To answer your question, Dan, a history of distraction, compromise and cowardice has landed me where I am. But more recently, taking inventory and facing certain risks is getting me back on course.

Lammastide said:

Coward.

2the9s said:

That dude may lack a backbone, but he's charming despite. Despite the fact that he's kind of a pussy and all that is.

Lammastide said:

Childhood, trauma and bad doctors...that's how. I don't intend to stay here for much longer though

Teacher said:

I read your story.
heartbreaking and inspirational. The resilience of children sometimes amazes me

Imago said:

Thank you Didn't mean to put a damper on your thread. I'm all ready to get up outta this rut but I unfortunately need medical help to do it, stabilising meds. Then I'm all ready to go places.

My mom and I packed up our clothes and drove from Maryland to Florida when I was 12 without telling a soul except my Aunt that lived here in Florida. We came to live with my aunt, uncle and cousin for a long while. Until my mom could save up enough to support us then we moved about a lot sort of hiding from my dad because he used to try to take me from school to get back at my mom. Finally after the courts ordered him to stay out of Florida we settled a bit. Since it had been just her and I for so long- I was always afraid to leave here because we were all each other had. My mom moved to Tennessee last year so finally I can get out of this state that I have pretty much hated since the Sunday in August that we arrived on my Aunts doorstep many many years ago. I still remember it like it was yesterday....


goodbye Florida...Finally!!

shanti0608 said:

I'm so happy that you're able to live the life you want too, where you choose too

my time is coming...

I'll skip most of the depressing stuff.

Went to college with big dreams.
Finished college owing tons of money in student loans. dream dead.
Left my mother's house because she drove me crazy and went to live with dad.
work. work. work. work.
got my first apartment.
illness almost caused me to lose my place.
work some more.
Got a nicer place. Did some small-scale traveling.
Enjoyed life and friends.
Met a man who turned me on. Fell in "near-love".
Made a bad decision. Got pregnant. He abandoned me and then he died.

Had baby.
Derailed my whole life.
Decided to get a nicer place in a wayyyy nicer neighborhood to raise my kid.
5+ years of celibacy, depression, etc.
Got lonely (horny) but hated to admit it.
Met a lady who turned me on.
Tried to avoid being turned on.
Denied being turned on.
Found out I turned her on.
Did "it" with lady.
Still doing "it" with lady.
Starting to travel again (with son) and slowly beginning to enjoy life again.

statuesqque said:

Well I have stayed here 24 years...some of the years I had no choice because I was young but once I was old enough I stayed because of my mom but was rarely ever happy- usually not even content but felt too guilty to leave.
I feel like the time is now - so I am going for it!

Your time is coming too missy- you are a beautiful person

alwayslate said:

Some times it takes small steps that just move us in a new positive direction.


You are a true survivor and I admire you

shanti0608 said:

OMG I know exactly what you mean, what made it bad for me is both my parents knew it and preyed on my guilty feelings about leaving. I moved out and out of state to TX seven years ago but a series of illness w/both, Katrina and more guilt/manipulation from them kept me near. BUT in this past year I have reconciled all guilt and other issues they preyed upon... my time starts now.

YaY US!!!

and I HATE TX!!
[Edited 8/4/07 19:08pm]

statuesqque said:

YAY US is right !!!

I do wish you lived in Florida so we could meet before we move on.
Each year for 24 years I have said- sooner or later you will learn to like it here, maybe it will be next year.
I did move an hour north a few years ago and liked it a little better but now that my mom is gone I am more alone than ever which has really shown me that indeed it is time to move on. My mom just wishes I was not moving so far away.

shanti0608 said:

I tell myself the same thing about Texas... I'm still waiting. My parents will feel the same way...well, it won't be without drama but damn it's time. I so happy for you though and you're moving across the pond... man, you're so lucky

Oh lawd. Do I HAVE to answer?

shanti0608 said:

It's all good. I just had to let go of my regrets, guilt and hang ups (some of the hang ups). They were killing me. It was time for me to move on and do something just for me for once.
I hope everybody can do that. Shrug the shit off and get on with living.

statuesqque said:

Best wishes to you my friend

Insecurity.

Ok.....here we go....

-parents divorced when I was 5, raised by Dad w/3 older sisters....
-smart, bordering on freakishly so, but easily bored, so didn't get the grades necessary to go to my dream college, UCLA
-joined the Army at 17, got stationed in Germany for 2 and got out of the military in 1988; got busted 3 ranks and held in correctional custody for 30 days for drug use, and was a general pain in the ass to my leadership (side bonus: I got lots of booty.... )
-left the military to hook up with "the love of my life" at that time...we were gonna go to Xavier U. in N.O. together, live together... she broke up with me 2 months after I got back home....
-got married in 1991 after the conception of my second child (son was 2 months old), worked in retail and other jobs for the 8 years after I got out and pretty much did everything I could to ruin both aspects of my life....I was an ass for lack of a better term..
-rejoined the Army in 1996, where I've rediscovered my passions and my career...applied myself like I should've the first time and I've been pretty successful....finished my associates and working on my bachelors...
-deployed now...and for the third time since the war started in 2004...but eyeing my full retirement in 5 years....AND managed, along the way, to fix my marriage, get my kids' minds right about school and their parents, and to get comfortable with myself again....

Drugs.

I always tease my husband about this.

If it wasn't for ecstasy I would DEFINETLY be living a totally different life than I am now.

roodboi said:

....whoa

Imago said:

I couldn't see or hear that good...so i got there very carefully. hope to stay there tho.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

I'd marry you, even if I wasn't high.

HamsterHuey said:

We'd make an awesome team.

alwayslate said:

I LOVE THIS STORY!!!!!

Cloudbuster said:

Met a woman online in the last '90s
Moved to Detroit
Broke up with said woman a week after 9/11
Got job at newspaper in Toledo

So that's why I'm here...