Nothing at all, if you’re trying to get porked… Ladies and gentleman allow us to introduce you to Baconlube. It’s the world’s first bacon flavored personal lubricant and massage oil. We know what you’re probably thinking… WHY??????

This new product comes from J&D Foods, the company whose motto is “Everything Should Taste Like Bacon,” they started out making something called Baconsalt and something else called Baconaise, but an April Fool’s Joke gone awry has resulted in the latest bacon flavor treat which available for a limited time on the Baconlube.com website.

Here’s what the site has to say:

You’ve always been a lover of bacon. Now you can be a bacon lover, with baconlube™, the world’s first
bacon-flavored personal lubricant and massage oil.

Before you start giving meat-flavored massages, we have one small admission to make – baconlube began as an elaborate April Fool’s prank and was never intended to be a real product. But when the joke ended, the emails kept coming. People harassed us via email, in public and in highly inappropriate ways (thanks for that). The waiting list grew to over 3,000 people. Expectations were built.

So who’s responsible for this highly anticipated creation actually coming to life? You are, that’s who. You and an intern named Martin actually, who sacrificed and offended his taste buds in the name of science on sample after failed sample before this really did taste like bacon.

We’ll make no judgments about why you want this or what you want to do with it, but baconlube is here and it’s real for a limited time. Keep It Sizzlin’.

“There will be no more horrifying bedroom experiments with bacon grease just hot oily bacon-y good times,” said J&D’s Foods spokesman Justin Esch.