KingBAD said:

KingBAD said:

alphastreet said:

^ I myself work in a high stress environment with people facing issues along the same lines, but need to take my own advice sometimes, so I can relate Kingbad: I've been told I'm rude and inconsiderate too, but it's cause I'm outspoken at home and let go of feelings though I also know not everyone is receptive to it. I've pissed guys off cause of being blunt and stubborn with them, and yes, selfish which I needed to be with those ones. Anyways I'm reserved in public and come off as awkward and naive at work and in public, when really I just want to break out into singing Bad lolll as in bad-ass, strong willed, interesting, but feel I'll be rejected and I don't take criticism well so I get brain freezes and can't make comebacks. But with some friends I cut off last year, call this tasteless but with one I said a rude goodbye through text and sent a detailed email after a response later, calling her out for everything though also trying to sound objective. With others, I just ignored texts or was blunt if they incovenienced me or stepped on my boundaries.

if it hurts to NOT be yo'self

you may need another occupation....

DON'T TAKE MY ADVICE, I DON'T WORK!!!

with that bein said, i'm only sayin this because

of the earlier post.

i don't have anything that i take from home to the public

or any thing that i bring from the public to my home.

i live my life to entertain myself, and that keeps me pretty mellow.

a lot of times it flows out to those around me and that makes me

happier...

BE HAPPY!!!

What I'm doing right now is definitely not easy, but I'm okay with doing it, although I feel good about the idea that I don't need to be stuck doing it forever for 20 years or so like family in the generation before me. The thought of being stuck freaks me out. It's been about 4-5 years I've been working, but feel that life would be incomplete without touching people in a creative way that inspires them, but I have no discipline. I used to indulge in my musical hobbies and have passion, but lost it after some things happened and am only now beginning to restore it slowly, like healing emotional wounds. And when I feel manic, I want to take on everything though when I'm the opposite, I feel like the stupidest person on the planet and resort to beating myself up so bad. Also this sounds dumb but I used to like the idea of being quiet and mysterious though being full of adventure too when you really get to know me, but I don't like the idea of rumors and gossip, which REALLY hurts, so I have to calm down and choose my words and actions carefully now and stop being so guarded.

PaisleyRose said:

Yes, been feeling like that alot lately. I've been stuffing my feelings with food, not good. I know I need to express myself and my feelings, but I don't think anyone cares anymore. No one is listening - what's the point

I don't know if I can call myself an emotional eater, but I do feel really good if I'm eating my favourite food, like things are good, and try to remember to say little thank you prayers. And when I'm stressed out, I have a habit of drinking tea, even at hours that will throw off my sleep, and I'll sip on it for half an hour to an hour while online or something cause it calms me down, though once it wears off, I'm down again and that means I start getting agitated and have to sleep it off or talk it out with someone.

tinaz said:

No...

ditto

PaisleyRose said:

^ I notice only stress eat when I'm watching TV excessively, and I only watch excessive TV when I'm upset. When I feel more in balance, I usually release my stress creatively (artistic expression). Even just writing down my feelings in a journal helps. I'm going to try and cut out the TV for awhile. I just need to deal with all the dissapointments I've had lately. Do you spend more time online when you're trying to numb? Maybe the tea is just along for the ride and the real numbing is the time spent online.

I've spent excessive amounts of time online for the past 13 years or so, though I've beat myself up for it too. I feel like my time management was poor and I could have done so much better with things though I would also go through periods without it, like if I had finals and stuff like that, or no working computer for ages. I would mostly go on to talk about my favourite music and do it obsessively and even to a point get caught up with their lives, though it would be within fan communities and during the days before twitter and facebook. I tried to balance my life though with school, work and volunteering, but being online was like escapism for sure in a way, though I also feel like I wasted so much of my life away. I keep telling myself not to do that anymore, but it's hard, so I'm trying to get into reading and writing again as well as watch funny shows. I wish I could meditate and pay off all the frivoulous purchases I made when depressed, and that will calm me down. I used to shop like crazy when stressed, but am more in control now.

Whenever reading one of Imago's threads, I need to numb it ALL...the feelings, the mind, the body & the soul.

