SO Im havin a sip and thought of this q: I cant really get along with women....most of my closest friends are men (straight men at that) and I have a few best girl buddies...but usually its a strong woman who loves to drink, talk about sex and is carefree...like a guy.

I feel like I may offend women half the time I talk to them and try not to give all of myself in conversation...like I gotta walk on eggshells. Its hard for me to even talk to lesbians...I feel like some of them are trying to be manlier than me..and its weird. DDM (dont do me)

What do you guys think????

Spill the tea

paisleypark4 said:

SO Im havin a sip and thought of this q: I cant really get along with women....most of my closest friends are men (straight men at that) and I have a few best girl buddies...but usually its a strong woman who loves to drink, talk about sex and is carefree...like a guy.

I feel like I may offend women half the time I talk to them and try not to give all of myself in conversation...like I gotta walk on eggshells. Its hard for me to even talk to lesbians...I feel like some of them are trying to be manlier than me..and its weird. DDM (dont do me)

What do you guys think????

Spill the tea

That's me.

We could be friends.

there are many different kinds of gays

and there are many different kinds of straight folks

but the whole "all gays are and have like 100 female friends" thing always seemed absurd to me, an easy cliche that leads to a certain type of homophobia...

KidaDynamite said:

paisleypark4 said:

SO Im havin a sip and thought of this q: I cant really get along with women....most of my closest friends are men (straight men at that) and I have a few best girl buddies...but usually its a strong woman who loves to drink, talk about sex and is carefree...like a guy.

I feel like I may offend women half the time I talk to them and try not to give all of myself in conversation...like I gotta walk on eggshells. Its hard for me to even talk to lesbians...I feel like some of them are trying to be manlier than me..and its weird. DDM (dont do me)

What do you guys think????

Spill the tea

That's me.

We could be friends.

i'm like that 2 and because of that i find that i get along with straigh and gay men more than i get on with women

i have had a couple of lesbians hit on me so now i am a lill stand off ish with them well because of how i am they think i want them

paisleypark4 said:

What do you guys think????

I think perhaps you should find something to sip on that will make you think happier thoughts.

PurpleJedi said:

paisleypark4 said:

What do you guys think????

I think perhaps you should find something to sip on that will make you think happier thoughts.

dirty boy

I only have 3 close friends, 2 girls and 1 guy.

I will say that I'm more comfortable around females. Even though I'm not out to many people, straight guys feel 'uncomfortable' around gay guys. I hope it gets better in the workplace when I start my career. I'm in college, so I'm pretty sure it will get better as far as tolerlance is concerned.

paisleypark4 said:

SO Im havin a sip and thought of this q: I cant really get along with women....most of my closest friends are men (straight men at that) and I have a few best girl buddies...but usually its a strong woman who loves to drink, talk about sex and is carefree...like a guy.

I feel like I may offend women half the time I talk to them and try not to give all of myself in conversation...like I gotta walk on eggshells. Its hard for me to even talk to lesbians...I feel like some of them are trying to be manlier than me..and its weird. DDM (dont do me)

What do you guys think????

Spill the tea

JoeTyler said:

there are many different kinds of gays

and there are many different kinds of straight folks

but the whole "all gays are and have like 100 female friends" thing always seemed absurd to me, an easy cliche that leads to a certain type of homophobia...

^^ yeah, that.

I'm not sure I really equate any of that with being "guy-like" 'cause weak/insecure/crazy ppl also drink, talk about sex and act "carefree" ...

and, not all guys do that.. it's hard to do a convo like this if we're speaking in absolutes.... (do even the femme lesbians try to out-man you, too?)

Are you walking on eggshells b/c you just presume these other gals are a certain way, like if you don't know them well -? there could be 800 reasons why a person doesn't drink or talk openly about sex.

~ and if you do know them well, why even bother with those around whom you need to walk on eggshells?

not all but a lot of my closest friends have been guys.. In college we drank sometimes, and they were a bit more "carefree" than me ('conditioning' from strict, over-protective parents is hard to shake.. ) -- but we never talked about sex... Relationships, yes... but nah; not sex.

