Are people who are unmarried and without kids considered by most in society to be losers? I wonder if in some cases people who are tied down are perhaps a bit envious of those who aren't tied down. What do you guys think? I'm unmarried and don't have kids, so does that make me a loser or winner in the long run?

Lucky for us this is the land of the free...

Free to choose if we have kids or not...

I wish this freedom was recognized in a lot of other subjects...

SeventeenDayze said:

Are people who are unmarried and without kids considered by most in society to be losers? I wonder if in some cases people who are tied down are perhaps a bit envious of those who aren't tied down. What do you guys think? I'm unmarried and don't have kids, so does that make me a loser or winner in the long run?

The grass is always greener on the other side

kpowers said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Are people who are unmarried and without kids considered by most in society to be losers? I wonder if in some cases people who are tied down are perhaps a bit envious of those who aren't tied down. What do you guys think? I'm unmarried and don't have kids, so does that make me a loser or winner in the long run?

The grass is always greener on the other side

My brother is 25, and just got married in August.

My sister is 29 and has a 4 year old daughter.

I'm 31, and my Mother is looking at me like I'm not doing anything with my life

RenHoek said:

Lucky for us this is the land of the free...

Free to choose if we have kids or not...

I wish this freedom was recognized in a lot of other subjects...

I'm in my early 50's, never married, and no kids (unless if you count my four cats as my "fur kids", which some folks do). I don't consider myself to be a loser or unlucky in life at all. Seeing how many couples get divorced now, I think waiting until you are positively sure that you have found the right person to marry, is the smartest thing a person could do for themselves. I see too many people with kids get a divorce, and their poor kids get caught in the middle of their parent's arguments. It's not something that I would wish on anybody!

[Edited 10/4/14 12:08pm]

ScarletScandal said:

My brother is 25, and just got married in August.

My sister is 29 and has a 4 year old daughter.

I'm 31, and my Mother is looking at me like I'm not doing anything with my life

Don't let you mom make you feel guilty for not being married. I remember at someone's wedding (I forget which one, I think it was when one of my brothers got married), my mom and sisters-in-law were talking. They looked at me and said, "You're next!" (meaning that it was my turn to get married). I told them, "I'm in no hurry to get married; don't look at me!". That shut them up in a damn hurry, and they never said it to me again.

SeventeenDayze said:

Are people who are unmarried and without kids considered by most in society to be losers? I wonder if in some cases people who are tied down are perhaps a bit envious of those who aren't tied down. What do you guys think? I'm unmarried and don't have kids, so does that make me a loser or winner in the long run?

No, it makes you smart.

uPtoWnNY said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Are people who are unmarried and without kids considered by most in society to be losers? I wonder if in some cases people who are tied down are perhaps a bit envious of those who aren't tied down. What do you guys think? I'm unmarried and don't have kids, so does that make me a loser or winner in the long run?

No, it makes you smart.

I'm happy to be unmarried and never wanted children. But I'm also happy for most of my friends who chose to have a family. To each their own.

It makes you smart, like he said, but... I'm curious to know why you used the word - "loser" - it's not like getting married is an ACHIEVEMENT or something....?

If you were juggling hearts in a 3 ring circus, and you got driven down to the ground, it would be a REASON to,...... still doesn't make it an ACHIEVEMENT!

domainator2010 said:

It makes you smart, like he said, but... I'm curious to know why you used the word - "loser" - it's not like getting married is an ACHIEVEMENT or something....?

If you were juggling hearts in a 3 ring circus, and you got driven down to the ground, it would be a REASON to,...... still doesn't make it an ACHIEVEMENT!

Well, society does think there's something "wrong" with folks like us.

psychodelicide said:

ScarletScandal said:

My brother is 25, and just got married in August.

My sister is 29 and has a 4 year old daughter.

