No labels required. Just do u........it is thee ONLY thing that counts.

^^

And stop worrying about what other people think...

I've never married nor had any children. I don't consider myself a loser. I just made specific choices, which in the long run have served me well. I don't have to worry about raising kids or cheating husbands. I like being able to make my own choices without having to consider anybody else's needs, and I love being independent. I could care less what other folk think about my status. I'm happy as I am.

Shyra said:

I've never married nor had any children. I don't consider myself a loser. I just made specific choices, which in the long run have served me well. I don't have to worry about raising kids or cheating husbands. I like being able to make my own choices without having to consider anybody else's needs, and I love being independent. I could care less what other folk think about my status. I'm happy as I am.

Thanks to you and everyone else for their comments. I guess I'm not completely surprised at the comments considering that most Prince fans (especially on the Org) are not exactly conventional people by any means I think it is good to live in an era where we have more choices. I wish that there were more mainstream examples of people that choose not to make mainstream choices, if that makes sense

I haven't had a chance to respond...

I am 47 and am unmarried with no kids.
I beat myself up about it for a long time; I even shared my feelings on the Org, for which I was called crazy behind my back.

I am in a good place now; I own my home, drive a nice car and have 4 degrees.
Am I a loser because I have "Dr." in front of my name instead of "Mrs."?

No.
I was a loser when I judged my self-worth by whether or not I had a man.

Quick story: When I got my Masters, one of my cousins said to me: "That's nice, but when are you going to settle down and have some babies?"
She is now a great-grandmother in her 50s. It's all in what you value most...

I value being happy and satisfied with what life has given me so far.

chocolate1 said:

chocolate1 said:

I haven't had a chance to respond...

I am 47 and am unmarried with no kids.
I beat myself up about it for a long time; I even shared my feelings on the Org, for which I was called crazy behind my back.

I am in a good place now; I own my home, drive a nice car and have 4 degrees.
Am I a loser because I have "Dr." in front of my name instead of "Mrs."?

No.
I was a loser when I judged my self-worth by whether or not I had a man.

Quick story: When I got my Masters, one of my cousins said to me: "That's nice, but when are you going to settle down and have some babies?"
She is now a great-grandmother in her 50s. It's all in what you value most...

I value being happy and satisfied with what life has given me so far.

Sorry that some jerk decided to talk about you behind your back. I think it's pretty awesome that you are now Dr. Chocolate1 Glad that you were able to let go of judging yourself too harshly despite some of the strange comments that you seem to get from your relatives. It's a great accomplishment to finish school so they could have at least helped you celebrate that moment instead of reminding you of something else that they thought you didn't "have".

Shyra said:

I've never married nor had any children. I don't consider myself a loser. I just made specific choices, which in the long run have served me well. I don't have to worry about raising kids or cheating husbands. I like being able to make my own choices without having to consider anybody else's needs, and I love being independent. I could care less what other folk think about my status. I'm happy as I am.

Amen! I feel the same way.

psychodelicide said:

Shyra said:

I've never married nor had any children. I don't consider myself a loser. I just made specific choices, which in the long run have served me well. I don't have to worry about raising kids or cheating husbands. I like being able to make my own choices without having to consider anybody else's needs, and I love being independent. I could care less what other folk think about my status. I'm happy as I am.

Amen! I feel the same way.

Have any of you been suspected or accused of being gay because you're not married by a "certain age"? (NOTE: I am NOT saying anything making a moral judgment on gay folks, just making a point here)

Graycap23 said:

No labels required. Just do u........it is thee ONLY thing that counts.

you two should hook up... match made in heaven

I'm not sure why social variables like this have to be so imbued with drama. Can't single and childless simply be a lifestyle choice -- one that suggests neither failure nor triumph?

MoBettaBliss said:

Graycap23 said:

No labels required. Just do u........it is thee ONLY thing that counts.

you two should hook up... match made in heaven

Yep, Graycap is my soulmate.....NEXT!

Lammastide said:

I'm not sure why social variables like this have to be so imbued with drama. Can't single and childless simply be a lifestyle choice -- one that suggests neither failure nor triumph?

Good point but I think it's because there aren't a lot of people willing to actually perceive it as a choice as opposed to something that just "happened" to you because you haven't yet "met the right one" who is supposed to come into your life when you least expect it. Those are the cliche responses that people usually have when someone single of a certain age says they are single. It's almost like people who feel sorry for people who have to take the bus to work instead of drive. Maybe that person likes taking the bus and saving money that would otherwise be spent on gas, maintenance and everything else that comes with having a car. I think it's all about the messages that we get growing up that there are certain things that we are "supposed" to do.

