pretty good job of it -- but there have been many, many times in life where having a father figure in the home for my son would have been preferable. it's a decision to ponder very carefully.

I already made that decision.

NEVER IN MY LIFE

DJJ, from what I can tell from your other posts, it seems that you and I agree that we are not thrilled about the idea of being a single mom. I am a a couple of years younger than you but I still feel the same kind of feeling about, "Wow, if I don't do anything to change this then the opportunity is gone forever"....seems like between having a non-existant career and a string of bad experiences over the past few years or so, feels like it's never going to end. I dunno, maybe it's easier just to accept it for what it is rather than fight for what it is not.

illimack said:

In my twenties I couldn't wait to get married. Got married in my thirties and it was the WORST mistake of my life. I was much better off before. My husband is like another effin kid to take care of! And he won't go away without an expensive damn fight! Older people always told me that I was doing fine by myself and I should just chill.....how I wish I had listened!

Your comment reminds me about a time that I was chillin' at grandma's house. She introduce me to all of her friends. She's like this is my granddaughter and she's single with no children. And in unison, they all said....STAY THAT WAY!!!! all at the same time, I will never EVER forget that moment LOL!

SeventeenDayze said:

How many of you think that it's reasonable for a woman to get to a certain age and completely give up on the idea of marriage and children? I think I am going to put the idea out of my mind and I am starting to be okay with that. I was just wondering if others have made the same decision. I stopped looking for love 10 years ago and still haven't found it. I also think it's tough to find men who are within my dating age range who are single. How many of you have made that decision to not get married and have kids?

Here is my view on the subject. Ive been dating but not serious commitment till I was 30. Not because guys didnt want to marry but because I wanted something perfect and amazing. And I was scared to stay with same person forever when I always had men druling and I had so much to choose from. However, somehow I met the love of my life, and without ever kissing even I knew I cant live without him. We decided to get married before we even met in person. We are together for 5 years, married for 10 months but we have been living together for this whole time, so getting married was more for social benefits. We are not considerring having a child, at least not seriously. And we both feel a child would only come between our lifestyle. We travel allot for work and like the lack of responsibility. As with all women, clock is ticking and maybe it will be too late once we are ready, but we have decided that we are fine if we never have kids. I love him with all my heart, and I know we will never leave each other, yet I envy single women. Sometimes I miss the carfree times I had, and the feeling of new love, and exploring. So being married is a compromise. It is very rewarding, as to know your not alone and your best friend is with you. But there is something more powerfull in freedom. When you dont have someone it seems a life quest to find him, but once you have it, you miss the lonely nights where antisipation with someone new fills your every being.. This is just me..

[Edited 10/1/13 23:14pm]

Wow, that's a really interesting read. Especially the part about being with your special someone (love of your life) yet missing the lonely nights anticipating someone new. That's really, really interesting. Are you sure it's the love of your life?

*

I can honestly say when I'm happy in a relationship, I've never felt that way. Finding someone new (missing it or thinking about it) isn't even on the radar screen. I love to offer all that I can in a "good" relationship and that relationship is where I invest my heart & soul trying to draw closer and find a deeper connection. I'm a very committed person so that's just the way I approach relationships. I thoroughly enjoy commitment.

*

It's amazing how everyone perceives relationships, love of one's life, soulmates etc. so differently.

*

I've never been a huge dater or tried to juggle multiple relationships at one time so maybe I just think differently.

*

[Edited 10/2/13 5:43am]

Tempest said:

Wow, that's a really interesting read. Especially the part about being with your special someone (love of your life) yet missing the lonely nights anticipating someone new. That's really, really interesting. Are you sure it's the love of your life?

*

I can honestly say when I'm happy in a relationship, I've never felt that way. Finding someone new (missing it or thinking about it) isn't even on the radar screen. I love to offer all that I can in a "good" relationship and that relationship is where I invest my heart & soul trying to draw closer and find a deeper connection. I'm a very committed person so that's just the way I approach relationships. I thoroughly enjoy commitment.

*

It's amazing how everyone perceives relationships, love of one's life, soulmates etc. so differently.

*

I've never been a huge dater or tried to juggle multiple relationships at one time so maybe I just think differently.

*

[Edited 10/2/13 5:43am]

Yeah I've never been a fan of dating and that's why I usually avoid it like the plague but I don't know how else to jumpstart a relationship without the "dating" phase. I don't always tell a guy that I hate dating for the most part but I try to change up the rules a bit so that I can see what he's about more than just "go places" with him. So, for example, what's a guy like if you just take a walk through the park and ask him about his life as opposed to going to a noisy bar/nightclub where you are dancing, boozing and whatnot.

tinaz said:

I dont think this is a question that can be answered by anyone................................ YOUR life is what YOU make of it! Now I may be wrong here, but the majority of women would not choose to be single forever... So what does that tell you...

That they don't value themselves enough?

You'r right, there is not one good answer.

I first want to make sure that I'm getting myself in a good place.

Because I would want to be a good partner for somebody.

