NDRU said:

TheVoid said:

Back to the topic at hand. My exes are my exes for a reason. After Erik Torkells, I simply can't bring myself to think about the others.

Sometimes the reason is not lack of love, it's just circumstances

Exactly.

Love isn't the only thing that makes a realtionship work, and if it doesn't work, it doesn't mean you don't love each other.

CarrieMpls said:

joseph8 said:

Nope.

An ex is an ex for a reason! If you don't have kids together there is no reason to keep an old flame in the mix. For what? It makes getting past old emotions that much harder and it's really not fair to a new person you may be able to start something meaningful with.

People are just cowards, afraid of letting go and always wanting something to fall back on even if only in their minds.

No guts, no glory.

...and no hate or animosity but when it's ova, IT'S OVA.

But that's still not the question.

I don't particularly keep in contact with any of my exes, but I wish them well and I'm glad to know they're out there.

"Love" doesn't mean there's an active relationship of any kind.

There are many kinds of love.

yes, you don't have to have any contact with them, but they pop up in your mind from time to time and the pain of not having them in you life might be pretty strong even years later.

Or it may not be pain, but simply that you still have feelings for them, as I think you're saying.

NDRU said:

TheVoid said:

Back to the topic at hand. My exes are my exes for a reason. After Erik Torkells, I simply can't bring myself to think about the others.

Sometimes the reason is not lack of love, it's just circumstances

After Omar Hesham El-Sewefy

i cant bring the thought of even going back to men at all

they are just horrible and blecch

Robert ~ yes

Eldon ~ yes

yes I love and respect both my X's

I have no X's...only check marks.

Billmenever said:

I have no X's...only check marks.

that's pretty good!

NDRU said:

Billmenever said:

I have no X's...only check marks.

that's pretty good!

Thanks and it's true too.

I wish them all the best, and harbor no ill will against them, but no, I don't love them anymore.

I suppose there are still feelings of some sort, though. In any case, I don't really see either one of them, so it doesn't matter. Hopefully they are happy doing whatever.

Number23 said:

I tend to think of it rather missing the person I was when I was with them. We don a different duffelcoat with everyone we know, whether we're self-aware to realise it or not at the time. When we lose contact with someone - if they die or are currently estranged - that slice of you is dead (although it can be reanimated in a zombie-like state of delusion, but that's another story). No, a part of you dies there and then - the mourning process of this little taste of true death and eternal oblivion being the yearning and unfulfillment we experience when thinking of those we used to know. All cellular biological material is regenerated every seven or so years in the human body, so there is nothing physical in connection to me and the people in my past. The body and mind they knew - and I knew - is long gone. It's actually like we never met, if it wasn't for what we call memories, which are really just flickering ghosts of half-truths the brain projects on a forever fraying canvas of hope in a grand universal joke - honed by a billion or so years of evolution - to enhance the mental wellbeing of its host. I'm an auld romantic me, aye.

Ingrid Bergman

NDRU said:

Number23 said:

NDRU said:

Ingrid Bergman

Man, if I got everything right all the time, that'd just be scary.

and I agree that perhaps the "everlasting love" of someone who is gone from our lives is really more of a selfish feeling of parts of ourselves and times of our lives that we can never have back.

Sometimes I think of ex and building up how much they mean to me and wonder if it is a lie and I am simply using them to prod myself into feeling something that I used to feel

Probably

NDRU said:

Number23 said:

NDRU said:

and I agree that perhaps the "everlasting love" of someone who is gone from our lives is really more of a selfish feeling of parts of ourselves and times of our lives that we can never have back.

Sometimes I think of ex and building up how much they mean to me and wonder if it is a lie and I am simply using them to prod myself into feeling something that I used to feel

Probably

But did you used to feel that? How can you be sure? The current yearning and fuzzy nostalgia is so pure - unsullied by the irrantional jealosy and near madness you doubtless also felt in conjuntion with 'love' at the time. There's a reason the sun always shines in most memories. Even Scottish ones.

hell I don't even know for sure that they ever existed at all.

When we made love it was great, but the feelings were actually generated by chemicals and nerve impulses in my body. Maybe the whole thing just was about me all along.

NDRU said:

NDRU said:

TheVoid said:

Back to the topic at hand. My exes are my exes for a reason. After Erik Torkells, I simply can't bring myself to think about the others.

Sometimes the reason is not lack of love, it's just circumstances

like geographical distance!

Lammastide said:

ZombieKitten said:

is a pseudo ex called that cause he was only a pseudo lover in the first place? (ie. unfinished business, undeclared feelings etc?)

That's exactly it. Yet the unfinished state of the relationship is somehow seperate from the disposition I developed for him.

that sucks

see my answer earlier, same thing. The one(s) that keep popping up into my thoughts are ones I was never in a proper relationship with, who probably didn't even love me back

NDRU said:

Number23 said:

NDRU said: But did you used to feel that? How can you be sure? The current yearning and fuzzy nostalgia is so pure - unsullied by the irrantional jealosy and near madness you doubtless also felt in conjuntion with 'love' at the time. There's a reason the sun always shines in most memories. Even Scottish ones.

hell I don't even know for sure that they ever existed at all.

When we made love it was great, but the feelings were actually generated by chemicals and nerve impulses in my body. Maybe the whole thing just was about me all along.

yup!

ZombieKitten said:

Lammastide said:

That's exactly it. Yet the unfinished state of the relationship is somehow seperate from the disposition I developed for him.

that sucks

see my answer earlier, same thing. The one(s) that keep popping up into my thoughts are ones I was never in a proper relationship with, who probably didn't even love me back

yes, those who you neve quite got the chance with are the worst!

