Oi! Australian people. What the hell?

The Snowtown Murders (aka Snowtown)

This is the first movie since 'Winters Bone' that made me feel like I needed to take a shower when I finished watching it. The filth just drips off the screen from beginning to end. It was a little slow to start, and it's hard to say I "enjoyed" it, but I did like it quite a bit. It made me want to know more about the crimes and the people involved for sure. Becasue what they did is just completely mental to the point of not being able to believe that it really happened, but it did! Some of the acting was a bit spotty, but I don't mind that so much in a movie like this. It ends a bit of realism if it's not so bad as to pull you out of the movie, and that never happened for me with this one. And the locations... ugh! I grew up in poverty, in some pretty bad neighborhoods. But those locations, if anything like the real places where the crimes took place, were gross. Overall I'll go 7.5 out of 10.

[Edited 12/12/12 22:48pm]

Cerebus said:

Oi! Australian people. What the hell?

The Snowtown Murders (aka Snowtown)

This is the first movie since 'Winters Bone' that made me feel like I needed to take a shower when I finished watching it. The filth just drips off the screen from beginning to end. It was a little slow to start, and it's hard to say I "enjoyed" it, but I did like it quite a bit. It made me want to know more about the crimes and the people involved for sure. Becasue what they did is just completely mental to the point of not being able to believe that it really happened, but it did! Some of the acting was a bit spotty, but I don't mind that so much in a movie like this. It ends a bit of realism if it's not so bad as to pull you out of the movie, and that never happened for me with this one. And the locations... ugh! I grew up in poverty, in some pretty bad neighborhoods. But those locations, if anything like the real places where the crimes took place, were gross. Overall I'll go 7.5 out of 10.

[Edited 12/12/12 22:48pm]

I watched that about a month ago, & my impressions of it were much the same. It doesn't mean much to say you like such a movie, but I thought it was very well done, and not exploitative or cheap. It's likely going to leave a person not feeling too good about the world or themselves for having watched it, but as far as true crime dramas go I'd rate this as one of the better ones I've seen.

[Edited 12/13/12 3:56am]

Catfish - 2/5

4/5 2 days in New York I enjoyed it.

I gravitate a lot towards documentaries about women in sub-cultures across the world, whether it be the US or half-way across the globe. This was the last one I watched, found myself kinda wanting to punch out the dudes in the film; descriptions of said men like misogynist, gross, and reckless are words that don't even begin to cover how happily they revel in the exploitation of these women and children. Planet earth can be so F'd up . Anyhoo, I give the documentary

5/

Film synopsis:

Mila works at Heaven, a little bar on “blowjob alley” in Angeles city, the Philippines. Once the site of the United States Clark Air Force Base, the city is now one of the busiest and sleaziest sex tourist destinations in Southeast Asia. Mila lives in tremendous hope that someday a customer will rescue her from Heaven and take her to America.

1/2 out of 5 Kanye stumps

It was good, not great. Far too long for the plot that it had, and far too messy in it's action sense. They were exhausting to watch, and often offputting in how many visual elements you had to sit through. Gullum was great in this one though--more menacing than in the original trilogy.

lincoln .. didnt like it .. reminded me of just how fucked up life was back then ..

jon1967 said:

lincoln .. didnt like it .. reminded me of just how fucked up life was back then ..

then it did its job?

Life of Pi (2012) - A young man who survives a disaster at sea is hurtled into an epic journey of adventure and discovery. While cast away, he forms an unexpected connection with another survivor ... a fearsome Bengal tiger.

It got better as it went along. The ending earned it an extra half star. 1/2

Hitchcock (2012) - A love story between influential filmmaker Alfred Hitchcock and wife Alma Reville during the filming of Psycho in 1959.

This was a nice bit of fluff. 1/2

sexton said:

Life of Pi (2012) - A young man who survives a disaster at sea is hurtled into an epic journey of adventure and discovery. While cast away, he forms an unexpected connection with another survivor ... a fearsome Bengal tiger.