--- that didn't really happen until meeting ppl @ NPGMC 8 yrs ago -- and even then, it was more of a learning experience for me than a sharing one.. (that requires a good Cabernet Sauvignon.. )
I'm a lot less shy now than I was 8 yrs ago -- thanks in part to the guys @ NPGMC, like johnart and his partner, ron; my main gays.. (they have tons of gal pals..; they might have good input on this topic.. )

I've never had any problems with women -- straight, Lesbian or otherwise.

Just finished reading all of your comments (and I wish I had time to reply to each one...but Ill try to summerize...

I get along with women fine...I can be a little insecure about how people accept me..because inside I know I am a wild guy and I try not to be so blunt at first so I can make a good first impression. As an introvert more so than other personality types I partake in the person who is more loud, rambuncious and care-free. Because inside I wish I could be more like that.

Usually these type of people fall more often with the straight guy. It's rare to find women like that in my opinion...just from experience at least in my social life of the last 10 years. These types usually DO have some insecure reason they act like that...and it intrigues me.

kidadynamite we could chill chile!

90% of my friends are male. When I become friends with women, it usually goes wrong. It always gets complicated and I get the feeling they claim me.

The women I am friends look very feminin.....but think like men

I hardly have contact with lesbians, it just doesn't work. They usually have this agressive look in their eyes when they look at me.

robertlove said:

90% of my friends are male. When I become friends with women, it usually goes wrong. It always gets complicated and I get the feeling they claim me.

The women I am friends look very feminin.....but think like men

I hardly have contact with lesbians, it just doesn't work. They usually have this agressive look in their eyes when they look at me.

I used to have a close friend that suffers from this dilemma as well.

I say "used to" because we no longer run in the same circles or have the same values; plus, in his case I've observed (from the time we were young teenagers) that he actually invites a kind of co-dependence with the straight females in his life- with all manner of gallantry and wooing as if they were soul-mates-come-lovers without sex involved. When the women become too territorial he then always cries foul.

In all sincerity, when I was a young girl I thought he was the sun, earth and moon! Everything about him perfect: intellect, looks, talent, family pedigree. He would write notes, songs and letters to me (and every other chick he knew) that read like love letters from Byron But luckily for me I only had to endure one summer of all those blurred boundaries (he had to go back to college) and I was able to skiddaddle on my merry little adolescent way and find authentic (puppy) love relationships appropriate to my age and place in life. By chance we've ended up living in Europe in the same city, and lo and behold here we are in our 40's, and he's still on that merry-go-round of having complicated friendships with women with territorial issues and not understanding why . I told him stopping to kiss them smack on the mouth like a lovesick schoolboy with every greeting and departure for starters. He didn't get it. He hasn't progressed or changed in that way (it's kind of sad to watch). He is completely clueless that he sets women up for extreme emotional attachment not appropriate to platonic friendship (regardless of anyone's sexual orientation), and does not see the direct correlation it has to complicating his and these women's emotional and psychological lives.

By no stretch of the imagination am I suggesting your situation is like this (I promise, I'm not!!! ), but rather to say that that territorial/boundary thing can be an issue in the gay male/straight female friendship dynamic. Oddly, there seems to be an archtype of gay man that subconsciously sets himself in the role of non-sexual suitor/emotional paramour to his straight female counterpart who dotes on, adores, etc. I also saw this alot when I was living in Miami Beach. By that time I was in my 20's, busy, all about business and direct with all my friends having this issue (along the lines of "if you don't want people to wake up confused the next day, stop spooning in the bed together , problem solved . You know you two can watch that Rock Hudson movie without spooning)

when i was 19 i worked with this HoT gay guy

anyway i was infatuated and i used to think i could make him str8!!!

i think he realised and i finally got it when he told me he was Elton John Gay

Genesia said:

Gay men have always seemed to gravitate toward me. (Unbeknownst to me at the time, I was everyone's favorite beard in college.) johnart says that's because I am a gay man.

I remember that

I think I may have been in a past life... crushes on a gay guys started at 16 (my aunt's gay, Joey )...

or maybe 5... when Vinnie Barbarino [Travolta.. allegedly] did his big, goofy smile.. I smiled, too

-- although... at 3 or 4, I so loved me some Bugs Bunny in drag -- all I ever wanted was to go hang out with him and be his friend

[spellcheck]

[Edited 4/29/12 5:45am]

I get along with all sexes/orientations, but for sure about 85% of my friends are str8 women.
I don't know if there's a particular reason for this or if it's just the way it's happened.

