Please girl, don't let the "religious deeds" fool you into thinking he's a good guy. I've dealt with that religion card bullshit with a guy before, and it's not worth it at all. And if he's "more strict" than you are, that's already a red flag.

[Edited 3/7/12 6:56am]

alphastreet said:

Please girl, don't let the "religious deeds" fool you into thinking he's a good guy. I've dealt with that religion card bullshit with a guy before, and it's not worth it at all. And if he's "more strict" than you are, that's already a red flag.

[Edited 3/7/12 6:56am]

Yeah I have a relative whose 3rd husband was a preacher, it was absolute hell. The family had like half a dozen preachers in it and was just as rotten as they could be sometimes.

There's a difference between a preacher (as a recreation, job, etc.) and a minister (someone who actually DOES THE WORK)...so yeah I'd never get with a preacher but if a guy is a minister then I'd consider it.

I think that's what one other poster was talking about then when it came to Law of Attraction. I don't know if he was sarcastic or not, but it's very common to attract what you are familiar with subconsciously, good and bad when it comes to life choices, so it's very important to identify these patterns.

[Edited 3/7/12 7:28am]

alphastreet said:

I think that's what one other poster was talking about then when it came to Law of Attraction. I don't know if he was sarcastic or not, but it's very common to attract what you are familiar with subconsciously, good and bad when it comes to life choices, so it's very important to identify these patterns.

[Edited 3/7/12 7:28am]

I've been single now for several years in a row and I'm very picky about dating for a number of reasons. I think there's a lot of good that can come out of being selective. Even though this pushy preacher dude is acting like he's interested, I really do a lot of thinking first before allowing myself to get caught up in the nonsense. I just cannot see myself "dating" a guy who is a 5th generation preacher with three kids. Sorry, unless he was a multi-millionaire or something I wouldn't even bother because I don't wanna raise a tribe of someone else's kids!

He hasn't responded about helping papi nuyorican at all, so he also proves himself to be a hypcrocite and control freak.....NEXT!!!!!!!!

SeventeenDayze said:

alphastreet said:

Please girl, don't let the "religious deeds" fool you into thinking he's a good guy. I've dealt with that religion card bullshit with a guy before, and it's not worth it at all. And if he's "more strict" than you are, that's already a red flag.

[Edited 3/7/12 6:56am]

Yeah I have a relative whose 3rd husband was a preacher, it was absolute hell. The family had like half a dozen preachers in it and was just as rotten as they could be sometimes.

There's a difference between a preacher (as a recreation, job, etc.) and a minister (someone who actually DOES THE WORK)...so yeah I'd never get with a preacher but if a guy is a minister then I'd consider it.

Again, glad you got away from that. looks fishy. But I do have an unrelated question:

I'm a little confused by your definitions above, because they're a little off:

A preacher can also be a minister or pastor of a church, though not all are. But primarily their function is to evangelize or preach the word of God. When they are not necessarily the pastor or minister of a church, they may work independently (outside of whatever sanctuary is their home church) via speaking/preaching, authoring books, working in community projects etc., But I've never known one to do it as a hobby. Ever. Either one is lving a life in the Lord for the purpose of spreading the Gospel or not. There is no such thing as doing this as recreation, really. For the believer, God is not an interest to be picked and dropped at whim like you do with a tennis racket or piano lessons.

It is true a minister is an ordained member of the clergy. If they are not ordained in the role as pastor( or shepahrd) of the church is generally someone who is authorized by a church to act as an agent to perform a specific function for said church. For example- a person still authorized to perform certain religious duties or carry out certain functions on behalf of the church, like a church's Minister of Music or Music Pastor for example.

The point I'd like to make though, is that real preachers or evangelists who see the calling placed on their lives actually do a lot of work for the advancement of the kingdom of God. At least they do if they're the real deal. The trick is to know the difference and be able to tell the real deal folks from the BS artists. But I wouldn't say one does more or any less in the eyes of God when it comes to how much work they put into serving the Lord. Again, we're talking about the for real people coming from a genuine place in their hearts.

But as someone else mentioned, it's good that you can sniff out the layers of wrong and get away.

[Edited 3/7/12 8:20am]

Ottensen said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Yeah I have a relative whose 3rd husband was a preacher, it was absolute hell. The family had like half a dozen preachers in it and was just as rotten as they could be sometimes.

There's a difference between a preacher (as a recreation, job, etc.) and a minister (someone who actually DOES THE WORK)...so yeah I'd never get with a preacher but if a guy is a minister then I'd consider it.

