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Thread started 09/20/14 6:08am

psychodelicide

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Backstabbers

When you catch someone talking about you behind your back, or stabbing you in the back, do you cut them out of your life, or do you give them another chance? I recently caught someone, who I knew for over 20 years and thought was a friend, talking about me online to someone else. I told them off, and told them that they were no longer a friend. Once a person talks about me behind my back, I do not trust them anymore. When I lose trust in a person, it is very, very hard for them to get it back from me (if ever). This has happened to me several times, and I do not feel bad for cutting someone out of my life who I feel has done me wrong. What is your opinion?

[Edited 9/20/14 6:32am]

RIP, mom. I will forever miss and love you.
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Reply #1 posted 09/20/14 6:17am

SuperFurryAnim
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Depends. NEWSFLASH: People will talk about other people depends on subject matter.

What are you outraged about today? CNN has not told you yet?
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Reply #2 posted 09/20/14 6:32am

psychodelicide

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SuperFurryAnimal said:

Depends. NEWSFLASH: People will talk about other people depends on subject matter.

I know, I'm not a dummy. lol This former "friend" said some not so nice things about me. I don't feel bad for cutting them out of my life. I don't need them or their bullshit! Life is too short, and I have better things to do.

[Edited 9/20/14 8:15am]

RIP, mom. I will forever miss and love you.
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Reply #3 posted 09/20/14 8:24am

MusicAddict95

psychodelicide said:

SuperFurryAnimal said:

Depends. NEWSFLASH: People will talk about other people depends on subject matter.

I know, I'm not a dummy. lol This former "friend" said some not so nice things about me. I don't feel bad for cutting them out of my life. I don't need them or their bullshit! Life is too short, and I have better things to do.

[Edited 9/20/14 8:15am]

Well, here's my take. If you want to take the high road and be the bigger person, I would say that you could forgive them. But, hear me out. Forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for YOU. Basically, forgiving someone is letting go of the ill feelings and give them to God so that YOU can move on and prosper in life and not have said person hold you back or bring you down. Now, forgiving them does not mean you should be friends with them or keep them in your life. As far as I'm concerned, you can forgive someone and cut them out of your life. So I say that it is probably best for you to cut this person out of your life; I would, too. Just don't let unforgiveness develop within your heart or your spirit and become bitter because of this person. He or she is not worth it. I hope this helps! biggrin

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Reply #4 posted 09/20/14 8:25am

OnlyNDaUsa

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If people talk about others behind their backs they will talk about you behind yours.

Just yesterday I was with a co-worker that I adore who was talking bad about another co-worker I like a lot! Lucky for me it was a topic that I would not have any insight into so I did not need to say anything. And I will not say anything to the other one either.

"Keep on shilling for Big Pharm!"
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Reply #5 posted 09/20/14 8:47am

SuperFurryAnim
al

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psychodelicide said:

SuperFurryAnimal said:

Depends. NEWSFLASH: People will talk about other people depends on subject matter.

I know, I'm not a dummy. lol This former "friend" said some not so nice things about me. I don't feel bad for cutting them out of my life. I don't need them or their bullshit! Life is too short, and I have better things to do.

[Edited 9/20/14 8:15am]

I personally would confront them and want to hear what they said. I want to hear negative feelings about me because I also believe that in hearing them I can become a better person. Unless they take the comments too far and are lies. Then you can't work with them. I would confront the person and hear what they have to say. If it at work though sometimes that is impossible. Good luck.

What are you outraged about today? CNN has not told you yet?
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Reply #6 posted 09/20/14 8:53am

SuperFurryAnim
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MusicAddict95 said:

psychodelicide said:

I know, I'm not a dummy. lol This former "friend" said some not so nice things about me. I don't feel bad for cutting them out of my life. I don't need them or their bullshit! Life is too short, and I have better things to do.

