As a Type II diabetic myself, I can sure sympathize with you.

My totally uneducated guess is that your mom might be overwhelmed by the fact that she believes diabetes will probably kill her. Maybe she thinks there's nothing she can do, so she won't do anything.

But she CAN fight diabetes. She CAN live a long, healthy life with it. If my guesses are correct, the first thing she needs to do is be convinced that diabetes is NOT a death sentence. Maybe you can find diabetics that are successfully controlling the disease and have lived long lives.

That stuff about the pancreas is SCARY. I have sort of come to terms with the possibility of losing toes or feet, but pancreatic cancer is just plain terrifying.

I know it's hard to change a diet all at once. Maybe a nutritionist can design a plan for her that, over time, replaces all the bad stuff with better stuff.

One thing that my endocrinologist makes me do is eat at the same time every day. For me, that makes a LOT of difference in how my blood sugar behaves. So maybe something as simple as a set dining schedule is a great first step. But it's a lot harder than it sounds. She'll need help making sure she eats at the same time every day, and she will REALLY need understanding from her family because when they are with her, they will have to eat on HER schedule.

Good luck. I'll pray for you guys!

BobGeorge909 said:

She does EVERY bad thing a diabetic can do save main-line injecting maple syrup.

wow! hmm...

a few years ago i had to totally change my diet -- was falling apart, headed toward diabetic and arthritic, and the diet stuff really works -- now i'm stronger than ever. I have yet to try an all raw diet, yet the presonal account i read in this book,

Fresh: The Ultimate Live-Food Cookbook by Sergei Boutenko and Valya Boutenko

was really moving of how a whole family evaporated all their illnesses by totally changing their diet. Would reading something like that chapter our loud to her help? your library may have it, or i would gladly mail you a copy if you think it would help. i would guess theres probably hundreds of similar stories posted online.

as far as healthy sugars, fruits and dates are the only ones i touch these days. i used to be less appreciative of dates, so maybe they're an acquired taste after becoming a health freak, but have discovered a universe of date varieties that are way better than any memory of any candy, and they can be blended into a syrup or paste to use in any recipe in place of sugar. seriously dayri dates taste like caramels, and there are others that taste like marshmallows, little debbie cinnamon rolls, etc. let me know if i should send samples!

if you are into making desserts, might your library have some awesome raw or vegan dessert books to experiment with and make for her?

some things i really like to make, but probably sound gross to everyone else, including my former self, are carob pudding made with avocados and dates -- but seriously it tastes better than any chocolate pudding i've ever bought; also green smoothies -- 3 cups greens (start with lettuce, spinach, ease into kale, chard) and 1 or 2 pieces of fruit (or more at first) and liquefy with water in a blender. Seriously, it just tastes like fruit, and its a very gentle detox that one can just have there to sip on whenever a sugar craving rears its head. and its a fun way of eating water. The beauty detox foods by kimberly snyder was helpful with explaining this. i've heard wheatgrass is amazing and easy to grow yourself, but have yet to try it.

personally my first break with sugar was my exposure to macrobiotics. eating beans and rice and vegetables, which all have a neutral energy, almost every day really helped balance and eliminate my desire for sweets, which have a very yin energy.

BobGeorge909 said:

BobGeorge909 said:

Ok. My ma has diabetes. Has a testing kit, insulin, insulin pens, pill medication as well...the whole deal. Yet she insists on being a uncooperative patient. She also has pancreatic issues. Had an infected sac removed from her pancreas and her stomach had attached itself to her pancreas via scar tissue...I believe. The sac and detaching the pancreas were done in same surgery. The scar from this surgery is not healing correctly. It needs to be packed so it can heal from inside out...blah blah blah. I suspect this is due to her diabetes. Despite all of this...and weakness...vision issues...neuropathy...sleepless nights(after sugar loading of course) she refususe to take care of her self. She still drinks Delaware punch regularly, along with coke and orange soda and oranclge juice and chocolate milk. Refuses to eat regularly, as in she'll fast for days, aside from cheetoes, cookies, chocolate covered pretzels. The only regular food she'll occasionally agree to eat is pasta or pancakes(w/ syrup of course). She does EVERY bad thing a diabetic can do save main-line injecting maple syrup. How can I help her? Or should I even try? I'm inclined to just wash my hands of it and leave her to do as she wishes. ANY info or suggestions given are falling on deaf ears or ignored and the ignorance is feigned when her decisions or actions are questioned. She begs and whines for help...but only help with what she wants...open her soda...make her pancakes...cook the pasta. I dont know what to do. I'm of the opinion to stop helping her cuz enabling is not helping. But anything healthy I try to do fr her like proper food, low in refined sugars/carbs is rejected. How does one help uncooperative diabetes patients like this? Or do I just leave her to her devices?