So, I think its my responsebility to make sure that I've got all what it takes to be a good parter for sombebody.

dJJ said:

I first want to make sure that I'm getting myself in a good place.

Because I would want to be a good partner for somebody.

So, I think its my responsebility to make sure that I've got all what it takes to be a good parter for sombebody.

That's a good point, but how do we know when we're in "that place"? Maybe that's part of the problem. We sit around and wait for a magical moment when all is perfect and that moment never comes. It seems like love is never convenient.

the key is to just get on with your life... i guarantee you'll be far more attractive to healthy people if you do

Tempest said:

Wow, that's a really interesting read. Especially the part about being with your special someone (love of your life) yet missing the lonely nights anticipating someone new. That's really, really interesting. Are you sure it's the love of your life?

*

I can honestly say when I'm happy in a relationship, I've never felt that way. Finding someone new (missing it or thinking about it) isn't even on the radar screen. I love to offer all that I can in a "good" relationship and that relationship is where I invest my heart & soul trying to draw closer and find a deeper connection. I'm a very committed person so that's just the way I approach relationships. I thoroughly enjoy commitment.

*

It's amazing how everyone perceives relationships, love of one's life, soulmates etc. so differently.

*

I've never been a huge dater or tried to juggle multiple relationships at one time so maybe I just think differently.

*

[Edited 10/2/13 5:43am]

I totally get that, and agree. I am the same way. I invest all that I am in every way, and expect the same. I think my feeling about "missing the lonely nights" comes from nostalgia. I wasnt a serial dater, and I was always into one person at time. But I think I got a bit spoiled with men. I can turly say Ive been lucky to be deeply in love more than once. I think when I was younger I was afraid of life commitment. Hence marriage. I broke some hearts, also my heart has been broken. But I had allot of guys courting me, even when I was attached. So, I guess I just miss that feeling, of being on my own, free to explore the world. I am a thrill seeker by nature, and when you get married no matter how much you love your spouce, with time the thrill fades. This doesnt mean that you are not with the right one at all. I know my partner is the best match for me. I will never find a more peaceful place to rest my heart and mind than in his hands. No one could love me as much as he loves me. And for that all that I am, for the rest of my life belongs to him. We are one.. in good and bad. Maybe I dont make sense

Uhope said:

JustErin said:

It is a broad statement and it's also true.

agreed

it's a broad statement that is not true in a world where 25% of women in america will experience domestic abuse from their partner/spouse.

XxAxX said:

Uhope said:

agreed

it's a broad statement that is not true in a world where 25% of women in america will experience domestic abuse from their partner/spouse.

And are not treated as an equal partner anywhere.

XxAxX said:

Uhope said:

agreed

it's a broad statement that is not true in a world where 25% of women in america will experience domestic abuse from their partner/spouse.

And some children are abused by their parents, does that mean that all children are actually better off without them?

So which "broad statement" is more accurate, that they are better off with or without parents?

It's the same with partners, bottom line is there are more benefits being in a partnership than not being in one.

[Edited 10/4/13 11:38am]

JustErin said:

XxAxX said:

it's a broad statement that is not true in a world where 25% of women in america will experience domestic abuse from their partner/spouse.

And some children are abused by their parents, does that mean that all children are actually better off without them?

So which "broad statement" is more accurate, that they are better off with or without parents?

It's the same with partners, bottom line is there are more benefits being in a partnership than not being in one.

[Edited 10/4/13 11:38am]

i still disagree. this isn't automatically true. many partners actually add to the load, but i'm sure you've already read my prior post. agree to disagree

Interesting. It seems that general statements cannot be taken that way here. I can't imagine anyone on this board thinking that any/eveything they assert is true in every single case. I don't think Erin was doing that at all...just stating her belief that people (in general, with good partners) do better with a mate than without.

References to abusive, etc. situations don't apply to her original opinion; I'd think that would go without saying. I guess I don't understand why it's something to take exception to.

If there are people with good partners who would rather be on their own, well -- I suppose that's possible, too. Not as likely, though.

Without reading this thread, or likely ever returning to it, I just want to know why this question would ONLY apply to women?

JustErin said:

XxAxX said:

it's a broad statement that is not true in a world where 25% of women in america will experience domestic abuse from their partner/spouse.

And some children are abused by their parents, does that mean that all children are actually better off without them?

So which "broad statement" is more accurate, that they are better off with or without parents?

It's the same with partners, bottom line is there are more benefits being in a partnership than not being in one.

[Edited 10/4/13 11:38am]

A child has no choice, a child can't take care of oneself.

A mature person can. So, there is a huge difference.

And that comparison is very skew.

Not a very good argument.

It seems you think it's better to pair up, because of financial benefits, sharing responsebilities and other benefits.

I think those benefits don't weigh up when there is psychological or physical abuse apparent.

Cerebus said:

Without reading this thread, or likely ever returning to it, I just want to know why this question would ONLY apply to women?