ThisOne said:

[Snip altered post by Dren5 - luv4u]

[Snip - luv4u]

Dren5 said:

ThisOne said:

[Snip altered post by Dren5 - luv4u]

[Snip - luv4u]

Well if you want to re-word it all that way, I feel like that about myself a lot, and yes I can be an asshole

Dren5 said:

ThisOne said:

[Snip altered post by Dren5 - luv4u]

[Snip - luv4u]

i only feel like that when my kids r away..... not being with them sends me 2 this dark horrible place

i wonder if u would ever understand this??? i wonder if you know how 2 love or how 2 feel pain and sorrow??? i feel sorry 4 u because u seem so bitter and taking it out on me seems to b the only thing that makes u happy

you can go around these pages saying what u like but u know what my dear.... those who know me know te truth

and thank u i will have a good night

PaisleyRose said:

Everything will come together in time,... for both of us. We just have to keep pushing forward.

I have to remind myself I'm not as old as I make myself out to be. I think right now I feel more motivated than I have in ages, but I'm worried about when this state of mind will crash and what will cause it. There's a book I'm reading right now about people feeling helpless cause they want to do too much, don't know where to start and end up wasting time, and how they can re-organize themselves.

I crashed so hard in 2009 and believed my life was over, and felt like walking dead with no more purpose, and the dark feeling would not go away for ages cause of what I was upset about and a buildup of what was bothering me for years and at the time. I'm still recovering but have come a long way for sure.

Here is the book I'm reading:

http://www.amazon.ca/Refuse-Choose-Revolutionary-Program-Everything/dp/1594863032

Let me know what you think.

I was about to start a topic and remembered I already did.

I've been manic all week, and everytime I was triggered, I snapped. I just can't calm down and wish I could have something to settle down. I'm really on edge right now

At one time, not too long ago, I probably would have said yes.

But, now---not. I want to feel more. The problem is that I just don't. I don't really get all that sad anymore--I rarely have strong tears or emotions well up in me---I come off as a bit cold these days, even when I don't mean to be. I honestly am a kind, warm person--but, I just don't speak or outwardly project myself that way.

It's not that I want to have my heart broken or torn to shreds--it's more that I just want to feel some passion in something. I want to get angry--I want to get jealous and jump up and down with joy---but what really just ends up happening is I have some lukewarm contemplative moment. I would not say that I'm depressed though as I actually feel happy and content the vast majority of the time---it's just that I dont' feel extremes anymore....and those extreme emotions used to help me achieve things.

I can relate to the last part, those extreme feelings would also push me, but now it's not the same and it's like a loss. Now I just feel helpless and like I'm not good at anything even though I know I'm blessed too in a lot of ways, I just have inner demons that are hard to deal with. I don't feel emotions I want sometimes, but when they come, I can't handle them anymore. Life just distorted so many of them and it's swimming around and I'm getting cyclic thoughts all the time.

musicology54 said:

I usually just write music. Whenever I'm happy or sad. I have this drum machine app on my phone so I can make different beats depending on my mood.

I write words and phrases that make no sense, and sometimes it sounds like poetry. I'll write lyrics too, sometimes they'll have melodies. I'm too lazy to use my keyboard or I'll come up with hooks at times. But for my moods it can get dangerous, cause when I start doing it, my ego shoots up high and I start feeling like I'm great though I know I'm not, and then I feel worthless. I know it's black and white thinking, but I was delusional for years.

Okay I've really been manic and can't calm down, and my family is telling me that too, and I have been that way for 2 weeks. I even snapped the other day, it's so hard to turn off, and my meds aren't helping anymore. I'm switching my psychiatrist soon finally, but the last one I tried to change to was terrible. I feel like keeping mine or getting a new one is not going to make a difference, and I'm even being told by others to just detox, but I'm so afraid of that too. I really feel stuck and want to know if anyone dealt with this too. I can't sleep tonight.

No. I would rather deal with them so anything that makes me feel sad/mad/bad/etc goes away.

Numbing doesn't deal with the issue.

The hard part though is knowing how to deal with your feelings in a positive way so you can feel better, I still don't know how to do that. But I don't want to numb them or ignore them.

[Edited 7/17/12 10:04am]

I don't like these feelings, but I also don't mind them.

I am comfortable with feeling sad, angry or anxious. Because I know it's not going to last forever.

I cherish the moments that I feel happy and cheerful, because I know it's not going to last forever.

I allow myself to stay in bed and cry. Because I know that the average time for a crying fit is 5 minutes. Then it fades. The same for laughter, I can laugh out loud, because I know I will be able to stop. It doesn't last longer than 5 minutes.