[Edited 9/20/14 8:15am]

Well, here's my take. If you want to take the high road and be the bigger person, I would say that you could forgive them. But, hear me out. Forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for YOU. Basically, forgiving someone is letting go of the ill feelings and give them to God so that YOU can move on and prosper in life and not have said person hold you back or bring you down. Now, forgiving them does not mean you should be friends with them or keep them in your life. As far as I'm concerned, you can forgive someone and cut them out of your life. So I say that it is probably best for you to cut this person out of your life; I would, too. Just don't let unforgiveness develop within your heart or your spirit and become bitter because of this person. He or she is not worth it. I hope this helps! biggrin

This is a good point. It's amazing what you can achieve in life if you continue to take the high road. Also do not let what negative people say about you get you down. You believe in you.

What are you outraged about today? CNN has not told you yet?
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Reply #7 posted 09/20/14 9:45am

psychodelicide

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MusicAddict95 said:

psychodelicide said:

I know, I'm not a dummy. lol This former "friend" said some not so nice things about me. I don't feel bad for cutting them out of my life. I don't need them or their bullshit! Life is too short, and I have better things to do.

[Edited 9/20/14 8:15am]

Well, here's my take. If you want to take the high road and be the bigger person, I would say that you could forgive them. But, hear me out. Forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for YOU. Basically, forgiving someone is letting go of the ill feelings and give them to God so that YOU can move on and prosper in life and not have said person hold you back or bring you down. Now, forgiving them does not mean you should be friends with them or keep them in your life. As far as I'm concerned, you can forgive someone and cut them out of your life. So I say that it is probably best for you to cut this person out of your life; I would, too. Just don't let unforgiveness develop within your heart or your spirit and become bitter because of this person. He or she is not worth it. I hope this helps! biggrin

This is excellent advice, thank you! biggrin

RIP, mom. I will forever miss and love you.
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Reply #8 posted 09/20/14 9:46am

psychodelicide

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OnlyNDaUsa said:

If people talk about others behind their backs they will talk about you behind yours.

Just yesterday I was with a co-worker that I adore who was talking bad about another co-worker I like a lot! Lucky for me it was a topic that I would not have any insight into so I did not need to say anything. And I will not say anything to the other one either.


I agree, sometimes saying nothing is the best thing that I person can do. There was a co-worker at my job who had the bad habit of gossiping about other workers. She even did it to me a few times, but like you, I said nothing. :-O The director overheard her one day, pulled her aside, and talked to her about it. She hasn't done it since. lol

[Edited 9/20/14 9:54am]

RIP, mom. I will forever miss and love you.
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Reply #9 posted 09/20/14 9:49am

psychodelicide

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SuperFurryAnimal said:

psychodelicide said:

I know, I'm not a dummy. lol This former "friend" said some not so nice things about me. I don't feel bad for cutting them out of my life. I don't need them or their bullshit! Life is too short, and I have better things to do.

[Edited 9/20/14 8:15am]

I personally would confront them and want to hear what they said. I want to hear negative feelings about me because I also believe that in hearing them I can become a better person. Unless they take the comments too far and are lies. Then you can't work with them. I would confront the person and hear what they have to say. If it at work though sometimes that is impossible. Good luck.


I did confront this person, and said to them, "Why couldn't you tell me what you were feeling? Why couldn't you just be honest with me? Why did you have to go and talk about me to somebody else behind my back?" The person did not even answer me, because they knew that they fucked up, and that I was pissed at them. I tried to get an answer out of them, but they said nothing. So, I tried but was unsuccessful. Oh well, that's on them, not me.

RIP, mom. I will forever miss and love you.
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Reply #10 posted 09/20/14 9:51am

psychodelicide

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SuperFurryAnimal said:

MusicAddict95 said:

Well, here's my take. If you want to take the high road and be the bigger person, I would say that you could forgive them. But, hear me out. Forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for YOU. Basically, forgiving someone is letting go of the ill feelings and give them to God so that YOU can move on and prosper in life and not have said person hold you back or bring you down. Now, forgiving them does not mean you should be friends with them or keep them in your life. As far as I'm concerned, you can forgive someone and cut them out of your life. So I say that it is probably best for you to cut this person out of your life; I would, too. Just don't let unforgiveness develop within your heart or your spirit and become bitter because of this person. He or she is not worth it. I hope this helps! biggrin

This is a good point. It's amazing what you can achieve in life if you continue to take the high road. Also do not let what negative people say about you get you down. You believe in you.


yes It's going to take time to forgive this person. This was someone who I was "friends" with for 20+ years, who I did many things with, and shared many things with. I will forgive them in due time, not for their sake, but for my own.