I think it's also a good question for men. Being a single man seems to be equal with cool dude.

dJJ said:

Cerebus said:

Without reading this thread, or likely ever returning to it, I just want to know why this question would ONLY apply to women?

Uhope said:

Interesting. It seems that general statements cannot be taken that way here. I can't imagine anyone on this board thinking that any/eveything they assert is true in every single case. I don't think Erin was doing that at all...just stating her belief that people (in general, with good partners) do better with a mate than without.

References to abusive, etc. situations don't apply to her original opinion; I'd think that would go without saying. I guess I don't understand why it's something to take exception to.

If there are people with good partners who would rather be on their own, well -- I suppose that's possible, too. Not as likely, though.

Right. I don't see why this is so hard to understand for some people here.

uPtoWnNY said:

Cerebus said:

Without reading this thread, or likely ever returning to it, I just want to know why this question would ONLY apply to women?

who says it does?

Go start a thread for the menfolk to express their feelings

ZombieKitten said:

uPtoWnNY said:

who says it does?

Go start a thread for the menfolk to express their feelings

Are you high? The title of the thread says it.

"Women: Are we better off single?"

My reading comprehension is pretty solid, so I feel confident in my understanding that starting a question with the word "Women", followed by a colon, means that the question was meant for, ya know, WOMEN. Why not just leave off that word and make it a general question? Oh wait, I know! Female empowerment! Go girl power. Whatever. Feminism is a one-sided joke.

Edit: Stupid misplaced question mark.

[Edited 10/4/13 23:15pm]

Cerebus said:

ZombieKitten said:

who says it does?

Go start a thread for the menfolk to express their feelings

Are you high? The title of the thread says it.

"Women: Are we better off single?"

My reading comprehension is pretty solid, so I feel confident in my understanding that starting a question with the word "Women", followed by a colon, means that the question was meant for, ya know, WOMEN. Why not just leave off that word and make it a general question? Oh wait, I know! Female empowerment! Go girl power. Whatever. Feminism is a one-sided joke.

Edit: Stupid misplaced question mark.

[Edited 10/4/13 23:15pm]

oops! I fail to read the things in bold ALWAYS I have BOLD-BLINDNESS

I still think a complimenary men thread would be good

ZombieKitten said:

Cerebus said:

Are you high? The title of the thread says it.

"Women: Are we better off single?"

My reading comprehension is pretty solid, so I feel confident in my understanding that starting a question with the word "Women", followed by a colon, means that the question was meant for, ya know, WOMEN. Why not just leave off that word and make it a general question? Oh wait, I know! Female empowerment! Go girl power. Whatever. Feminism is a one-sided joke.

Edit: Stupid misplaced question mark.

[Edited 10/4/13 23:15pm]

oops! I fail to read the things in bold ALWAYS I have BOLD-BLINDNESS

I still think a complimenary men thread would be good

You're probably right and I'm probably just being my usual anti-feminist, obnoxiously opinionated self. But I can't be anything other than what I am, ya know? It just struck me as a very interesting topic that was made very limited in scope and participation by being gender specific. I don't think the OP intended it as a "girl power" issue, but by stating it that way it's going to go down that path, regardless.

Cerebus said:

ZombieKitten said:

oops! I fail to read the things in bold ALWAYS I have BOLD-BLINDNESS

I still think a complimenary men thread would be good

You're probably right and I'm probably just being my usual anti-feminist, obnoxiously opinionated self. But I can't be anything other than what I am, ya know? It just struck me as a very interesting topic that was made very limited in scope and participation by being gender specific. I don't think the OP intended it as a "girl power" issue, but by stating it that way it's going to go down that path, regardless.

I too don't believe it was exclusionary, it was a hey who else thinks what I do (which just happened to be from the female point of view).

Cerebus said:

ZombieKitten said:

oops! I fail to read the things in bold ALWAYS I have BOLD-BLINDNESS

I still think a complimenary men thread would be good

You're probably right and I'm probably just being my usual anti-feminist, obnoxiously opinionated self. But I can't be anything other than what I am, ya know? It just struck me as a very interesting topic that was made very limited in scope and participation by being gender specific. I don't think the OP intended it as a "girl power" issue, but by stating it that way it's going to go down that path, regardless.

I wished emancipation was not considered anti-male fundamental powers.

I truly belief that feminism and emancipation goes 2-ways.

Men don't feel that the stereotypical male identity could benefit from a more broader aproach?

Cerebus said:

Without reading this thread, or likely ever returning to it, I just want to know why this question would ONLY apply to women?

At what point is a guy an "old bachelor"? I had a convo with a woman who once lived in Manhattan for a decade and said the dating scene there is difficult because a lot of the men stay single until they are 45 or 50 and then they marry women who are 25, 26 years old. It seems that a woman who chooses not to be married by a certain age has to contend with the notion that there are men out there who will not date women their own age, for whatever reason, and then the woman should decide if it's worth lowering her standards if she cannot be alone. I am not sure if a man choosing to be alone is quite the same animal, so to speak, as a woman choosing/ending up alone.