Lesbians yes, straight chicks no.

JoeTyler said:

there are many different kinds of gays

and there are many different kinds of straight folks

but the whole "all gays are and have like 100 female friends" thing always seemed absurd to me, an easy cliche that leads to a certain type of homophobia...

I found that annoying too. Like they're saying gay folks don't have friends who are either straight men or straight women. It's too generalizing but people take it as gospel.

I get along with everybody.

johnart said:

I get along with all sexes/orientations, but for sure about 85% of my friends are str8 women.
I don't know if there's a particular reason for this or if it's just the way it's happened.

have you noticed a usual/frequent "type" to all your str8 women?

-- like OP mentioned "usually its a strong woman who loves to drink, talk about sex and is carefree...like a guy. "

Terrib3Towel said:

I only have 3 close friends, 2 girls and 1 guy.

I will say that I'm more comfortable around females. Even though I'm not out to many people, straight guys feel 'uncomfortable' around gay guys. I hope it gets better in the workplace when I start my career. I'm in college, so I'm pretty sure it will get better as far as tolerlance is concerned.

That has never been my experience as a gay man into sports, so most of my friends are straight men. I get along with their wives too but we don't talk shopping etc.

With me and most of my straight male friends we've been friends for years so they are past worrying about me making a pass at them, so jokes, sharing rooms, physical contact, none of it is a problem.

SUPRMAN said:

Terrib3Towel said:

I only have 3 close friends, 2 girls and 1 guy.

I will say that I'm more comfortable around females. Even though I'm not out to many people, straight guys feel 'uncomfortable' around gay guys. I hope it gets better in the workplace when I start my career. I'm in college, so I'm pretty sure it will get better as far as tolerlance is concerned.

That has never been my experience as a gay man into sports, so most of my friends are straight men. I get along with their wives too but we don't talk shopping etc.

With me and most of my straight male friends we've been friends for years so they are past worrying about me making a pass at them, so jokes, sharing rooms, physical contact, none of it is a problem.

I'm only "out" to one guy, and he's one of my best friends. But I've heard other guys talking about that exact thing. I'm like dude please.

johnart said:

I get along with all sexes/orientations, but for sure about 85% of my friends are str8 women.
I don't know if there's a particular reason for this or if it's just the way it's happened.

Me, too.

I do think there is a particular reason for it, in my case

PositivityNYC said:

johnart said:

I get along with all sexes/orientations, but for sure about 85% of my friends are str8 women.
I don't know if there's a particular reason for this or if it's just the way it's happened.

have you noticed a usual/frequent "type" to all your str8 women?

-- like OP mentioned "usually its a strong woman who loves to drink, talk about sex and is carefree...like a guy. "

Definitely strong women.

I offend the shit out of girly delicate types.

JustErin said:

Gay dudes don't tend to befriend me. Two of my dearest and closest friends are a lesbian couple. Oh wait...I just remembered that I grew close to this one guy I used to work with. He was hilarious and we used to go get drunk on our lunchbreaks together. We both moved on to other jobs and lost touch

Bitch if you lived closer to me you'd have to answer this differently.

johnart said:

JustErin said:

Gay dudes don't tend to befriend me. Two of my dearest and closest friends are a lesbian couple. Oh wait...I just remembered that I grew close to this one guy I used to work with. He was hilarious and we used to go get drunk on our lunchbreaks together. We both moved on to other jobs and lost touch

Bitch if you lived closer to me you'd have to answer this differently.

I know! I wish!!

johnart said:

PositivityNYC said:

have you noticed a usual/frequent "type" to all your str8 women?

-- like OP mentioned "usually its a strong woman who loves to drink, talk about sex and is carefree...like a guy. "

Definitely strong women.

I offend the shit out of girly delicate types.

I'm girly & delicate....

well, unless ppl mess with me/the ones I love /

[Edited 4/29/12 20:31pm]

Uh, I love me some gay men!!! In high school almost all of my male friends were gay.

I tend to get along well with non cisgendered people.

In college I spent 99% of my time with women.

.

[Edited 4/29/12 23:28pm]