RIP, mom. I will forever miss and love you.
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Reply #11 posted 09/20/14 10:44am

alphastreet

Sorry about your loss. It has happened with some relatives and I had cut off contact for a few years, but 5 years later we were talking again and there was forgiveness, but the trust took a very long time to still build up and work through.

Another friend two timed me and a guy I no longer wanted to be with. She thought she was trying to help us both, but she did not take my concerns seriously and nearly put me in an unsafe position, and set us up by being sweet to me and making me look bad behind my back. Shortly after that, people we knew that were mutual friends would be nice to me but then completely avoid me, and sadly this would include somebody I knew my whole life. It hurt that they could believe a shady friend of theirs over somebody that's like family without even getting two sides to the story and because of double standards and manipulative people she kept around her. Truthfully , I deserve better people around me, and it's their loss if they decide to pre-judge me without thinking outside themselves, and that comes a great deal from who they surround themselves with too, makes you question if they're like that too, right? Took me a really long time to trust people again after that.

Used to be very private at work too having trust issues but have loosened up over the years and I'm finding more things in common with coworkers and friends working in the same career or similar ones than with friends who are not. Not to say I'm not friends with people of all kinds, but it's hard to see eye to eye or have empathy for those who think differently from you or are narrowminded.

[Edited 9/20/14 10:45am]

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Reply #12 posted 09/20/14 12:12pm

JoeTyler

backstabbing was my achilles heel back when I was 12-20 yo...

now that I'm older, wiser, stronger and, with a fair amount of backscars, I always have a backup plan: if you stab in the back, IT WILL BACKFIRE ON YOU, because I have a plan B (perhaps even a plan C) TO GET EVEN...

tinkerbell
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Reply #13 posted 09/20/14 4:55pm

SuperFurryAnim
al

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JoeTyler said:

backstabbing was my achilles heel back when I was 12-20 yo...



now that I'm older, wiser, stronger and, with a fair amount of backscars, I always have a backup plan: if you stab in the back, IT WILL BACKFIRE ON YOU, because I have a plan B (perhaps even a plan C) TO GET EVEN...





It's difficult for me to have a military style agenda when dealing with close friends that I love. Is that right? To have plans to fuck with people when you are best friends? Is that best friends?
I have best friends that I do not talk with but mostly they drifted but with people that I love when it goes sour I move on without attack. I take the high road. I find that interesting Joe.
What are you outraged about today? CNN has not told you yet?
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Reply #14 posted 09/20/14 7:19pm

purplethunder3
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"Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything." --Plato

https://youtu.be/CVwv9LZMah0
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Reply #15 posted 09/20/14 8:00pm

Jagar

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Julia Gillard backstabbed democracy when she ousted Rudd as the PM of Australia.


Remember kids, in Aus your votes counts for jackshit. If the PM tries to actually tax the mining companies s/he WILL be removed from office by a company stooge.

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Reply #16 posted 09/20/14 8:13pm

SeventeenDayze

psychodelicide said:

When you catch someone talking about you behind your back, or stabbing you in the back, do you cut them out of your life, or do you give them another chance? I recently caught someone, who I knew for over 20 years and thought was a friend, talking about me online to someone else. I told them off, and told them that they were no longer a friend. Once a person talks about me behind my back, I do not trust them anymore. When I lose trust in a person, it is very, very hard for them to get it back from me (if ever). This has happened to me several times, and I do not feel bad for cutting someone out of my life who I feel has done me wrong. What is your opinion?

[Edited 9/20/14 6:32am]

I think it's one thing for them to talk about you and you're the subject matter but it's another thing to say bad things about you and from what you're saying it sounds like it's the latter and not the former that is going on here. Don't feel bad, nobody needs fake friends. Was the person they were talking to another person they have been friends with a long time? You said you found it online which is weird because that's just rolling out the welcome mat for you to find out about it anyway. That's pretty disrespectful so I think you made the right decision thumbs up!

