Everyone is responsible for their own happiness; if you think someone else is responsible for your happiness, doubt your marriage will last very long. Some people in the United States seem to wallow in I'm OK, You're OK, pyscological bullshit... make your choices and get on with living, damn !

The married thing wasn't the issue for me, it was all the other nonsense outside our door that provided the challenge. The fairy-tale, we shall live happliy ever after marriage is still part of the lexicon, that's the fucking problem. You don't have to lower your standards, but you should lower your expectations on what another human being is cabable of doing and not doing. People you love will disappoint you, sooner or later and vice-versa. Hopefully the sum of who they are negates the shit that drives you crazy.

Your life, your choices, and your business.. who's to judge. As long as I don't have to pay your rent, buy your food, or support your yougins, yo' business. When others have to do that, then I don't wanna hear no bullshit about what people can't say to you.

TD3 said:

Everyone is responsible for their own happiness; if you think someone else is responsible for your happiness, doubt your marriage will last very long. Some people in the United States seem to wallow in I'm OK, You're OK, pyscological bullshit... make your choices and get on with living, damn !

The married thing wasn't the issue for me, it was all the other nonsense outside our door that provided the challenge. The fairy-tale, we shall live happliy ever after marriage is still part of the lexicon, that's the fucking problem. You don't have to lower your standards, but you should lower your expectations on what another human being is cabable of doing and not doing. People you love will disappoint you, sooner or later and vice-versa. Hopefully the sum of who they are negates the shit that drives you crazy.

Your life, your choices, and your business.. who's to judge. As long as I don't have to pay your rent, buy your food, or support your yougins, yo' business. When others have to do that, then I don't wanna hear no bullshit about what people can't say to you.

Wait, what does being in the U.S. have to do with anything?

SeventeenDayze said:

TD3 said:

Everyone is responsible for their own happiness; if you think someone else is responsible for your happiness, doubt your marriage will last very long. Some people in the United States seem to wallow in I'm OK, You're OK, pyscological bullshit... make your choices and get on with living, damn !

The married thing wasn't the issue for me, it was all the other nonsense outside our door that provided the challenge. The fairy-tale, we shall live happliy ever after marriage is still part of the lexicon, that's the fucking problem. You don't have to lower your standards, but you should lower your expectations on what another human being is cabable of doing and not doing. People you love will disappoint you, sooner or later and vice-versa. Hopefully the sum of who they are negates the shit that drives you crazy.

Your life, your choices, and your business.. who's to judge. As long as I don't have to pay your rent, buy your food, or support your yougins, yo' business. When others have to do that, then I don't wanna hear no bullshit about what people can't say to you.

Wait, what does being in the U.S. have to do with anything?

I live in a few places outside of the States... there's a fairy-tale mentality about this country. This whole bullshit about am I happy.... this mess has been going on ad nauseam since the 70's. We seem spend too much time comparing our lives to an ideal that's never existed in the first place. Live your life and do the best you can, its usually good enough. Hell, if I sat around long enough I'm sure I could whip myself into a fit of depression on something that didn't go right in my life.

TD3 said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Wait, what does being in the U.S. have to do with anything?

I live in a few places outside of the States... there's a fairy-tale mentality about this country. This whole bullshit about am I happy.... this mess has been going on ad nauseam since the 70's. We seem spend too much time comparing our lives to an ideal that's never existed in the first place. Live your life and do the best you can, its usually good enough. Hell, if I sat around long enough I'm sure I could whip myself into a fit of depression on something that didn't go right in my life.

Ain't that the truth!

TD3 said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Wait, what does being in the U.S. have to do with anything?

I live in a few places outside of the States... there's a fairy-tale mentality about this country. This whole bullshit about am I happy.... this mess has been going on ad nauseam since the 70's. We seem spend too much time comparing our lives to an ideal that's never existed in the first place. Live your life and do the best you can, its usually good enough. Hell, if I sat around long enough I'm sure I could whip myself into a fit of depression on something that didn't go right in my life.

I think I have an idea of what you're getting at but that seems to be a huge generalization of about 300 million people or so. Everyone is different and just because we don't have a collective dark cloud over our head about everything (as say there is in Europe) that doesn't mean there's this attitude of happiness at all costs. Don't get me wrong, I know exactly what you mean but I'm just saying not all Americans are like that.

married, verrrry late no kids. i got married at 41, and tbh, i never thought about marriage until i met the man i married... because he CAME FOR ME in that way....seriously, so I treated him with the respect his intentions demanded.

got pregnant, but sadly miscarried. after that we left it at that, and we enjoy our life together ...he's 7 years younger than me, and in april 2015 we'll have been married for 10 years.

but in my 20's 30's i always had boyfriends, but i had zero thoughts about getting married - it was never at the top of any list of things i wanted to do, and never thought about it until i met a marriageable man, really. i was of course seen as an oddball, but i was then and continue to be fiercely independent and have so manythings i want out of my life. i was fortunate enough to meet and marry a man that i could trust my life with. he wont ruin my credit, empty my bank account damage his or my reputation annnnnd he's an amazing dj/producer who protects me like a precious diamond. he's all that and a bag of chips

we dont have kids but we have alot...you have to appreciate what you do have i think...

alphastreet said:

Cinny said:

I wonder what your criteria/standards are.

Well it can't be draining with me doing all the work. I know that for sure. He better be able to support himself without relying on me all the time, and equal shared responsibilities at home are important too. I'd like personal space as well and understanding of my condition cause partners in the past were not getting it and had no sense of personal boundaries if I needed it. It's no longer about shared common interests or similar cultural background to be able to relate though those are considered bonuses, respect going both ways is more important. If he doesn't treat his family well especially the females, that's very telling as well. I don't want kids but if I change my mind, he better be a good role model to them and man up.

Yes.

I agree with your standards. He does not have to be perfect. But when he's still emotionally immature as a teenager, whilst being around his 40's, that is below my standard.

dJJ said:

alphastreet said:

Cinny said: Well it can't be draining with me doing all the work. I know that for sure. He better be able to support himself without relying on me all the time, and equal shared responsibilities at home are important too. I'd like personal space as well and understanding of my condition cause partners in the past were not getting it and had no sense of personal boundaries if I needed it. It's no longer about shared common interests or similar cultural background to be able to relate though those are considered bonuses, respect going both ways is more important. If he doesn't treat his family well especially the females, that's very telling as well. I don't want kids but if I change my mind, he better be a good role model to them and man up.

Yes.

I agree with your standards. He does not have to be perfect. But when he's still emotionally immature as a teenager, whilst being around his 40's, that is below my standard.

Yeah the immaturity issue is a big deal and sometimes it's just one of those things that you can't compromise on...

SeventeenDayze said:

psychodelicide said:

Amen! I feel the same way.

Have any of you been suspected or accused of being gay because you're not married by a "certain age"? (NOTE: I am NOT saying anything making a moral judgment on gay folks, just making a point here)

I used to work in a univerity hospital, and one of the department chairman said this to me: "You're such a beautiful young woman. Why haven't you married? Is there some specific reason for thata?" I knew immediately what he was thinking, and I responded, "Well, Dr. Henry, I've never married because the men who proposed I did not want to marry, and the few I would have married never asked. I refuse to marry just for the sake of being able to say I'm married or to satisfy some social expectation. I am and can be happy alone."

I'm sure there have been people who thought I was gay, but it didn't bother me because I knew who I was and was secure in my sexuality. A few times I've been hit on by women, but I let them know I'm straight and not interested in a gay relationship.

It is not necessary to be married or to have kids to be happy.

peacenlovealways said:

29 and been alone for a long long time. My life is strange.

Nothing strange about it to me - 53, alone and loving every bit of it.

Shyra said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Have any of you been suspected or accused of being gay because you're not married by a "certain age"? (NOTE: I am NOT saying anything making a moral judgment on gay folks, just making a point here)

I used to work in a univerity hospital, and one of the department chairman said this to me: "You're such a beautiful young woman. Why haven't you married? Is there some specific reason for thata?" I knew immediately what he was thinking, and I responded, "Well, Dr. Henry, I've never married because the men who proposed I did not want to marry, and the few I would have married never asked. I refuse to marry just for the sake of being able to say I'm married or to satisfy some social expectation. I am and can be happy alone."

I'm sure there have been people who thought I was gay, but it didn't bother me because I knew who I was and was secure in my sexuality. A few times I've been hit on by women, but I let them know I'm straight and not interested in a gay relationship.

That's interesting that a superior at work would say something that was so invasive but I guess some people let their curiousity get the better of their judgment