Positive thoughts and prayers are with you and your mother.



Among other family members both, me, my mother, my father, my paternal grandmother and my maternal grandfather are(were)diabetics, so i can relate to what you and your mother are going thru.

I can't say for certain what your mother may be thinking but as far as her eating schedule and how she might be feeling both mentally and emotionally, Rodeo pretty much hit the nail on the head.

From what you mentioned. Your mother sounds like shes hurting both physically and emotionally. Its kind of like she's in a snowball effect and its taking a toll on her. Her having a chronic, debilitating and painful disease like Crohn's, and having diabetes on top of that? I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I do understand that she has to want to change and is making her situation worse, but if you don't have any other family members, the burden is probably going to mainly be yours. I do understand that her behaviors are taking a toll on you and you do have a right to be upset with the whole situation. None of it is really fair, but thats the reality.

My dad's behavior was kind of like how you describe your mother's. He would eat all kinds of bad food, smoke, drink alcohol excessively (no no for diabetics), and what not. I tried to get him to change his patterns but he never really did. He died at age 55. In part due to diabetes.

My mother died back in august. And although, as it stands now, there were other factors that directly and indirectly led to her death, she did have some kidney disease and diabetic neuropathy. She was 68.

I said that to say this...


I understand what you said about your mom not having a death wish but as you already stated, the reality of the situation is if she doesn't get her diabetes under control, she will probably die from diabetic complications...


Even if it is frustrating, time consuming, not appreciated, not working, filled with sadness, anger, etc, please do what you can to prevent your mother's needless death from diabetes.

One last thing.

Most hospitals, some church groups and the YWCA, have programs and support groups that help people with diabetes. Something like that would probably be good for your mother. Support from people with the same condition can make a big difference in a persons life.

You and your mother take care.

[Edited 1/16/14 16:17pm]

just want to wish you and your mom success dealing with this

Sounds like she's seriously depressed and in some major denial. I'm really sorry. That's tough to deal with.

I, too, have a loved one with a chronic illness and it's sooooooo hard to see them suffer when you know they're not doing everything they can to care for themselves. I don't have any advice to offer, other than to try to find a way to make peace with the struggle as much as you can. Seek counseling if it gets you down to much.

my only other idea was to design some kind of fun plan for her to try out and develop new habits for an agreed amount of time, after which she can decide if she feels the same and wants to continue her ollder habits. in most of what i've read, 3 is the magic number of weeks of practice for a new habit to take root and for new neurons to mature. some kind of fun, positive kickstart to engage her imagination for at least 21 days, maybe something you can participate in with her in solidarity.

i can relate, my mom rarely listens to anything i tell her about. i Believe your Mom will heal soon!

it sounds like she is very depressed maybe? i'm praying for her and you.

I wish YOU the best, as for your mom you cannot make her do or behave in her best interest, you just cannot do it -- let that go-- as hard as that is to do.

People self destruct for many reasons and you can try to be the voice of reason but most time it doesn't work, there are so many factors that go into it.

I have a first cousin who has diabetes and has lost three of his toes on his left foot and his whole right foot was amputated because of his disregard to his diet. No one could make him see the dietary light NO ONE he simply gave up on himself and he is only 34 years old!

Don't beat yourself up do what you can, don't do what you cannot do, and forgive yourself for all the rest.

Bless you and your family

CarrieMpls said:

Sounds like she's seriously depressed and in some major denial. I'm really sorry. That's tough to deal with.

I, too, have a loved one with a chronic illness and it's sooooooo hard to see them suffer when you know they're not doing everything they can to care for themselves. I don't have any advice to offer, other than to try to find a way to make peace with the struggle as much as you can. Seek counseling if it gets you down to much.

