Many of you know my story. I'm pretty open about my life and the things that happen in it. Some of you were here when I wrote about my experience with Domestic Abuse, some of you were not. I am writing this thread to honor my cousin Lisa who was murdered 1 year ago and to give purpose to something that seemingly has none.

I wanted to begin this thread by referring to my original thread where I shared my experience with domestic abuse:

http://www.prince.org/msg/100/114206

For those who have not read it, please take a few minutes to do so. This article became my healing. When I first wrote it I basically treated it like a public service announcement, in that I thought it would be too personal for people to want to comment on. Many people cannot talk about their pain, but I can and so I just figured I'd tell my story and put it out there and hope that someone somewhere that needed to hear what I had to say would read it and better their lives. What happened after I posted that took me completely by surprise.

When I wrote that article it wasn't that I didn't put my heart into it, I did. But it was 10 years since I left my abuser and at that point in my life, when I thought about it it didn't hurt me like it used to. When I thought about it, I didn't really cry. I basically considered myself "over it" and it wasn't until that thread exploded, and not until I printed it out and took the time to read everyone's responses that I realized I wasn't over it. AT. ALL.

So many wonderful things happened because of that thread. I made some really deep connections, helped out friends and strangers with my support and advice, and most importantly I found my peace. About a year after I had written that article, I approached my ex. Over that year I thought long and hard about him still being in my life and what I needed to do in order to move forward. There was only on answer and that was forgiveness. When that notion started floating around in my head, it didn't feel right and it wasn't palatable and it was something I really had to struggle with.

One of the reasons I struggled with the idea of forgiveness was because I was doing the work. I was the vicitm. I was the one that was wronged. I was the one who deserved an apology. I should have been approached and not vice versa. But I realized that just because someone will not give that to me, does not mean I cannot have it. It did require work on my part. Just like leaving him in the first place. It was I that left. It was I that took my power back. It was I that re-claimed my own life. And it was I that would ensure I would receive what I deserved and that was true freedom. I had come to realize that the act of forgiveness is not only about what you give that person you forgive, but what you give yourself. It was up to me to cast the chains off of me.

So after a year of soul searching, in my heart I truly finally came to that point of letting it go. And so I took my ex aside one day and told him that I no longer hated him for the things that happened when we were together. I told him that I had written about my experience and that I had found my healing and the reality of it is, that he still to this day has only offered an "I'm sorry" and really nothing more, and that's really all he said when I told him I forgave him. But I. let. it. go. IT no longer mattered that I would never receive the "proper" apology or that I was not the one to be approached. What mattered is that I stood on righteous ground and I arrived there through my own actions. How beautifully wonderful is that?

About a month after I made that step, I got news that a friend of mine had been in a horrible accident. This is the ex girlfriend of my best friend I talk about in my domestic abuse article. After they broke up, I still kept in contact with her because even though she made a lot of mistakes in her life, I really identified with why she was fucked up. Not excusing, but understanding. Her mother died when she was 16 and her older sister blew all the insurance money and she was left to fend for herself. Her family is a fuckin mess. Her older brother is a junkie and a felon, always high and in and out of jail. Her older sister is also a junkie. She was taking care of her younger brother who is retarded and she also took custody of her nephew and niece. As bad as she could be, she also did some good things for her family and she tried to keep a family unit and almost always got spit in the face in return. She was trying to do so much for her family and I felt that she deserved to be recognized for that. I had always hoped that I could remain a positive force in her life to see her to her healing.

I used to drop by and check up on her and the kids every 2/3 months. The last time I dropped by, she was gone. When I tried contacting her at her job, she was no longer there. Strange. I eventually asked my best friend Beth if she had heard from Liza. She said no and I told her that she was no longer at the house or at her job with TV Guide. In the end, we just figured that Liza would eventually show back up and things would be fine. If you knew Liza, you'd know that Liza is going to be juuuuust fine. That girl could take care of herself no matter what.

