paintedlady said:

OK I was FINALLY able to catch up with my new neightbor.

I asked her not to make me any more baked goods, I told her I found it to be a nice gesture but, I was overwhelmed by the daily goodies.

She told me she was loved to baked cakes and told her she was threatened by another mother in the neighborhood for giving the neighborhood children baked goods and she wanted to give SOMEONE the cakes she baked...

I told her to stop it before some people rounded up with pitchforks and went on some witch hunt after her because people are not used to "nice" around here and told her "balance is key to any friendship" and that no one should be baking that much.

She laughed, so I think she was OK with that.

We kept talking and I also exploeined I liked to be alone for the most part, but I extended an open invitation to the gardening club, exercise club, health class and movie nights at the teen center.

I told her I wasn't good with noise or children that were under five.. that even though she seemed nice I could not spend much time with her in my space. So the invites to my place were a no-go.

Also told her about how nice her kids were and if she needed a good after school program I could help her with that.

She told me she is battling depression and is on meds, so I told her not to worry so much about making friends, that she was a lovely person and in time the friendship bonds would happen naturally.

I wished her a good evening, and then she went to invite me to go to hang out with her tomorrow morning.

I politely declined, then she said... OK!! Maybe Wednesday then. I let out a deep sigh and just said good night to her.

So just as your intuition tried to tell you, something was up with this woman all along, poor thing. morningsong also figured out that some issues would show up soon; unlike how some people tried to portray the situation and your intentions, you were right...

Good calls on directing her to programs that can help her adjust. They will do a lot more for her than baking and forcing her wares on unsuspecting neighbors will.

ZombieKitten said:

I generally keep my distance from my immediate neighbors. I've lived in the same place since 1997 so I have got to know them fairly well. The kid who would continually accidentally threw his ball over my fence, knocking on my front door every 10 minutes when I was trying to cope with my newborn who wouldn't sleep has now grown into a man who cleans his car in his driveway obsessively, with doof doof music blaring. On the other side, the 37 year old living at home with his mother finally moved out, married and now brings his shrieking demon spawn over for dinner every Thursday and Sunday night. I put their trash out and bring it back in (I do that for the old lady every week) when they are away on vacation. Check their mail. Stuff like that they do for us too. I give the old lady a lift into town or to the specialist when her taxi doesn't show up and if she feels unwell she is under instruction to come to our house (she has a stent in her heart). But we don't socialize! NEVER.

It's like you're a New Yorker.

ZombieKitten said:

I generally keep my distance from my immediate neighbors. I've lived in the same place since 1997 so I have got to know them fairly well. The kid who would continually accidentally threw his ball over my fence, knocking on my front door every 10 minutes when I was trying to cope with my newborn who wouldn't sleep has now grown into a man who cleans his car in his driveway obsessively, with doof doof music blaring. On the other side, the 37 year old living at home with his mother finally moved out, married and now brings his shrieking demon spawn over for dinner every Thursday and Sunday night. I put their trash out and bring it back in (I do that for the old lady every week) when they are away on vacation. Check their mail. Stuff like that they do for us too. I give the old lady a lift into town or to the specialist when her taxi doesn't show up and if she feels unwell she is under instruction to come to our house (she has a stent in her heart). But we don't socialize! NEVER.

I feel that most people like their "space" and also do not like to intrude on others because they assume that other folks like their "space" as well.

I see her as needy... and I also know that some people told me that her place is none of my business, it isn't, and I do not intend to make it my business, and that's why I do not want a friendship with this woman.

I guess I'll treat her like a Jehovah's Witness and act like I am not home when she comes knocking.

"Shhhhhh everybody!!! Is that her? Quick, turn off the lights and close the drapes!"

damn shame

Ottensen said:

So just as your intuition tried to tell you, something was up with this woman all along, poor thing. morningsong also figured out that some issues would show up soon; unlike how some people tried to portray the situation and your intentions, you were right...

