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Thread started 02/22/12 11:57am

Dave1992

Ladies: a stranger walks over and starts talking to you

Of course it depends on when, where, who and how, but how do you basically react?

Is the first thing that comes to your mind that his goal is to have sex with you?

Does your self-defence-mechanism react?

Are you open to strangers talking to you and don't suspect anything "dangerous"?

Then: when, where, who and how does it have to happen in order to make you completely open and simply up for a chat? Not up for getting laid or anything, simply able to answer questions and be interested in asking questions too, in a friendly manner.

I'm asking, because I find it quite sad how many women are completely surprised, nervous or actually ignorant and mean when a man approaches them with a smile on his face and simply wants to talk. Is that too implausible for you to trust?

I mean, yes, I probably would sleep with the women I walk over to and start talking with, but I can honestly say that is never my first intention. I just like pretty things and I'm interested in the character of some people, especially good-looking women.

Needless to say, I'm always as careful and innocent and possible (sometimes my way of approaching may be "too much", because I can probably seem quite "direct", "straight-forward" and "unconventional" in the way I talk), but it still amazes me how many women find it hard to simply let go and trust a man's good intention and willingness to simply talk, because he finds you interesting.

Tell me about your experiences and thoughts, please!

[Edited 2/22/12 11:57am]

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Reply #1 posted 02/22/12 12:08pm

Genesia

avatar

Dave1992 said:

Of course it depends on when, where, who and how, but how do you basically react?

Is the first thing that comes to your mind that his goal is to have sex with you?

Does your self-defence-mechanism react?

Are you open to strangers talking to you and don't suspect anything "dangerous"?

Then: when, where, who and how does it have to happen in order to make you completely open and simply up for a chat? Not up for getting laid or anything, simply able to answer questions and be interested in asking questions too, in a friendly manner.

I'm asking, because I find it quite sad how many women are completely surprised, nervous or actually ignorant and mean when a man approaches them with a smile on his face and simply wants to talk. Is that too implausible for you to trust?

I mean, yes, I probably would sleep with the women I walk over to and start talking with, but I can honestly say that is never my first intention. I just like pretty things and I'm interested in the character of some people, especially good-looking women.

Needless to say, I'm always as careful and innocent and possible (sometimes my way of approaching may be "too much", because I can probably seem quite "direct", "straight-forward" and "unconventional" in the way I talk), but it still amazes me how many women find it hard to simply let go and trust a man's good intention and willingness to simply talk, because he finds you interesting.

Tell me about your experiences and thoughts, please!


Yeah, women love being viewed as "things."

We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves.
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Reply #2 posted 02/22/12 12:15pm

Lisa10

Is the first thing that comes to your mind that his goal is to have sex with you?

No, not at all. I'm not that confident about myself.

But if he approaches me with an erection in his hand I might think otherwise smile

Does your self-defence-mechanism react?

Not really.


Are you open to strangers talking to you and don't suspect anything "dangerous"?

It doesn't bother me. I usually can't be arsed to chit-chat with complete strangers in a queue or on a bus or whatever. That rarely happens with me though, unless i'm with my kids.

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Reply #3 posted 02/22/12 12:17pm

PurpleJedi

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Lisa10 said:

Is the first thing that comes to your mind that his goal is to have sex with you?

No, not at all. I'm not that confident about myself.

But if he approaches me with an erection in his hand I might think otherwise smile

falloff

"...hey...what's a beautiful woman like you doing all alone in a beautiful place like this...?" (kudos to anyone who gets the Eddie Murphy reference)

By St. Boogar and all the saints at the backside door of Purgatory!
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Reply #4 posted 02/22/12 12:26pm

Dave1992

Genesia said:

Dave1992 said:

Of course it depends on when, where, who and how, but how do you basically react?

Is the first thing that comes to your mind that his goal is to have sex with you?

Does your self-defence-mechanism react?

Are you open to strangers talking to you and don't suspect anything "dangerous"?

Then: when, where, who and how does it have to happen in order to make you completely open and simply up for a chat? Not up for getting laid or anything, simply able to answer questions and be interested in asking questions too, in a friendly manner.

I'm asking, because I find it quite sad how many women are completely surprised, nervous or actually ignorant and mean when a man approaches them with a smile on his face and simply wants to talk. Is that too implausible for you to trust?

I mean, yes, I probably would sleep with the women I walk over to and start talking with, but I can honestly say that is never my first intention. I just like pretty things and I'm interested in the character of some people, especially good-looking women.

