Tempest said:

Djj,

*

Adoption is always an option.

*

My best friend is adopted.

Knowing how she still struggles, makes me hesitate.

Besides, I'm already to old to be able to adopt.

Depending on how life will treat me, I do think I might become a foster parent at one point in my life.

Not yet though.

Uhope said:

it is NOT easy being a single parent (nor being the child in a single parent household). i know it can be accomplished but it take two to make a baby for a reason. not denigrating any single parent out there -- i am one and did a pretty good job of it -- but there have been many, many times in life where having a father figure in the home for my son would have been preferable. it's a decision to ponder very carefully.

I already made that decision.

NEVER IN MY LIFE

dJJ said:

Tempest said:

Djj,

*

Adoption is always an option.

*

My best friend is adopted.

Knowing how she still struggles, makes me hesitate.

Besides, I'm already to old to be able to adopt.

Depending on how life will treat me, I do think I might become a foster parent at one point in my life.

Not yet though.

*

Thirty nine years old isn't too old to adopt.

*

However, if you personally feel it's too old in your own mind, than it is.

*

ZombieKitten said:

Having kids is not to be taken lightly. Yes they are cute whe they are little but that's where the fun ends.

I know, I've worked as a nanny.

The best time of my life. Unfortunately not well paid for the extreme hard work it is.

If I could be a nanny again, with good pay, and no household chores, than I would immediately drop everything and do that.

Unfortunately, that's not reality.



It breaks my heart that I probably will never experience to be pregnant, give birth and raise my own children.

But it would be worse to have done that together with a man that proved to be not up for it, and leave me devestated with the kids and no money. That is my nightmare.

Tempest said:

dJJ said:

My best friend is adopted.

Knowing how she still struggles, makes me hesitate.

Besides, I'm already to old to be able to adopt.

Depending on how life will treat me, I do think I might become a foster parent at one point in my life.

Not yet though.

*

Thirty nine years old isn't too old to adopt.

*

However, if you personally feel it's too old in your own mind, than it is.

*

In the Netherlands it is.

ZombieKitten said:

Having kids is not to be taken lightly. Yes they are cute whe they are little but that's where the fun ends.

And you don't even get a guarantee.

If you don't like them after all, you can't return them and get your money back.

dJJ said:

Tempest said:

*

Thirty nine years old isn't too old to adopt.

*

However, if you personally feel it's too old in your own mind, than it is.

*

In the Netherlands it is.

*

C'mon over to America and see if you can find yourself the man of your dreams. Who knows? Maybe you'll find the love of your life here and you can adopt together. You're not too old to adopt here in the USA.

*

j/k about coming to America.

*

[Edited 9/30/13 15:34pm]

Tempest said:

dJJ said:

In the Netherlands it is.

*

C'mon over to America and see if you can find yourself the man of your dreams. Who knows? Maybe you'll find the love of your life here and you can adopt together. You're not too old to adopt here in the USA.

*

j/k about coming to America.

*

[Edited 9/30/13 15:34pm]

I convinced myself that I should go out and date again.

So, I suscribed to trial on a dating site.

Did not put up a picture or write a personalized text.

Next two days I got all these "likes" of guys.

I only have to pay the fee to get full excess to their profiles.

But what I saw, is some reasonalbe nice guys at first sight.



But the idea that I would have to do all the effort of writing something, meet up or not, be engaging etcetera, already made me so tired, that I decided that I only seem to want to be with a guy if he would stand in front of my door and ask me out.

If I can't even be bothered with looking at profiles, I think would make a lousy girlfriend.

Because being in a relationship demands some time investment, doesn't it?

Yes, being in a relationship requires time and investment. However, that's supposed to enjoyable. Not a drag.

*

I could never do the online dating thing. EVER. It's just not my cup of tea filling out profiles and all that jazz. Online dating sites would not be my thing. No way Jose. I can sympathize with you on that. There are other alternatives however to waiting for him to arrive at your door. How about getting out and doing some fun recreational activities where you might be able to run into Mr. Wonderful?

Tempest said:

Yes, being in a relationship requires time and investment. However, that's supposed to enjoyable. Not a drag.