Good calls on directing her to programs that can help her adjust. They will do a lot more for her than baking and forcing her wares on unsuspecting neighbors will.

I may sound like ans ass on this thread, but she really gave a shock. I also omitted many details of her home because folks would think I was just being mean.

I just can't deal or help someone in that situation and I do not want her to be latched on to me... she's got issues I am not equipped to handle.

I just do not have the patience to be her shoulder to lean on... her needs seem too great. She needs a coalition of folks to get her on a healthy track.

TD3 said:

Paintedlady I think you handled the situation beautifully. I hope your neighbor can find the support she needs. Neighbors they can be special, this chick who used to live back of use (years ago) arrive at my door in plastic rain coat to welcome my husband to the neighborhood, I ways away. ------------------------------------- [Edited 11/13/12 22:19pm]

I would cut a bitch.

ZombieKitten said:

It IS a shame

ZombieKitten said:

I generally keep my distance from my immediate neighbors. I've lived in the same place since 1997 so I have got to know them fairly well. The kid who would continually accidentally threw his ball over my fence, knocking on my front door every 10 minutes when I was trying to cope with my newborn who wouldn't sleep has now grown into a man who cleans his car in his driveway obsessively, with doof doof music blaring. On the other side, the 37 year old living at home with his mother finally moved out, married and now brings his shrieking demon spawn over for dinner every Thursday and Sunday night. I put their trash out and bring it back in (I do that for the old lady every week) when they are away on vacation. Check their mail. Stuff like that they do for us too. I give the old lady a lift into town or to the specialist when her taxi doesn't show up and if she feels unwell she is under instruction to come to our house (she has a stent in her heart). But we don't socialize! NEVER.

before i was lucky and got my own place, i lived down the hall from my neighbor 'chuck', who welcomed me to the building while wearing a tatty old robe that was hanging open with nothing on underneath, and holding out a tray of cold cuts to me while saying, "want some meat?"

oh yes. it was definitely an imago moment

TD3 said:

Paintedlady I think you handled the situation beautifully. I hope your neighbor can find the support she needs. Neighbors they can be special, this chick who used to live in back of use (years ago) arrive at my door in plastic rain coat to welcome my husband to the neighborhood, I ways away. :lol: ------------------------------------- [Edited 11/13/12 22:20pm]

XxAxX said:

ZombieKitten said:

I generally keep my distance from my immediate neighbors. I've lived in the same place since 1997 so I have got to know them fairly well. The kid who would continually accidentally threw his ball over my fence, knocking on my front door every 10 minutes when I was trying to cope with my newborn who wouldn't sleep has now grown into a man who cleans his car in his driveway obsessively, with doof doof music blaring. On the other side, the 37 year old living at home with his mother finally moved out, married and now brings his shrieking demon spawn over for dinner every Thursday and Sunday night. I put their trash out and bring it back in (I do that for the old lady every week) when they are away on vacation. Check their mail. Stuff like that they do for us too. I give the old lady a lift into town or to the specialist when her taxi doesn't show up and if she feels unwell she is under instruction to come to our house (she has a stent in her heart). But we don't socialize! NEVER.

before i was lucky and got my own place, i lived down the hall from my neighbor 'chuck', who welcomed me to the building while wearing a tatty old robe that was hanging open with nothing on underneath, and holding out a tray of cold cuts to me while saying, "want some meat?"

oh yes. it was definitely an imago moment

Between you and TD3's experiences...I didn't think these actually went on in RL.

(keeping that "cold cut intro" in my mental notes for Things To Do When You're Old Enough To Blame Alzheimer's... )

PurpleJedi said:

XxAxX said:

before i was lucky and got my own place, i lived down the hall from my neighbor 'chuck', who welcomed me to the building while wearing a tatty old robe that was hanging open with nothing on underneath, and holding out a tray of cold cuts to me while saying, "want some meat?"

oh yes. it was definitely an imago moment

Between you and TD3's experiences...I didn't think these actually went on in RL.