Needless to say, I'm always as careful and innocent and possible (sometimes my way of approaching may be "too much", because I can probably seem quite "direct", "straight-forward" and "unconventional" in the way I talk), but it still amazes me how many women find it hard to simply let go and trust a man's good intention and willingness to simply talk, because he finds you interesting.

Tell me about your experiences and thoughts, please!


Yeah, women love being viewed as "things."

Is this seriously all you got from this? lol

Do you really not understand that "I like pretty things" simply means I like things, objects, animals, melodies, scents, tastes AND people that are pretty?

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Reply #5 posted 02/22/12 12:29pm

Genesia

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Dave1992 said:

Genesia said:

Yeah, women love being viewed as "things."

Is this seriously all you got from this? lol

Do you really not understand that "I like pretty things" simply means I like things, objects, animals, melodies, scents, tastes AND people that are pretty?

I think it's pretty clear that you don't get it, if you lump women in with objects and animals.

Ah, youth.

We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves.
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Reply #6 posted 02/22/12 12:30pm

Dave1992

Lisa10 said:

Is the first thing that comes to your mind that his goal is to have sex with you?

No, not at all. I'm not that confident about myself.

But if he approaches me with an erection in his hand I might think otherwise smile

Does your self-defence-mechanism react?

Not really.


Are you open to strangers talking to you and don't suspect anything "dangerous"?

It doesn't bother me. I usually can't be arsed to chit-chat with complete strangers in a queue or on a bus or whatever. That rarely happens with me though, unless i'm with my kids.

lol

Well, I'm not talking about "chit-chatting", though. I hate small talk about the wheather and what not, especially with strangers.

When I go over to talk to someone I think looks interesting, I usually pose not so conventional questions. I can't think of a good example right now, but I'm definitely not going "by the books" of "how to get to know someone". It depends on what the person is doing etc. If someone has an iPod lying next to them I would ask something like "does music make you happy? Does it also make you cry sometimes?" because things like that is what I'm really interested in and it says much more about the person. Whether and how they answer also says a lot. Some questions might be too personal, probably, but I rarely go over the really personal or even sexual border...

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Reply #7 posted 02/22/12 12:32pm

Dave1992

Genesia said:

Dave1992 said:

Is this seriously all you got from this? lol

Do you really not understand that "I like pretty things" simply means I like things, objects, animals, melodies, scents, tastes AND people that are pretty?

I think it's pretty clear that you don't get it, if you lump women in with objects and animals.

Ah, youth.

disbelief

"Aesthetics". It's what artists draw when they draw women.

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Reply #8 posted 02/22/12 12:38pm

Genesia

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Dave1992 said:

Genesia said:

I think it's pretty clear that you don't get it, if you lump women in with objects and animals.

Ah, youth.

disbelief

"Aesthetics". It's what artists draw when they draw women.

Women are more than the sum of their physical parts, Dave. We can tell when the physical is what you are drawn to/after.

And any artist worth his or her salt tries to capture the inner life of the subject. It isn't just about trying to reproduce the subject's physical appearance.

We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves.
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Reply #9 posted 02/22/12 12:49pm

NDRU

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Genesia said:

Dave1992 said:

disbelief

"Aesthetics". It's what artists draw when they draw women.

Women are more than the sum of their physical parts, Dave. We can tell when the physical is what you are drawn to/after.

And any artist worth his or her salt tries to capture the inner life of the subject. It isn't just about trying to reproduce the subject's physical appearance.

I think a lot of men do the same thing in normal life, even if they don't realize it. There is a certain random-ness to attraction where some "pretty things" are more attractive to certain men than others, and I think that is a reflection of this inner quality that you're talking about that is expressed on the surface.

Perhaps stating it as being attracted to "pretty things" is a bit shallow and insulting, but I don't think that is really all that is going on when a man singles out a woman that he would like to talk to.

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Reply #10 posted 02/22/12 1:00pm

Genesia

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NDRU said:

Genesia said:

Women are more than the sum of their physical parts, Dave. We can tell when the physical is what you are drawn to/after.

And any artist worth his or her salt tries to capture the inner life of the subject. It isn't just about trying to reproduce the subject's physical appearance.

I think a lot of men do the same thing in normal life, even if they don't realize it. There is a certain random-ness to attraction where some "pretty things" are more attractive to certain men than others, and I think that is a reflection of this inner quality that you're talking about that is expressed on the surface.

