Tell me some, i want to be entertained.

I'll start..

My great grandfather was some Italian man living in Alabama , who stole two cows and the owners threatened to kill him. So,he fled to West Virginia and changed his name to Curtis (my mom's maiden name)which was taken from an ad from the Curtis gum.

I kinda don't believe it but whatever.

My dad was a drunk and would close the bar down on the regular. When he came home sometimes he liked to cook. One night he attempted to make fried cabbage but used lettuce instead. Another night he made spaghetti. As he was cooking, he let out a fart but accidentally shit his pants. He decided to take his shitty underwear and throw them in the river that was right next to our house so that no one would know what happened. Oh, he thought he was so clever.

The next morning we saw dad's shitty drawers hanging from the tree.

JuliePurplehead said:

My dad was a drunk and would close the bar down on the regular. When he came home sometimes he liked to cook. One night he attempted to make fried cabbage but used lettuce instead. Another night he made spaghetti. As he was cooking, he let out a fart but accidentally shit his pants. He decided to take his shitty underwear and throw them in the river that was right next to our house so that no one would know what happened. Oh, he thought he was so clever.

The next morning we saw dad's shitty drawers hanging from the tree.

whut was the spaghetti like

JuliePurplehead said:

My dad was a drunk and would close the bar down on the regular. When he came home sometimes he liked to cook. One night he attempted to make fried cabbage but used lettuce instead. Another night he made spaghetti. As he was cooking, he let out a fart but accidentally shit his pants. He decided to take his shitty underwear and throw them in the river that was right next to our house so that no one would know what happened. Oh, he thought he was so clever.

The next morning we saw dad's shitty drawers hanging from the tree.

Reminds me of the time a friends mum was totally pissed off at burning some toast and threw it out into the garden in a rage and it stuck to some towels hanging on the clothesline.

I don't have any that are safe to share

JuliePurplehead said:

My dad was a drunk and would close the bar down on the regular. When he came home sometimes he liked to cook. One night he attempted to make fried cabbage but used lettuce instead. Another night he made spaghetti. As he was cooking, he let out a fart but accidentally shit his pants. He decided to take his shitty underwear and throw them in the river that was right next to our house so that no one would know what happened. Oh, he thought he was so clever.

The next morning we saw dad's shitty drawers hanging from the tree.

Lisa10 said:

I don't have any that are safe to share

Come on lisa it's the holiday season Pretty please

My mom was asked out by Elvis Presley but turned him down. She liked my dad better.

If she'd ended up marrying Elvis, I wouldn't have been RodeoSchro. I'd have been Lisa Marie Presley.

Which means that ultimately, I would have slept with Michael Jackson.

JuliePurplehead said:

My dad was a drunk and would close the bar down on the regular. When he came home sometimes he liked to cook. One night he attempted to make fried cabbage but used lettuce instead. Another night he made spaghetti. As he was cooking, he let out a fart but accidentally shit his pants. He decided to take his shitty underwear and throw them in the river that was right next to our house so that no one would know what happened. Oh, he thought he was so clever.

The next morning we saw dad's shitty drawers hanging from the tree.

Oh my lord!

I went out with the cousins to a bar at one of my family reunions. The youngest (20) was already quite a drinker, and proceeded to get obliterated.

She was sharing a hotel room with her family, and the next morning, my uncle said "I did not know she sleepwalks--she got up in the middle of the night and peed in her sister's luggage!"

yes....sleepwalk!

RodeoSchro said:

My mom was asked out by Elvis Presley but turned him down. She liked my dad better.

If she'd ended up marrying Elvis, I wouldn't have been RodeoSchro. I'd have been Lisa Marie Presley.

Which means that ultimately, I would have slept with Michael Jackson.

NDRU said:

I went out with the cousins to a bar at one of my family reunions. The youngest (20) was already quite a drinker, and proceeded to get obliterated.

She was sharing a hotel room with her family, and the next morning, my uncle said "I did not know she sleepwalks--she got up in the middle of the night and peed in her sister's luggage!"

yes....sleepwalk!

I would be livid if i was the sister with the pissy suitcase.

RodeoSchro said:

My mom was asked out by Elvis Presley but turned him down. She liked my dad better.

If she'd ended up marrying Elvis, I wouldn't have been RodeoSchro. I'd have been Lisa Marie Presley.

Which means that ultimately, I would have slept with Michael Jackson.

well, she did sleep with him.

or at least in the same house.

you could have married him though

My grandmother on my father side was a gun toting, knife wielding hot looking mama in her day, and claims she's from the island of Barbados. She didn't take no mess from no one. She sold bootleg liquor, during the days of prohibition. Later on, she taught me the bible, about who God is, and took me and my siblings to church. I miss that old lady, and sometimes I have dreams of her.

JuliePurplehead said:

My dad was a drunk and would close the bar down on the regular. When he came home sometimes he liked to cook. One night he attempted to make fried cabbage but used lettuce instead. Another night he made spaghetti. As he was cooking, he let out a fart but accidentally shit his pants. He decided to take his shitty underwear and throw them in the river that was right next to our house so that no one would know what happened. Oh, he thought he was so clever.

The next morning we saw dad's shitty drawers hanging from the tree.

Um... wow! There's no topping this post.

angel345 said:

My grandmother on my father side was a gun toting, knife wielding hot looking mama in her day, and claims she's from the island of Barbados. She didn't take no mess from no one. She sold bootleg liquor, during the days of prohibition. Later on, she taught me the bible, about who God is, and took me and my siblings to church. I miss that old lady, and sometimes I have dreams of her.

I like that.