NinaB said:

^ I'm having trouble posting recently, I did put a laughing face at the start but it's gone now. Also 3 times on this thread I've wrote much longer responses to u, Joe & missfee (not easy to do on my cell) & then when I press post it says I need to log in & I loose everything. I need a laptop. [Edited 6/10/14 22:56pm]

I'm sorry. Try highlighting and saving everything you type first before pressing the post button. This way when the site asks you to sign in again, you can just copy and paste. Hope this helps.

JoeTyler said:

I just CAN'T UNDERSTAND the folks who want to SETTLE DOWN and have kids when they're younger than 32-35 yo...

omg, this ain't the '50s anymore, you know?

a high school friend of mine had her kid at age 18 and now is single and carefree.

I'm pretty jealous...

ZombieKitten said:

JoeTyler said:

I just CAN'T UNDERSTAND the folks who want to SETTLE DOWN and have kids when they're younger than 32-35 yo...

omg, this ain't the '50s anymore, you know?

a high school friend of mine had her kid at age 18 and now is single and carefree.

I'm pretty jealous...

don't they know how to use a condom? stupid teens

missfee said:

luv4u said:

I noticed that when folks get married, they leave their single friends behind. It's just not the same anymore. Once married, your life changes and you have new priorities in your life. You just end up either not seeing your married friend as you used to or they don't bother with you anymore.

Innit.

JoeTyler said:

ZombieKitten said:

a high school friend of mine had her kid at age 18 and now is single and carefree.

I'm pretty jealous...

don't they know how to use a condom? stupid teens

well that's what we all said back then, maternity catholic school uniform of shame, anyone?

But now as I read their facebook posts full of travel, wine-tasting, new hot love affairs, going on to further study and enlightenment...

and I'm stuck at home with 3 kids

OK, I travel, and drink wine tequila and look at porn on the internet but it's NOT quite the same as having grandkids that visit now and then that you can GIVE BACK to their parents when you are done with them

ZombieKitten said:

JoeTyler said:

don't they know how to use a condom? stupid teens

well that's what we all said back then, maternity catholic school uniform of shame, anyone?

But now as I read their facebook posts full of travel, wine-tasting, new hot love affairs, going on to further study and enlightenment...

and I'm stuck at home with 3 kids

OK, I travel, and drink wine tequila and look at porn on the internet but it's NOT quite the same as having grandkids that visit now and then that you can GIVE BACK to their parents when you are done with them

I think you have a case of the grass is always greener over there...

luv4u said:

If one has to have a prenup.... my opinion is that they don't trust you and they are only looking out for themselves.

Oh god. This is incredibly naive.

kewlschool said:

ZombieKitten said:

well that's what we all said back then, maternity catholic school uniform of shame, anyone?

But now as I read their facebook posts full of travel, wine-tasting, new hot love affairs, going on to further study and enlightenment...

and I'm stuck at home with 3 kids

OK, I travel, and drink wine tequila and look at porn on the internet but it's NOT quite the same as having grandkids that visit now and then that you can GIVE BACK to their parents when you are done with them

I think you have a case of the grass is always greener over there...

shut up!

XxAxX said:

i still think marriages should be customized for those brave enough to venture there: four years long, pre-nup built in from the start, and renewable by mutual agreement.

That sounds acceptable.

ZombieKitten said:

kewlschool said:

I think you have a case of the grass is always greener over there...

shut up!

Plus anger issues.

Ace said:

paisleypark4 said:

Seems like everyone around me is getting married, having kids

You say this like you're the one losing out.

But, seriously... We're socialized to believe that these things are the key to happiness when - in reality - (I believe) they are usually impediments to happiness. You should check out the book Stumbling on Happiness. I would also recommend Zen philosophy, looking at the divorce rate and interviews with people who've been cleaned out financially by their exes.

I like to bring a little sunshine to the org.

Ace said:

ScarletScandal said:

I enjoy my fucking freedom too much!

Me, too! I could never go back to a life where I couldn't do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted.

kewlschool said:

ZombieKitten said:

shut up!

Plus anger issues.

In all seriousness tho'

...it's definitely a "give & take" on both scenarios.

When you have kids really young, you do miss out on certain things that many people (not all) need to "get out of their system". There's also the financial constraints of caring for kids while you are also trying to build yourselves up financially.

Then if you have kids when you're older, you (typically) have less energy and then of course are still raising teens when you might want to start thinking about planning your retirement.

My brother is 24, and getting married in August. It seems like his fiance' is just being dragged into a marriage. It kind of seems like she's not as gung-ho about it as he is. I'm tired of hearing about the shit. My brother expects me to pay for my own suit. I'm not going, and I don't care. Fuck weddings.

PurpleJedi said:

two days ago I was FORCED to attend a birthday party where EVERYONE was married or married + kids

DREADFUL "experience", dull, boring, irritating even

[Edited 6/30/14 7:20am]

I wouldn't get too bent out of shape, marriage ain't all its cracked up to be... Sort have tonuge in cheek.