Again, glad you got away from that. looks fishy. But I do have an unrelated question:

I'm a little confused by your definitions above, because they're a little off:

A preacher can also be a minister or pastor of a church, though not all are. But primarily their function is to evangelize or preach the word of God. When they are not necessarily the pastor or minister of a church, they may work independently (outside of whatever sanctuary is their home church) via speaking/preaching, authoring books, working in community projects etc., But I've never known one to do it as a hobby. Ever. Either one is lving a life in the Lord for the purpose of spreading the Gospel or not. There is no such thing as doing this as recreation, really. For the believer, God is not an interest to be picked and dropped at whim like you do with a tennis racket or piano lessons.

It is true a minister is an ordained member of the clergy. If they are not ordained in the role as pastor( or shepahrd) of the church is generally someone who is authorized by a church to act as an agent to perform a specific function for said church. For example- a person still authorized to perform certain religious duties or carry out certain functions on behalf of the church, like a church's Minister of Music or Music Pastor for example.

The point I'd like to make though, is that real preachers or evangelists who see the calling placed on their lives actually do a lot of work for the advancement of the kingdom of God. At least they do if they're the real deal. The trick is to know the difference and be able to tell the real deal folks from the BS artists. But I wouldn't say one does more or any less in the eyes of God when it comes to how much work they put into serving the Lord. Again, we're talking about the for real people coming from a genuine place in their hearts.

But as someone else mentioned, it's good that you can sniff out the layers of wrong and get away.

[Edited 3/7/12 8:20am]

Hi Otten:

Well, I think some preachers DO approach this stuff as a hobby. They get to dress up, be Kings for a day (Sunday) and then they disappear into the other six days a week without helping anyone who is in distress (as evidenced by this pushy preacher dude). He basically is more interested in promoting his own BS stuff (meaning his business that he allegedly runs) than stopping to help someone in crisis. So, when I say hobby, I mean it, these knuckleheads are in it for the glory/fame/recognition of being a "Preacher/Reverend" etc but have zero HEART when it comes to really doing the WORK.

This is another reason I didn't want to date the pushy preacher dude because he seemed so wrapped up in the superficial but then seemed to act like a bitch when I didn't respond to his requests for my info, etc. He mos def wants in my pants but the fact that he has all those kids is a turn off. Along with that, his lack of compassion for another person in crisis because he's more interested in hooking up with me. He seems like an opportunist and a tyrannt and I really deserve better.

I'm still really worried about the puerto rican dude though. I wish I weren't but I seriously am....

Being picky is a very smart thing, don't let anyone tell you otherwise Less people would be in trouble if they knew what they wanted instead of always jumping in. I hope that other guy is okay and it's only natural to worry and care, maybe you can give him some numbers to call and let him know you care though you would like him to get the help you can't offer, though you can still be a support time to time and establish boundaries if you need to.

[Edited 3/7/12 9:04am]

alphastreet said:

Being picky is a very smart thing, don't let anyone tell you otherwise Less people would be in trouble if they knew what they wanted instead of always jumping in. I hope that other guy is okay and it's only natural to worry and care, maybe you can give him some numbers to call and let him know you care though you would like him to get the help you can't offer, though you can still be a support time to time and establish boundaries if you need to.

[Edited 3/7/12 9:04am]

And that I wholeheartedly agree with.

alphastreet said:

Being picky is a very smart thing, don't let anyone tell you otherwise Less people would be in trouble if they knew what they wanted instead of always jumping in. I hope that other guy is okay and it's only natural to worry and care, maybe you can give him some numbers to call and let him know you care though you would like him to get the help you can't offer, though you can still be a support time to time and establish boundaries if you need to.

[Edited 3/7/12 9:04am]

Thanks, Alpha

Yeah I've only been in one "serious" relationship my entire life but I seldom just date dudes because so many guys are tryfling and/or losers that I prefer to sit back and just really see if there's a decent one who puts in an effort to be a nice guy and whatnot.

As far as the other guy, yeah I have been worried about him for the past two months. One day in particular, I was really worried the whole day about the guy and sure enough he got arrested because he was acting reckless out in public, long story but he got arrested with another guy trying to start trouble. He has a court date next week and I went to a previous court date he had and at first he seemed happy to see me there but then after the hearing was over he was acting like he didn't want to talk to me again! It was really weird.

