It's generally considered poor manners at best, and culturally/racially insensitive at worst, to ask someone about their ethnic background. And for good reason IMO.

But is there a way to politely inquire? Or this subject just best not brought up?
[Edited 9/11/08 23:10pm]

If I'm especially curious, or I think they're from a particular place, I will ask them where they're from... but only if I'm already in a conversation with them or know of them.

I hope that's not rude

I dont think it should be relevant.

Gimmesomehorns said:

you're right it shouldn't be...

Gimmesomehorns said:

Neither are most things people talk about. Your childhood may nto mean a thing, but most wouldn't hesitate to bring that up or question a person about it.

Gimmesomehorns said:

it isn't really no. but if i get to know someone better, like kids
i used to go to school with, or people i met going out and started
hainging out with, i do ask once there's "a window" so to speak.

what i found is that people appreciated it in the past. it lead to
more intimate conversations that went beyond "school sucks" lol.

i guess the difference is if you're really interested in a person
and care to learn stuff about their bg and all instead of just me
being blunt and going "where are you from originally"

i hate it when i hear someone ask a person that question. it makes
me cringe.

I was once asked if I'm bi-lingual.I do think that was a sly way of narrowing down my ethnicity.

I don't think it's rude at all. Just ask me--that's my attitude.

Plus, I'm curious about other folks and where they are from too. Even other americans--white Americans. It's really neat here because there are SOOOO many accents in America--and it's not always easy to pinpoint where a person is from based on them cause some accents are regional--some are tied to rural vs. urban.


I also get curious about other orgers. Like Istenzek. He's obviously dutch, but not anglo-dutch. And from the waste down, he's obviously all black if you know what I mean. So I find his ancestry very interesting.

I guess it depends on the context or how closely you interact with a person. Talking about travel or food for me seems to be the general way in which a person has happily started talking about their hometown or their favourite food when they were a child. I've always taken a genuine interest in every culture so am always interested to understand or listen to someone share more about a culture other than my own. To just ask about a persons ethnicity just 'because' I don't think is appropriate, ask about the person and they'll let you know what is appropriate the more you interact with them.




Damn, I'm gettin' all know-it-all today

Imago said:

IstenSzek said:

Me too.

Not long ago I was out at a restaurant with a group of friends. All of us were white or white-looking but one guy who's Chinese. After taking our orders, the waitress turned to him and asked flat out, "Where you from?"

His answer? "Uh, Canada."

mynameisnotsusan said:

Yes! TY... I have felt insulted by people wanting to know my race here at the org. (asking to see what my BG was), and if I was white, THEN they would go ahead and befriend me.
As soon as I told them I wasn't white, I never heard from them again. 6 different orgers did that to me here, which I consider extremely rude and in poor taste. I love to learn about different cultures in order to understand different ways of thinking more, I can mix well in any crowd of people, and that affords me to be very comfortable in sharing myself and my heritage with others. I think its so fun to do, esp. with people that never came in contact with someone like me and vice versa.

But it is a turnoff when someone only wants to know what background you are to ease their comfort, to me that is a form of bigotry.

I was on eharmony at one time (yeah, I know ) and the first thing one of the guys asked me about was my "nationality" and that he wouldn't dare to "hazzard a guess".

I do think there is an appropriate way of asking - that for sure ain't it.

Imago said:

I tend to agree

meow85 said:

Yes.....just ask.

usually i shout: "ILL?...WHY YO HAIR SO WAVVVY?!?!"

SirPsycho said:

Mach said:

Me too.

SirPsycho said:

hokie said:

...works like a charm

Political correctness is killing the fine art of small talk.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking someone, "Are you from this area originally?" in the course of getting to know them. (That's usually the way I phrase it if the person isn't obviously from another country.) If it's clear that a person is foreign (and I mean that in terms of their speech - not because they look foreign), I see nothing wrong with asking where they're from. Anyone who would take umbrage at something so innocuous as that isn't someone I'd want to converse with, anyway.

Is "ethinicity" a bad word? Is it really bad manners to ask where somebody is from, what their race is what their religion is, what their ethnicity is? Or does it depend on the way you ask it and your intentions?

If you are genuinly interested and ask kindly, why would I care if you would aks me: what is your ethnicity?

Tremolina said:

So what is your ethnicity ?

Gimmesomehorns said:

Ever? Maybe not if you're talking about some random stranger you see at the grocery store. But I love hearing about my friends' backgrounds, traditions, family life, etc. And I'd want to make sure I didn't just assume someone's ethnicity based on their looks, so I think it's appropriate to ask in a thoughtful manner.

And sometimes I think it's even okay to ask the random stranger in the grocery store, if you're polite and well-intentioned.

i'm a black male in case anybody was wondering

I have a friend who is Native American. She was walking through the mall one day when some guy came up to her trying to sweet talk her, telling her how fine she was. He then started to speak Spanish to her. She just shook her head , smiled and walked away. He then came back up to her about 10 minutes later trying to imitate an Easter Indian. She again shook her head, smiled and walked away. Finally, he came up another 10 minutes later and started to tap his hand over his mouth several times while going "wah wah wah wah" like the stereotypical Native Americans do. She laughed, nodded and left the mall. Now that is not the way to approach the subject.

I usually just ask the person. It doesn't change the way I feel about them however in a lot of cases, there's a story to be told about how they or their family got here that might be interesting.

Mach said:

I don't have a friggin clue!

"What are you?"

Tremolina said:

Graycap23 said:

Yeah, I see no issue with it unless you're trying to use it against that person. I don't know why people are so uptight about wanting to know someone's ethnic background. It's called "gaining knowledge" and possibly finding out if you have similiar backgrounds.

So, my "delicate" approach would be: "We're all pretty much mixed with other ethnicities - I know I am, so, what about you? Because I can see some 'X' and possibly some 'X'. I don't mean to offend or pry though, so it's cool if you choose not to answer." - and usually that lets them know you're not "going after them" in any way and makes them more comfortable in revealing.

Now, if I get a vibe from that person to where I can just ask them straight up "What's your ethnic background?" then I will. Again, it all depends on how you guys are vibing and what's the setting.