In February of 2005, She went to Italy with some guy (we don't know who he is) and while there they were driving on a scooter/vespa type thing and they were hit head on by a Ferrari. The person she was with died instantly. Liza broke both her legs, all her fingers, her pelvis, fractured her skull and broke her jaw in 3 places. On top of that she also had a stroke so she has some paralysis, not sure if that was due to the accident or not but that's also happened. She was in Italy recovering for about 4 months and she is now back here in Cali.

My best friend had gone to see her and she told me that she has some memory. She said that she remembered both of us but not really who we were. She doesn't remember the accident and she doesn't remember her old life, just pieces. That's how she remembers us, as flashes of a memory. But she did ask about me and said she wanted to see me. So I didn't have a car and it was really hard for me to get around, especially since I live in the next county over. My friend told me that Liza was not the Liza we knew. That she was gone forever. The prognosis for her recovery was not good. She wanted me to know that so I was prepared when I did ge to ser her.

Last year, the week of my birthday, and about 4 months since finding out about the accident my friend was in, my mother called me at work. She said that my cousin was in a coma in the hospital. 2 days later my mother called to tell me she had died She was only 30 years old. She had gone up to the San Francisco bay to start a new life and got with someone who was going to hurt her. She was 6 months pregnant and he assaulted her in her stomach area and the placenta was ripped in half. She had gone to the hospital up there and left after 2 days. She didn't tell the family what kind of shape she was in, or they would have insisted that she stay in the hospital to recover. Well she called my uncle for the money to come home and she did. The day after she got back she was found in the alley next to the house in a puddle of blood.

Apparently she started to hemmorhage and she had a heart attack. She was on life support for 3 days but her organs were failing and the baby had died and the family decided to pull the plug so that she wouldn't have to live as a vegetable on life support. My family history on both sides was full of abuse and some people made it out to the other side and some never did. I have worked so hard to rid my life of the drama and 2 days before my birthday I am slapped in the face with the reality of what it is I fought so hard to escape. And it hurt me so much that no matter my gain, it wasn't enough to save my cousin.

My cousin Lisa was raped when she was young and she went downhill from there and my mom, sister and I were talking about this and as women and as mothers, they could easily see how losing her first child Lonnie had to have affected her. She lost custody of him because her boyfriend had abused him and every other child she had was abused by the men in her life and consequently she lost them too. It got to the point that she would end up pregnant and the state would just take the kids away from birth.

And I know there is so much to be said about living your life this way but I really believe that she was running from her pain and that she was looking for love and never truly finding it. She felt alienated from her mother. In the Mexican culture, like many on this earth, the parents elevate the sons and ignore the daughters. I can say there was probably this kind of thing going on because my dad's side of the family really believed in all the macho bullshit and that women had a place and that men were the kings of the castle and could abuse or cheat or do whatever they wanted and the women needed to accept that.

The whole family has moved beyond that and have changed their mindset but that isn't to say that my cousin wasn't affected by it. the thing that keeps going through my mind is that this could have been any one of us. Given the right circumstance and a little more insanity, any of us who have been abused could have ended up dead. My ex once held a knife to my throat, pushing it into my skin threatening he was going to kill me. I didn't act afraid, even though I was, and I just told him I was not afraid to die that I was at peace with my maker. I asked "are you?" and he didn't cut me. But he hit me plenty enough.

I really feel that my cousin felt hopeless most of her life. I know what that is like. I know what it is to live in an abyss of darkness surrounded by nothing but pain. I know what it's like to truly feel like there is no hope. Had it not been for my best friends at the time, I could have truly sank into a sense of utter hopelessness. That's how they get you. It's just so awful because she left this guy and still it wasn't enough. One thing that really heartened me in all this is that her last decision in life was to take control and leave.