I'm 31, and my Mother is looking at me like I'm not doing anything with my life

Don't let you mom make you feel guilty for not being married. I remember at someone's wedding (I forget which one, I think it was when one of my brothers got married), my mom and sisters-in-law were talking. They looked at me and said, "You're next!" (meaning that it was my turn to get married). I told them, "I'm in no hurry to get married; don't look at me!". That shut them up in a damn hurry, and they never said it to me again.

Lol I don't feel guilty at all! Marriage and children have just never been priorities in my life. I'm too focused on myself, it wouldn't work.

Neither. There are times when your married friends with kids will look at you with envy, and there will be times when you do the same to them. You'll both be justified to feel that way.

There are more people in the U.S. that are single then are married. I believe this is the first time in history.

As for anything, things will come to you when you are ready.

it doesn't mean anything... it doesn't mean you're a loser... it doesn't mean you're smart

although if i wanted to maintain a meaningful relationship, and found myself unable to, i'd probably have a really good honest look at myself to see if i had some issues that were getting in the way of that happening... i'm not saying that would be the case, but it would be something i'd look at

SeventeenDayze said:

Are people who are unmarried and without kids considered by most in society to be losers? I wonder if in some cases people who are tied down are perhaps a bit envious of those who aren't tied down. What do you guys think? I'm unmarried and don't have kids, so does that make me a loser or winner in the long run?

Losers are deadbeat mom's and dad's

psychodelicide said:

ScarletScandal said:

My brother is 25, and just got married in August.

My sister is 29 and has a 4 year old daughter.

I'm 31, and my Mother is looking at me like I'm not doing anything with my life

Don't let you mom make you feel guilty for not being married. I remember at someone's wedding (I forget which one, I think it was when one of my brothers got married), my mom and sisters-in-law were talking. They looked at me and said, "You're next!" (meaning that it was my turn to get married). I told them, "I'm in no hurry to get married; don't look at me!". That shut them up in a damn hurry, and they never said it to me again.

I assume that you're female and perhaps that's why your mom and in laws were making those comments about you getting married "next". Seems that it was an insensitive and borderline rude thing to say, especially while you're at someone else's wedding for crying out loud

ScarletScandal said:

psychodelicide said:

Don't let you mom make you feel guilty for not being married. I remember at someone's wedding (I forget which one, I think it was when one of my brothers got married), my mom and sisters-in-law were talking. They looked at me and said, "You're next!" (meaning that it was my turn to get married). I told them, "I'm in no hurry to get married; don't look at me!". That shut them up in a damn hurry, and they never said it to me again.

Lol I don't feel guilty at all! Marriage and children have just never been priorities in my life. I'm too focused on myself, it wouldn't work.

I hear ya! I feel the exact same way.

uPtoWnNY said:

domainator2010 said:

It makes you smart, like he said, but... I'm curious to know why you used the word - "loser" - it's not like getting married is an ACHIEVEMENT or something....?

If you were juggling hearts in a 3 ring circus, and you got driven down to the ground, it would be a REASON to,...... still doesn't make it an ACHIEVEMENT!

Well, society does think there's something "wrong" with folks like us.

Dominator---I wasn't suggesting that the reality of people like us is that we are losers but rather seen as losers by society. I don't think of myself as a loser but I definitely see myself as part of a subculture or "untraditional" part of society that hasn't really bought into that whole arrangement of marriage and kids.

SeventeenDayze said:

psychodelicide said:

Don't let you mom make you feel guilty for not being married. I remember at someone's wedding (I forget which one, I think it was when one of my brothers got married), my mom and sisters-in-law were talking. They looked at me and said, "You're next!" (meaning that it was my turn to get married). I told them, "I'm in no hurry to get married; don't look at me!". That shut them up in a damn hurry, and they never said it to me again.

