My family is REALLY small, disjointed and seems to lack the "glue" that keeps families together and close. It seems like no matter what I try to do, say, etc. we are just disjointed and nobody seems to really want to make things better. I'm getting to the point where I don't really care anymore. I want a close, tight knit family but it seems impossible at this point. Are some families really just lacking that "something special" to make it really solid? It seems like beyond talking about the weather and other small stuff, there's really nothing there. I've tried having a heart to heart talk with immediate family and they either get angry or act like nothing's wrong when others who are close to us would say otherwise. Should I just give up? If blood is thicker than water, why the hell does it seem like my family is full of strangers who look alike?

We learn about family from our parents, grandparents and even surrogate parents aka parental role models. Mother/Father are the foundation and if they are screwed up then its a good chance the kids will be screwed up as well. Even for those who find the strength, wisdom and inspiration to break the cycle of dysfunctionalism, they still carry a bit with them. I hate to think of a family as doomed unless there is abuse, drugs, and the involvement of child protection services. Perhaps your journey to being close and tight knit is going to take a little longer than you would like. Don't give up if its something you really want. Also, you can start your own family and find comfort in them. Friends can be family too.

HotGritz said:

We learn about family from our parents, grandparents and even surrogate parents aka parental role models. Mother/Father are the foundation and if they are screwed up then its a good chance the kids will be screwed up as well. Even for those who find the strength, wisdom and inspiration to break the cycle of dysfunctionalism, they still carry a bit with them. I hate to think of a family as doomed unless there is abuse, drugs, and the involvement of child protection services. Perhaps your journey to being close and tight knit is going to take a little longer than you would like. Don't give up if its something you really want. Also, you can start your own family and find comfort in them. Friends can be family too.

Yeah, I guess it has a lot to do with previous generations and whatnot. I live several hundred miles away from my family and even when I lived under the same roof up until a few years ago, it seemed like emotionally we were miles apart even then. I spend every holiday and birthday alone. They say they will come to visit and never do. It's just lipservice. But, when I'm there they resent me for leaving, it's like WTF am I supposed to do, stay around here and be miserable?

I dunno, for those of you who have relatives that you hang out with, who you know love you, who you feel safe around, consider yourself blessed...

hang in there seventeen. living is learning.

Have you determined what your family patterns are? Resolving some of that stuff can help pull people together.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Have you determined what your family patterns are? Resolving some of that stuff can help pull people together.

Yeah, I think the main problem is people holding grudges and really doing the WORK require to build relationships, not just kinda thinking the bullshit is gonna just go away on its own.

I'm scared that I'm gonna end up in the same mess in the future, I dunno....tried having a convo with fam today on the phone and it was pretty much the same old crap as before. It's like people are comfortable with dysfunction and that's that....oh well, IDGAF anymore aside from trying to be there for my nephew....

yes...