first of all..i don't condone cheating ...but it is so commonplace these days that isn't it more of the rule than the exception? shouldn't the blame/hate really be for the one who is supposed to be committed to you? sometimes the jumpoff doesn't even know that person is involved/married.

your thoughts?
[Edited 4/14/10 4:45am]

I completely agree.

I blame both parties on the cheating end.

There have been many a time when I have been heavily pursued by a person in a committed relationship, and out of respect for the other non-knowing person involved (as well as myself) I have had no problem telling such wish they would be-could be-suitors to kiss my ass and kick rocks. I'm not going to do that to someone else.

Ottensen said:

Both are in the wrong, but you're right...usually the person scorned tends to blame the other person for what happened.

The spouse/"boo" in question should definitely take the brunt of the blame, IMO. But we simply do live in a world where the overwhelming majority of romantic/domestic arrangements suggests a certain level of committed, or at least striven for, exclusivity -- and so a third wheeler knowingly and willingly making themselves party to its failure should also be prepared to take on some of the scorn.

Now if this third party didn't know they were cavorting with a cheater, then I suppose they're just as much a casualty to the deception as anyone. To the extent you wouldn't want to be that, though, the process of actually getting to know the person with whom you're thinking of being intimate is all the more important. When you get involved with a person, in some ways you take on all relevant attachments as you might any STD, for example. May not be fair, but that's life.
[Edited 4/14/10 5:30am]

Yeah, I never understood that either.
Even if the other party knew that your "boo" was involved, that person didn't betray your trust, your partner did.

too many people don't want to admit they could have picked a partner who would or could cheat on them it is easier to blame the other person. tho i believe that is wrong to do. so you get into it with whomever your partner is with somehow bringing you closer at least for the moment with your partner, you even claim ownership. and it also helps to ease any doubts that you could be at fault for your partner cheating. if i did this or didn't do that they wouldn't have cheated...bullshit. instead people turn it into if that other person wasn't such a scum they wouldn't have slept with my partner they should have magically have known he/she was involved. too many people are afraid to stand up for their belief system and say one time and your out period, no discussion. i believe that we are together and until we are not because of many reasons trust, honesty, AIDS and other health issues we remain true to the other.

Fury said:

OH MY GOD!!! THANK YOU!!!

I have always felt this way. And it pisses me off when I hear the contrary.

Because if they blame their spouse, it opens up the possibility that maybe - just maybe - they made a bad pick.

I never understood why anyone would get mad at the jumpoffs but try to "work it out" with the cheater. Don't make sense, if someone cheats on you, it's a sign he or she is up to no good.

Timmy84 said:

Me either. But.

I would definitely be more mad at my partner cheating, but I don't think getting involved with someone who's married in a relationship is cool, either.

NDRU said:

It's best to tell the man or woman bye-bye. And say "be with that bitch" or "be with that asshole".

I would NOT even get mad. I'll tell the wife she has 1 day 2 pack her stuff.