*

I could never do the online dating thing. EVER. It's just not my cup of tea filling out profiles and all that jazz. Online dating sites would not be my thing. No way Jose. I can sympathize with you on that. There are other alternatives however to waiting for him to arrive at your door. How about getting out and doing some fun recreational activities where you might be able to run into Mr. Wonderful?

I've isolated myself, indeed. I've lost my lust for life little bit.

And I'm weird, and that does not help when it comes to dating.

I can be very engaging and fun, however, when I meet somebody I like, I get all shy and weird. Or I start babbling like a crazy women, saying all kind of derogatory things about myself, or, if I really like somebody, I shut down. I get shy and don't even dare to look at him.

However, that happens rarely. I tend to not hate people, but also not like people particularly.

And I get very defensive when somebody is trying to come close to me. I'll become very critical of them, or start to ignore them. I'm neurotic that way. Generally, that takes a couple of years.

On the surface, I'm a very nice, pretty girl, though. So, getting the attention of men is not the problem.

I'm the problem. Of course, I long for love, too. But, I have to be realistic and first make sure I get my life in order.

dJJ said:

Tempest said:

Yes, being in a relationship requires time and investment. However, that's supposed to enjoyable. Not a drag.

*

I could never do the online dating thing. EVER. It's just not my cup of tea filling out profiles and all that jazz. Online dating sites would not be my thing. No way Jose. I can sympathize with you on that. There are other alternatives however to waiting for him to arrive at your door. How about getting out and doing some fun recreational activities where you might be able to run into Mr. Wonderful?

I've isolated myself, indeed. I've lost my lust for life little bit.

And I'm weird, and that does not help when it comes to dating.

I can be very engaging and fun, however, when I meet somebody I like, I get all shy and weird. Or I start babbling like a crazy women, saying all kind of derogatory things about myself, or, if I really like somebody, I shut down. I get shy and don't even dare to look at him.

However, that happens rarely. I tend to not hate people, but also not like people particularly.

And I get very defensive when somebody is trying to come close to me. I'll become very critical of them, or start to ignore them. I'm neurotic that way. Generally, that takes a couple of years.

On the surface, I'm a very nice, pretty girl, though. So, getting the attention of men is not the problem.

I'm the problem. Of course, I long for love, too. But, I have to be realistic and first make sure I get my life in order.

*

Tempest said:

Yes, being in a relationship requires time and investment. However, that's supposed to enjoyable. Not a drag.

dJJ said:

ZombieKitten said:

Having kids is not to be taken lightly. Yes they are cute whe they are little but that's where the fun ends.

And you don't even get a guarantee.

If you don't like them after all, you can't return them and get your money back.

well. in the case of nannying, it's the luck of the draw, you could very well end up with little shits, but generally (I'd say in MOST cases) you really like your own kids the problem is that they have to LIVE with you

ZombieKitten said:

dJJ said:

And you don't even get a guarantee.

If you don't like them after all, you can't return them and get your money back.

well. in the case of nannying, it's the luck of the draw, you could very well end up with little shits, but generally (I'd say in MOST cases) you really like your own kids the problem is that they have to LIVE with you

At least as a nanny, you can quit.

You can't write a discharge certificate to your kids, can you?

But you can hire a nanny. Or build a sound proof play room for them and their nanny.

dJJ said:

Women are better off not having delusional and completely unrealistic expectations about love, life and just about everything.

You can pretty much say the same for men, but women definitely seem to spend more time living in fantasy land.

But, really, people are simply better off in so many ways when they have a partner.

JustErin said:

Women are better off not having delusional and completely unrealistic expectations about love, life and just about everything.

You can pretty much say the same for men, but women definitely seem to spend more time living in fantasy land.

But, really, people are simply better off in so many ways when they have a partner.

Well, it depends on whom you ask because that's a broad statement.

In my twenties I couldn't wait to get married. Got married in my thirties and it was the WORST mistake of my life. I was much better off before. My husband is like another effin kid to take care of! And he won't go away without an expensive damn fight! Older people always told me that I was doing fine by myself and I should just chill.....how I wish I had listened!

Beautifulstarr123 said:

JustErin said:

Women are better off not having delusional and completely unrealistic expectations about love, life and just about everything.

You can pretty much say the same for men, but women definitely seem to spend more time living in fantasy land.