I never got to share my experience with my cousin and that has hurt me so deeply. There is no telling what she would have done with the information. As it was, she would disappear and then show back up and then disappear again and nobody would know where she was until she decided to show back up again. At the wake, I took my domestic abuse article and I asked my uncle for permission to bury it with her. He gave it and so I buried that with her. It was so important that I could do that as a symbol for her eternal peace and happiness and so that she wasn't buried with no hope, for that is something that brought me nothing but hope.

After the wake I went home and told my mom and my sister about it. My mother and my sister would not go to the wake and they didn't go to the funeral either. My mother has death issues, and well, my sister is still in her hell dealing with her abuser. So I understand why she couldn't exactly face it. But for me I had to make it real the fact she had died. I mean I would have known she was in the casket but I had to see her and be able to express to her my grief and why I was burying my domestic abuse article with her and how I would honor her with the rest of my life. I had to face it. I had to. Facing it was making it a part of me and even though the situation was completely unacceptable, I felt that I was validating her with that choice, saying that I accept her even in her darkest hour. That I accept her completely.

So I'm telling my mom and my sister about the wake and my sister told me something that really haunted me. She said that she had seen Lisa a few years back at the Strawberry festival, which is a local event in my city every year. She said at the festival and that they had made eye contact and she just kept going without stopping to say hi to my sister. Maybe she was ashamed. My sister told me she had a little girl with her and that my cousin looked awful. And I just cried so hard hoping and praying that before my cousin died, that she knew how much the family really loved her. How much we really really did love her. I don't know if she had last thoughts before passing but I just hope, she new we loved her.

At the funeral there were a lot of people I didn't know. Some of her friends and her dad's AA buddies and this guy came walking up with a little girl and my cousin Lisa was making introductions and she introduced the little girl as Lisa's daughter. She is the only child of hers that is not in the system. That is the little girl my sister saw with my cousin at the Strawberry Festival. My cousin named her after my grandmother. Her name is Vicenta and she was just so beautiful and it just shattered my heart that here she is just a little girl and her mother is dead and she will never know her And none of her other kids, if they decide to look for her, will ever get to know her.

The day before the funeral I found some pictures. They were of my grandmother's 80th surprise birthday party. There is a group shot of the grandkids with my grandmother and in it I am standing next to Lisa with my arm around her. I'm so glad I have that memory because not only was the birthday party a surprise for my grandmother but one of the surprises was that we got Lisa to come I remember how happy my grandmother was over that.

2 days after the funeral I was at a bar and i heard "Lights" by Journey and listening to the lyrics I just cried in my beer

When the lights go down in the City
And the sun shines on the bay
I want to be there in my City.....

so you think you're lonely
Well my friend I'm lonely too
I want to get back to my City by the bay

On the way home that night I popped in one of my mixes and latched onto a song called "Last Century Modern" (instrumental version) by Towa Tei. It reminds me of a french beach boardwalk and at the end children are singing.....la la la la la la la. I sat in my car and I saw her journey towards heaven and she is thinkin about the city by the bay....the place she really wanted to go. Her confusion lifts as she comes upon her city. There is a festival..... and the scent of strawberries is in the air. Last Century Modern is playing and in the middle of the festival you can see the top of a carousel. She finds that carousel and all her babies are riding up and down on the horses.....and she has found her happiness.

At the funeral my father really helped me to find a sense of peace and a sense of pride in her. Like I said, there is so much to be said about the way she lived her life but my father was talking with my youngest sister, who really didn't know Lisa very well, and my father stood up for Lisa in a way I really haven't seen anyone else in the family do. He didn't make excuses for her or try and discount the drama that she lived during her life but he spoke of her as a Corona and praised her for doing things Lisa's way. He really talked about her standing up for herself and what she wanted. Her choices were not always the best ones, but she had that one traight that all of us Corona's have (that's my last name if you didn't realize) and that is pride and ego. Sometimes it gets in the way but it can also be our greatest asset and she was thru and thru a Corona....to her dying day. she did things Lisa's way

Sometimes the circumstance of one's death colors the way people remember/view the person who passed. There are some that just about feel that Lisa made the choices she made and really almost deserves to be 6 feet under. Did she live a scandalous life? Absolutely. But she is human first and to forget that is to lose touch with the most important part of ourselves. I am so grateful to my father that he helped me remember her with pride and with love. It isn't that I didn't already love her and well, it's hard to say I'm proud of some of the crazy choices she made but when he reminded my younger sister that she was part of our tribe, I realized that no matter the circumstance that led to her assault and subsequent death, she is a part of us and that makes us a part of her. And when I realize that she had that streak that we all have, I can only love her because that is what makes us who we are.