I assume that you're female and perhaps that's why your mom and in laws were making those comments about you getting married "next". Seems that it was an insensitive and borderline rude thing to say, especially while you're at someone else's wedding for crying out loud

Yes, I am female, and yes, I have to agree that it was an insensitive and borderline rude thing to say. But they have never asked me that question again, since I shut them all up. They know better not to say anything like that to me ever again.

psychodelicide said:

SeventeenDayze said:

I assume that you're female and perhaps that's why your mom and in laws were making those comments about you getting married "next". Seems that it was an insensitive and borderline rude thing to say, especially while you're at someone else's wedding for crying out loud

Yes, I am female, and yes, I have to agree that it was an insensitive and borderline rude thing to say. But they have never asked me that question again, since I shut them all up. They know better not to say anything like that to me ever again.

Your story gives me hope It sounds cliche but it really does. There are many ways to find happiness in life besides one path:)

[Edited 10/4/14 16:19pm]

this might be the first time in history that we have a 'choice' about whether we get married and have kids or no. most women never ever did have a choice before now, and men likewise, although not the the same degree. (think, bachelor - and the positive george clooneyish feel of the word, then think spinster, and the negative, not chosen for the dance feel of that word). but in this day and age, we all have more options and are able live our own lives as we choose. should our 'grid' ever fail and bust us back down to a lifestyle of fighting for survival again, we may need to pair up and share the workload as couples once were required to do in order to get by.

XxAxX said:

this might be the first time in history that we have a 'choice' about whether we get married and have kids or no. most women never ever did have a choice before now, and men likewise, although not the the same degree. (think, bachelor - and the positive george clooneyish feel of the word, then think spinster, and the negative, not chosen for the dance feel of that word). but in this day and age, we all have more options and are able live our own lives as we choose. should our 'grid' ever fail and bust us back down to a lifestyle of fighting for survival again, we may need to pair up and share the workload as couples once were required to do in order to get by.

You make a lot of good points especially about choice vs. necessity. That's a big factor these days. I read an article a while back about how this same trend is happening in China. Women who are over the age of 27 and unmarried are labeled as "leftover" women. They tend to have advanced education and are financially independent. They are called leftover women because it seems society there feels the cutoff age for women to be "picked" by men and to procreate afterwards is age 27. It's an arbitrary number, as most numbers are, but it also is a reflection in society of how the more things change, the more they stay the same. I guess there will always be people who subscribe to the old traditions compared to those who seek out trends and self-fulfillment above all else.

SeventeenDayze said:

psychodelicide said:

Yes, I am female, and yes, I have to agree that it was an insensitive and borderline rude thing to say. But they have never asked me that question again, since I shut them all up. They know better not to say anything like that to me ever again.

Your story gives me hope It sounds cliche but it really does. There are many ways to find happiness in life besides one path:)

[Edited 10/4/14 16:19pm]

Glad I was able to help. I agree, marriage is not a guarantee that you will be happy for the rest of your life.

NDRU said:

psychodelicide said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Your story gives me hope It sounds cliche but it really does. There are many ways to find happiness in life besides one path:)

[Edited 10/4/14 16:19pm]

Glad I was able to help. I agree, marriage is not a guarantee that you will be happy for the rest of your life.

I'm glad that you have found happiness with your cats, especially because of the stereotype of women of a certain age having cats instead of a husband or whatever that silly nonsense is.

SeventeenDayze said:

psychodelicide said:

Glad I was able to help. I agree, marriage is not a guarantee that you will be happy for the rest of your life.

I'm glad that you have found happiness with your cats, especially because of the stereotype of women of a certain age having cats instead of a husband or whatever that silly nonsense is.

You mean a "crazy cat lady"? I call myself that (jokingly, of course).

Grass is always greener.

I'm 32 and single without kids. I know a girl at work who is 30, been married since 19 and pregnant with her 4th child. I don't really envy her at all.

My mother is going through a divorce right now at 64 after my step-dad cheated on her. She's now telling me she thinks I have the right adea to be independent as she's not really ever been that way since her early 20s.