It got better as it went along. The ending earned it an extra half star. 1/2

That's one of my favorite books. If it plays here at the English theatre, I think you just gave me my next idea for date night with the Hub. When he saw the commercial on the tv the other night he was completely transfixed

Notes on a Scandal 4/5 This was bizarre. Different. 2 very lonely women doing some very uncouth things to fill the void.

Argo (2012) - A dramatization of the 1980 joint CIA-Canadian secret operation to extract six fugitive American diplomatic personnel out of revolutionary Iran. 1/2

I wanted to give all my Canadian brethren a hug after watching this. Any Canadian orgers who want a hug from me, come and get it.

sexton said:

Life of Pi (2012) - It got better as it went along.

So did the book. It took me about a hundred pages to get into it. I almost didn't finish it.

So, everone pronounces it "Pie" but it seems like the book said it was pronounced "pee?" Did this come up in the movie?

The Hobbit - 2/5

Martin Freeman's performance was mixed in some scenes, but overall I was impressed (I wasn't expecting much)

Ian was great as always, and Andy Sikey was fantastic.

The visuals were disapointing, and I had a migraine after watching it for 3 hours in 3D. The villians were awfully written/portrayed/translated - the trolls, the goblin & the orc - it almost became a film for 5 year olds. The soundtrack was a little disapointing. The plot was slightly boring, the actions overdramatized, and the characters dehumanized by a missing sense of danger.

Uh, what a disapointment. There were some scenes which reminded me of the Fellowship (the best of the lot) which was great, but overall Jackson missed the ball; I felt like it needed a director to cut out at least 1 hour n a half.

NDRU said:

sexton said:

Life of Pi (2012) - It got better as it went along.

So did the book. It took me about a hundred pages to get into it. I almost didn't finish it.

So, everone pronounces it "Pie" but it seems like the book said it was pronounced "pee?" Did this come up in the movie?

In the movie, the 'i' is short in his original name because it sounds like "pissing", but when Pi creates his nickname to discourage the teasing, he makes the 'i' long, referencing the number "pi".

Sleepwalk With Me - 3.5/5 Very likeable, somewhat like a minor-league Annie Hall.

damosuzuki said:

Sleepwalk With Me - 3.5/5 Very likeable, somewhat like a minor-league Annie Hall.

That one is on my watchlist, but I can't remember how it got there!!

Tonight I watched this old classic

I watched with a 12yo, 11yo and 8yo.

They told me that they thought it was going to be OLD and BORING

(they couldn't keep their attention on Uncle Buck when I tried that one on them, because that was OLD and BORING)

But funnily enough, this movie, despite not being targeted at kids, really kept them entertained - they thought it was a "really good movie!"

sexton said:

Life of Pi (2012) - A young man who survives a disaster at sea is hurtled into an epic journey of adventure and discovery. While cast away, he forms an unexpected connection with another survivor ... a fearsome Bengal tiger.

It got better as it went along. The ending earned it an extra half star. 1/2

Yes, I agree!

I recently saw this movie too. It was awesome. I had read the book a few years back and was worried the movie wouldn't do it justice, but it was excellent!

sexton said:

Life of Pi (2012) - A young man who survives a disaster at sea is hurtled into an epic journey of adventure and discovery. While cast away, he forms an unexpected connection with another survivor ... a fearsome Bengal tiger.

It got better as it went along. The ending earned it an extra half star. 1/2

Saw this yesterday with my 11 year old daughter.....The only showing that suited our time-table was the 3D version...I've grown to hate 3D....but in all fairnes this was easily the best example in how to use the 3D technnology to enhance the experience.

Over all I thought the movie was well acted and a visual feast, haven't not read the book I wasn't comparing but after seeing the film I shal be taking my wife's copy off the shelf and I will be revisiting the Life of Pi.

And I agree completly with Sexton's score 4.5 out of 5.

I saw "The bridge"(2006)

A bunch of leapers jumping off the Golden Gate.I have no rating.

Cleanflix - 3.5/5 Straightforward documentary, & one where I was a touch surprised by the amount of sympathy I had for the "other side's" position.

