I was living across the hall from a couple of teenagers whose single mother abandoned them and left them in the apartment for two months by themselves. She left because she could not control them and I guess gave up. Their behavior (and probably the mother not paying rent when she left) ended up getting them evicted. Anyway, the day they moved out, mommie came back and her teenage son whooped her ass. Thank God I don't have kids!!!!!

[Edited 10/15/14 6:33am]

paintedlady said:

I recently bought a loose stone, and emerald of decent quality (over 6 carats) for a ring. I have always wanted an emerald ring, but decided long ago to have one made because I want to design a perfect ring for me.

So I showed my mom the stone and she says... "Oh, is that for your engagement ring?"

No bitch, why would I purchase a stone for my engagement??? WTF? This bitch.

I said: "No, its for a ring I always wanted."

I absolutely will NOT miss her when she's dead. I mean that.

paintedlady said:

I recently bought a loose stone, and emerald of decent quality (over 6 carats) for a ring. I have always wanted an emerald ring, but decided long ago to have one made because I want to design a perfect ring for me.

So I showed my mom the stone and she says... "Oh, is that for your engagement ring?"

No bitch, why would I purchase a stone for my engagement??? WTF? This bitch.

I said: "No, its for a ring I always wanted."

I absolutely will NOT miss her when she's dead. I mean that.

I missed this post!
I'm sorry...

kitbradley said:

I was living across the hall from a couple of teenagers whose single mother abandoned them and left them in the apartment for two months by themselves. She left because she could not control them and I guess gave up. Their behavior (and probably the mother not paying rent when she left) ended up getting them evicted. Anyway, the day they moved out, mommie came back and her teenage son whooped her ass. Thank God I don't have kids!!!!!

[Edited 10/15/14 6:33am]

this pretty much sums it up:

Why more women choose not to marry

from: http://www.cnn.com/2014/1...?hpt=hp_t3

Editor's note: Pepper Schwartz is professor of sociology at the University of Washington and the author of many books, the latest of which is "The Normal Bar." She is the love and relationship ambassador for AARP and writes the Naked Truth column for AARP.org. She is also a senior fellow at the Council on Contemporary Families, a nonprofit organization that gathers research on American families. The opinions in this commentary are solely those of the author.

(CNN) -- Some revolutions happen in a single day; others over decades. The rise of the voluntarily single woman has been happening in Western societies slowly, over time, concomitant with well-paying jobs, legal protection from economic or physical abuse, reliable birth control and the possibility of fulfilling careers and adventures.

Women are marrying at a later age these days, cohabiting with their partners or going in and out of short-term relationships without ever walking down the aisle.

Currently, 53% of women over 18 are ...les column. Put another way, women now have choices that allow them to customize the arc of their lives and some of them find that it is best for them to put marriage aside.

Is this natural? Is this bad? Is this cause for alarm?

We have long counted on women's sacrifices and the compromises they've made to lift societies all over the world. We are worried that if women delay or forgo marriage, the all-important family unit will suffer.

As much as I admire happy couples and families, I think this may be one of the few times in history when so many women could choose from such a full range of life choices without penalty or stigma. Since few people "have it all," why not choose being single if that's the best option?

What it comes down to is people get married when it's a good deal. The question is why isn't marriage a good deal anymore? Here are some considerations.

1. A useless husband

If a woman is poor and only meets equally poor or poorer men, she's in a tough spot. It is no secret that many women do not choose to marry if the available partners will make their economic situation worse.

In some of these cases, even if a woman has a child, she may be better off with government help than a nonworking, noninvolved husband.

2. Success changes everything

When a woman is very privileged or highly successful, marriage could come very easily -- or not. Think of the likes of Elizabeth Taylor, who was married eight times. Or Oprah Winfrey, who for personal or professional reasons, is not married.

Moreover, a woman doesn't need a husband who is a high-powered corporate attorney if she is a high-powered corporate attorney. Taking advantage of economic and professional opportunities could be undermined by committing to a partner with an equally ambitious, or different, life agenda. This kind of woman may wake up every day to new and exciting challenges and think, "best to wait."

3. Unwilling to make traditional compromises

A woman who doesn't want to settle for cooking and cleaning and being the primary parent that society prefers. She is not meeting guys who want the kind of woman she is.

4. The marriage penalty tax

Some women are in an income bracket where marriage inflicts economic costs. She would have to pay more taxes if she marries someone who earns approximately what she makes or more.

5. Avoiding cheating men

A few years ago when I was in China, I had a conversation with some very beautiful female Chinese TV personalities about their personal life. I asked them why they were single and if they wanted to get married.

The three women all said they didn't want to marry because "the men of our class will all expect to have mistresses, and it is better not to marry than have to put up with that." I have no idea if this was an exaggeration or not -- but they believed it.

6. Waiting for the "one"

These women wait for the perfect guy, or the guy who they would fall in love with and love them back just as much. If that man doesn't come along, they prefer to go alone. As women get pickier, more factors enter into the marriage equation.

They may find someone who doesn't quite go the distance even after years of dating. They cohabit with someone and it doesn't work out. Singlehood, never intentional, becomes a fact. But they will not marry just to marry as their mothers or grandmothers might have.

In social psychology, there is a classic theory called "exchange theory." It is a bit cold-blooded, but it predicts that a person's actions will be based on trying to find a balance of give and get. Each person's resources -- of all kinds, including money, looks, background -- are traded back and forth for a "good deal." For example, a "good deal" scenario could be a woman who makes an excellent living pairing up with a man who is a writer and is willing to work at home and be the primary child care person.

When women's life choices were highly constrained, they had little negotiating power. They had to marry or were seen as damaged. A few got away with being "free spirits" but usually they were exceptional in wealth or lineage -- and even so, it wasn't easy.

It's different now. While most women still want marriage, they don't want it at just any price. They don't want it if it scuttles their dreams. Marriage is not dead -- not by a long shot. It is still, to most of us, the house we wish to build for our love, our lover and our children.

But women want to craft a life instead of having it pressed upon them. And that means some of us will be single for a long time, and some of us will be single for life.

I can dig it.

psychodelicide said:

RenHoek said:

Lucky for us this is the land of the free...

Free to choose if we have kids or not...

I wish this freedom was recognized in a lot of other subjects...

I'm in my early 50's, never married, and no kids (unless if you count my four cats as my "fur kids", which some folks do). I don't consider myself to be a loser or unlucky in life at all. Seeing how many couples get divorced now, I think waiting until you are positively sure that you have found the right person to marry, is the smartest thing a person could do for themselves. I see too many people with kids get a divorce, and their poor kids get caught in the middle of their parent's arguments. It's not something that I would wish on anybody!

[Edited 10/4/14 12:08pm]

XxAxX said:

this pretty much sums it up:

Why more women choose not to marry

By Pepper Schwartz

updated 1:01 PM EDT, Wed October 15, 2014

from: http://www.cnn.com/2014/1...?hpt=hp_t3

Editor's note: Pepper Schwartz is professor of sociology at the University of Washington and the author of many books, the latest of which is "The Normal Bar." She is the love and relationship ambassador for AARP and writes the Naked Truth column for AARP.org. She is also a senior fellow at the Council on Contemporary Families, a nonprofit organization that gathers research on American families. The opinions in this commentary are solely those of the author.

(CNN) -- Some revolutions happen in a single day; others over decades. The rise of the voluntarily single woman has been happening in Western societies slowly, over time, concomitant with well-paying jobs, legal protection from economic or physical abuse, reliable birth control and the possibility of fulfilling careers and adventures.

Women are marrying at a later age these days, cohabiting with their partners or going in and out of short-term relationships without ever walking down the aisle.

Currently, 53% of women over 18 are ...les column. Put another way, women now have choices that allow them to customize the arc of their lives and some of them find that it is best for them to put marriage aside.

Is this natural? Is this bad? Is this cause for alarm?

We have long counted on women's sacrifices and the compromises they've made to lift societies all over the world. We are worried that if women delay or forgo marriage, the all-important family unit will suffer.

As much as I admire happy couples and families, I think this may be one of the few times in history when so many women could choose from such a full range of life choices without penalty or stigma. Since few people "have it all," why not choose being single if that's the best option?

What it comes down to is people get married when it's a good deal. The question is why isn't marriage a good deal anymore? Here are some considerations.

1. A useless husband

If a woman is poor and only meets equally poor or poorer men, she's in a tough spot. It is no secret that many women do not choose to marry if the available partners will make their economic situation worse.

In some of these cases, even if a woman has a child, she may be better off with government help than a nonworking, noninvolved husband.

2. Success changes everything

When a woman is very privileged or highly successful, marriage could come very easily -- or not. Think of the likes of Elizabeth Taylor, who was married eight times. Or Oprah Winfrey, who for personal or professional reasons, is not married.

Moreover, a woman doesn't need a husband who is a high-powered corporate attorney if she is a high-powered corporate attorney. Taking advantage of economic and professional opportunities could be undermined by committing to a partner with an equally ambitious, or different, life agenda. This kind of woman may wake up every day to new and exciting challenges and think, "best to wait."

3. Unwilling to make traditional compromises

A woman who doesn't want to settle for cooking and cleaning and being the primary parent that society prefers. She is not meeting guys who want the kind of woman she is.

4. The marriage penalty tax

Some women are in an income bracket where marriage inflicts economic costs. She would have to pay more taxes if she marries someone who earns approximately what she makes or more.

5. Avoiding cheating men

A few years ago when I was in China, I had a conversation with some very beautiful female Chinese TV personalities about their personal life. I asked them why they were single and if they wanted to get married.

The three women all said they didn't want to marry because "the men of our class will all expect to have mistresses, and it is better not to marry than have to put up with that." I have no idea if this was an exaggeration or not -- but they believed it.

6. Waiting for the "one"

These women wait for the perfect guy, or the guy who they would fall in love with and love them back just as much. If that man doesn't come along, they prefer to go alone. As women get pickier, more factors enter into the marriage equation.

They may find someone who doesn't quite go the distance even after years of dating. They cohabit with someone and it doesn't work out. Singlehood, never intentional, becomes a fact. But they will not marry just to marry as their mothers or grandmothers might have.

In social psychology, there is a classic theory called "exchange theory." It is a bit cold-blooded, but it predicts that a person's actions will be based on trying to find a balance of give and get. Each person's resources -- of all kinds, including money, looks, background -- are traded back and forth for a "good deal." For example, a "good deal" scenario could be a woman who makes an excellent living pairing up with a man who is a writer and is willing to work at home and be the primary child care person.

When women's life choices were highly constrained, they had little negotiating power. They had to marry or were seen as damaged. A few got away with being "free spirits" but usually they were exceptional in wealth or lineage -- and even so, it wasn't easy.

It's different now. While most women still want marriage, they don't want it at just any price. They don't want it if it scuttles their dreams. Marriage is not dead -- not by a long shot. It is still, to most of us, the house we wish to build for our love, our lover and our children.

But women want to craft a life instead of having it pressed upon them. And that means some of us will be single for a long time, and some of us will be single for life.

Thanks for posting this. I found myself agreeing with just about every word that was written here. It seems like a lot of women out there are facing the same kinds of decisions to make in life. I know a guy (who I never dated) who hasn't held a steady job in a few years has somehow managed to find a woman who is in love with him and she wants to get a place with him but he's living with his mother at the moment. She seems eager to nest with this guy whose main hobby is gambling and drinking a lot. How does this woman fall in love with this guy who will clearly be on the downward spiral for a while to come? There are many desperate women out there who make it harder for the rest of us who are not so willing to put up with that kind of nonsense just to say we have a boyfriend/husband.

Ego101 said:

I can dig it.

psychodelicide said:

I'm in my early 50's, never married, and no kids (unless if you count my four cats as my "fur kids", which some folks do). I don't consider myself to be a loser or unlucky in life at all. Seeing how many couples get divorced now, I think waiting until you are positively sure that you have found the right person to marry, is the smartest thing a person could do for themselves. I see too many people with kids get a divorce, and their poor kids get caught in the middle of their parent's arguments. It's not something that I would wish on anybody!