Perhaps he and I are both neurotic and made for each other:roll: I dunno, I feel like I can't just cut my heartstrings for this guy for some reason. Especially after seeing him last week looking sad and with a six-pack of beer in the middle of the day. I dunno, I feel bad for still feeling sorry for him.

[Edited 3/7/12 9:41am]

SeventeenDayze said:

Ottensen said:

[Edited 3/7/12 8:20am]

Hi Otten:

Well, I think some preachers DO approach this stuff as a hobby. They get to dress up, be Kings for a day (Sunday) and then they disappear into the other six days a week without helping anyone who is in distress (as evidenced by this pushy preacher dude). He basically is more interested in promoting his own BS stuff (meaning his business that he allegedly runs) than stopping to help someone in crisis. So, when I say hobby, I mean it, these knuckleheads are in it for the glory/fame/recognition of being a "Preacher/Reverend" etc but have zero HEART when it comes to really doing the WORK.

This is another reason I didn't want to date the pushy preacher dude because he seemed so wrapped up in the superficial but then seemed to act like a bitch when I didn't respond to his requests for my info, etc. He mos def wants in my pants but the fact that he has all those kids is a turn off. Along with that, his lack of compassion for another person in crisis because he's more interested in hooking up with me. He seems like an opportunist and a tyrannt and I really deserve better.

I'm still really worried about the puerto rican dude though. I wish I weren't but I seriously am....

Well, a few more questions:

Is he really a preacher from a church or one without a church- as in some random independent random self-professed preacher you're talking about? If the latter is true what sort of organization is he affiliated with that acts as the umbrella for his activities (please don't give an actual name rather than a description) Further, how in the hell did you meet him? Is this preacher from your church, if not what organization?

If the person is acting as an evangelist , working independently under an org. of his own creation then who knows why he's not responding to your requests to help the nuyorican, I don't know. I haven't read the whole thread an I don't know if you addressed that part of your saga yet.

However, as for preachers who are the ministerial shepherds of an actual church, they are normally salary workers who answer to a board of trustees and have a contractual duty- not to mention an ethical and spiritual duty- to provide what is called pastoral care to members of the congregation: Pastoral care is like crisis counseling/intervention, and when situations are above what they can provide, they point people in the direction of professionals that can. If your church leader is not doing this , then I would ask, where is the accountability on behalf of the church leaders and the rest of the congregation for having someone in place like this? And secondly, why in hell are you attending this church (if in fact this guy is from your church).

...People (ie Christians) have to be wiser with their spiritual choices, and who they look to for guidance, man

That being said, you have thankfully figured out whoever this man is, he's a crackpot. Good. but how and why exactly did you bring up that Papi dude to him? No point to that whatsoever.

and by the way, I hate the Otten. Hate it.

SeventeenDayze said:

alphastreet said:

Being picky is a very smart thing, don't let anyone tell you otherwise Less people would be in trouble if they knew what they wanted instead of always jumping in. I hope that other guy is okay and it's only natural to worry and care, maybe you can give him some numbers to call and let him know you care though you would like him to get the help you can't offer, though you can still be a support time to time and establish boundaries if you need to.

[Edited 3/7/12 9:04am]

Thanks, Alpha

Yeah I've only been in one "serious" relationship my entire life but I seldom just date dudes because so many guys are tryfling and/or losers that I prefer to sit back and just really see if there's a decent one who puts in an effort to be a nice guy and whatnot.

As far as the other guy, yeah I have been worried about him for the past two months. One day in particular, I was really worried the whole day about the guy and sure enough he got arrested because he was acting reckless out in public, long story but he got arrested with another guy trying to start trouble. He has a court date next week and I went to a previous court date he had and at first he seemed happy to see me there but then after the hearing was over he was acting like he didn't want to talk to me again! It was really weird.

Perhaps he and I are both neurotic and made for each other:roll: I dunno, I feel like I can't just cut my heartstrings for this guy for some reason. Especially after seeing him last week looking sad and with a six-pack of beer in the middle of the day. I dunno, I feel bad for still feeling sorry for him.

[Edited 3/7/12 9:41am]

I guess he felt embarassed and wanted space after court, it may have not been personal at all. It's only natural to feel sorry for him, but you would feel sorry for a friend you're not into like that too if they were suffering, I'm not sure if it has to do with necessarily liking him or not.