Back in September I was thinkin about the 6 month anniversary and whether or not I would try and mark it and I got really busy and my cousin Sonia (Lisa's sister) had come in from Texas and we had a family lunch planned for her. I got to my aunts and I realized that weekend was the 6 month anniversary and how totally appropriate that we would all be together. It was the first family gathering since she died. Well my grandmother didn't make it because she wasn't feeling well. That Tuesday she fainted and was admitted to the hospital. She was diagnosed with cancer She has it in her breast and her lymph nodes but she isn't going to treat it.

I went to visit her in the hospital the morning before I left for the San Francisco invasion. My grandmother and I talked about all kinds of family issues and many people in the family have issues with others. I get along with everyone and my grandmother told me she was glad I came alone because she knew she could talk to me in a way she wouldn't be able to with others without worrying about them trying to fulfill personal agedas. She told me this story I had not heard before.

She said one day my father dropped me off at their house in just a diaper. Now my mother has always been a good mother and never neglectful. This time he was watching me because she was at work and he dropped me off so he could screw around. So my mother was being responsible, just wanted to clear that. You have no idea how much my mother has always tried her best to take care of us and for that I love her so much. Well my grandmother was crazed that I had no clothes on and when my mother came home to find us gone, she called my grandmother and she told her I was not with them. This of course sent my mother into worried frenzy but when my mother called back she told my mom that I was with them and that they would file to take custody of me if something like that happened again Basically my grandmother was fiercely protective of me and I felt so great knowing how much she really has always loved me.

She cried and was telling me how she always tried to keep the family together, to no avail. Both my dad and unlce left the families they created, and she told me about how she tried intervening in my uncle and aunts marriage for the sake of the kids. She recognized that they were so wrapped up in their drama that they were neglecting the kids. And I'm not going to outright blame them for my cousins death but she lived the life she did for a reason. I can only wonder if they were more engaged instead of fighting if she would be alive today I have never seen my grandmother cry until the day of my cousins wake. In my whole life I never saw my grandmother cry and so when she knealed at the casket and sobbed, it really hurt me to see her so hurt. And you know, we were both crying by this time because of just how awful my cousin's death was. So damn senseless.....

Well she began telling me she knows how hard a time I had without my dad and that she tried and I told her not to worry and she said she was so proud of me for becoming such a nice young man. She said that I never asked them for anything, unlike others in the family, and that they were so proud of me and how I turned out. I took that opportunity to let her know that I have made peace with my father and that I don't resent him for the past. That came to a great relief to her. I really wanted to provide the kind of peace she would need if she is to pass quickly. I told her how my cousins death has prompted me to seek the role of councelor. It was such a hardcore conversation but it was so good. I was an absolute mess when I left I even cried my eyes out to the 2 nurses that were taking care of her and just thanking them for taking such good care of her.

So now I find myself really thinking about Lisa and missing her. And wondering what my journey's going to be like without her here. This event didn't change my course of direction as far as what I consider my mission in this life, but it has galvanized me in the most amazing way. It's wonderful how god just confirms things at times like this. People have been saying almost the same exact things to me in how this is affecting me and what I am going to do with my life. The best way I can honor her is to focus and to bring peace to others. I know this is my calling. Thank you Lisa for giving me a beautiful gift, even in your death. I could never have imagined that could be so.


To this day, her killer has not been caught and I don't know that he ever will. Back some months ago, my grandmother received a call.

She said she answered the phone:

Hello?