[Edited 10/4/14 12:08pm]

NinaB said:

paintedlady said:

To Seventeendayze....

I had 3 kids out of wedlock. People like to judge me too... you need to tell those fuckers what I tell them.

"Stay outta my pussy and don't worry how I fuck... just worry about your own pussy."

I hate it when people try to tell others what they should or shouldn't do, and TRUST me, people have much to say about my life and they assume much. Fuck them. They don't pay my bills. I take care of mine and don't ask for shit. Funny thing is, those same bitches are always asking me for favors.

...A perfect example of why your post's are the fucking shit! Lots of love and best wishes to you & yours Paintedlady!

My mother and sister (my sister is a year older than me) are total bitches to me. They irritate me everytime I am with them. They always say rude shit to me, as if I don't matter. Then they try to smoth it ver with some bullshit "You know we only want the best for you..." BS.

ZombieKitten said:

paintedlady said:

I recently bought a loose stone, an emerald of decent quality (over 6 carats) for a ring. I have always wanted an emerald ring, but decided long ago to have one made because I want to design a perfect ring for me.

So I showed my mom the stone and she says... "Oh, is that for your engagement ring?"

No bitch, why would I purchase a stone for my engagement??? WTF? This bitch.

I said: "No, its for a ring I always wanted."

I absolutely will NOT miss her when she's dead. I mean that.

from me!

Love ya Zombie ( also to Chocolate and Psychodelicide )


I noticed family members in any dysfunctional family (like mine) are textbook cases for saying the most crappy stuff to eachother.

I genuinely think my mom competes with her daughters, sizing us up and NEVER happy when something good happens in our lives. I wish I could say it was only me, but my mther delights in any negative circumstance me or my sister go through. My sister seems to wound deeper than me because she projects hostility towards me if my mom is mean to her too.




Yeah... So stuff like this is typical of her behavior... still, I was dumb enough to be excited and share. Why do I still try with her?

I should have known... :disbeleif: So when I see threads like this... I am reminded that there are people in our lives who just will not celegrate us in any way, ready to pounce on us in any given oppurtunity to hurt us.


Just another day in a world full of bitches... all the more reason to do exactly what makes us happy no matter what that is.

paintedlady said:

kitbradley said:

I was living across the hall from a couple of teenagers whose single mother abandoned them and left them in the apartment for two months by themselves. She left because she could not control them and I guess gave up. Their behavior (and probably the mother not paying rent when she left) ended up getting them evicted. Anyway, the day they moved out, mommie came back and her teenage son whooped her ass. Thank God I don't have kids!!!!!

[Edited 10/15/14 6:33am]

i'm really grateful for my children

the kind of stuff you're describing is extreme and will never happen with them... because i won't allow it to

however that lady's kids are didn't just happen

NinaB said:

paintedlady said:

Love ya Zombie ( also to Chocolate and Psychodelicide )


I noticed family members in any dysfunctional family (like mine) are textbook cases for saying the most crappy stuff to eachother.

I genuinely think my mom competes with her daughters, sizing us up and NEVER happy when something good happens in our lives. I wish I could say it was only me, but my mther delights in any negative circumstance me or my sister go through. My sister seems to wound deeper than me because she projects hostility towards me if my mom is mean to her too.




Yeah... So stuff like this is typical of her behavior... still, I was dumb enough to be excited and share. Why do I still try with her?

I should have known... :disbeleif: So when I see threads like this... I am reminded that there are people in our lives who just will not celegrate us in any way, ready to pounce on us in any given oppurtunity to hurt us.


Just another day in a world full of bitches... all the more reason to do exactly what makes us happy no matter what that is.