Ottensen said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Hi Otten:

Well, I think some preachers DO approach this stuff as a hobby. They get to dress up, be Kings for a day (Sunday) and then they disappear into the other six days a week without helping anyone who is in distress (as evidenced by this pushy preacher dude). He basically is more interested in promoting his own BS stuff (meaning his business that he allegedly runs) than stopping to help someone in crisis. So, when I say hobby, I mean it, these knuckleheads are in it for the glory/fame/recognition of being a "Preacher/Reverend" etc but have zero HEART when it comes to really doing the WORK.

This is another reason I didn't want to date the pushy preacher dude because he seemed so wrapped up in the superficial but then seemed to act like a bitch when I didn't respond to his requests for my info, etc. He mos def wants in my pants but the fact that he has all those kids is a turn off. Along with that, his lack of compassion for another person in crisis because he's more interested in hooking up with me. He seems like an opportunist and a tyrannt and I really deserve better.

I'm still really worried about the puerto rican dude though. I wish I weren't but I seriously am....

Well, a few more questions:

Is he really a preacher from a church or one without a church- as in some random independent random self-professed preacher you're talking about? If the latter is true what sort of organization is he affiliated with that acts as the umbrella for his activities (please don't give an actual name rather than a description) Further, how in the hell did you meet him? Is this preacher from your church, if not what organization?

If the person is acting as an evangelist , working independently under an org. of his own creation then who knows why he's not responding to your requests to help the nuyorican, I don't know. I haven't read the whole thread an I don't know if you addressed that part of your saga yet.

However, as for preachers who are the ministerial shepherds of an actual church, they are normally salary workers who answer to a board of trustees and have a contractual duty- not to mention an ethical and spiritual duty- to provide what is called pastoral care to members of the congregation: Pastoral care is like crisis counseling/intervention, and when situations are above what they can provide, they point people in the direction of professionals that can. If your church leader is not doing this , then I would ask, where is the accountability on behalf of the church leaders and the rest of the congregation for having someone in place like this? And secondly, why in hell are you attending this church (if in fact this guy is from your church).

...People (ie Christians) have to be wiser with their spiritual choices, and who they look to for guidance, man

That being said, you have thankfully figured out whoever this man is, he's a crackpot. Good. but how and why exactly did you bring up that Papi dude to him? No point to that whatsoever.

and by the way, I hate the Otten. Hate it.

No, I do not attend this guy's church. He's an assistant pastor at a church that his family has operated for a very long time. We met at a community event.

He texted me asking me how I was doing and I told him that I was worried about someone who is going through a crisis. Yes. Rev. Crackpot as you call him is really one of those types I think who is more concerned with just building himself up and doesn't really care about others. He just had this approach with me like I was just "prospect nanny/sex partner" rather than really seeming interested in me...

As for what Alpha wrote, yes, perhaps he was feeling embarrassed. A mutual friend of ours was talking to me yesterday telling me how this guy was in really bad shape. The mutual friend (and many other people) just say that the nuyorican dude is a faker, phony, etc. and people have just ditched him like it's nothing. I dunno, reminds me of why I prefer to keep my circle of friends very, very small.

I don't know what to think. When the PR dude had his court date a few weeks ago, I was the only one who showed up to support him, besides this other older lady in the community that was hoping he'd hook her up with free housing. Now, she emails me telling me how much she hates him too!!!

Should I go to his court date next week?

SeventeenDayze said:

alphastreet said:

Being picky is a very smart thing, don't let anyone tell you otherwise Less people would be in trouble if they knew what they wanted instead of always jumping in. I hope that other guy is okay and it's only natural to worry and care, maybe you can give him some numbers to call and let him know you care though you would like him to get the help you can't offer, though you can still be a support time to time and establish boundaries if you need to.

[Edited 3/7/12 9:04am]

Thanks, Alpha

Yeah I've only been in one "serious" relationship my entire life but I seldom just date dudes because so many guys are tryfling and/or losers that I prefer to sit back and just really see if there's a decent one who puts in an effort to be a nice guy and whatnot.

As far as the other guy, yeah I have been worried about him for the past two months. One day in particular, I was really worried the whole day about the guy and sure enough he got arrested because he was acting reckless out in public, long story but he got arrested with another guy trying to start trouble. He has a court date next week and I went to a previous court date he had and at first he seemed happy to see me there but then after the hearing was over he was acting like he didn't want to talk to me again! It was really weird.

Perhaps he and I are both neurotic and made for each other:roll: I dunno, I feel like I can't just cut my heartstrings for this guy for some reason. Especially after seeing him last week looking sad and with a six-pack of beer in the middle of the day. I dunno, I feel bad for still feeling sorry for him.

