Uhope said:

Actual grown men who were actually out of the dating pool; husbands of my good friends. That's the general answer I've gotten throughout life as to why I am rarely approached. Ask Stymie - I'm really nice.

you are amazing.

Stymie said:

Uhope said:

Actual grown men who were actually out of the dating pool; husbands of my good friends. That's the general answer I've gotten throughout life as to why I am rarely approached. Ask Stymie - I'm really nice.

I have heard and actually read this a lot too, so I can back you up. The theory goes that if you believe/act like you don't need a man it turns men off. And to some degree, I found that to be true.

Now of course all men aren't like that, but there are defintely men who want to be needed, want to be providers and all that. Women are expected to strike a balance between not being too needy or a mess and not being so self sufficient she doesn't need anyone.

Even with my current bf when we first got together it almost seemed like it bothered him that I had my life compltely together. I had a great job, I owned my own home, had great friends and a good life going on, I think he wasn't sure what he had to offer me. Obviously he got over it. And obviously I found someone despite being fiercely independent for years and years. So whatevs.

ZombieKitten said:

When I had my life together, guys were threatened by me. Now that my life is pretty much crappy the guys see me as not being 'together' enough I suppose. I just don't get it. If I'm so smart, pretty, etc. then why aren't there guys around who want to share their lives with me? I don't know what to think anymore. I am well-educated but sleeping on a friend's couch until I can get back on my feet. This means that guys who love to "rescue" women should be banging down my door but they aren't. I was doing pretty good until about 2008 or so then it seems like things took a tumble.

Uhope said:

Of course the women who have been fucked over are gonna come to this thread and say yes.

Uhope said:

No, I think I'd like married life, given the opportunity.

I'm sure you are a nice person, but pardon me for saying this, but you come off in your posts as being too desperate.

If you posts this on e-harmony, those men would run.

Beautifulstarr123 said:

Stymie said:

Beautifulstarr123 said:

I'm sure you are a nice person, but pardon me for saying this, but you come off in your posts as being too desperate.

If you posts this on e-harmony, those men would run.

Wow! No she does not. She arely posts about her personal period.

Her posts spells "Look at me, I'm available". Like trying to sell it. Not the first thread she comes off like this. For starters, she needs to stop belittling herself. The right person will come when she least expected.

.... and I feel the same way about the OP and her posts, past and present.

I don't know.

I have always refused to give in too much. That is one of the reasons I'm single.

When I look at friends who stayed with guys, have children, I'm sometimes jalous of the companionship of having a family of your own. But, I know that I never could have endured all that horrible behaviour of their spouses. It's a big sacrifice, and I haven't met the guy that I would sacrifice my soul for, yet.


I enjoy all the good things that come along with being single,

I don't have any irritations or fights. Never. I just have fun with my friends or enjoying myself on my couch with my remote control.

I can be moody and tired and not have to engage with anybody.

Everything in this household goes my way.

I decide what happens with the money.

I decide what I eat, when I eat it and how I eat it.

I make my own schedule, don't need to negotiate with anybody.

I miss having sex and going out to day trips or holidays. But, when I think about it, I can do those trips with friends. And I don't get dissapointed, because when in a relationship, man will not organise great day trips, in my experience. The movies is the most original idea oftentimes.


But, maybe I'm a pessimist and is it fantastic to sacrifice yourself for a man. I wouldn't know.



The one thing that I do miss, is children. I would have loved to have a family of my own.

But, maybe I'll hook up with a gay couple and have kids with them. I think that is the most sensible solution.

SeventeenDayze said:

How many of you think that it's reasonable for a woman to get to a certain age and completely give up on the idea of marriage and children? I think I am going to put the idea out of my mind and I am starting to be okay with that. I was just wondering if others have made the same decision. I stopped looking for love 10 years ago and still haven't found it. I also think it's tough to find men who are within my dating age range who are single. How many of you have made that decision to not get married and have kids?

I have made that decision and have been very happy since.


I think for you it might not be a bad idea, really, to just stop chasing that ideal of a relationship.

And the phantasy of getting rescued or expect that somebody else will make you happy, will dissapoint you. Because it's a horrible fantasy.

Your fantasy involves somebody else to give up his life for you. To earn money for you, to build you a home, to adore you, and be very thankful that you allow him to waste his life, trying to fix you up.

It's an extremely selfish and cruel fantasy. Not for you, Cinderella, but for the guys who you want to fullfill all your needs.


You don't even want to save yourself. Why on earth would somebody else want to do that?
And for what? Why would somebody give his life up, so he can save your life?

I mean, what's in it for him?

If I would be a guy, I'd rather be with a girl who has her act together, has her finances in order and is able to keep a few friends. And is not addicted to alcohol, drugs, gambling, smoking etc.


Actually, that is my miminal standard for somebody I would consider to be romantically with.
So, I will make sure that I set a good standard myself. I don't want to attract somebody who has low standards for himself.