I'm Sorry to hear that, I had a similar situation with my "dad" ...it caused me to cut him out of my life 21 years ago. My brother and I (we grew up/live in different countries) both independently came to the conclusion that he's a sociopath. But I must say that it would of been far more damaging if my Mum had competed with me & put me down etc etc. I have known mother's/daughters with that dynamic & it has literally taken my breath away... it does enormous damage to the daughter. The personal experiences I've had with women who treat their daughters like that has made me think the Mums were abused themselves as children & suffer mental health as adults, the sad thing is underneath all of the fuckry they do actually love their kids...it's heartbreaking how history repeats itself. I've also seen how rough & confusing it is when these women pass away because the daughter has a grief that isn't clean for want of a better word. I think you are doing the right thing in the long run by trying to treat them decently... but you know better than anyone that you also have to protect yourself from them...

My mom was abandoned by her parents (all 5 daughters-so 4 of my aunts are crazy bitches too) .

Lord my family is SPECIAL!! God blessed me with a good sense of humor to deal with the situation.

Since she was abused/abandoned I forgive much and only focus on the present in my dealings with her. I do my best not to harbor grudges and tell her when she does hurt me if the pain she is especially hurtful. She operates on guilt when she is nice, so yeah... she's a mess!


The way I parent is I think "What would my mother do" in any situation and do the opposite. So far my kids are great because of the approach. Chain of dysfunction has been broken, THANK GOD!



So dealing with people who say crappy stuff to others has become easier since I got lots of practice growing up at home.

I think kids are a fulltime job and having them isnt something that should be entered into lightly..

They are WONDERFUL though & not all fathers got married to have children nor have all mothers.

there's a lot of choice these days.

SeventeenDayze said:

7thday said:

I'm 51, never married, no kids and no regrets. I see people who are tied down with kids who go to bed at 8:30pm every night. Sad.

That's cool! What time do you go to bed?

Sometimes I'm awake for 40 hours straight.

ZombieKitten said:

7thday said:

I'm 51, never married, no kids and no regrets. I see people who are tied down with kids who go to bed at 8:30pm every night. Sad.

... And hen get up at midnight, and again at 3am

NinaB said:

My family is special too! Shit I wouldn't even know where to start on breaking down that story! I agree with you on the sense of humour thing... comedy is totally underestimated and in my experience a powerful weapon against the dark shit. I was gonna mention the guilt thing, the Mum's bear massive guilt... even if outwardly they are in denial about the harm they have caused or deflect their shit by accusing their kids of being the ones to blame. It is heartbreaking because they hurt themselves and their kids and life is short and unconditional love is rare. I commend you on breaking the chain, that is no small feat, many have tried to change a family pathology and failed. Btw did u ever read "Women who run with the wolves" ? I found it very helpful with understanding my mum and myself. [Edited 10/16/14 5:30am] [Edited 10/16/14 6:05am]

Never read that, but will put that on my must read list. Thanks!

I noticed some people are afraid to have kids because they were victims of dysfunctional parenting, but common sense should kick in and if you are patient enough, you can raise your kids in a healthy environment. The only real obstacle in parenting is your faith in you. IMHO

^ That's why I only have one and my brother has none.

paintedlady said:

NinaB said:

paintedlady said:

Never read that, but will put that on my must read list. Thanks!

I noticed some people are afraid to have kids because they were victims of dysfunctional parenting, but common sense should kick in and if you are patient enough, you can raise your kids in a healthy environment. The only real obstacle in parenting is your faith in you. IMHO

Totally agree, my brother was scared too, as soon as his partner got pregnant he started seeing a therapist... my little nephew is seven now and a very happy little man ...I think lots of us had rough childhood's to one degree or another but still manage to give our children a much better start in life.

Yeah maybe a lot of people are more motivated by fear and just don't realize it. I guess throwing yourself into a career or having high standards (which isn't a bad thing) are some ways that people avoid taking that next step. It's really hard to know sometimes which is which.

In this economy? Dodged a bullet! The question of having family has never been so tricky. Even with TWO incomes, it is tricky to make ends meet. How can anyone be expected to provide for the care of a newborn in their 20s when they aren't making anything (or interning or worse, paying tuition). Honestly.