[Edited 3/7/12 9:41am]

So from the Preacher back to Papi Chulo.

Again?

Really?

I thought two months ago you were filing a police report on him? When did this court date take place? I thought you two only communicated by text? How did you find out he was having a court date before? Did he ask you to come?

Again, this is all very far out, and not adding up.

And if you're so all-falling-out genuinely concerned about him, and not imagining this scenario in your head or possibly harassing him (as some of our wiser orgers brought up in the last 2/5 threads about this person), what is the friggin' issue with calling him already?

You claim have his phone number. You can't call him like a grown woman?

You claim he's tried to make you jealous at work, has tried to be around you.

You claim you went to the police to file a report on him.

You claim you've exchanged texts about loving and hating each other.

Your claim interactions together at work have brought your job higher-ups to force you into office mediation, and have people in the office question if you've slept together.

You claim that you contacted his family and his teachers because of what you've heard about his descent into drugs and alcohol...without his knowing or permission.

At this stage of the game, I don't understand what is standing in the way of meeting or having a coffee with this dude. If you've been through alllll of this, to extend an olive branch or express your feelings shouldn't be a big deal at this point, so I'm wondering what's in the way?

Either some things being embellished, or you're leaving more things out As usual, nothing adds up here, and it makes you sound like you're baiting (him, us, and everybody else), just like you admitted to justerin on the last thread, and admitted you want to do to him to get his attention this thread . So you're so concerned, why don't you call him directly? Meet him somewhere. It's not that hard if you two are in love-hate, right? Otherwise, I call BS...and I still don't believe you're over 30

Ottensen said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Thanks, Alpha

Yeah I've only been in one "serious" relationship my entire life but I seldom just date dudes because so many guys are tryfling and/or losers that I prefer to sit back and just really see if there's a decent one who puts in an effort to be a nice guy and whatnot.

As far as the other guy, yeah I have been worried about him for the past two months. One day in particular, I was really worried the whole day about the guy and sure enough he got arrested because he was acting reckless out in public, long story but he got arrested with another guy trying to start trouble. He has a court date next week and I went to a previous court date he had and at first he seemed happy to see me there but then after the hearing was over he was acting like he didn't want to talk to me again! It was really weird.

Perhaps he and I are both neurotic and made for each other:roll: I dunno, I feel like I can't just cut my heartstrings for this guy for some reason. Especially after seeing him last week looking sad and with a six-pack of beer in the middle of the day. I dunno, I feel bad for still feeling sorry for him.

[Edited 3/7/12 9:41am]

So from the Preacher back to Papi Chulo.

Again?

Really?

I thought two months ago you were filing a police report on him? When did this court date take place? I thought you two only communicated by text? How did you find out he was having a court date before? Did he ask you to come?

Again, this is all very far out, and not adding up.

And if you're so all-falling-out genuinely concerned about him, and not imagining this scenario in your head or possibly harassing him (as some of our wiser orgers brought up in the last 2/5 threads about this person), what is the friggin' issue with calling him already?

You claim have his phone number. You can't call him like a grown woman?

You claim he's tried to make you jealous at work, has tried to be around you.

You claim you went to the police to file a report on him.

You claim you've exchanged texts about loving and hating each other.

Your claim interactions together at work have brought your job higher-ups to force you into office mediation, and have people in the office question if you've slept together.

You claim that you contacted his family and his teachers because of what you've heard about his descent into drugs and alcohol...without his knowing or permission.

At this stage of the game, I don't understand what is standing in the way of meeting or having a coffee with this dude. If you've been through alllll of this, to extend an olive branch or express your feelings shouldn't be a big deal at this point, so I'm wondering what's in the way?

Either some things being embellished, or you're leaving more things out As usual, nothing adds up here, and it makes you sound like you're baiting (him, us, and everybody else), just like you admitted to justerin on the last thread, and admitted you want to do to him to get his attention this thread . So you're so concerned, why don't you call him directly? Meet him somewhere. It's not that hard if you two are in love-hate, right? Otherwise, I call BS...and I still don't believe you're over 30

An email went out to all of us letting us know that he got arrested, that's how I found out. The police report had nothing to do with his arrest. He was arrested in a separate incident BEFORE I had to contact the police about the crazy ass threatening text message he sent. AFTER that, I heard about his drinking and drugging, which I wasn't sure it was true but then later found out it IS TRUE.