The two that come to mind for me were proper relationships, but too short, and interfered with by outside circumstances

NDRU said:

ZombieKitten said:

that sucks

see my answer earlier, same thing. The one(s) that keep popping up into my thoughts are ones I was never in a proper relationship with, who probably didn't even love me back

yes, those who you neve quite got the chance with are the worst!

The two that come to mind for me were proper relationships, but too short, and interfered with by outside circumstances

one of mine just moved away! mid fling

unfinished I never even found out if he loved me or not, though he told me he got butterflies when I was in the room and his little sister said he was always talking about me when he visited her, and he asked if I wanted to move interstate with him

sounds like he DID love me UGH

ZombieKitten said:

NDRU said:

yes, those who you neve quite got the chance with are the worst!

The two that come to mind for me were proper relationships, but too short, and interfered with by outside circumstances

one of mine just moved away! mid fling

unfinished I never even found out if he loved me or not, though he told me he got butterflies when I was in the room and his little sister said he was always talking about me when he visited her, and he asked if I wanted to move interstate with him

sounds like he DID love me UGH

of course he did, and probably still does (or loves the feelings his own body produces with its chemicals & nerves)

NDRU said:

ZombieKitten said:

one of mine just moved away! mid fling

unfinished I never even found out if he loved me or not, though he told me he got butterflies when I was in the room and his little sister said he was always talking about me when he visited her, and he asked if I wanted to move interstate with him

sounds like he DID love me UGH

of course he did, and probably still does (or loves the feelings his own body produces with its chemicals & nerves)

You will never forget someone you truly loved........never.

they will pop up in your head from time to time......

maybe you don't love them as much as you did when you were together ,because of the distance factor, but you will still have feelings for them......

I still have feelings for my exes......

Number23 said:

I tend to think of it rather missing the person I was when I was with them. We don a different duffelcoat with everyone we know, whether we're self-aware to realise it or not at the time. When we lose contact with someone - if they die or are currently estranged - that slice of you is dead (although it can be reanimated in a zombie-like state of delusion, but that's another story). No, a part of you dies there and then - the mourning process of this little taste of true death and eternal oblivion being the yearning and unfulfillment we experience when thinking of those we used to know. All cellular biological material is regenerated every seven or so years in the human body, so there is nothing physical in connection to me and the people in my past. The body and mind they knew - and I knew - is long gone. It's actually like we never met, if it wasn't for what we call memories, which are really just flickering ghosts of half-truths the brain projects on a forever fraying canvas of hope in a grand universal joke - honed by a billion or so years of evolution - to enhance the mental wellbeing of its host. I'm an auld romantic me, aye.

disagree! i like who i am now MUCH better than who i was in previous relationships. i miss/care about the person involved, not the mess i was at times during the relationships.

CarrieMpls said:

NDRU said:

Sometimes the reason is not lack of love, it's just circumstances

Exactly.

Love isn't the only thing that makes a realtionship work, and if it doesn't work, it doesn't mean you don't love each other.

CarrieMpls said:

TheVoid said:

It's not a matter of staying IN love with someone, and that's not the question that was asked. My answer really summed it up for me.

If I loved them when I was with them, then yeah, I still care about them. Even if I don't love them in that way anymore, there is still love there.

So it's not IN love, but there is love there. Surely you can understand the difference.

Yes, of course. I can tell the difference. And for both variations, I don't understand how anybody could cultivate a level of affection for their exes. Of course, this is just my opinion. I understand other people think different. Hell, some folks are into necrophelia, and that's ok as long as I'm not expected to be into that kind of thing myself.

lilgraceslick313 said:

NDRU said:

Sometimes the reason is not lack of love, it's just circumstances

After Omar Hesham El-Sewefy

i cant bring the thought of even going back to men at all

they are just horrible and blecch

I have no fucking clue what you're getting at , but it sounds hilarious.

Anyways, I'm going through a girl-only phase right now.

TheVoid said:

CarrieMpls said:

Exactly.

Love isn't the only thing that makes a realtionship work, and if it doesn't work, it doesn't mean you don't love each other.

No, no, no. The circumstances in my case are that I don't love them. I don't care about them. I don't wish them the best. And I'm ok with that. I'm talking about my experiences here. MY exes are MY exes for a reason. And geographical distance is not one of them. The fact that they cheat are are lying ass douchbags? Well, that might be a reason.

I was still thinking of your earlier question of "how does somebody stay in love? I don't understand." And that's one reason, because lack of love love was not why you (some of us) broke up in the first place.

evenstar3 said:

Number23 said:

I tend to think of it rather missing the person I was when I was with them. We don a different duffelcoat with everyone we know, whether we're self-aware to realise it or not at the time. When we lose contact with someone - if they die or are currently estranged - that slice of you is dead (although it can be reanimated in a zombie-like state of delusion, but that's another story). No, a part of you dies there and then - the mourning process of this little taste of true death and eternal oblivion being the yearning and unfulfillment we experience when thinking of those we used to know. All cellular biological material is regenerated every seven or so years in the human body, so there is nothing physical in connection to me and the people in my past. The body and mind they knew - and I knew - is long gone. It's actually like we never met, if it wasn't for what we call memories, which are really just flickering ghosts of half-truths the brain projects on a forever fraying canvas of hope in a grand universal joke - honed by a billion or so years of evolution - to enhance the mental wellbeing of its host. I'm an auld romantic me, aye.

disagree! i like who i am now MUCH better than who i was in previous relationships. i miss/care about the person involved, not the mess i was at times during the relationships.

I agree 100% ~ this is my experience as well