paintedlady said:

dJJ said:

Isn't this universal and human?

Aren't women in relationships because the assume mister will make her happy? I'm using the heterosexual standard, but I guess same rule applies for the homosexual mating.

I think a lot of women stay in an abusive relationship, because they tell themselves that she can change him, and if she succeeds, he will love her and make her happy.


I've just got myself in a relationship again, and I like it. However, as soon as I notice that I'm the giver and he's the taker, I'll abandon the ship.

It's just not easy to notice what is giving and what is taking.

If I give him a present, that actually serves me, is that giving or taking?

For example, if I give him something for his house, that I want to use in his house, is that giving something to him, or is it taking away his control over his house?

Why do people want to be in a monogamous relationship? I think because they want that because they think the get something out of it. Something that is better than when you stay single.


I think that men and women have different needs, due to their different history. Nowadays, women don't need men in order to survive. For thousands of years before, women depended on men for their survival. Men made women pregnant and in order to feed their children, women needed men.
Nowadays, women use birthcontrol and don't need men to feed themselves and can decide if she wants children or not. These fundamental different circumstances will change the need for a relationship.

I bet that in a few decades marriage will be extinct. Just like long-time relationships. And if women can form an identity that is not defined by motherhood, the need for a relationship with a man is none.


I think birth control is the most changing innovation of the past century.

I think both men and women look for things that will make them happy... but looking for love and companionship is a two-way street (or should be) where both parties equally exchange with each other in order to meet life goals and raise a family.

Humans by nature need touch, we are pack animals and even the most solitary of humans still need a good fuck every once and a while.


I myself love being left the hell alone. Can't stand a mofo up under me all the time, go somewhere! But I speak more of the "empty promises" factor, those carrot dangling in front of faces muthafukkas who lie, hoodwink, and bamboozle their way into making someone love them. Waste a bitches time, knowing she/he would of left long ago if she/he wasn't manipulated into sticking around.

I just want an honest man... if you ONLY want to fuck me, then say so! If you are a miser and don't like going out to dinner, tell me! If you don't like kids and don't want any, tell me! If you never want to marry or don't want to marry my fat ass, tell me that shit too! Don't lie to me, "Baby I love you, I want to marry you, your are my world, you are my one and only, I just want to live to make you happy, I want to have kids with you." lying ass muthafukkas!!!

Do not tell me you love the way I suck your dick and leave me for another woman because she sucks your dick they way you like it. If you don't like the way I suck your dick, then tell me so! I'll move on to another dude who doesn't mind the teethmarks and not waste each other's time.

I know I am not perfect, but I do not like being sold a bill of goods you never intend to make good on, and only lie to get me to be with you and STAY with you (wasting my time) until you meet that new bitch ya really want.

The problem is not people wanting things, the problem is people lying and doing anything to get what they want at the expense of hurting those they claim to adore. When you are honest about what you want with me, I can make an informed decision about spending my precious time with you. I am honest about my shit, I'll tell a dude what I will and will not do, what I have to give and who I really am... I just want the same consideration.


I have yet to be with a man who didn't lie about who he was or what he wanted from me in order to get what he wants.

I attract liars, I know there are honest men out there, but they don't date my ass! Those honest men steer clear from me!

I hear you. I once married one of those. I'm stil licking my wounds.


What I don't understand is why these guys can't be honest. They lie to themselves too. As if they don't want to admit to themselves who they are.

The world would be better off if people would just be upfront about what they want, in stead of lying their ass off and cheating on everybody, including themselves.

PurpleJedi said:

paintedlady said:

I think MANY people feel like sitting ducks (vulnerable ) because of their situation.... many women I know lower their standards as they age knowing the quality of single men out there is harder to find.

The standards lower, they don't mind a "fixer upper" as much and just choose a "demon" they are willing to deal with.

I just don't want to be that lady dating grandpa Moses, who is toothless and wearing diapers because he is the only single guy left in my neighborhood.

I was just yeterday having a conversation with a buddy who's always been with knock-out women (he's a looker himself) but after 3 failed marriages he's thinking of seeking women who aren't physically his ideal but can offer other things (namely financial stability).

So, he first married women, because their beauty elevated his status, and now he wants to marry because he wants her money?

Time for some serious therapy, before he's off and hurts another woman.

morningsong said:

dJJ said:

PurpleJedi said:

I was just yeterday having a conversation with a buddy who's always been with knock-out women (he's a looker himself) but after 3 failed marriages he's thinking of seeking women who aren't physically his ideal but can offer other things (namely financial stability).

So, he first married women, because their beauty elevated his status, and now he wants to marry because he wants her money?

Time for some serious therapy, before he's off and hurts another woman.

Yes & No.

Yes, he needs therapy.

No, it's not quite the way you put it. He is not about "status" per-se, (otherwise money/class would have been a priority even early on), but he is superficial. He gets by on his looks, and has no shortage of attractive women to choose from. His second wife is one of the top 5 hottest women I have ever met in my life. She's also the one who broke his heart and doomed marriage #3.

So now he's considering the alternatives. "Changing his type" of you will.

I can't speak for him obviously - I'm only relaying the summary of a conversation that we had - but I don't think that he's the type to be gold digging. Just finding someone who can offer something tangible as opposed to an ideal (physical looks).

Not unlike women who go from looking for a man with looks to a man with a career & money in the bank.



And yes, I have given him the card to my therapist.