Yes, I'm looking for Lisa Corona

Who is this???

My name is Stephen King and we have an arrest warrant for Miss Corona. Is she living there?

An arrest warrant?

Yes.

Well you're going to have to go to the cemetary to find her.

Cemetary? What do you mean?

What do you think people at the cemetary are doing?

Oh, I'm sorry! *click*

My stomach sank and I had the darkest feeling after hearing this Who knows what the hell this asshole was doing by calling my grandmother's house. Maybe he was trying to see if he could pull Lisa back into his fucked up grip. My grandmother thinks he just wanted to make sure she was dead. His reaction at the end of the call makes me think he was not really sure what his assault did to her. Well now he knows he killed her. I hope to see the day when he is caught and put in jail. But to the police, my cousin is just a statistic. For some reason the cops are focused on the fact she never gave a deathbed confession. Well goddamn, a placenta doesn't just tear in half for no good reason

I spoke about Liza earlier. Well the weekend after my cousin had passed, I felt the need to finally go see Liza. By this time I did have a car and I felt it was time I confronted that whole thing. I didn't know what I would find when I got there. My friend told me that she was forever gone and forever changed. I knocked on the door and after a few seconds it opened up and I heard Rich?! Is that you?! Liza had answered the door and she remembered me I spent about 2 hours with her and we talked and amazingly she had regained a lot of her memory. She was still suffering from paralysis on one side from the stroke but she was walking, when they thought she'd never walk again. She had memory and remembers so much of our own past together, when they thought she wouldn't remember at all. In such a dark dark time I was given such light. What a special gift to find out that I still had a future with a friend I thought was lost forever

There are a few things that bring me a sense of peace in all this senselessness. I believe Lisa came home to die. I really do. I find peace in the fact that even though she ran from the family for most of her life and had so many issues with her parents, that at the last it was the family she turned to....

I find peace in the fact that her last decision in this life was to LEAVE. As a victim, there were some things I really had to come to terms with, namely my role in staying in my abusive situation. Part of the process for me was to accept that I participated willingly. I understand completely the reasons why people stay and why some feel they can't or never leave. I undersand. I felt that way too

I have been there in the darkness and when there is no light, it is mighty hard to see. At the same time, personal responsibility is vital and you are never being responsible to yourself if you never leave. I feel you will never truly heal unless you confront the reasons why you chose to stay. When it comes down to it, you are making a choice and choice can be a gift.

I find peace in how blessed I am to have been able to leave and to claim my own life and in the ways that I have healed from my pain. I am truly truly blessed to be able to accept and embrace forgiveness. Her death makes me realize how blessed I am

I'm thankful that this has brought me closer to my family. The day of her funeral I took the opportunity to tell my dad that I didn't hold any resentment towards him for leaving us. It's a long story between my father and I and the long story short is that he betrayed me (us) most of my life and I haven't actually had "the talk" with him yet, which will be my true final confronting of my issues with him, but I did let him know I didn't hold resentment against him for the past. That was very important for me. I've gotten very close with my grandmother as well.

Lastly I find peace in the gift she gave me in her death. Her death is one of the most profound events of my life and it has helped me to know my role. The role of healer. Last year I tried pursuing a youth counselor position. That did not work out. However I was able to see myself in a different way. No longer a victim, but a victor. I know eventually I will be working in the realm of counseling. I know this. My cousins death just hit home how much the world needs people who can help bring healing and I am committed and focused on living that kind of life.

I quoted this lyric in my initial thread:

You were stealing me away from me
Nobody needed me anymore than me
And It's amazing how the tears fall
Water seeds that grow to be your strength to leave

Cuz I'm finally at the point
where I'm ready for the truth
and anything i do from here to make me happy
is up to me not you.