To each his or her choices but I couldn't deal with having pre-teen in my forties, children take energy. About time my husband hit 45 we were child free... I've been having a ball every since. My life was highjacked for a mintue ( I loved most of that time) but when sister girl went off to college, we threw the house up for sale and down sized.

My kid tuns 30 this year and all of her girlfriends are single. Most of my friends were married uy then; all who wanted to marry were married before 35. In fact these young women don't date much, when they go out it usally an all girl thing, vactions its an all girl thing. This has not been lost on me, my husband, or all of our friends. To put it bluntly... the women who have their lives together aren't marrying and too many women who don't have a plan and aren't all really prepared to have babies are. Curious.

=============================================================

[Edited 6/30/14 11:57am]

[Edited 6/30/14 13:25pm]

ScarletScandal said:

My brother is 24, and getting married in August. It seems like his fiance' is just being dragged into a marriage. It kind of seems like she's not as gung-ho about it as he is. I'm tired of hearing about the shit. My brother expects me to pay for my own suit. I'm not going, and I don't care. Fuck weddings.

Not going to your own brother's wedding? Not that it's my business. But those kinds of decisions can really damage relationships long term. just sayin'...

2 cousin's from each side are getting married next year, one years younger and the other a few years older. I look forward to the weddings, but it seems like the amount of married couples with kids are multiplying. I don't feel competitive at all with anyone, but wanting good companionship is not a bad thing either.

alphastreet said:

2 cousin's from each side are getting married next year, one years younger and the other a few years older. I look forward to the weddings, but it seems like the amount of married couples with kids are multiplying. I don't feel competitive at all with anyone, but wanting good companionship is not a bad thing either.

Yeah it's never a bad thing. It can be awkward at times when it seems like everyone else around you kind of fits that mold. But, I'm sure in a lot of ways, they might envy your freedom

I'm totally 23 and everyone I know is doing grownup stuff. That's cool, I'm not interested in that life. I'm not interested in their lives.

I'll just sit here and eat bananas.

Alej said:

NinaB said:

SeventeenDayze said:

There was something on Nightline last night that discussed the difficulties that women have in the dating world. They had a group of women fly from NYC to San Fran to be set up with dates over a few nights. Some of them just had one nighters while the others didn't seem to meet anyone that was worthwhile. I think because there are a lot of women out there who kind of put everything out there and leave no mystery, it has lowered the standards of dating. Guys are getting used to "something for nothing".....

Yeah I hear you, I think there's such a heavy influence from the media too, men & women are constantly being told that every woman is insecure about her looks etc. we are all supposed to be so desperate & needy & all we are supposed to care about is superficial surface crap. IMO the most revolutionary thing women can do at this time is have self love, self worth, stop competing with other women, support each other, & Work on our minds, hearts & souls & not just our body's. A little knowledge of women's history wouldn't go a miss either! ....don't get me started! I could go on a rant about this very easily! Me personally I'd rather be alone than with the wrong mf [Edited 6/6/14 15:46pm]

The way marriage and beauty contests are sold on tv, is horrific.

As if the most important thing in life is a wedding dress.

I always wanted a family.

But I wasn't looking for a guy who would make me pregnant and become the mother of his kids.

To me, family is what matters. So, both parents involved.



That ideal was not attainable for me. Unfortunately.


So, now I'm single and the last batch of my friends are having a baby. It makes me feel lonely and left out. But, I also enjoy all the perks of being alone.

I don't focus on what other families have. I enjoy the freedom and tranquility of being on my own. I cherish that.

dJJ said:

I always wanted a family.

But I wasn't looking for a guy who would make me pregnant and become the mother of his kids.

To me, family is what matters. So, both parents involved.



That ideal was not attainable for me. Unfortunately.


So, now I'm single and the last batch of my friends are having a baby. It makes me feel lonely and left out. But, I also enjoy all the perks of being alone.

I don't focus on what other families have. I enjoy the freedom and tranquility of being on my own. I cherish that.

I agree with what you wrote in the previous post and also in this one. I think you saved yourself a big headache by not settling for the wrong guy. I think in the long run, you'll be glad that you didn't do that. I think this is happening to more women than we realize. The statistics that I have heard is that at no other point in U.S. history have their been more single women than now. I believe this number also included single women who were once married but I'm not 100 percent sure. There must be a reason that this number is climbing. On top of the fact that the recession has meant that many of us aren't earning what we should be earning and this delays any sort of building up of a family at all. How can you feed kids when you are barely keeping it together financially?

heartbeatocean said:

ScarletScandal said:

My brother is 24, and getting married in August. It seems like his fiance' is just being dragged into a marriage. It kind of seems like she's not as gung-ho about it as he is. I'm tired of hearing about the shit. My brother expects me to pay for my own suit. I'm not going, and I don't care. Fuck weddings.

Not going to your own brother's wedding? Not that it's my business. But those kinds of decisions can really damage relationships long term. just sayin'...

very true. just, try and resist the urge to pop up and shout "me! i do!" when the priest asks if anyone has reason to speak against their union