Perhaps stating it as being attracted to "pretty things" is a bit shallow and insulting, but I don't think that is really all that is going on when a man singles out a woman that he would like to talk to.

Nor do I. But expressing it that way...and then admitting to asking questions like, "[D]oes music make you happy? Does it also make you cry sometimes?" (right out of the gate, no less) gives me the creeps.

And something tells me (given the fact that a thread was started about it), that it's creeping out some of the women he's approaching, too.

We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves.
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Reply #11 posted 02/22/12 1:08pm

Dave1992

Genesia said:

Dave1992 said:

disbelief

"Aesthetics". It's what artists draw when they draw women.

Women are more than the sum of their physical parts, Dave. We can tell when the physical is what you are drawn to/after.

And any artist worth his or her salt tries to capture the inner life of the subject. It isn't just about trying to reproduce the subject's physical appearance.

Thanks for pointing that out, Genesia! But please don't try pretending you're actually schooling me about something I didn't already know.

And acknowledging that green eyes, pouty lips, a small nose, a casual but appealing hairstyle, the clothes someone wears and the way they move and smell can also add to why a person might be intersting to others is also necessary.

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Reply #12 posted 02/22/12 1:10pm

Lisa10

Dave1992 said:

Lisa10 said:

Is the first thing that comes to your mind that his goal is to have sex with you?

No, not at all. I'm not that confident about myself.

But if he approaches me with an erection in his hand I might think otherwise smile

Does your self-defence-mechanism react?

Not really.


Are you open to strangers talking to you and don't suspect anything "dangerous"?

It doesn't bother me. I usually can't be arsed to chit-chat with complete strangers in a queue or on a bus or whatever. That rarely happens with me though, unless i'm with my kids.

lol

Well, I'm not talking about "chit-chatting", though. I hate small talk about the wheather and what not, especially with strangers.

When I go over to talk to someone I think looks interesting, I usually pose not so conventional questions. I can't think of a good example right now, but I'm definitely not going "by the books" of "how to get to know someone". It depends on what the person is doing etc. If someone has an iPod lying next to them I would ask something like "does music make you happy? Does it also make you cry sometimes?" because things like that is what I'm really interested in and it says much more about the person. Whether and how they answer also says a lot. Some questions might be too personal, probably, but I rarely go over the really personal or even sexual border...

Oh.. ok.

Well then it depends on the vibe I get.

Dave, i've spent some time with you and I know exactly what you mean. You're really not creepy, you're a very sincere person and being asked that kind of question in the right circumstances by someone like you would be totally acceptable to me. I wouldn't necessarily give you a deep and well-thought answer though lol

If you were the kind of person who stinks of booze and rubs your hands together while asking me these questions, i'd be a little creeped out.

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Reply #13 posted 02/22/12 1:11pm

Dave1992

NDRU said:

Genesia said:

Women are more than the sum of their physical parts, Dave. We can tell when the physical is what you are drawn to/after.

And any artist worth his or her salt tries to capture the inner life of the subject. It isn't just about trying to reproduce the subject's physical appearance.

I think a lot of men do the same thing in normal life, even if they don't realize it. There is a certain random-ness to attraction where some "pretty things" are more attractive to certain men than others, and I think that is a reflection of this inner quality that you're talking about that is expressed on the surface.

Perhaps stating it as being attracted to "pretty things" is a bit shallow and insulting, but I don't think that is really all that is going on when a man singles out a woman that he would like to talk to.

I think that discussing my use of this terminology in order to answer my original questions is basically hair-splitting.

Saying "I like pretty things" can sound completely nice and can show respect too, if you say it with a nice smile on your lips and if the opposite is open to some casual, friendly charm.

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Reply #14 posted 02/22/12 1:18pm

Dave1992

Lisa10 said:

Dave1992 said:

lol

Well, I'm not talking about "chit-chatting", though. I hate small talk about the wheather and what not, especially with strangers.

When I go over to talk to someone I think looks interesting, I usually pose not so conventional questions. I can't think of a good example right now, but I'm definitely not going "by the books" of "how to get to know someone". It depends on what the person is doing etc. If someone has an iPod lying next to them I would ask something like "does music make you happy? Does it also make you cry sometimes?" because things like that is what I'm really interested in and it says much more about the person. Whether and how they answer also says a lot. Some questions might be too personal, probably, but I rarely go over the really personal or even sexual border...

