I just feel like the lowest scum of the earth right now like even god has cursed me and it's been pre-deteremined and I have no way out of it The thoughts I have and get which are so inappropriate and untrue to how I really am, how I can't change and adapt and be grateful for all the great things I have in this lifetime which I believe is my best, and how I can't get my emotional shit together despite things working out in other areas soon maybe. I'm too anxious about the future and feel like a loser and failure and even when I talk to people I get so anxious and say and do stupid things and may have pushed away a job offer cause of how I responded ughhhh it's like I lack how to talk sometimes though maybe I'm hard on myself but who knows.......

[Edited 8/13/10 18:20pm]

alphastreet said:

I just feel like the lowest scum of the earth right now like even god has cursed me and it's been pre-deteremined and I have no way out of it The thoughts I have and get which are so inappropriate and untrue to how I really am, how I can't change and adapt and be grateful for all the great things I have in this lifetime which I believe is my best, and how I can't get my emotional shit together despite things working out in other areas soon maybe. I'm too anxious about the future and feel like a loser and failure and even when I talk to people I get so anxious and say and do stupid things and may have pushed away a job offer cause of how I responded ughhhh it's like I lack how to talk sometimes though maybe I'm hard on myself but who knows.......

[Edited 8/13/10 18:20pm]

As someone who has been where you are, please believe me when I say it will not always be like this.

yeah I know, I feel much better now thanks for being there, I get so caught up in these moments even if I know there will be a way out of my misery

I've felt all those things too, and sometimes still do.

It will get better, keep trying and never give up. Put your faith in God and take it one day at a time.

abigail05 said:

I've felt all those things too, and sometimes still do.

It will get better, keep trying and never give up. Put your faith in God and take it one day at a time.

though I believe in God, I develop anxiety when I try to pray and start thinking of material things for comfort instead and then blame myself. Thanks to living in fear all the time

Timmy84 said:

*hug*

alphastreet said:

I just feel like the lowest scum of the earth right now like even god has cursed me and it's been pre-deteremined and I have no way out of it The thoughts I have and get which are so inappropriate and untrue to how I really am, how I can't change and adapt and be grateful for all the great things I have in this lifetime which I believe is my best, and how I can't get my emotional shit together despite things working out in other areas soon maybe. I'm too anxious about the future and feel like a loser and failure and even when I talk to people I get so anxious and say and do stupid things and may have pushed away a job offer cause of how I responded ughhhh it's like I lack how to talk sometimes though maybe I'm hard on myself but who knows.......

[Edited 8/13/10 18:20pm]

Try some mediatation, it will reduce ur stress & enable u 2 be more calm in stressfull situations.

littlefish said:

alphastreet said:

I just feel like the lowest scum of the earth right now like even god has cursed me and it's been pre-deteremined and I have no way out of it The thoughts I have and get which are so inappropriate and untrue to how I really am, how I can't change and adapt and be grateful for all the great things I have in this lifetime which I believe is my best, and how I can't get my emotional shit together despite things working out in other areas soon maybe. I'm too anxious about the future and feel like a loser and failure and even when I talk to people I get so anxious and say and do stupid things and may have pushed away a job offer cause of how I responded ughhhh it's like I lack how to talk sometimes though maybe I'm hard on myself but who knows.......

[Edited 8/13/10 18:20pm]

Try some mediatation, it will reduce ur stress & enable u 2 be more calm in stressfull situations.

that's a good idea, I always forget that cause I can't relax, so I try praying but then start thinking about worries

alphastreet said:

yeah I know, I feel much better now thanks for being there, I get so caught up in these moments even if I know there will be a way out of my misery

Vendetta1 said:

alphastreet said:

yeah I know, I feel much better now thanks for being there, I get so caught up in these moments even if I know there will be a way out of my misery

*hug* how are you doing today?

alphastreet said:

Vendetta1 said:

*hug* how are you doing today?

I am groovy. Thank you for asking.

Anytime I had the chance to go to a party tonight but ended up staying in feeling exhausted and down though I know it would have helped. It's almost like I purposely do this to myself but can't break out of it.

There must've been some kind of universal suckage in the cosmos this weekend, because I know a lot of people who were feeling down in the dumps.

hopes you feelin better now...

Genesia said:

There must've been some kind of universal suckage in the cosmos this weekend, because I know a lot of people who were feeling down in the dumps.

I wonder what it was too

XxAxX said:

hopes you feelin better now...

yeah a little this week will be busy

turns out I didn't screw up after all

alphastreet said:

turns out I didn't screw up after all

XxAxX said:

alphastreet said:

turns out I didn't screw up after all

buy yourself a parakeet or a canary. Birds make everything in life awww bedder!

BlackAdder7 said:

XxAxX said:

buy yourself a parakeet or a canary. Birds make everything in life awww bedder!

i like birds too

we are talking about the flying sort of bird, you lech dear sweet man

alphastreet said:

Genesia said:

There must've been some kind of universal suckage in the cosmos this weekend, because I know a lot of people who were feeling down in the dumps.

I wonder what it was too

I cried for hours on Saturday night for no apparent reason - and that is so not like me. And a close friend told me on Monday that she couldn't wait for her husband to get out of the house for awhile on Saturday night so she could have a good cry - again, about nothing.

Universal 'noids. Very weird.

If you're a spiritual person, try this. Thank God for everything in your life. Especially things that seem bad, or like obstacles that can't be overcome.

This is very hard to do, but its power is incredible.

I learned how to do this from a book called "Prison to Praise". The book's author was upset one day about something, when God told him to be thankful for everything He gives him. And that meant everything, because it was all done for a purpose.

If you can do this, it will take all the fear away from whatever it is that's bringing you down. But it's not easy to do, and I have to be honest: I've never had a serious health scare or tragedy since I began doing this. But my faith is unshakeable, and when such an event does occur - as it inevitably will - I'll do my best to thank God for what He is sending me, for there is a reason and that reason is grounded in love.

And here is the book, if you're interested:

http://www.amazon.com/Pri...amp;sr=1-1

yeah that Saturday was very odd, it would have been nice cause I had a party to go to but I ended up staying in

That book looks good, I try to say I'm spiritual but I'm not feeling it though I'm trying to again. Just an example, even last year when mj passed, I kept praying and running off to go for congregation and say all the stuff about it was his time, thankful for the memories, etc. everything you can imagine but it wasn't working for me and I didn't agree with what I was saying, cause I was so angry with how the world was upset, how it happened, how the kids didn't have a dad, how there would be no justice. I ended up giving up on my faith for a few months thinking there can't be a God if he's this cruel(and this is the first time in my life I gave up though it was only for a few weeks, cause I always prayed no matter how bad the situation my whole life) and could not even step into the hall or anything, I would get so panicky and realized I'm afraid of God and all this stuff though I've known for years. But now I'm slowly starting to go again for prayers, and I'm trying to learn about what gratitude really means and how I can use that to guide me in thanking god and being genuine.

[Edited 8/20/10 12:58pm]