But, really, people are simply better off in so many ways when they have a partner.

Well, it depends on whom you ask because that's a broad statement.

It is a broad statement and it's also true.

illimack said:

In my twenties I couldn't wait to get married. Got married in my thirties and it was the WORST mistake of my life. I was much better off before. My husband is like another effin kid to take care of! And he won't go away without an expensive damn fight! Older people always told me that I was doing fine by myself and I should just chill.....how I wish I had listened!

Older folks tell me this all the time. The first thing that flies out of their mouth is "take your time, no need in rushing". And I do. You have those folks but then you have the folks (mostly family members) who constantly ask if you've met anyone yet at every single family function. Umm, yeah I meet guys all the time but it doesn't mean that I want to date them. Why is it the status quo that if you are single and not married yet that something is wrong with you and that the first guy who shows you any interest, you are supposed to jump on it and date him? Umm no. I date and go out with who I want to. And there are times where I don't meet any guys that interest me enough to even go out with them. Just because a guy is single doesn't mean that equals an opportunity for me to date him. Such closed mindedness makes me vomit.

JustErin said:

Beautifulstarr123 said:

Well, it depends on whom you ask because that's a broad statement.

It is a broad statement and it's also true.

agreed

JustErin said:

Beautifulstarr123 said:

Well, it depends on whom you ask because that's a broad statement.

It is a broad statement and it's also true.

Explain.

....because I don't see how having a partner that is, let's say for an example, abusing me is making me a better person.

You said a partner. Be careful now

^^^and you can do good and bad by yourself.

You can also do better (or worse) with a partner.

Perhaps the natural assumption when one is speaking of being "better off" is that the partner is a good one.

Of course, most people are *not* better off with a bad partner. But human nature tends to gravitate us towards doing things with others/sharing rather than being alone (for the most part - I do enjoy my alone time). We are social creatures. Having that person who is your "partner in crime", as it were, to share life with, seems to be a wonderful thing.

V10LETBLUES said:

Tempest said:

Yes, being in a relationship requires time and investment. However, that's supposed to enjoyable. Not a drag.

*

*

IMO, being with a partner is only "better" if the partner is a good one. Just my .

Beautifulstarr123 said:

JustErin said:

It is a broad statement and it's also true.

Explain.

....because I don't see how having a partner that is, let's say for an example, abusing me is making me a better person.

You said a partner. Be careful now

Who said ANYTHING about a partner that is abusing you? It's not just have a shitty partner or be alone.

If you seriously can not see the benefits of having a partner without it being explained for you...well, then...well, yeah...ok.

Uhope said:

You can also do better (or worse) with a partner.

Perhaps the natural assumption when one is speaking of being "better off" is that the partner is a good one.

Of course, most people are *not* better off with a bad partner. But human nature tends to gravitate us towards doing things with others/sharing rather than being alone (for the most part - I do enjoy my alone time). We are social creatures. Having that person who is your "partner in crime", as it were, to share life with, seems to be a wonderful thing.

I cannot assume that's what JustErin meant, and that's why I wanted precision in what she meant about a partner. You know, there are some women out there who pick a man or have a man, just because he's a man, just to say "I have a man", but he's beating the living crap out of her or just plain not treating her right.

...but yes, having that partner in crime whom really loves you makes you a better person. So therefore, I agree.

Hmmm. I believe that "good partner" and "living crap beaten out of you" are mutually exclusive terms. Especially when qualified with the phrase, "better off". I understood what Erin meant.

But perhaps explanation is helpful for others.

Uhope said:

Hmmm. I believe that "good partner" and "living crap beaten out of you" are mutually exclusive terms. Especially when qualified with the phrase, "better off". I understood what Erin meant.

But perhaps explanation is helpful for others.

I get it. Thanks.

Uhope said:

You can also do better (or worse) with a partner.

Perhaps the natural assumption when one is speaking of being "better off" is that the partner is a good one.

Of course, most people are *not* better off with a bad partner. But human nature tends to gravitate us towards doing things with others/sharing rather than being alone (for the most part - I do enjoy my alone time). We are social creatures. Having that person who is your "partner in crime", as it were, to share life with, seems to be a wonderful thing.

Yep, but thanks.