Oh.. ok.

Well then it depends on the vibe I get.

Dave, i've spent some time with you and I know exactly what you mean. You're really not creepy, you're a very sincere person and being asked that kind of question in the right circumstances by someone like you would be totally acceptable to me. I wouldn't necessarily give you a deep and well-thought answer though lol

If you were the kind of person who stinks of booze and rubs your hands together while asking me these questions, i'd be a little creeped out.

falloff

Obviously, you know that I'm not the kind of person. And obviously, Genesia can't know. But the bullshit about trying to pigeonhole me and assuming I was disrespectful and unappreciative towards women is way more disrespectful and insulting than any interpretation of my phrasing could have been.

So, you found my behaviour acceptable and I remember you talking to me quite freely, although we have known each other for only one day (if I remember correctly). I'm quite sure I don't look or act "creepy" (maybe "weird" and "different" to some people, but I've never heard anyone call me "creepy"...), but still, some women just seem too surprised to answer and talk in a normal manner (the way you did, for instance). Why?

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Reply #15 posted 02/22/12 1:20pm

NDRU

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Genesia said:

NDRU said:

I think a lot of men do the same thing in normal life, even if they don't realize it. There is a certain random-ness to attraction where some "pretty things" are more attractive to certain men than others, and I think that is a reflection of this inner quality that you're talking about that is expressed on the surface.

Perhaps stating it as being attracted to "pretty things" is a bit shallow and insulting, but I don't think that is really all that is going on when a man singles out a woman that he would like to talk to.

Nor do I. But expressing it that way...and then admitting to asking questions like, "[D]oes music make you happy? Does it also make you cry sometimes?" (right out of the gate, no less) gives me the creeps.

And something tells me (given the fact that a thread was started about it), that it's creeping out some of the women he's approaching, too.

LOL I'd be creeped out by pretty much every man, but I am not a good canary for this particular coalmine.

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Reply #16 posted 02/22/12 1:20pm

morningsong

Sounds like you approach them like a salesman. There are a lot of salemen out there, and I mean literally salesmen. All smiley and ultra friendly, asking questions. Personally, I feel I get boombarded by advertisements enough in my day for all that, so yeah, I'd be closed off until I know what they heck they want.

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Reply #17 posted 02/22/12 1:24pm

NDRU

avatar

Dave1992 said:

NDRU said:

I think a lot of men do the same thing in normal life, even if they don't realize it. There is a certain random-ness to attraction where some "pretty things" are more attractive to certain men than others, and I think that is a reflection of this inner quality that you're talking about that is expressed on the surface.

Perhaps stating it as being attracted to "pretty things" is a bit shallow and insulting, but I don't think that is really all that is going on when a man singles out a woman that he would like to talk to.

I think that discussing my use of this terminology in order to answer my original questions is basically hair-splitting.

Saying "I like pretty things" can sound completely nice and can show respect too, if you say it with a nice smile on your lips and if the opposite is open to some casual, friendly charm.

OK, but to be fair, you did put it out there to be discussed. What is the org for, if not hair-splitting? smile

Anyway, I was kind of trying to defend you--that i think you don't just approach a woman because her features are symmetrical, but because something of her character is refected on the surface as well.

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Reply #18 posted 02/22/12 1:24pm

Dave1992

morningsong said:

Sounds like you approach them like a salesman. There are a lot of salemen out there, and I mean literally salesmen. All smiley and ultra friendly, asking questions. Personally, I feel I get boombarded by advertisements enough in my day for all that, so yeah, I'd be closed off until I know what they heck they want.

lol

I see, I never thought about that possibility! But I've never heard about salesmen approaching people on the bus or train or in the park here, so I don't think it's that.

I often get the vibe that they are too insecure to believe that a stranger would simply want to talk and get to know you a bit, to broaden their mind and simply make a new friend, learn new things and teach new things and to enjoy the possibility of a positive surprise. Or that they are too "conventional" and close-minded in how they think people should approach each other; that they don't think it's even possible (or useful, or nice) that someone would simply want to make a new friend, learn new things and teach new things and enjoy the possibility of a positive surprise... Sad, actually.

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Reply #19 posted 02/22/12 1:27pm

Genesia

avatar

NDRU said:

Genesia said:

Nor do I. But expressing it that way...and then admitting to asking questions like, "[D]oes music make you happy? Does it also make you cry sometimes?" (right out of the gate, no less) gives me the creeps.