(keeping that "cold cut intro" in my mental notes for Things To Do When You're Old Enough To Blame Alzheimer's... )

i could never figure out if that was part of the picture or if he was simply a perv....

XxAxX said:

before i was lucky and got my own place, i lived down the hall from my neighbor 'chuck', who welcomed me to the building while wearing a tatty old robe that was hanging open with nothing on underneath, and holding out a tray of cold cuts to me while saying, "want some meat?"

oh yes. it was definitely an imago moment

EEeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!

XxAxX said:

ZombieKitten said:

I generally keep my distance from my immediate neighbors. I've lived in the same place since 1997 so I have got to know them fairly well. The kid who would continually accidentally threw his ball over my fence, knocking on my front door every 10 minutes when I was trying to cope with my newborn who wouldn't sleep has now grown into a man who cleans his car in his driveway obsessively, with doof doof music blaring. On the other side, the 37 year old living at home with his mother finally moved out, married and now brings his shrieking demon spawn over for dinner every Thursday and Sunday night. I put their trash out and bring it back in (I do that for the old lady every week) when they are away on vacation. Check their mail. Stuff like that they do for us too. I give the old lady a lift into town or to the specialist when her taxi doesn't show up and if she feels unwell she is under instruction to come to our house (she has a stent in her heart). But we don't socialize! NEVER.

before i was lucky and got my own place, i lived down the hall from my neighbor 'chuck', who welcomed me to the building while wearing a tatty old robe that was hanging open with nothing on underneath, and holding out a tray of cold cuts to me while saying, "want some meat?"

oh yes. it was definitely imago

Introduce her to Mr. Phimosis.

Genesia said:

Introduce her to Mr. Phimosis.

ohmydamn, I remember him- that's classic org folklore !

paintedlady said:

artist76 said:

paintedlady said:

I may sound like ans ass on this thread, but she really gave a shock. I also omitted many details of her home because folks would think I was just being mean.

I just can't deal or help someone in that situation and I do not want her to be latched on to me... she's got issues I am not equipped to handle.

I just do not have the patience to be her shoulder to lean on... her needs seem too great. She needs a coalition of folks to get her on a healthy track.

I totally sympathize with you! There's a woman I knew from all the same kid activities and from our kids school, we live in the same town. She had/has depression (clinical depression, not just the mood). I really cared about her and was concerned, and tried to be a friend and help, but it was really draining. Ultimately, I had to distance myself from her. From my experience with her, it seems people with depression are like black holes that continually take and take but there's no "return" - by return, I mean, I'd like to feel like my encouraging words or time spent socializing with her, being nice to her kids, etc. made some sort of difference. But no. No difference. Depression is a stubborn sucker. It seemed like nothing could ever make her feel better. Last year, we had a moment when I thought I was being super supportive (we were working on a PTA thing together) but she had a total meltdown and was crying and all emotional and I had to hold it together, comfort her kid who was there during the outburst, and be her therapist and shoulder to cry on. Man, it was draining, and I was shaken up. The thing we were working on was stressful for me too, and then it turns out I'm left in the lurch because of her emotional fragility. I couldn't take it anymore. I get depressed often too (just the mood), I'm mom to little kids and have a lot on my plate, so I have to look out for my own well-being, and being around someone with depression was getting toxic. So my long story is to validate your choice to distance yourself a but from the neighbor, don't feel guilty about it. You're right, you are not equipped to solve her problems, she needs more. But do let her know verbally that you care about her and her kids - I say this because the woman I know actually took action to take her own life almost 2 years ago, she did get taken to the hospital by her husband. She needs to know that that's not OK to people, because we care about human life, hers and the kids.

My neighbor told me many things in a very short space of time that made my head spin... including that she tried to commit suicide because of the Zoloft she was taking. She is on other meds now and is more stable, but has come to me -two nights ago to tell me about her financial issues and her Thanksgiving dilemma between her natural and adoptive mothers.