The Hobbit. 3.75 stars out of 5. It was fun, I'll leave it at that.

Oscar predictions:

Argo will win best picture.

Daniel Day will when best actor for lincoln.

Imma rate two! BTW, don't you like my hoodiness?!? Must be this crappy Cosmo I made. I think there's more booze in it than there's supposed to be.

MOVIE NUMBER ONE - "NATIONAL VELVET"

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A masterpiece! Wow, what a great movie! Totally superb! I highly recommend it to everyone in the world! (OK, that's definitely the Cosmo talking.) But really - this is a great movie. I loved it!

If you've followed my reviews in the past, you know that I don't reall shine reviewing great movies, so let's go to the next one:

MOVIE NUMBER TWO - "THE DEAD AND THE DAMNED"

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ZOMG, cowboys and zombies! What could possibly go wrong?!?

Everything.

Now, I knew going in this movie would suck. That's why I bought the DVD! Because when a movie sucks enough, it goes from sucking to greatness. You fans of "War Horse" know what I mean.

Where to begin? How about with the poster? It promises cowboy zombies with guns and even better - horse zombies! But guess what? There aren't any cowboy zombies with guns, or any horse zombies at all!!! There's almost a cat zombie, though. But face it - aren't all cats zombies to some degree?

So the poster/DVD cover is totally bogus. But still - cowboys and zombies! It's gotta be good, right?

Actually, it starts off really good. The opening scene is a shootout between the hero, who is a bounty hunter, and some bad guys. It is exactly like all the shootouts in the 101 Louis L'Amour westerns I've read. It's awesome. But sadly, it's the only awesome part of the movie.

Unless you're into random boob shots. If you're into that, then there are other awesome parts of the movie to follow. But I won't give anything else about boobs away!

So anyway, the hero (I have no idea what his name was) needs some money so that's why he's a bounty hunter. After offing the bad guys in the opening scene, he asks for the biggest bounty available. You'd think it would be some incredible bounty, like $20,000 right? Nope! It's for $1,000 which is exactly what he got for taking out four bad guys three minutes ago. BUT, it's for an Indian that raped and murdered a white girl. So that makes it special!

The hero rides to "Whiskey Town" which is near where the Indian is hiding out. No one wants him to mess with the Indian, because the last guy that did ended up with his head on a stick. So what? says the hero.

Now, there's a guy in town selling women. You read that right - he's selling women. He'll either sell them as wives or as prostitutes - you pick! I'm sure Adam Smith envisioned the Invisible Hand working in exactly this manner!

Our hero buys a hot blonde, but it turns out there's a third use for women - as bait! He stakes her out in a meadow and waits for the blood-thirsty, white-woman-craving Indian to show up. Unforturnately, the Indian shows up behind our hero while our hero is taking a nap. Boo! That would never happen in a Louis L'Amour novel!

Let's take a break for some gratuitous breasteses. A fat cowboy is oogling a hot chick taking a bath, and she is well endowed! While Fatty McFatterson is peeping his Tom, his buddy starts yelling for him to come back to their mining operation, which is conveniently only 100 yards from where hot chicks take their tops off. The fat guy returns and guess what? They've found a strange meteor that is glowing green! What should they do? Why, abandon the naked hot chick and wheelbarrow that bad boy back to town!

Hey, did you notice Fatty McFatterson has tattoes on his hands? Ooops! I'm not sure how many cowboys had stars tattooed on each hand back in the 1880's, but I'm guessing the number is "zero".

So the rubes bring the glowing meteor back to town. Naturally everyone gathers 'round it while one rube takes to it with a pick. He breaks it, and out pours the worst thing known to man - Zombie Gas! Oh no! Everyone breathes the Zombie Gas and immediately becomes a zombie!

Back to our hero. The Indian approaches the girl, and our hero wakes up, grabs his gun and says, "Hold it!" The Indian laughs at him, so our hero pulls the trigger. Ooops! No bullets! Yet ANOTHER scene lifted directly from the Greatest Christmas Movie Of All Time, "Die Hard". It seems the Indian took the bullets out because he wants to take Our Hero's scalp in battle. (For some random reason - Cosmo! - I've decided to capitalize "Our Hero" from now on, or at least until "Our Hero" gets killed by zombies. Ooops sorry - I guess I should have told you that was a spoiler alert. My bad!)