And something tells me (given the fact that a thread was started about it), that it's creeping out some of the women he's approaching, too.

LOL I'd be creeped out by pretty much every man, but I am not a good canary for this particular coalmine.

So am I, oddly enough. I'm not sure how Sweetie managed to get through. lol

Back when I was doing TV, I had men approaching me all the damn time. And for some reason, they thought my being a "public figure" gave them permission to accost me no matter what I was doing or who I was with - and even to touch me. shake

I gradually developed a "stay the fuck away from me" glare that could melt a man's face right off. lol

We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves.
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Reply #20 posted 02/22/12 1:29pm

Lisa10

Dave1992 said:

Lisa10 said:

Oh.. ok.

Well then it depends on the vibe I get.

Dave, i've spent some time with you and I know exactly what you mean. You're really not creepy, you're a very sincere person and being asked that kind of question in the right circumstances by someone like you would be totally acceptable to me. I wouldn't necessarily give you a deep and well-thought answer though lol

If you were the kind of person who stinks of booze and rubs your hands together while asking me these questions, i'd be a little creeped out.

falloff

Obviously, you know that I'm not the kind of person. And obviously, Genesia can't know. But the bullshit about trying to pigeonhole me and assuming I was disrespectful and unappreciative towards women is way more disrespectful and insulting than any interpretation of my phrasing could have been.

So, you found my behaviour acceptable and I remember you talking to me quite freely, although we have known each other for only one day (if I remember correctly). I'm quite sure I don't look or act "creepy" (maybe "weird" and "different" to some people, but I've never heard anyone call me "creepy"...), but still, some women just seem too surprised to answer and talk in a normal manner (the way you did, for instance). Why?

Because you don't come across as offensive. You ask questions because you are genuinely interested - not becuase I felt you had alterior motives.

That's just your way... and I understood that just fine.

I can understand why some people might not want to talk about things so openly. Some people just aren't that ... open. lol

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Reply #21 posted 02/22/12 1:30pm

Dave1992

NDRU said:

Dave1992 said:

I think that discussing my use of this terminology in order to answer my original questions is basically hair-splitting.

Saying "I like pretty things" can sound completely nice and can show respect too, if you say it with a nice smile on your lips and if the opposite is open to some casual, friendly charm.

OK, but to be fair, you did put it out there to be discussed. What is the org for, if not hair-splitting? smile

Anyway, I was kind of trying to defend you--that i think you don't just approach a woman because her features are symmetrical, but because something of her character is refected on the surface as well.

Of course, but the manner and intention of this very example is what I found a bit annoying and useless.

Of course you are absolutely right. But, honestly, even though I say "I like pretty things", do you really think I would want to talk to someone and get to know them just because I think their physical features are nice? Do I really make the impression of being that stupid? lol

Just to put it out there: I don't believe there is a clear destinction between what some people call "character" and "body". Every person, which is the sum of all the things inside of them and surrounding them, is unique. I just happen to enjoy spending time with people I find attractive (and I bet I'm not the only one) and that's no crime, nor is that creepy, nor is that disrespectful and nor should it be insulting.

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Reply #22 posted 02/22/12 1:34pm

Dave1992

Lisa10 said:

Dave1992 said:

falloff

Obviously, you know that I'm not the kind of person. And obviously, Genesia can't know. But the bullshit about trying to pigeonhole me and assuming I was disrespectful and unappreciative towards women is way more disrespectful and insulting than any interpretation of my phrasing could have been.

So, you found my behaviour acceptable and I remember you talking to me quite freely, although we have known each other for only one day (if I remember correctly). I'm quite sure I don't look or act "creepy" (maybe "weird" and "different" to some people, but I've never heard anyone call me "creepy"...), but still, some women just seem too surprised to answer and talk in a normal manner (the way you did, for instance). Why?

Because you don't come across as offensive. You ask questions because you are genuinely interested - not becuase I felt you had alterior motives.

That's just your way... and I understood that just fine.

I can understand why some people might not want to talk about things so openly. Some people just aren't that ... open. lol

I understand that too (in fact I'm quite a hypocrite - I wouldn't answer most of the questions I pose lol), but it's not difficult to simply say "these questions are too personal and I will not answer them". Then I would apologise and probably explain why I ask such questions, but never ask them again.