Carrie, you beat me to the punch, girl. Exactly what I was going to say. I'm a type II diabetic controlled with Janumet. I know how your mom feels, BobGeorge. I pretty much eat what I want, but I eat in moderation. I will get a craving for chocolate and buy a big bag of those mini candy bars, eat about 10 pieces over the course of a week and then give the rest of it to the kids in my neighborhood.

Like Carrie said, there isn't much you can do to change her. She has to want to change herself. I just hope nothing serious happens that will incapacitate her even more. She is treading lightly because she could lose her vision, have a stroke and become paralyzed, but I'm sure she's aware of all this.

Do you likw to cook? Perhaps you can make her a dish that is low in all the bad stuff but full of flavor. If you could prepare enough of them and then freeze them, she could have at least one healthy meal a day.

artist76 said:

Hi bobgeorge, I think this is 3rd time I'm mentioning this on the org, but I highly recommend the book "Difficult Conversations" by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton and Sheila Heen, of the Harvard Negotiation Project. I had the good fortune to attend one of the Project's panel discussions with Fisher and Ury, and it is life changing. I think I mentioned it on a thread titled "dealing with not seeing your kid" and an imago thread about ethnic conflict in Asia. What I said there before was that Difficult cOnversations is like a manual, and very practical oriented (it's about getting results, from the same think tank as the book "Getting to Yes," written by lawyers and businessmen). It is not like the "self help" books that may have the same or similar title. I can't stand those self help books, they re annoying. If you invest a few weeks to really read and digest, and maybe practice, the techniques and exercises in the book, I think you can improve the situation with your mom. The book is not long, and the techniques are not hard - they are just counterintuitive. They are the opposite of what most people usually say and do, which makes relations between people bad/worse. So you have to be mindful of the advice, and careful to NOT speak and behave as you typically do but instead do as they outline in the book. If you don't have any time for the book, or doubt what I say, go straight to page 137-146 "do you have purposes that make sense?" and see if that doesn't help you already. There's also a sample conversation "before" and "after" scenario of a kid taking to diabetic mom about taking care of herself - exactly your problem! It's on page 164. The "Before" dialogue is the typical way we talk to our mom. The "after" dialogue shows how to talk when you shift your purpose to listening and understanding. Believe me, I have tried these techniques, even followed a script almost word for word, and the other person responded exactly like in the script! It works just like the book said it would! Yes, the book does talk about "forgiving yourself" and "your identity" and about emotions, but again, it's not like those annoying psychoanalyzing self-help books; it's put in the context of achieving RESULTS in your interactions with people. Wish you the best!

::makes note of the book:: thanks!

To me it sounds like mom needs some tough love! I sense she is used to getting her way with these antics... You and your family need to stand your ground... If she doesnt comply, walk away.... not forever, just for the episode..lol....

Dont bring the bad foods into the house... If its not there, she cant eat it... And hey, if she goes out to get it at least thats some exercise!

I think people have given into her basically just to get her to be quiet... It will be tough, but IMO tough love needs to happen! AND STICK TO IT!

tinaz said:

To me it sounds like mom needs some tough love! I sense she is used to getting her way with these antics... You and your family need to stand your ground... If she doesnt comply, walk away.... not forever, just for the episode..lol....

Dont bring the bad foods into the house... If its not there, she cant eat it... And hey, if she goes out to get it at least thats some exercise!

I think people have given into her basically just to get her to be quiet... It will be tough, but IMO tough love needs to happen! AND STICK TO IT!

Exactly. I got kind of pissed reading about her antics. She is a master of manipulation. BobGeoge, you're on the right track distancing yourself. I was going to suggest you do just that. You've been patient enough and your mom will continue to use emotion to manipulate everyone. Like Tinaz said, if you don't bring the bad stuff in the house and no one else does, she will be forced to go out and get it herself. Heaven forbid she falls out in the street on one of her sugar search escapades. But what really got me was that bit about her being insistent that the nurses feed her like a baby. COME ON! If she pulls that again, I would inform the nurses under no circumstances should they comply with her demands. AND I would tell the kitchen not to include any damn angel food cake or anything sweet other than a piece of fruit. And how in the hell can anyone eat lying flat on their back for God's sake?! She must have acid reflux something awful.

Shyra said: