Genesia said:

No. They fall in love with the way certain people make them feel about themselves.

I have a theory about love of all kinds. I think the people we love are people who possess qualities we either possess and like in ourselves, or that we admire and wish we possessed. When you love a person who possesses qualities you admire, those qualities are conferred upon you by your association with them (or so you believe/hope).

That's an interesting theory Genesia. But let me ask this: If it's just about the qualities another possesses that we feel we lack, why is it that they say when you look in the one's eyes you believe you are in love with, you get a surge of emotional and physical reactions?

TheResistor said:

ThreadCula said:

People think too much

Not a stupid question at all. And people, IMO, do not think enough.

I think people fall in love with the idea of someone. Especially if it's a new romance. Because how can you really know that person truly until you've spend enough time with them to know if you like them and then love them. Infatuation, lust, etc. is often confused as love.

Now, if you know the person well enough and for some time, then we're working on a different set of parameters, and then maybe we can fall in love with a person.

Just my opinion of course.

Thanks TheResistor.

You said that if it is someone "you know well enough and for some time" that maybe it's possible, but wouldn't this then give credence to the idea that it is related to the qualities that person has that you desire?

The term "falling in love" seems to imply something that happens with a suddeness, something unexpected, something that you have no control over. So is it not possible to meet someone and see something in their eyes that something in you responds to? (As an aside, I'm not sure that I believe in love at first sight, but it seems to me sometimes there are things that just happen in which we have no explanations.)

LayzieKrayzie said:

Yes people really fall in love with a person. Falling in love with the idea of being in love, if that was the case, you'd probably fall in love with each male/female you became involved with. And it's a fact that not every person is in love with the one they are involved with. And I say involved because not all people start actual relationships.

I don't know, I knew a woman who claimed she was in love with every guy she ever dated. She had issues, but that's a whole different story.

novabrkr said:

Yes and no.

To cynical response would be that we don't usually know enough of the other person to really fall in love with whom they "really are".

On the other hand, most people usually have a pretty decent gut instinct in these matters.

So perhaps it's reasonable to assume that the immediate qualities in the other person are something that play the most important part in it. That involves also looks, but they do tend to signal often about what type of qualities the person might possess. In the end, it's not that shallow. You can tell a lot by observing general behaviour.

If you are "falling in love with the idea of falling in love" then I think you are just a specific type of a person and it's not necessarily that frequent with everyone.

Would you say then that "falling in love" is more of an instinctual response to an individual (gut instinct)?

SherryJackson said:

Hmmmmm.....do people really fall in love? Good question...

I know that for me, to "fall in love" means that I would've found someone compatible with me. Someone who shares the same likes/dislikes, same interests, same view on life, same morals, work ethic, etc.. No, I'm not expecting to find someone who is completely like me. I can't even get along with myself. But someone who is different enough to keep interest, and have discussions with. If we differ in opinion, I'd like to be able to discuss it inteligently with him. Perhaps we can come to a favourable solution together. Someone I'd fall in love with, I'd probably also admire them for various reasons. Their view on the world, their career, their compassion, their generosity, etc.

And yes, someone who can accept me for who I am. Someone I'm comfortable with.

I mean, for me...falling in love goes way beyond a physical or sexual attraction. Although, it is important to have an attraction, if a man and woman see eye to eye on several things and are accepting of each other and are willing to love each other through ups and downs, then down the line, a stable family can be formed.

To "fall in love at first sight" doesn't really happen. It's rare that relationships that are formed from just immediate physical/sexual attraction last. That's why a lot of relationships/marriages end in break-ups/divorce. Because by the time the lust/amazement phase passes and you see the other person as they really are, you might not like what you see. That's why you hear a lot of couples complain when they break up, "because you've changed. You're not the person I fell in love with". Not entirely true. They just began to see each other as they really are, and realized they're not compatible with each other. If you associate sexual/physical attraction as a major factor in determining whether you're in love or not, face it, your relationship will not last.

You don't think someone can fall in love with someone who is completely different from you? Someone that might not be compatible with your life, but there is just something-something about that person that you're drawn to, even though you know it would be a hella mess if you got involved with them? (Or maybe that's just lust??)

evenstar3 said:

Absolutely. It's the most terrifying, fantastic feeling ever.

I like your answer evenstar3! (I agree.)

TheVoid said:

That being said, there is no person being loved, and noone loving that person. Only processes. But I'll leave that one alone.

Now you're just getting all Buddhist on us.

DoesNotCompute said:

LayzieKrayzie said:

Yes people really fall in love with a person. Falling in love with the idea of being in love, if that was the case, you'd probably fall in love with each male/female you became involved with. And it's a fact that not every person is in love with the one they are involved with. And I say involved because not all people start actual relationships.

I don't know, I knew a woman who claimed she was in love with every guy she ever dated. She had issues, but that's a whole different story.

I know there are people who have loved every man/woman they have been with. What I mean is like, there are some people who might be in a relationship and they might be in love with the person. That same person could have been or could be in a different relationship in which they aren't in love with their partner. It has happened before. And if it was the "idea of being in love" that people really fall in love with, then the people who are similar to what I just described would have probably "been in love" during all their relationships rather than just some, had being in love with the idea of being love was the case.

I really hope I'm not getting too confusing. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

Love: when an individual cares more about someone else than she/he cares about him/herself, or when you care about someone as much as you care about yourself.

In other words, it's a passionate disease that should be avoided...at all cost...

Both. But I feel that there are different levels of falling in love with a person though.

Symptoms of falling deep in love:

-You would lay your life on the line for them

-Whatever they need you rush to their side

-They are the first person you think of when you wake up and the last person you think of before you go to sleep

-Can't live without that person, if that person were to walk out of your life, it would drive you insane

-They possess qualities that you strongly admire that you may not possess

-They make you want to be a better person

-You are always wondering what they are doing when they aren't in your presence

-You are always thinking of different ways to make that person happy no matter what

Symptoms of falling in love:

-Deep attraction

-Strong Connection

-Care about the person's welfare

-You tend to day dream about that person from time to time

-It would definitely hurt if they walked away from you

Symptoms of falling in love with the idea of love:

-There isn't a strong attraction to the person you are with but you constantly fantasize about how it should be like to be in love with someone else.

-You care more about what the person does for you than what you can do to make that person happy.

Symptoms of falling in lust:

-There's a deep physical attraction with a minimal amount of emotional attraction

-You constantly fantasize about being with that person but mostly in a physical manner

-You feel the need to want to be around the person all the time

-Can't wait to see the person again

-If that person walked out of your life, you would still be okay

[Edited 6/11/10 6:23am]

missfee said:

Symptoms of falling deep in love:

-You would lay your life on the line for them

-Whatever they need you rush to their side

-They are the first person you think of when you wake up and the last person you think of before you go to sleep

-Can't live without that person, if that person were to walk out of your life, it would drive you insane

-They possess qualities that you strongly admire that you may not possess

-They make you want to be a better person

-You are always wondering what they are doing when they aren't in your presence

DISEASE

JoeTyler said:

missfee said:

Symptoms of falling deep in love:

-You would lay your life on the line for them

-Whatever they need you rush to their side

-They are the first person you think of when you wake up and the last person you think of before you go to sleep

-Can't live without that person, if that person were to walk out of your life, it would drive you insane

-They possess qualities that you strongly admire that you may not possess

-They make you want to be a better person

-You are always wondering what they are doing when they aren't in your presence

DISEASE

Why do you call it a "disease"? Have you been burned by being in love before?

missfee said:

JoeTyler said:

DISEASE

Why do you call it a "disease"? Have you been burned by being in love before?

SOunds like the clap actually...

NastradumasKid said:

missfee said:

Why do you call it a "disease"? Have you been burned by being in love before?

SOunds like the clap actually...

LayzieKrayzie said:

DoesNotCompute said:

I don't know, I knew a woman who claimed she was in love with every guy she ever dated. She had issues, but that's a whole different story.

I know there are people who have loved every man/woman they have been with. What I mean is like, there are some people who might be in a relationship and they might be in love with the person. That same person could have been or could be in a different relationship in which they aren't in love with their partner. It has happened before. And if it was the "idea of being in love" that people really fall in love with, then the people who are similar to what I just described would have probably "been in love" during all their relationships rather than just some, had being in love with the idea of being love was the case.

I really hope I'm not getting too confusing. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

I get what you are saying LayzieKrayzie. Thank you for explaining it in more detail for me. I still know a woman who was in love with every single guy she was involved with. Every single time, he was the One. I think for her it was the idea of being in love more than it was the person she was with.

I'm not yet sure what I think about the whole idea of "falling in love". A part of me wants to believe it's possible to be in love with someone, and yet I can't help but wonder just how frequently it truly happens.

I see being "in love" with someone as being something that is unconditional. It's something that just happens, you can't really define it, but it's soul shattering and soul lifting at the same time. But if it's unconditional, if the one you are in love with, was in love with and involved with someone else, how would that person act? Would they be jealous of the other person? Would they feel envious? Would they hurt all of the time? Or, since I see it as being unconditional, would they just be happy the other person is in their Love's life, bringing them happiness and joy, and thankful that the other can make their Love smile? Or is anything like that even possible?

JoeTyler said:

Love: when an individual cares more about someone else than she/he cares about him/herself, or when you care about someone as much as you care about yourself.

In other words, it's a passionate disease that should be avoided...at all cost...

I agree JoeTyler. Run from it as fast and as far as you can, and when you think you've run far enough, keep running anyway, because chances are, you haven't run far enough or fast enough.

missfee said:

Both. But I feel that there are different levels of falling in love with a person though.

Symptoms of falling deep in love:

-You would lay your life on the line for them

-Whatever they need you rush to their side

-They are the first person you think of when you wake up and the last person you think of before you go to sleep

-Can't live without that person, if that person were to walk out of your life, it would drive you insane

-They possess qualities that you strongly admire that you may not possess

-They make you want to be a better person

-You are always wondering what they are doing when they aren't in your presence

-You are always thinking of different ways to make that person happy no matter what

Symptoms of falling in love:

-Deep attraction

-Strong Connection

-Care about the person's welfare

-You tend to day dream about that person from time to time

-It would definitely hurt if they walked away from you

Symptoms of falling in love with the idea of love:

-There isn't a strong attraction to the person you are with but you constantly fantasize about how it should be like to be in love with someone else.

-You care more about what the person does for you than what you can do to make that person happy.

Symptoms of falling in lust:

-There's a deep physical attraction with a minimal amount of emotional attraction

-You constantly fantasize about being with that person but mostly in a physical manner

-You feel the need to want to be around the person all the time

-Can't wait to see the person again

-If that person walked out of your life, you would still be okay

[Edited 6/11/10 6:23am]

It sounds like you've got love all figured out.

missfee said:

NastradumasKid said:

SOunds like the clap actually...

http://www.youtube.com/wa...bw2X1oq_js

DoesNotCompute said:

missfee said:

Both. But I feel that there are different levels of falling in love with a person though.

Symptoms of falling deep in love:

-You would lay your life on the line for them

-Whatever they need you rush to their side

-They are the first person you think of when you wake up and the last person you think of before you go to sleep

-Can't live without that person, if that person were to walk out of your life, it would drive you insane

-They possess qualities that you strongly admire that you may not possess

-They make you want to be a better person

-You are always wondering what they are doing when they aren't in your presence

-You are always thinking of different ways to make that person happy no matter what

Symptoms of falling in love:

-Deep attraction

-Strong Connection

-Care about the person's welfare

-You tend to day dream about that person from time to time

-It would definitely hurt if they walked away from you

Symptoms of falling in love with the idea of love:

-There isn't a strong attraction to the person you are with but you constantly fantasize about how it should be like to be in love with someone else.

-You care more about what the person does for you than what you can do to make that person happy.

Symptoms of falling in lust:

-There's a deep physical attraction with a minimal amount of emotional attraction

-You constantly fantasize about being with that person but mostly in a physical manner

-You feel the need to want to be around the person all the time

-Can't wait to see the person again

-If that person walked out of your life, you would still be okay

[Edited 6/11/10 6:23am]

It sounds like you've got love all figured out.

Yeah well, you have to go through it to fully understand it.

DoesNotCompute said:

JoeTyler said:

Love: when an individual cares more about someone else than she/he cares about him/herself, or when you care about someone as much as you care about yourself.

In other words, it's a passionate disease that should be avoided...at all cost...

I agree JoeTyler. Run from it as fast and as far as you can, and when you think you've run far enough, keep running anyway, because chances are, you haven't run far enough or fast enough.

Why? Have you been hurt before too?

"Love means, never having to say you're sorry".

missfee said:

DoesNotCompute said:

I agree JoeTyler. Run from it as fast and as far as you can, and when you think you've run far enough, keep running anyway, because chances are, you haven't run far enough or fast enough.

Why? Have you been hurt before too?

LOL I guess sarcasm doesn't translate well through message boards huh? I was merely joking missfee.

DoesNotCompute said:

missfee said:

Why? Have you been hurt before too?

LOL I guess sarcasm doesn't translate well through message boards huh? I was merely joking missfee.

Oh okay

Genesia said:

No. They fall in love with the way certain people make them feel about themselves.

I have a theory about love of all kinds. I think the people we love are people who possess qualities we either possess and like in ourselves, or that we admire and wish we possessed. When you love a person who possesses qualities you admire, those qualities are conferred upon you by your association with them (or so you believe/hope).

Is that such a revelation when we all value certain qualities?

IMO..............

Being "in love" = caring , interest for, trusting, and wanting this person because of how they make YOU feel. This is a selfish thing, when they stop making you feel good then its adios (infatuation).

real love = caring, wanting, trusting, and interest for a person DESPITE of how they make you feel. They can piss you off, dissapoint you, make you feel worn the hell out, but you still are there for them, no matter what.

This is the difference between the both to me. In most romantic relationships, it usually starts off with infatuation/attraction but it grows into real love if both parties are compatible.

Real love to me is measured by the relationships I keep with my family.

For instance my sister, we are opposites in every way. She doesn't understand me at all and we are always at odds with eachother. I still try to reach out to her and forgave many trespasses made against me and my children, all her bullying, all her constant insults. I still stay open and honest with her, and I remain protectful of her because others dislike her character and speak ill of her. So I would never be her friend, but I am her sister, I do and always will love her and protect her without reservation. Despite her flaws and how she makes me feel, I still love her.

This is the best way I can describe love vs. being "in love".

[Edited 6/12/10 7:20am]

missfee said:

JoeTyler said:

DISEASE

Have you been burned by being in love before?

No, but I believe in a mix of friendship+lust+companionship ; LOVE is an abstract term, and a disease too (a disease of the brain )

One "falling in lust" this way, please.

paintedlady said:

DoesNotCompute said:

Or do they fall in love with the idea of falling in love?

And where is all of this coming from?

[Edited 6/11/10 9:52am]

dseann said:

DoesNotCompute said:

Or do they fall in love with the idea of falling in love?

And where is all of this coming from?

[Edited 6/11/10 9:52am]

An attempt to convince myself it's only indigestion.