So they fight, and luckily it turns out Our Hero has a Derringer in his boot, so he wins the fight and handcuffs the Indian. It is exactly at this point the zombies show up.

Hey, guess what? Guess who the only two people in town were that didn't inhale Zombie Gas? That's right - the other two women that were being marketed as wives/whores! Do I even need to tell you there are some more gratutitous breastes shown before they get eaten by zombies?

So now The Great Zombie Fight is on. Suffice to say that Our Hero and the Indian become teammates. Oh, and you'll never guess - it turns out the Indian really didn't rape and murder the white girl! Nope! They were actually lovers, and the girl's father caught them and tried to shoot the Indian, but shot his daughter by accident. So he blamed it on the Indian! That's good, because the Indian is a really cool guy. Too bad a zombie eats his beating heart later. Dang it, there should have been a spoiler alert there!

Oh yeah, I forgot - there's another bounty hunter out there. He's trying to kill Our Hero so he can claim the Indian and the bounty. But here's something! The other bounty hunter only speaks German! Or as Our Hero says, "I don't speak your heathen language". I guess the guy could be speaking Dutch or something, but I'm going with German here, even though it really isn't a heathen language.

Before Our Hero and the Indian get to the business of killing zombies, what do you think this movie needs? That's right - more breasteses! The bait girl has zombie blood all over her blouse, so naturally she needs to take it off and wash it. Of course, a zombie tries to eat her but fails.

Our Hero and the Indian kill numerous zombies, but NONE OF THEM HAVE PISTOLS OR ZOMBIE HORSES. Total Fail.

The Indian loses a fight with a zombie and gets his beating heart torn out and eaten. Our Hero pauses over him and says, "At least they're together now". Philosophy! Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you - the reason why Our Hero needs money is that he got his girlfriend pregnant and wants to provide for her and their child. Now, such a good guy just HAS to survive, right?

Wrong.

A zombie eats his neck off. Before Our Hero dies - and let me point out here that unlike in other zombie movies, when you're bitten by a zombie you just die, instead of becoming a zombie yourself - he asks the bait girl to take his money and give it to his girlfriend. Now, earlier in the movie he'd told the Indian that he needed money to pay the mortgage or his girfriend and her mom would lose that ranch. That was why he'd taken the bounty job of hunting the Indian. But NOW he tells the bait girl there's more than enough money to pay the mortgage. Why, that's a plot hole big enough to ride a zombie horse through!

Bait girl takes the money and now is all alone. Or is she?

Just as she's about to shoot herself with Our Hero's gun, guess who shows up? The German bounty hunter! He kills a lot of zombies and also it turns out he speaks English. Or at least, he knows the words, "Come on!"

They run away from town and are chased by zombies. They run all the way to a cliff, which is too steep for them to climb down. They look at each other. The bait girl has Our Hero's Peacemaker in her hands. She puts the one bullet she has left into it. They look at each other and then charge the zombies.

THE END.

No, really - that's how it ends. Kind of "Thelma and Louise"-y. But that's the only thing this movie has in common with good movies.

I give this movie one-half a beating heart out of five beating hearts.

Les Miserables

Anne Hathaway and Hugh Jackman are awesomely on point and award-worthy.

Baron Cohen and Helena are good but surprisingly meek in their over the top roles.

Russell Crow fucking sucks and destroys one of the shows best songs with his flat-ass singing.

The movie feels like it will never end but it's well executed overall.

3 1/2 our of 5

The Loneliest Planet – I have no problem with movies that are slowly paced or contemplative, that take their time to get where they’re going as long as they go somewhere worthwhile, but this droned on for 113 of the longest minutes of my life. If it had been a little shorter and had fewer endless shots of people walking and walking and walking I would have probably really liked it, but instead it left me feeling completely exhausted and bored. 1.5/5