Trolls be gone!
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Reply #17 posted 09/20/14 8:19pm

SeventeenDayze

purplethunder3121 said:

I was wondering if someone was going to post this video smile

Trolls be gone!
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Reply #18 posted 09/20/14 9:17pm

paintedlady

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People are always talkin' shit.... I know they do about me. shrug

I never fault someone if the shit's true. True shit is OK, calling a spade a spade is cool in my book.

So if you actually have mental health issues and someone is sayin' you crazy, and you know you are a crazy person, then don't be mad someone is telling the truth about your ass.

Now if someone lies and says "That bitch is an alcoholic" and that is a downright lie... then not only should you get mad, but a real cuss out is in order because they are falsely attacking your character and that is damaging and un-true.

So I say this, you gonna talk shit about me? Do me the honor and please keep your shit talkin' to the truth at the very least... do not say false things about me, atleast respect YOURSELF enough to not be a liar while you are busy betraying my trust.

I can get over someone tellin' truth on me... I can never forgive a liar.

twocents

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Reply #19 posted 09/21/14 1:04am

JoeTyler

SuperFurryAnimal said:

JoeTyler said:

backstabbing was my achilles heel back when I was 12-20 yo...

now that I'm older, wiser, stronger and, with a fair amount of backscars, I always have a backup plan: if you stab in the back, IT WILL BACKFIRE ON YOU, because I have a plan B (perhaps even a plan C) TO GET EVEN...

It's difficult for me to have a military style agenda when dealing with close friends that I love. Is that right? To have plans to fuck with people when you are best friends? Is that best friends? I have best friends that I do not talk with but mostly they drifted but with people that I love when it goes sour I move on without attack. I take the high road. I find that interesting Joe.

as I said, NOW I'm older and WISER when it comes to "friends"

the fact that I DON'T backstab doesn't mean that I don't have plans to REACT when I get backstabbed...

tinkerbell
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Reply #20 posted 09/21/14 1:32am

MoBettaBliss

within reason, i really don't care what people say about me

the only time i could see myself being concerned is if it were to affect my children in any way

i have a good mate that said some dumb shit about me a while ago... i called him on it... i told him he was being a dickhead and laughed about it... i still like him though ... he's a flawed invidual... as am i

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Reply #21 posted 09/21/14 4:51am

SuperFurryAnim
al

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paintedlady said:

People are always talkin' shit.... I know they do about me. shrug



I never fault someone if the shit's true. True shit is OK, calling a spade a spade is cool in my book.




So if you actually have mental health issues and someone is sayin' you crazy, and you know you are a crazy person, then don't be mad someone is telling the truth about your ass.




Now if someone lies and says "That bitch is an alcoholic" and that is a downright lie... then not only should you get mad, but a real cuss out is in order because they are falsely attacking your character and that is damaging and un-true.




So I say this, you gonna talk shit about me? Do me the honor and please keep your shit talkin' to the truth at the very least... do not say false things about me, atleast respect YOURSELF enough to not be a liar while you are busy betraying my trust.



I can get over someone tellin' truth on me... I can never forgive a liar.



twocents









What I wonder. How many people really talk about me or was I being paranoid? I actually believe people rarely talk about me and I believe many people say positive things. I also live with extreme paranoia so I have to be careful what I believe.
What are you outraged about today? CNN has not told you yet?
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Reply #22 posted 09/21/14 4:58am

SuperFurryAnim
al

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MoBettaBliss said:

within reason, i really don't care what people say about me

the only time i could see myself being concerned is if it were to affect my children in any way

i have a good mate that said some dumb shit about me a while ago... i called him on it... i told him he was being a dickhead and laughed about it... i still like him though ... he's a flawed invidual... as am i



That is the attitude! I also give them a reason to believe I'm a dick because I'm a dickhead but those are usually some if the best friends when your down. You can't worry about everything behind back. For one you can't control it all. When you take it to the next level and start to record others conversations and buy surveillance equipment to listen into conversations through walls you realize people will talk.
What are you outraged about today? CNN has not told you yet?
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Reply #23 posted 09/21/14 12:00pm

SeventeenDayze

SuperFurryAnimal said:

MoBettaBliss said:

within reason, i really don't care what people say about me

the only time i could see myself being concerned is if it were to affect my children in any way

i have a good mate that said some dumb shit about me a while ago... i called him on it... i told him he was being a dickhead and laughed about it... i still like him though ... he's a flawed invidual... as am i

That is the attitude! I also give them a reason to believe I'm a dick because I'm a dickhead but those are usually some if the best friends when your down. You can't worry about everything behind back. For one you can't control it all. When you take it to the next level and start to record others conversations and buy surveillance equipment to listen into conversations through walls you realize people will talk.