SeventeenDayze said:

MoBettaBliss said:

you two should hook up... match made in heaven

Yep, Graycap is my soulmate.....NEXT!

groovy... let's make this happen

start with a coffee maybe?

do you live close to each other? (although distance shouldn't really get in the way of true love)

MoBettaBliss said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Yep, Graycap is my soulmate.....NEXT!

groovy... let's make this happen

start with a coffee maybe?

do you live close to each other? (although distance shouldn't really get in the way of true love)

If you have something to say, start a new thread and bring it up there, otherwise, please stick to the topic at hand please

Lammastide said:

I'm not sure why social variables like this have to be so imbued with drama. Can't single and childless simply be a lifestyle choice -- one that suggests neither failure nor triumph?

I certainly consider marriage and kids as a lifestyle choice, which is why I get a bit pissed at work that the people without kids get shafted with any personal requests for time off or get unfair hours.

I'm unmarried with no kids and just turned 32. For the most part, I'm very happy with my independent life, but on the flip side, I do want to meet a guy who is for me, be in love and spend my life with him. However, I'm a strong believer that all things happen for a reason and sometimes you have to be patient for greater things to come later. It doesn't mean that I have to over-examine myself to see why it hasn't happened yet. It's all about timing.

So to answer the question, I don't feel like a loser, nor do I feel like a dodged a bullet. Every failed relationship I've had, or dates that didn't work out happened for a reason. I learned from it and moved on. But as a little girl, I grew up with the mentality to be married by a certain time and marry a man that can support me. So now that I'm currently single and childless, there are times where I wonder if I will get married or not or if I'm meant to be a mother, but I'm not necessarily beating myself down over it. Besides I'm not ready for neither at the moment, but when you have family that puts pressure on you as far as not being married, it does get to be frustrating. And because I don't discuss my love life, basically, at all with my family (if I mention anything about friends that so happen to be guys they love to rush and ask why aren't I dating them instead. Urgh.) I had one member of my family to recently hint at asking if I had "become" gay. Great, so just because I haven't brought a guy to meet the family in the past couple of years then I'm all of a sudden playing for the other team? Ridiculous.

What's really important is that you know who you are, like who you are and love who you are. Often times I find that the person you are to be with is right in front of you in plain sight, however, timing is still important.

SeventeenDayze said:

psychodelicide said:

Amen! I feel the same way.

Have any of you been suspected or accused of being gay because you're not married by a "certain age"? (NOTE: I am NOT saying anything making a moral judgment on gay folks, just making a point here)

People in my family have never asked me if I were gay because I am not married. But I sometimes wonder if that thought has ever crossed their minds?

missfee said:

I'm unmarried with no kids and just turned 32. For the most part, I'm very happy with my independent life, but on the flip side, I do want to meet a guy who is for me, be in love and spend my life with him. However, I'm a strong believer that all things happen for a reason and sometimes you have to be patient for greater things to come later. It doesn't mean that I have to over-examine myself to see why it hasn't happened yet. It's all about timing.

So to answer the question, I don't feel like a loser, nor do I feel like a dodged a bullet. Every failed relationship I've had, or dates that didn't work out happened for a reason. I learned from it and moved on. But as a little girl, I grew up with the mentality to be married by a certain time and marry a man that can support me. So now that I'm currently single and childless, there are times where I wonder if I will get married or not or if I'm meant to be a mother, but I'm not necessarily beating myself down over it. Besides I'm not ready for neither at the moment, but when you have family that puts pressure on you as far as not being married, it does get to be frustrating. And because I don't discuss my love life, basically, at all with my family (if I mention anything about friends that so happen to be guys they love to rush and ask why aren't I dating them instead. Urgh.) I had one member of my family to recently hint at asking if I had "become" gay. Great, so just because I haven't brought a guy to meet the family in the past couple of years then I'm all of a sudden playing for the other team? Ridiculous.

What's really important is that you know who you are, like who you are and love who you are. Often times I find that the person you are to be with is right in front of you in plain sight, however, timing is still important.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. It seems that you brought up a few points that others have also mentioned as well. The societal expectation is always there, even if it's not always present but it's reinforced in the media, with our families, etc. There always seems to be the notion that the grass is always greener but I don't think anyone who has responded thus far is saying that the grass is greener one way or the other. I guess there are pros and cons to both lifestyle choices. The weird thing is being single might actually be a "choice" until the right one comes along who could possibly change our mind. So, that makes me wonder if being single really is a choice or is it kind of a "default" option. If that makes sense...

psychodelicide said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Have any of you been suspected or accused of being gay because you're not married by a "certain age"? (NOTE: I am NOT saying anything making a moral judgment on gay folks, just making a point here)

People in my family have never asked me if I were gay because I am not married. But I sometimes wonder if that thought has ever crossed their minds?