Nobody needs you more than you. There is no better example than the death of a woman on how important it is that we leave our abusers. Some of us get lucky and live to tell. Some of us don't. It is up to you to make the decisions that will lead to your freedom. And it is so important that we help each other. That we give support and love. It is equally important that you, the abused, accept those things. You might feel you don't deserve it, but you do

Well some of you will recognize many things I have written here. I borrowed from a lot of things I wrote in private But I wanted to share my thoughts with a broader audience and I wanted to share some of the things I have written and some of the things I learned and to reflect on just what this event means in my life. Tomorrow I will be paying my respects at her grave. She is buried in the most beatiful place. Thank you to EVERYONE who has participated in my journey to healing. My friends have played such a pivotal role in finding my way to the light..... I love you all, deeply.

I love you Lisa. I love you baby Anthony

.
[Edited 3/16/07 19:02pm]

I love you Richard and my how fast the year went! ;hug:

Muse2NOPharaoh said:

Karen,

I know I have been a difficult scamp at times For God sakes I tried to kill us with lightning on the way home from Vegas! You will never truly know how inspired I am by the choices you have made for yourself these last few years and how much I truly see you as a role model. Thank you for opening up your home and your heart to me after I experienced this loss. I really needed you all so much and you were there for me. Thank you

.
[Edited 3/14/07 20:17pm]

I can't believe it's been a year...and what a year it's been.

Richard (Richie ) I do hope that everyday you know what a difference you make in this world...just by being who you are. I feel so fortunate to finally have met you in person after so many years and the time we spent together last summer just brought into technicolor your spirit, heart and soul and forever cemented the bond we have as family.
I don't know why you have encountered so much heartache in this life...but, to see you rise from the ashes by taking care of yourself and standing so fiercely next to your family and friends is an inspiration.
You are rock-solid my dear...unwavering in your integrity and love.
I, for one, know how fortunate I am to be travelling throughout this life with you.

I love you, sweetheart.

Wow, Supa.

applekisses said:

Andrea, man you were such a godsend to me. Thank you for opening up your home and heart to me when I needed shelter the most. You were part of one of the most incredible things to happen to me. My trip to Detroit/Port Huron is a huge part of my healing and to all who were there with me, I love you SO MUCH!.

give those beautiful kitties some kisses and hugs for me and I'll be seeing you soon

I can never thank you enough for helping me through to the other side.

HereToRockYourWorld said:

Well I honestly think you have more than re-paid the favor You were one of the people that helped me to see myself differently and that is worth the world


[Edited 3/14/07 21:59pm]

i am simply in awe my dear

whatever you do, however you share yourself... the people on the receiving end are richer as a result - the org included




for lisa

Supa I am so sorry, but I don't have time to read everything properly. Got the jist though, and I want to say you're in my thoughts, and I'm more than pleased that you, yet another person, got away

Stay as strong as you are, its wonderful. I'm sorry for the loss of your cousin

always a

Dear Supa, I have read your post about domestic abuse and this one. You truly are an enlightened person. I found it all very humbling (sp?) that you have been through so much but remain so grounded and giving to others. I share your hopes that the bastard is caught for what he has done to Lisa and her unborn child.

I take my hat off to you.

You deserve much love and every happiness.

Oooooh Richard.

I don't have words, but Lisa would be SO proud of what you do.

You touch so many people with your stories.

Your name will be Victor.....

Wow. I read this all last night after I printed it out -- did you know it's 11 pages long???? Wow. Excellent work, beautifully stated. I could hear your voice telling the story as I read it.

In memory of Lisa

I was listening to this yesterday ~ the song speaks of you my dear Richard. You are strength, depth, compassion and Grace! Love and Light for you and Lisa. n

Grace
She takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name

Grace
It's a name for a girl
It's also a thought that
Changed the world

And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness
In everything

Grace
She's got the walk
Not on a wrapper on chalk
She's got the time to talk

She travels outside
Of karma, karma
She travels outside
Of karma

When she goes to work
You can hear the strings
Grace finds beauty
In everything

Grace
She carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips
Between her fingertips

She carries a pearl
In perfect condition
What once was hers
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stains

Because grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things

Grace finds beauty
In everything

Grace finds goodness
In everything

Bro,

Yesterday I paid my respects at her resting place. It was a beautifully sunny day. and I took this article and I read it to her. I took some music with me. I brought songs that reminded me of her, songs that made me feel her pain and songs that make me think of her in hope.