Excuse me but what person struggling with alcohol and drugs will just up and "give permission" to give them tough love. Dude is binging on drugs and alcohol, for crying out loud!

I have no idea what is "in the way" with him. If you don't believe any of this then that's YOUR problem not mine. I am genuinely worried about someone who is really struggling and has been for the past few months.

I won't acknowledge any of your posts anymore, for the sake of my own sanity. Thanks.

SeventeenDayze said:

Ottensen said:

So from the Preacher back to Papi Chulo.

Again?

Really?

I thought two months ago you were filing a police report on him? When did this court date take place? I thought you two only communicated by text? How did you find out he was having a court date before? Did he ask you to come?

Again, this is all very far out, and not adding up.

And if you're so all-falling-out genuinely concerned about him, and not imagining this scenario in your head or possibly harassing him (as some of our wiser orgers brought up in the last 2/5 threads about this person), what is the friggin' issue with calling him already?

You claim have his phone number. You can't call him like a grown woman?

You claim he's tried to make you jealous at work, has tried to be around you.

You claim you went to the police to file a report on him.

You claim you've exchanged texts about loving and hating each other.

Your claim interactions together at work have brought your job higher-ups to force you into office mediation, and have people in the office question if you've slept together.

You claim that you contacted his family and his teachers because of what you've heard about his descent into drugs and alcohol...without his knowing or permission.

At this stage of the game, I don't understand what is standing in the way of meeting or having a coffee with this dude. If you've been through alllll of this, to extend an olive branch or express your feelings shouldn't be a big deal at this point, so I'm wondering what's in the way?

Either some things being embellished, or you're leaving more things out As usual, nothing adds up here, and it makes you sound like you're baiting (him, us, and everybody else), just like you admitted to justerin on the last thread, and admitted you want to do to him to get his attention this thread . So you're so concerned, why don't you call him directly? Meet him somewhere. It's not that hard if you two are in love-hate, right? Otherwise, I call BS...and I still don't believe you're over 30

An email went out to all of us letting us know that he got arrested, that's how I found out. The police report had nothing to do with his arrest. He was arrested in a separate incident BEFORE I had to contact the police about the crazy ass threatening text message he sent. AFTER that, I heard about his drinking and drugging, which I wasn't sure it was true but then later found out it IS TRUE.

Excuse me but what person struggling with alcohol and drugs will just up and "give permission" to give them tough love. Dude is binging on drugs and alcohol, for crying out loud!

I have no idea what is "in the way" with him. If you don't believe any of this then that's YOUR problem not mine. I am genuinely worried about someone who is really struggling and has been for the past few months.

I won't acknowledge any of your posts anymore, for the sake of my own sanity. Thanks.

That's too bad because I feel that Ottensen asked you genuine questions in a respectful way about situations that you came here to share with us.

It is an open forum and you should expect people to want you to explain yourself so that we can help you sort through that mess you describe. It really is a messy situation.

You run hot and cold with that Rican dude, and you say you want to help him but have done things to hurt him. Your story doesn't add up to most people here. Its just a fact.

Don't get upset now, you opened yourself up to dialog about your dealings with these men.

Why are you so defensive when its simply honest questions on what you presented?

You don't have to answer me, but IF you are genuine and honest about what you have presented then there should be no problem in answering/explaining your situation so that we can all come to a better understanding of WHY things are the way they are so that you can get better answers to these situations.

Ottensen said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Thanks, Alpha

Yeah I've only been in one "serious" relationship my entire life but I seldom just date dudes because so many guys are tryfling and/or losers that I prefer to sit back and just really see if there's a decent one who puts in an effort to be a nice guy and whatnot.

As far as the other guy, yeah I have been worried about him for the past two months. One day in particular, I was really worried the whole day about the guy and sure enough he got arrested because he was acting reckless out in public, long story but he got arrested with another guy trying to start trouble. He has a court date next week and I went to a previous court date he had and at first he seemed happy to see me there but then after the hearing was over he was acting like he didn't want to talk to me again! It was really weird.

Perhaps he and I are both neurotic and made for each other:roll: I dunno, I feel like I can't just cut my heartstrings for this guy for some reason. Especially after seeing him last week looking sad and with a six-pack of beer in the middle of the day. I dunno, I feel bad for still feeling sorry for him.

[Edited 3/7/12 9:41am]

So from the Preacher back to Papi Chulo.

Again?

Really?

I thought two months ago you were filing a police report on him? When did this court date take place? I thought you two only communicated by text? How did you find out he was having a court date before? Did he ask you to come?