I wouldn't worry about it too much but you can always ask them if they are gay themselves for being obsessed with your love life

Ellie said:

Lammastide said:

I'm not sure why social variables like this have to be so imbued with drama. Can't single and childless simply be a lifestyle choice -- one that suggests neither failure nor triumph?

I certainly consider marriage and kids as a lifestyle choice, which is why I get a bit pissed at work that the people without kids get shafted with any personal requests for time off or get unfair hours.

That sucks that the single people get shafted like that. I guess that's something that I hadn't really thought of before is how that can happen because the boss figures that you have nothing else better to do with your time.

Dodged a bullet

MoBettaBliss said:

it doesn't mean anything... it doesn't mean you're a loser... it doesn't mean you're smart

although if i wanted to maintain a meaningful relationship, and found myself unable to, i'd probably have a really good honest look at myself to see if i had some issues that were getting in the way of that happening... i'm not saying that would be the case, but it would be something i'd look at

THIS.

To Seventeendayze....

I had 3 kids out of wedlock. People like to judge me too... you need to tell those fuckers what I tell them.

"Stay outta my pussy and don't worry how I fuck... just worry about your own pussy."

I hate it when people try to tell others what they should or shouldn't do, and TRUST me, people have much to say about my life and they assume much. Fuck them. They don't pay my bills. I take care of mine and don't ask for shit. Funny thing is, those same bitches are always asking me for favors.

At the end of the day, if you are ok with yourself, that is all that matters. You can have many experiences in life. Finding a partner is one of them. Having kids is one of them. But there are many others. I think my grandfather had no choice. Go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, etc. These days there are more choices. I'm 45 and very happy to be single. If I don't find the right woman, at least I died searching for her.

paintedlady said:

To Seventeendayze....

I had 3 kids out of wedlock. People like to judge me too... you need to tell those fuckers what I tell them.

"Stay outta my pussy and don't worry how I fuck... just worry about your own pussy."

I hate it when people try to tell others what they should or shouldn't do, and TRUST me, people have much to say about my life and they assume much. Fuck them. They don't pay my bills. I take care of mine and don't ask for shit. Funny thing is, those same bitches are always asking me for favors.

Thanks, Painted Lady. I'll be sure to say that verbatim But, thanks for sharing about how others react when you talk about your single status. It's really terrible that people have rude things to say to you but as you said those are the same people asking you to help THEM. What a bunch of jerks! LOL!

paintedlady said:

To Seventeendayze....

I had 3 kids out of wedlock. People like to judge me too... you need to tell those fuckers what I tell them.

"Stay outta my pussy and don't worry how I fuck... just worry about your own pussy."

I hate it when people try to tell others what they should or shouldn't do, and TRUST me, people have much to say about my life and they assume much. Fuck them. They don't pay my bills. I take care of mine and don't ask for shit. Funny thing is, those same bitches are always asking me for favors.

Very direct and well said

Ellie said:

Lammastide said:

I'm not sure why social variables like this have to be so imbued with drama. Can't single and childless simply be a lifestyle choice -- one that suggests neither failure nor triumph?

I certainly consider marriage and kids as a lifestyle choice, which is why I get a bit pissed at work that the people without kids get shafted with any personal requests for time off or get unfair hours.

Yeah, it doesn't apply to all workers, certainly, but I have seen people literally use "kid's basketball game" as a valid excuse to leave

SeventeenDayze said:

Are people who are unmarried and without kids considered by most in society to be losers? I wonder if in some cases people who are tied down are perhaps a bit envious of those who aren't tied down. What do you guys think? I'm unmarried and don't have kids, so does that make me a loser or winner in the long run?

Neither. If you lead a happy, fulfilling life, you're a winner in this world. You don't have to do what everybody else does if it doesn't make you happy.

I like being married, and the feeling that there is someone in this world who has my back no matter what happens. It's more valuable to me than my desire for total freedom. At the same time, I know people who enjoy their single lives and make the most of it. They don't want to be responsible for someone else's needs and desires. Maybe they have some lonely nights and maybe I have some times where it would be nice to act completely selfishly or have some more wild adventures. But if we're all happy at the end of the day we all win.

I have never especially wanted kids and feel that the only people that should have them are the ones who do really want them are prepared to commit to them. I'm happy not havng them, other friends of mine say it's the best thing they ever did in their lives. Hopefully we are all happy with our own choices.

So no you're definitely not "a loser" for being in your situation. If something is making you unhappy, do what you can to change it. Otherwise, live life to the fullest.