BONUS: you're damn lucky if your birth control worked.

Cinny said:

BONUS: you're damn lucky if your birth control worked.

Yeah, Cinny. The economy stinks and it's a big reason why I haven't really put myself out there dating wise. It seems to be pointless to try to get married when you can barely take care of yourself with more than one job as it is.

SeventeenDayze said:

Cinny said:

BONUS: you're damn lucky if your birth control worked.

Yeah, Cinny. The economy stinks and it's a big reason why I haven't really put myself out there dating wise. It seems to be pointless to try to get married when you can barely take care of yourself with more than one job as it is.

I believe there is stability in coupling, but once you're making nem babies... nah. I'm surprised whenever anyone decides to undertake it, but often I think the expecting parents were just as surprised.

Cinny said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Yeah, Cinny. The economy stinks and it's a big reason why I haven't really put myself out there dating wise. It seems to be pointless to try to get married when you can barely take care of yourself with more than one job as it is.

I believe there is stability in coupling, but once you're making nem babies... nah. I'm surprised whenever anyone decides to undertake it, but often I think the expecting parents were just as surprised.

Yeah I've heard way too many tales about people who have miserable relationships but they stay together for the sake of the children. I guess that's what seems to be the scariest reality of that situation. You would basically sign yourself up for misery all just for the sake of keeping the family together. I don't know if that's how I want my life to turn out but at the rate that I am going at, I probably won't have to worry much about that in this lifetime

paintedlady said:

ZombieKitten said:

paintedlady said: from me!

Love ya Zombie ( also to Chocolate and Psychodelicide )


I noticed family members in any dysfunctional family (like mine) are textbook cases for saying the most crappy stuff to eachother.

I genuinely think my mom competes with her daughters, sizing us up and NEVER happy when something good happens in our lives. I wish I could say it was only me, but my mther delights in any negative circumstance me or my sister go through. My sister seems to wound deeper than me because she projects hostility towards me if my mom is mean to her too.




Yeah... So stuff like this is typical of her behavior... still, I was dumb enough to be excited and share. Why do I still try with her?

I should have known... :disbeleif: So when I see threads like this... I am reminded that there are people in our lives who just will not celegrate us in any way, ready to pounce on us in any given oppurtunity to hurt us.


Just another day in a world full of bitches... all the more reason to do exactly what makes us happy no matter what that is.

Love you, too!

I'm sorry it's like that for you.

My Mom has always been supportive...
She has always told my sister and me that she just wants us to be happy. She never wanted us to be married just because...
She and my Dad taught us to be independent and to not rely on a man to take care of us.
(My sister has been with the same guy for 9 years, but they're not interested in being married or having kids).

She has a friend who used to throw shade because we weren't married, and would constantly point out that Mommy wasn't going to be a grandmother. Welllll...
Her only daughter got divorced without kids, and she's devastated because now SHE's not a grandma.

I've asked my mom if it matters, and she said that she's fine with it...

The three of us do things together and enjoy each other... My Mom appreciates us the way we are.

SeventeenDayze said:

Cinny said:

I believe there is stability in coupling, but once you're making nem babies... nah. I'm surprised whenever anyone decides to undertake it, but often I think the expecting parents were just as surprised.

Yeah I've heard way too many tales about people who have miserable relationships but they stay together for the sake of the children. I guess that's what seems to be the scariest reality of that situation. You would basically sign yourself up for misery all just for the sake of keeping the family together. I don't know if that's how I want my life to turn out but at the rate that I am going at, I probably won't have to worry much about that in this lifetime

I don't think you should avoid making a family with the assumption you won't like your partner later!

Cinny said:

SeventeenDayze said:

Yeah I've heard way too many tales about people who have miserable relationships but they stay together for the sake of the children. I guess that's what seems to be the scariest reality of that situation. You would basically sign yourself up for misery all just for the sake of keeping the family together. I don't know if that's how I want my life to turn out but at the rate that I am going at, I probably won't have to worry much about that in this lifetime

I don't think you should avoid making a family with the assumption you won't like your partner later!