I understand how you feel. When I think of the term grudge, I take it to mean that you purposely hold on to anger that you feel for another. In your case, I don't believe that this is so. I don't think you wake up every morning wishing that your ex got hit with a bus, but maybe at times you do. I think that what you are feeling is totally natural. You were deeply hurt and while you don't wallow or sit still in that hurt anymore, there's still residual feelings leftover from the aftermath. Have you met another woman since your break up who cherishes you for the kind man that you are? I'm not implying that this would be the cure to your residual feelings of your ex, but it could possibly take your mind off of it. I will forever love and miss you...my sweet Prince. | |
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It takes a lot for me to get angry and when I do I'm over it within 15-20 minutes. Maybe an hour max if I'm really pissed off. If someone keeps fucking up on the same subject over and over I will not keep them around for long, but I don't stay mad, I just move on. I feel blessed I'm wired like this, nothing good comes from holding grudges. Sometimes one person has moved on a long time ago while the other party is still dwelling on the past. | |
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Sometimes there are signs and sometimes people are blindsided. I'm a true believer in things happening for a reason. No, maybe that girl/guy that you were deeply in love with wasn't the one for you, but the experience and the hurt of it all means that something is supposed to be learned from it. I have an ex that I thought was totally in love with me the way I was with him, but when I finally realized (after 5-6 years) that he didn't feel the same way, it left me seriously heartbroken and feeling stupid for thinking that he did feel the same way all along. I had to forgive myself for not ending things earlier than I should've and it took a very long time for me to do so. Sure, there were signs from the beginning that I shouldn't had even gone down that road with him and just remained his friend, but at the time, I simply fell in love with him and you can't help who you love. All the reasons for dating and being with him romantically outweighed the red flags. The signs are always easier to spot in hindsight rather than when you are living it. In my mind, concentrating on the signs that I missed would drive me insane and make me even more angrier. I will forever love and miss you...my sweet Prince. | |
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By St. Boogar and all the saints at the backside door of Purgatory! | |
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Prince, in you I found a kindred spirit...Rest In Paradise. | |
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RodeoSchro said:
I didn't say work out, I said punch the bag! sorry Jedi! I love ya too "We just let people talk & say whatever they want 2 say. 9 times out of 10, trust me, what's out there now, I wouldn't give nary one of these folks the time of day. That's why I don't say anything back, because there's so much that's wrong" - P, Dec '15 | |
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An apology and changed behaviour notwithstanding, I'm inclined to hold a grudge indefinitely. I don't particularly love this about myself, so I do actively seeks ways to forgive, and that may look different depending on the circumstances: Sometimes I can accept a person back into my life with altogether no modifications in how I deal with them. Sometimes I can accept them back, but more cautiously. Sometimes I opt for complete separation from them as not to be tempted with revenge. Whatever the arrangement, I think the key is trying to undertake it without a spirit to punish. [Edited 7/27/16 19:19pm] Ὅσον ζῇς φαίνου
μηδὲν ὅλως σὺ λυποῦ πρὸς ὀλίγον ἐστὶ τὸ ζῆν τὸ τέλος ὁ χρόνος ἀπαιτεῖ.” | |
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By St. Boogar and all the saints at the backside door of Purgatory! | |
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By St. Boogar and all the saints at the backside door of Purgatory! | |
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PurpleJedi said:
"We just let people talk & say whatever they want 2 say. 9 times out of 10, trust me, what's out there now, I wouldn't give nary one of these folks the time of day. That's why I don't say anything back, because there's so much that's wrong" - P, Dec '15 | |
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Relationships happen for a reason and hopefully it teaches you something: not to make the same mistakes, I totally agree. You cannot help who you love, no argument there. | |
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No probs. All energy can be used, just not in the same ways. | |
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morningsong said:
No probs. All energy can be used, just not in the same ways. Yes "We just let people talk & say whatever they want 2 say. 9 times out of 10, trust me, what's out there now, I wouldn't give nary one of these folks the time of day. That's why I don't say anything back, because there's so much that's wrong" - P, Dec '15 | |
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I think it has to be tough dealing with ur feelings about an ex when children are involved. If no kids, u could go separate ways and be done. Kids complicate ur feelings. She is ur ex but will always be their mother. I would imagine a big mixture of feelings stir up quite often and to make it worse, u have to deal with her on a frequent basis. Ugh. My advise? Be selfish. Dive into something that interests u and give it ur all. Thanks for the laughs, arguments and overall enjoyment for the last umpteen years. It's time for me to retire from Prince.org and engage in the real world...lol. Above all, I appreciated the talent Prince. You were one of a kind. | |
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Forever. | |
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I'm unfortunately extremely stubborn and when I believe I'm right, that's all there is to it. I'm not proud of it but I can admit it. Me and one of my very best friends went over 4 years without talking. I had too much pride and didn't want to "give in" so I never said anything, nor did she. She did reach out to me about 3-4 years ago and we've been back to normal ever since. Like no time had passed at all. I'm trying to change my ways, I know life is too short for that stuff so I'm working on it. I had an argument with another good friend and we went a couple months without talking but I let go of my pride and didn't let it get very far. I knew the friendship meant more to me than whatever the issue was. That took a lot lol Typical Scorpio, what can I say. From now on, 4 U I shall be wild 💜 | |
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By St. Boogar and all the saints at the backside door of Purgatory! | |
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I have the same thing going on with my ex. and whenever I feel anger I'm like WTF.......why is that still there and why is it so instant. He is not in my daily life...I don't even talk to the ex except when necessary, I'm always cordial and polite. I just say good morning back or hello and zone out on some level whenever I have to interact. If I know I will see him, it helps me a lot to take a few moments to meditate. I am not consciously holding a grudge, but subconsciously, I think that because of who he has shown himself to be, his mere presence evokes something negative. (Kind of how we associate that certain smell with nursing homes and know we will likely smell it once we enter in.....). Genereally, I think living angry at folks is just a waste of energy.....I have noticed that it lessens with time. [Edited 8/1/16 16:29pm] Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. | |
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Oh...and although I do not dwell on people's actions, I will not forget their character. I mean if people are capable of some things once, it is wise to respec that they often retain that capability. Saves me a bunch of nonsense down the road Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. | |
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I'm pretty mad at my brother at the moment. We had lunch together at my parents' today and we barely said a word to each other. It was awful, so tomorrow I'll have a word with him and explain why I'm mad, hopefully resolve the situation. So that's one day I've managed to be mad at him. Now, that's my brother, other people I've now banished for life... | |
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Forever I think. I usually don't show it but I tend to remember EVERY diss, every put down,every back stabbing,mistreatment,slight since the age of seven. I don't try to remember it it's just there. | |
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There are so many different factors. "Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself." | |
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My sister broke my tricycle when I was 4, so I would say until that bitch dies. | |
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I am definetely the "forgive but never forget" type. I would still try to understand why the person has acted in a certain way, depending on their background/circumstances and even forgive them in my heart, Life Matters | |
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If you will, so will I | |
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"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself." | |
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"Never let nasty stalkers disrespect you. They start shit, you finish it. Go down to their level, that's the only way they'll understand. You have to handle things yourself." | |
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