So people not being "open" is not my problem, really. I'm also only open to a certain extent and on certain levels. But them not being able to open their mouths and talk, or them always trying to search for things they could accuse me of is what I don't understand and, frankly, what I sometimes find creepy. lol

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Reply #23 posted 02/22/12 1:43pm

Lisa10

Dave1992 said:

Lisa10 said:

Because you don't come across as offensive. You ask questions because you are genuinely interested - not becuase I felt you had alterior motives.

That's just your way... and I understood that just fine.

I can understand why some people might not want to talk about things so openly. Some people just aren't that ... open. lol

I understand that too (in fact I'm quite a hypocrite - I wouldn't answer most of the questions I pose lol), but it's not difficult to simply say "these questions are too personal and I will not answer them". Then I would apologise and probably explain why I ask such questions, but never ask them again.

So people not being "open" is not my problem, really. I'm also only open to a certain extent and on certain levels. But them not being able to open their mouths and talk, or them always trying to search for things they could accuse me of is what I don't understand and, frankly, what I sometimes find creepy. lol

I guess sometimes if people are in a situation they don't feel comfortable with, it's easier to try and dodge it altogether than respond at all.

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Reply #24 posted 02/22/12 1:43pm

CarrieMpls

Ex-Moderator

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If I am out and about in public, I don't want anyone talking to me, usually.

I don't like strange men talking to me for any reason. I am likely to act cold and distant (though generally polite) and if you persist in trying to start a conversation with me despite my demeanor, I'm going to think you don't understand normal social queues. And that's the problem. Women are hit on (or spare-changed, or otherwise bothered) so often by men who don't get it that they ruin it for the men who are probably "normal" and/or mean no harm.

At least that's the way I see it.

Now, if I've seen you around the office or neighborhood or you're in a class with me or something (so you're not a complete stranger) and you catch me in just the right mood I might be willing to entertain a handful of pleasantries exchanged.

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Reply #25 posted 02/22/12 1:54pm

Genesia

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CarrieMpls said:

If I am out and about in public, I don't want anyone talking to me, usually.

I don't like strange men talking to me for any reason. I am likely to act cold and distant (though generally polite) and if you persist in trying to start a conversation with me despite my demeanor, I'm going to think you don't understand normal social queues. And that's the problem. Women are hit on (or spare-changed, or otherwise bothered) so often by men who don't get it that they ruin it for the men who are probably "normal" and/or mean no harm.

At least that's the way I see it.

Now, if I've seen you around the office or neighborhood or you're in a class with me or something (so you're not a complete stranger) and you catch me in just the right mood I might be willing to entertain a handful of pleasantries exchanged.

This - lock, stock and barrel.

We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves.
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Reply #26 posted 02/22/12 1:59pm

Dave1992

CarrieMpls said:

If I am out and about in public, I don't want anyone talking to me, usually.

I don't like strange men talking to me for any reason. I am likely to act cold and distant (though generally polite) and if you persist in trying to start a conversation with me despite my demeanor, I'm going to think you don't understand normal social queues. And that's the problem. Women are hit on (or spare-changed, or otherwise bothered) so often by men who don't get it that they ruin it for the men who are probably "normal" and/or mean no harm.

At least that's the way I see it.

Now, if I've seen you around the office or neighborhood or you're in a class with me or something (so you're not a complete stranger) and you catch me in just the right mood I might be willing to entertain a handful of pleasantries exchanged.

I might have a problem with "normal social queues"... I generally don't like the word "normal" (or just don't think it's really that relevant. I think someone can be very polite not following "normal" social procedures while people understanding and appreciating "normal social queues" can be extremely impolite and behave like complete idiots.

I'm always quite polite and obliging and do my utmost best to show people that, even though I might not always follow "normal social queues", my intentions are solely based on friendliness and real, social interest. I just like the feeling of "connecting" with other people on a mental level.

But I completely understand your point. Some people pretend to be really nice when they actually aren't and that's probably the biggest problem...

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Reply #27 posted 02/22/12 2:32pm

ThruTheEyesOfW
onder

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Dave1992 said:

Of course it depends on when, where, who and how, but how do you basically react?

I act cordially and politely.

Is the first thing that comes to your mind that his goal is to have sex with you?

No, that isn't my first thought. But I am always guarded, even with friends. It's something I'm working on. I try to maintain some faith in the male creature, that maybe he's looking for companionship instead of a one night stand.

Does your self-defence-mechanism react?

Only if I feel threatened or the person is going out of bounds when talking to me.