It is NEVER a simple conversation with this woman, I already introduced her to Lumina, she is this uber organized mom of a 3 year old girl... a playmate for her little 3 year old boy.

Ottensen said:

Genesia said:

Introduce her to Mr. Phimosis.

ohmydamn, I remember him- that's classic org folklore !

After choking on my saliva from laughing so hard .... I will actually consider this.

She is cute.... enough.... Genesia, you are so WRONG for that! Thank you!

paintedlady said:

Ottensen said:

ohmydamn, I remember him- that's classic org folklore !

After choking on my saliva from laughing so hard .... I will actually consider this.

She is cute.... enough.... Genesia, you are so WRONG for that! Thank you!

That's me...Genesia WRONG.

paintedlady said:

artist76 said:

My neighbor told me many things in a very short space of time that made my head spin... including that she tried to commit suicide because of the Zoloft she was taking. She is on other meds now and is more stable, but has come to me -two nights ago to tell me about her financial issues and her Thanksgiving dilemma between her natural and adoptive mothers.

It is NEVER a simple conversation with this woman, I already introduced her to Lumina, she is this uber organized mom of a 3 year old girl... a playmate for her little 3 year old boy.

The woman I know also said something about the meds she was taking playing some role in the suicide attempt - I don't remember all the details, 'cause like you said, it's never a simple conversation with her! She says her current meds work better, but it makes her kind of "flat affect" - so she's not depressed, but she can't really feel joy either. :-/ Yeah, I just can't be around someone as draining as that. I, like most people, prefer to be around fun positive people.

Just let her know you care about her, but that you have you're own life. Just keep it neighborly like Zombiekitten - neighborly cooperation and consideration, but don't socialize.

artist76 said:

paintedlady said:

My neighbor told me many things in a very short space of time that made my head spin... including that she tried to commit suicide because of the Zoloft she was taking. She is on other meds now and is more stable, but has come to me -two nights ago to tell me about her financial issues and her Thanksgiving dilemma between her natural and adoptive mothers.

It is NEVER a simple conversation with this woman, I already introduced her to Lumina, she is this uber organized mom of a 3 year old girl... a playmate for her little 3 year old boy.

The woman I know also said something about the meds she was taking playing some role in the suicide attempt - I don't remember all the details, 'cause like you said, it's never a simple conversation with her! She says her current meds work better, but it makes her kind of "flat affect" - so she's not depressed, but she can't really feel joy either. :-/ Yeah, I just can't be around someone as draining as that. I, like most people, prefer to be around fun positive people.

Just let her know you care about her, but that you have you're own life. Just keep it neighborly like Zombiekitten - neighborly cooperation and consideration, but don't socialize.

With that loud little (but uber cute) , headache inducing precious little boy she has, you damn skippy Imma ONLY just keep it neighborly. I can not have her son in my home, I will snap!

Genesia said:

paintedlady said:

After choking on my saliva from laughing so hard .... I will actually consider this.

She is cute.... enough.... Genesia, you are so WRONG for that! Thank you!

That's me...Genesia WRONG.

I contacted him on my FB...

I think they would be GREAT co-dependants for each other.

*booking my ticket to hell with gasoline drawerz on*

paintedlady said:

Genesia said:

That's me...Genesia WRONG.

I contacted him on my FB...

I think they would be GREAT co-dependants for each other.

*booking my ticket to hell with gasoline drawerz on*

Man , I love Fridays around this place

Ottensen said:

paintedlady said:

I contacted him on my FB...

I think they would be GREAT co-dependants for each other.

*booking my ticket to hell with gasoline drawerz on*

Man , I love Fridays around this place

Me too...

BlackAdder7 said:

Cut to chase. Let's hear about how she started Massaging your shoulders....

I'm listening...

BlackAdder7 said:

Cut to chase. Let's hear about how she started Massaging your shoulders....

WHY are you cracking the exact same joke my boyfriend is?

He's been telling me she wants a date...

If only it were that simple, she thinks I am her friend.

I gotta stop answering my door.