They will probably have that technology available in the next few years or so I'm sure.

Trolls be gone!
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Reply #24 posted 09/22/14 9:15am

OldFriends4Sal
e

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Reply #25 posted 09/22/14 12:30pm

paintedlady

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SuperFurryAnimal said:

paintedlady said:

People are always talkin' shit.... I know they do about me. shrug

I never fault someone if the shit's true. True shit is OK, calling a spade a spade is cool in my book.

So if you actually have mental health issues and someone is sayin' you crazy, and you know you are a crazy person, then don't be mad someone is telling the truth about your ass.

Now if someone lies and says "That bitch is an alcoholic" and that is a downright lie... then not only should you get mad, but a real cuss out is in order because they are falsely attacking your character and that is damaging and un-true.

So I say this, you gonna talk shit about me? Do me the honor and please keep your shit talkin' to the truth at the very least... do not say false things about me, atleast respect YOURSELF enough to not be a liar while you are busy betraying my trust.

I can get over someone tellin' truth on me... I can never forgive a liar.

twocents

What I wonder. How many people really talk about me or was I being paranoid? I actually believe people rarely talk about me and I believe many people say positive things. I also live with extreme paranoia so I have to be careful what I believe.

I have overheard conversations, negative about me... I have had various family members come to me about what they heard about me, I have also received dirty looks from people I was introduced to.

My family members were the main culprits.


Hurtful things, lies, made to make others hate me... but they were lies, and I prayed about it and realized that the truth always comes out. So in time the truth about me came out and people saw that my family members were full of doody



So I don't fret over people who talk about me... if its true I am not ashamed of what I am or do and I do my best to treat others how I would like to be treated. The truth always surfaces and no ones false words can stop that.

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Reply #26 posted 09/22/14 12:31pm

paintedlady

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OldFriends4Sale said:



heart clapping I love this!!

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Reply #27 posted 09/22/14 12:40pm

SeventeenDayze

OldFriends4Sale said:

Wow, this is amazing. I've always had a lot of respect for Sheryl Underwood despite the fact that she gets a lot of grief from people because she's comfortable in her own skin. This is an amazing story for sure. Thanks for posting it.

Trolls be gone!
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Reply #28 posted 09/22/14 1:22pm

bobzilla77

I find people every once in a while who seem ADDICTED to being backstabbed. One woman I know has some former friends/ now enemies who she continues to follow on Facebook so she can "keep an eye on what they're doing." Examples include these frenemies hitting on her ex boyfriends and posting about it, trying to work with the same organizations she works with, you know, petty high school stuff practiced by women in their 30s, good grief.

If only, I said, there was a way to BLOCK those people on Facebook, some kind of magic button so any negative stuff they said would be BLOCKED from her view. Wouldn't it be nice if you could BLOCK them right out of your life? As if you put then into a giant BLOCK and stored it several BLOCKS away?

She was like, oh I couldn't possibly.

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Reply #29 posted 09/22/14 1:28pm

bobzilla77

And I have witnessed others get into the war of stabbing their backstabbers and getting into a big ol' knife fight.

It's tempting. I got into it with one guy we had writing for our group blog once. After we let him go, he chose to take the war to the google group with all our writers in it and was accusing me of all kind of nasty things. We had a few choice exchanges and I found myself getting good and riled up over it.

But my wife toldd me "If you keep responding to him, you are in it just as much as he is. You're in it because you like it."

I then utilized the BLOCK USER command on google, removed him from the group, and guess what, the problem was over. I sent a separate note to the writers that had seen the exchange and everybody was mellow. I haven't heard from him since.

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