The very first song I heard the day she died was Bilal's "Sometimes". There is something for everyone in that song. Well as soon as it started that day I couldn't even get through the first 30 seconds before I had to turn it off for fear that I would lose my mind. It begins This is a song that makes me spill out all my guts..... There is one part of the song that is so inspiring to me:

Wish I knew life without no pain
Wish I held the keys to this game, sometimes

I wish I could, be like Moses
round up my people
Move out the ghetto
and live a better life

Who knows truth anyway?
They don't know nothin, who needs their approval?
The sun is in your hand player
move at your own pace, listen to your own mind, do your own thing

I'm sayin it because i love you and I wanna grow with ya babe
But you wanna run in the other direction
So I got to stay on my path until I win,
I win, I win, I win,
I wanna win, I wanna win, I wanna win, I wanna win!.....

I wish in love
I wish in hope
I wish in peace
I wish true
I wish clearly
Wish with no fear
I have no fear
I have no doubt
I wish love....

Back in June of last year, I left a 5 year relationship. It was hurting me so badly and I could no longer ignore the fact that I was continuing to allow myself to be harmed. This relationship wasn't abusive in a physical way, but my partner did not consider me the way I truly deserve to be considered and in the face of my cousin's death, and considering my own past and my own history I could no longer in good faith continue allowing myself to remain in a situation that wasn't good for me spiritually and so I became my own Moses.

And I realized when I left Greg that I could never truly help others if I could not help myself. I'm meant to help to lead people out of the desolation of their lives. To help people to find their personal revolutions and experience their own resurrections. All of these things have happened to me and they are things I wish could have happened to Lisa. I cannot live that life if I allow myself to be hurt. I look at my last relationship as my final stand against dysfunction. In the honor and memory of Lisa, and baby Anthony, I will live the rest of my life in this way.




I don't know if this is coincidence or not but they are resting in a Catholic cemetary and each section is named after a saint. The baby's name is Anthony Lee. They are buried in the section named after St. Antony





This place is surrounded by rolling hills:











There are beautiful memorials and representations of the faith my family believes in:


















Before I left I sat and listened to this song....

Sunshine

It's getting crazy in this place I'm in
No room to breathe, my head's in a spin
No tears to cry cuz I've cried them all
Nothing to cling to, to catch me if I fall

And I know that I can't, wait for help to come
Gotta find the strength in me, to race a nother run.

I still live, for the sunshine
don't give up on the sunshine
I still live, for the sunshine
Sunshine...yeah, the sunshine

Soon I know that this world will end
But I hope to find peace within
A kind of cure, for all the ills
Even when I know most deaths are senseless kills

And I know that I can't wait for help to come
Gotta find the strength in me, race another run.

I still live, for the sunshine
don't give up on the sunshine
I still live, for the sunshine
oh the Sunshine...yeah, the sunshine.....

I won't ever stop seeking the light.

.
[Edited 3/16/07 11:08am]

WOW! What a beautiful resting place.

Richard, I don't really know to respond to this adequately but it goes without saying that you are a complete inspiration to many people here and an absolute wonder.

I am so glad that you have re-gained your life. And allowed the past not to drag you down but feed your courage. I just hope that you and your family have managed to find solace and that Lisa and Anthony are now resting in peace.

With a lot of love and take care, Richard.

Alun

MoonSongs said:

I love this Who is it by?

Grace makes beauty out of ugly things....

emm said:

Thank you emm

For Lisa

Thanks Richard

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

It's U2, honey.

sag10 said:

It really is It's such a strange feeling to be sad amongst such beauty. It definitely helps the heart to know she is in such a lovely spot.

sj1600 said:

Thank you sj