Again, this is all very far out, and not adding up.

And if you're so all-falling-out genuinely concerned about him, and not imagining this scenario in your head or possibly harassing him (as some of our wiser orgers brought up in the last 2/5 threads about this person), what is the friggin' issue with calling him already?

You claim have his phone number. You can't call him like a grown woman?

You claim he's tried to make you jealous at work, has tried to be around you.

You claim you went to the police to file a report on him.

You claim you've exchanged texts about loving and hating each other.

Your claim interactions together at work have brought your job higher-ups to force you into office mediation, and have people in the office question if you've slept together.

You claim that you contacted his family and his teachers because of what you've heard about his descent into drugs and alcohol...without his knowing or permission.

At this stage of the game, I don't understand what is standing in the way of meeting or having a coffee with this dude. If you've been through alllll of this, to extend an olive branch or express your feelings shouldn't be a big deal at this point, so I'm wondering what's in the way?

Either some things being embellished, or you're leaving more things out As usual, nothing adds up here, and it makes you sound like you're baiting (him, us, and everybody else), just like you admitted to justerin on the last thread, and admitted you want to do to him to get his attention this thread . So you're so concerned, why don't you call him directly? Meet him somewhere. It's not that hard if you two are in love-hate, right? Otherwise, I call BS...and I still don't believe you're over 30

Yep.

It's a good thing some folks have finesse and patience in this world to take the time to try and get a better understanding, me, when something gets to this point I throw up my hands and walk away.

SeventeenDayze said:

Ottensen said:

So from the Preacher back to Papi Chulo.

Again?

Really?

I thought two months ago you were filing a police report on him? When did this court date take place? I thought you two only communicated by text? How did you find out he was having a court date before? Did he ask you to come?

Again, this is all very far out, and not adding up.

And if you're so all-falling-out genuinely concerned about him, and not imagining this scenario in your head or possibly harassing him (as some of our wiser orgers brought up in the last 2/5 threads about this person), what is the friggin' issue with calling him already?

You claim have his phone number. You can't call him like a grown woman?

You claim he's tried to make you jealous at work, has tried to be around you.

You claim you went to the police to file a report on him.

You claim you've exchanged texts about loving and hating each other.

Your claim interactions together at work have brought your job higher-ups to force you into office mediation, and have people in the office question if you've slept together.

You claim that you contacted his family and his teachers because of what you've heard about his descent into drugs and alcohol...without his knowing or permission.

At this stage of the game, I don't understand what is standing in the way of meeting or having a coffee with this dude. If you've been through alllll of this, to extend an olive branch or express your feelings shouldn't be a big deal at this point, so I'm wondering what's in the way?

Either some things being embellished, or you're leaving more things out As usual, nothing adds up here, and it makes you sound like you're baiting (him, us, and everybody else), just like you admitted to justerin on the last thread, and admitted you want to do to him to get his attention this thread . So you're so concerned, why don't you call him directly? Meet him somewhere. It's not that hard if you two are in love-hate, right? Otherwise, I call BS...and I still don't believe you're over 30

An email went out to all of us letting us know that he got arrested, that's how I found out. The police report had nothing to do with his arrest. He was arrested in a separate incident BEFORE I had to contact the police about the crazy ass threatening text message he sent. AFTER that, I heard about his drinking and drugging, which I wasn't sure it was true but then later found out it IS TRUE.

Excuse me but what person struggling with alcohol and drugs will just up and "give permission" to give them tough love. Dude is binging on drugs and alcohol, for crying out loud!

I have no idea what is "in the way" with him. If you don't believe any of this then that's YOUR problem not mine. I am genuinely worried about someone who is really struggling and has been for the past few months.

I won't acknowledge any of your posts anymore, for the sake of my own sanity. Thanks.

I remember the police report, but this court date thing is yet another climatic moment in the saga, and I wasn't referring to the timing of events rather than this all being a roller coaster ride of soap operatic proportions.

Why are you chasing a man who has given you such a hard time (threatening messages and the like)?

If it's true that there is some kind of connection you share with this hot cold behavior you have together, again you have not answered the question, what is in the way of you calling him and asking to meet? Again, because you claim you care so much.