Because I also refuse to save some guy. They have expected me to save them, but I think there are psychiatrist, psychotherpists, financial advisors for. I don't want to be with a man I have to save or do puppy training about responsebility. Hence, I'm single.

I've mentioned the books "women who love to much" and " Coach yourself to succe" a lot of times here. And I will again.

Because you haven't read those books yet, otherwise you would not have written your post.

I just hope you will start coaching yourself to make yourself happy.

And belief me, when you do that, you are focused on your own life and not so needy anymore.

By the time you have finished the coachingprogram, you might end up being attractive for men.

Because you are not so needy anymore.

I'm a big fan of Talane Miedaner.

Here's the link:

http://www.1shoppingcart....af=1539470

[Edited 9/28/13 9:58am]

iaminparties said:

Of course the women who have been fucked over are gonna come to this thread and say yes.

Statistically women are better of alone.

and, not surprisingly,

statistically men are better of in a relationship.


Do the math.

CarrieMpls said:

Uhope said:

Actual grown men who were actually out of the dating pool; husbands of my good friends. That's the general answer I've gotten throughout life as to why I am rarely approached. Ask Stymie - I'm really nice.

I have heard and actually read this a lot too, so I can back you up. The theory goes that if you believe/act like you don't need a man it turns men off. And to some degree, I found that to be true.

Now of course all men aren't like that, but there are defintely men who want to be needed, want to be providers and all that. Women are expected to strike a balance between not being too needy or a mess and not being so self sufficient she doesn't need anyone.

Even with my current bf when we first got together it almost seemed like it bothered him that I had my life compltely together. I had a great job, I owned my own home, had great friends and a good life going on, I think he wasn't sure what he had to offer me. Obviously he got over it. And obviously I found someone despite being fiercely independent for years and years. So whatevs.

Yes, and you can enjoy being together, and love eachother freely.

I really enjoy seeing your pictures and reading about the two of you.

Comes across as a very healthy relationship where you both support eachother without demanding to much from eachother.

Beautifulstarr123 said:

Stymie said:

Beautifulstarr123 said:

Her posts spells "Look at me, I'm available". Like trying to sell it. Not the first thread she comes off like this. For starters, she needs to stop belittling herself. The right person will come when she least expected.

I disagree with you but I am biased because she is my real life friend. Her posts state her truth and don't come across, to me, that she's desperate at all.

If she's rarely being approached, like she stated, then she needs to find within herself what it is about herself that is making these men not approach her. She cannot always use her economic and educational position as a crutch. I think it's more than that, but you know her.

...and with that, I'll say good luck to her.

Uhope said:

That was interesting. I am neither desperate nor "selling it". I don't know how you're seeing my education or economic situation as a crutch; I went to a vocational school and while not rich, I've always been able to take care of myself. Can't see what you're getting at here. I just don't put much stock in platitudes like "the right person will come along" etc. Based on what, your personal experience? That is not everyone's experience. And while I'm honestly delighted for those to whom that has happened, I don't find it helpful to have it tossed about like it's a stone truth, nor is it kind to belittle those whose experience is different. To answer the OP's question, even the Bible answers "yes" to that question see 1 Corinthians 7:40. But marriage is a normal, natural desire that unfortunately may be unfulfilled in everyone who may want it. We all just do the best we can. and thank you, Ivy. [Edited 9/28/13 12:24pm]

...and Paul also said that if you cannot contain yourself, then it is better to marry than to burn. So yeah, both positions were quoted and are acceptable. I went to church, too.

Another note: I don't have to belittle you, for you were belittling yourself, and did I say that my words were written in stone? It's the way you come across to me in your posts, with your sad emoticons, not just this one, and I felt the same way about the OP. She's going in circles, too. Didn't someone here tell you in another post that your savior is not a man, but Christ? But you continued to lament about how hard it is for you to get a man.

Anyways, good luck.

...and be careful for what you pray for because you may just get any man

Uhope said:

Aside from your comment about Paul (which was more directed towards the OP than anything else), I'm not sure what you're talking about. I certainly was not implying you didn't go to church or anything. I do know good and well that no man is my savior and that's not what I what... I'm good there. anyways, thanks?

I could pull that thread, but why waste my time, and yours. Anyways, you're welcome?

Uhope said:

Actual grown men who were actually out of the dating pool; husbands of my good friends. That's the general answer I've gotten throughout life as to why I am rarely approached. Ask Stymie - I'm really nice.

I'm taking it this was in response to me? lol...

They said because you weren't needy and had your shit together that you were intimidating?...I'm guessing they know what the word "intimidating" means lol

Uhope said:

Curious - why are my comments in random threads of note to you? I don't recall ever engaging with you before. It's like I've offended you somehow. If I did, I am sorry. It was not intentional.

Random? Well I'm sorry you feel that way, and besides don't apologize to me, apologize to yourself. That thread I spoke of has nothing to do with me.

....but you know what? I am going to let it go, and mind my business. Good day.