I just experience my emotions. I apreciate the function. It's my compass for life.

If I am sad for most of the time, I know it's time to make some changes in my life.

Since I've lowered my standards, I'm doing so much better. I don't need to have an impressive career or number of friends. I don't need a huge house, filled with expensive stuff.

I'm okay with being a nobody and societal misfit. Fortunately I have a few loving friends and familymembers. I strive for a solid and cheap house, simple lifestyle, so I can afford to spend my time on work that I like and value. I take care not to become dependant of others for my own needs. In that way I don't have to endure negative influences by anybody. I can cut them out of my life, because I can take care of myself.

Unfortunately, this is still work in progress................when I want to avoid myself and my life, I log on to the org.

Yeah I also believe it's important to get it out which is why I try to enjoy what comes out too when it does, but I hate feeling numb when it happens without a choice and it later on comes out aggressively. I have a huge anger problem, though it's trapped anger that manifests itself.

alphastreet said:

Okay I've really been manic and can't calm down, and my family is telling me that too, and I have been that way for 2 weeks. I even snapped the other day, it's so hard to turn off, and my meds aren't helping anymore. I'm switching my psychiatrist soon finally, but the last one I tried to change to was terrible. I feel like keeping mine or getting a new one is not going to make a difference, and I'm even being told by others to just detox, but I'm so afraid of that too. I really feel stuck and want to know if anyone dealt with this too. I can't sleep tonight.

I don't think it's a good idea to stop medications without supervision of a psychiatrist.

Make sure you keep contact with your psychiatrist.

You can help yourself by at least lying in bed at night. Even when you don't fall asleep, the rest is good for your body.

Make sure you eat healthy food and avoid allergenic foods. So, eat salads, rice with vegetables. Avoid gluten (wheat), dairy and dairy products and cut down on sugar. Don't drink alcohol or sodas. Just water.

Also, distract yourself with nice reading, eg. The time travelers wife. Don't expose yourself to heavy books, upsetting films or people that cause drama. Don't watch the news or any tv to long.

Make a nice long walk and remind yourself that all your great plans are just that. Don't act upon your own manic state. Only care for yourself, the way you would care for a friend who has to deal with the things you are dealing with.

What would you advise a friend who has your issues? What should that person do, you think?

dJJ said:

..............when I want to avoid myself and my life, I log on to the org.

dJJ said:

alphastreet said:

Okay I've really been manic and can't calm down, and my family is telling me that too, and I have been that way for 2 weeks. I even snapped the other day, it's so hard to turn off, and my meds aren't helping anymore. I'm switching my psychiatrist soon finally, but the last one I tried to change to was terrible. I feel like keeping mine or getting a new one is not going to make a difference, and I'm even being told by others to just detox, but I'm so afraid of that too. I really feel stuck and want to know if anyone dealt with this too. I can't sleep tonight.

I don't think it's a good idea to stop medications without supervision of a psychiatrist.

Make sure you keep contact with your psychiatrist.

You can help yourself by at least lying in bed at night. Even when you don't fall asleep, the rest is good for your body.

Make sure you eat healthy food and avoid allergenic foods. So, eat salads, rice with vegetables. Avoid gluten (wheat), dairy and dairy products and cut down on sugar. Don't drink alcohol or sodas. Just water.

Also, distract yourself with nice reading, eg. The time travelers wife. Don't expose yourself to heavy books, upsetting films or people that cause drama. Don't watch the news or any tv to long.

Make a nice long walk and remind yourself that all your great plans are just that. Don't act upon your own manic state. Only care for yourself, the way you would care for a friend who has to deal with the things you are dealing with.

What would you advise a friend who has your issues? What should that person do, you think?

Just saw him today and was going to switch, but was prescribed Luvox. It sounds like I need treatment for it cause I was given it for OCD symptoms, but I also have anxiety and have suspected PTSD and in the past he told me I had acute stress when I went into shock. But the symptoms sound really bad, and if I'm dizzy and something happens, no one can help me at work, and I'm worried about it causing violent or suicidal tendencies cause this is the drug the columine killer was on and that scares the shit out of me. Like I said, I'm doomed if I take something, I'm doomed too if I don't though now I think what if I am better off and am just adding to it if I take more? I wouldn't stop the bipolar drug completely, but I feel like I'm dependent now and I hate it, and I sometimes feel like this is what's going to kill me in the end.