And you can acknowledge the post or not, but make no mistake whether or not I believe you really isn't my problem. My dude is sitting across the room from me and life is fine. You however, will continue to be in this mess long after this thread is gone, and as you keep reaching out for advice, you can't be defensive when people ask you for proper information to try and piece it all together to help. Do you want help or not, or do you want to stew in confusion? Trust me, your sanity does not depend on whether or not you acknowledge my posts: it depends on whether or not you will be honest with yourself and others , and choose to live a life of clarity with wise decision making and good choices.

The preacher dude texted me early this afternoon and he wants to talk...I didn't respond to him. He seems persistent but I just can't get over the three kids thing. Maybe it's the solar flares going on and the full moon but it seems like guys are coming out of the woodwork lately to talk to me but I'm not really in the mood to date right now. I dunno, my heart doesn't warm up quickly or very often...I dunno just doesn't feel right with this guy.

SeventeenDayze said:

The preacher dude texted me early this afternoon and he wants to talk...I didn't respond to him. He seems persistent but I just can't get over the three kids thing. Maybe it's the solar flares going on and the full moon but it seems like guys are coming out of the woodwork lately to talk to me but I'm not really in the mood to date right now. I dunno, my heart doesn't warm up quickly or very often...I dunno just doesn't feel right with this guy.

Listen to your gut. Your subconscious is trying to tell you something.

Shyra said:

SeventeenDayze said:

The preacher dude texted me early this afternoon and he wants to talk...I didn't respond to him. He seems persistent but I just can't get over the three kids thing. Maybe it's the solar flares going on and the full moon but it seems like guys are coming out of the woodwork lately to talk to me but I'm not really in the mood to date right now. I dunno, my heart doesn't warm up quickly or very often...I dunno just doesn't feel right with this guy.

Listen to your gut. Your subconscious is trying to tell you something.

Yeah sometimes I'm tired of being single but I'd rather not be bothered with psychos...In the past few weeks, I've been approached by guys like preacherman and also the other day some dude who tried to holler at me while I was walking the dog. Dude was telling me about his tiny apartment and how he wished he had a "real bedroom" but now has an airmattress but has the place nicely decorated. Needless to say, I kept it moving...*sigh*

This right here.....is why I'm alone.

Can't stand this kinda drama. I don't know how you do it....

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

This right here.....is why I'm alone.

Can't stand this kinda drama. I don't know how you do it....

Please go back and read what I wrote....I really avoid dating because of all the non-sense that guys these days try to pass off as reality Oh well, maybe when I'm like 99 years old I'll meet a nice dude

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

This right here.....is why I'm alone.

Can't stand this kinda drama. I don't know how you do it....

I know how you feel. Like SeventeenDayze, I like my independence though I also feel there are too many problems with guys when dating.

SeventeenDayze said:

The preacher dude texted me early this afternoon and he wants to talk...I didn't respond to him. He seems persistent but I just can't get over the three kids thing. Maybe it's the solar flares going on and the full moon but it seems like guys are coming out of the woodwork lately to talk to me but I'm not really in the mood to date right now. I dunno, my heart doesn't warm up quickly or very often...I dunno just doesn't feel right with this guy.

I dont understand why you cant just tell him that? Why are you playing games with him? Stop dangling these men along and give them CONCRETE answers... you are all adults... Supposedly...

alphastreet said:

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

This right here.....is why I'm alone.

Can't stand this kinda drama. I don't know how you do it....

I know how you feel. Like SeventeenDayze, I like my independence though I also feel there are too many problems with guys when dating.

Yeah it's been light years since I've been in a relationship for that reason. I just don't like all the heartbreak, effort, etc. for something that seems to be so fleeting...

The preacher dude hasn't bothered me today thankfully but I'm really worried about the puerto rican guy still. It's hard to describe. I've never been so worried for, emotionally "stirred up" by a guy like this in my whole life...it's very confusing. A part of me just can't stand him and a part of me loves him so much, I hate it!

Hey everyone, even though I first posted this like a month ago, this preacher dude still wants to go out with me. I mean, he's got three kids under age 13 and I don't have kids at all. It seems like he's a go getter and whatnot but I'm really skeptical. I'm also getting sick of being by myself but is it going to be early impossible to find a guy over a certain age who DOESN'T have kids or whatever?

The Puerto Rican guy that I was writing about earlier have on/off email fights but he refuses to get mediation when it's offered to him. So like, that's the only other guy that seemed to be around.

I don't want to do online dating again EVER and I'm not into just talking to guys at coffee shops or whatever. I haven't been to a nightclub in ages and I'm not much for picking up guys at church (because most are out of my age range, married, or on the other team).

Is it just too late for me?