Are you open to strangers talking to you and don't suspect anything "dangerous"?

It depends on the situation. If in a public place or with a large group of people, I normally don't feel threatened. If I'm alone and I'm approached by a male stranger (women aw well), then I am on my toes and vigilent of everything said and done. I take note of body language, behaviour, everything and then determine according how I should act, whether I should keep talking or simply walk away.

Then: when, where, who and how does it have to happen in order to make you completely open and simply up for a chat? Not up for getting laid or anything, simply able to answer questions and be interested in asking questions too, in a friendly manner.

I can't simply open up completely to a complete stranger. If that stranger became my friend, then he/she would learn more about me as we got to know each other.

I'm asking, because I find it quite sad how many women are completely surprised, nervous or actually ignorant and mean when a man approaches them with a smile on his face and simply wants to talk. Is that too implausible for you to trust?

With me, trust is something that needs to be earned. It doesn't happen in one shot.

[Edited 2/22/12 11:57am]

The salvation of man is through love and in love. - Dr. V. Frankl

"When you close your heart, you close your mind." - Michael Jackson (Man In The Mirror)

"I don't need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off" lol
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Reply #28 posted 02/22/12 2:58pm

Dave1992

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

Dave1992 said:

Of course it depends on when, where, who and how, but how do you basically react?

I act cordially and politely.

Is the first thing that comes to your mind that his goal is to have sex with you?

No, that isn't my first thought. But I am always guarded, even with friends. It's something I'm working on. I try to maintain some faith in the male creature, that maybe he's looking for companionship instead of a one night stand.

Does your self-defence-mechanism react?

Only if I feel threatened or the person is going out of bounds when talking to me.

Are you open to strangers talking to you and don't suspect anything "dangerous"?

It depends on the situation. If in a public place or with a large group of people, I normally don't feel threatened. If I'm alone and I'm approached by a male stranger (women aw well), then I am on my toes and vigilent of everything said and done. I take note of body language, behaviour, everything and then determine according how I should act, whether I should keep talking or simply walk away.

Then: when, where, who and how does it have to happen in order to make you completely open and simply up for a chat? Not up for getting laid or anything, simply able to answer questions and be interested in asking questions too, in a friendly manner.

I can't simply open up completely to a complete stranger. If that stranger became my friend, then he/she would learn more about me as we got to know each other.

I'm asking, because I find it quite sad how many women are completely surprised, nervous or actually ignorant and mean when a man approaches them with a smile on his face and simply wants to talk. Is that too implausible for you to trust?

With me, trust is something that needs to be earned. It doesn't happen in one shot.

[Edited 2/22/12 11:57am]

Your very last statement is very interesting and probably sheds a lot of light on some people's reactions.

However, the Michael Jackson quote in your sig is also important!

I don't expect anyone to trust me straight away, but I don't want people to exclude the possibility of me being trust-worthy straight away.

Personally, I am a very, very suspicious person. But still, when I don't know someone, I expect them to have good intentions. I can be proven wrong very quickly and completely back off very quickly, but I find it important for me psychologically and I find it to be more fair towards the other person. I'd like to be treated the same when I approach somebody.

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Reply #29 posted 02/22/12 3:03pm

ThruTheEyesOfW
onder

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Dave1992 said:

ThruTheEyesOfWonder said:

Your very last statement is very interesting and probably sheds a lot of light on some people's reactions.

However, the Michael Jackson quote in your sig is also important!

I don't expect anyone to trust me straight away, but I don't want people to exclude the possibility of me being trust-worthy straight away.

Personally, I am a very, very suspicious person. But still, when I don't know someone, I expect them to have good intentions. I can be proven wrong very quickly and completely back off very quickly, but I find it important for me psychologically and I find it to be more fair towards the other person. I'd like to be treated the same when I approach somebody.

Well Dave, if I ever met you, I'd treat you with the dignity and respect you deserve. I wouldn't outright cuss you for approaching me, nor would I assume you untrustworthy. lol

And yes, the quote is very important. It's there to remind me to keep my heart open (even though at times my heart and my mind are two separate entities. lol ). It's not easy when you've been hurt, and deeply. sad But I try. I honestly try.

[Edited 2/22/12 15:04pm]

The salvation of man is through love and in love. - Dr. V. Frankl

"When you close your heart, you close your mind." - Michael Jackson (Man In The Mirror)

"I don't need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off" lol
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