I still very much love my ex and I will always love him . He has been my best friend for 20 years and we were together for 17 years. And I just hope and pray that we will manage to stay friends for life . But it is really hard to do that . Thank God at least my new bf is okay that I still have feelings for my ex.

Very much still in love, maybe even more now becasue i can see how much I took for granted and how much effort she put into the relashionship. More than just still in love, but also feel guilty for letting her down. Its been 6 months now and it stings more now than ever.

Serious said:

I still very much love my ex and I will always love him . He has been my best friend for 20 years and we were together for 17 years. And I just hope and pray that we will manage to stay friends for life . But it is really hard to do that . Thank God at least my new bf is okay that I still have feelings for my ex.

does your new boyfriend feel jealous at all?

kimrachell said:

Serious said:

I still very much love my ex and I will always love him . He has been my best friend for 20 years and we were together for 17 years. And I just hope and pray that we will manage to stay friends for life . But it is really hard to do that . Thank God at least my new bf is okay that I still have feelings for my ex.

does your new boyfriend feel jealous at all?

He says no, but I don't think that's true. According to him he would be even okay if I had sex with him as he loves me and wants me to be happy and knows how lonely I am without him being close to me . Of course I told him that won't ever happen .

He met my bf when I met him back in 2007 and hasn't seen him since as he has never been to my country yet. So it is a pretty weird situation. He knows that I am still very close to my ex even though my ex tries to not be too close to me because of his new gf . I think both my new bf and my ex will feel strange when they see each other again one day.

RPR said:

Very much still in love, maybe even more now becasue i can see how much I took for granted and how much effort she put into the relashionship. More than just still in love, but also feel guilty for letting her down. Its been 6 months now and it stings more now than ever.

I can very much relate, it's the same for me . I am no longer with my ex for 1 1/2 years now and it still hurts so very, very, very much as if it happeend just yesterday .

NDRU said:

- I am friends with a couple of my exes.

- My EX-fiance, hell no.

- my most recent ex: I love him very much, but I'm trying to figure out if it's really about him, or dreading being alone.

Maybe my best female friend that I don't really see anymore.

Serious said:

TheVoid said:

Lammastide said:

I've got only one psuedo-ex, and, yes, I still love him beneath a slew of conflicted feelings I have about him.

But how do you stay in love with somebody? I don't understand this. (I'm not putting it down in any way, as I know we are all wired differently). I'm just truly, honestly curious as to how those emotions can still be around as I assume you're in radically different worlds now and so much must have changed.

It's not a matter of staying IN love with someone, and that's not the question that was asked. My answer really summed it up for me.

If I loved them when I was with them, then yeah, I still care about them. Even if I don't love them in that way anymore, there is still love there.

So it's not IN love, but there is love there. Surely you can understand the difference.

Serious said:

RPR said:

Very much still in love, maybe even more now becasue i can see how much I took for granted and how much effort she put into the relashionship. More than just still in love, but also feel guilty for letting her down. Its been 6 months now and it stings more now than ever.

I can very much relate, it's the same for me . I am no longer with my ex for 1 1/2 years now and it still hurts so very, very, very much as if it happeend just yesterday .

ZombieKitten said:

Lammastide said:

I've got only one psuedo-ex, and, yes, I still love him beneath a slew of conflicted feelings I have about him.

is a pseudo ex called that cause he was only a pseudo lover in the first place? (ie. unfinished business, undeclared feelings etc?)

That's exactly it. Yet the unfinished state of the relationship is somehow seperate from the disposition I developed for him.

TheVoid said:

Lammastide said:

I've got only one psuedo-ex, and, yes, I still love him beneath a slew of conflicted feelings I have about him.

But how do you stay in love with somebody? I don't understand this. (I'm not putting it down in any way, as I know we are all wired differently). I'm just truly, honestly curious as to how those emotions can still be around as I assume you're in radically different worlds now and so much must have changed.

Like Carrie said, I don't consider myself "in" full-on romantic love with him anymore. That sort of thing needs frequent watering and sunlight. It needs to be current. It (probably) needs to be requited. It's largely circumstantial -- and you're right, those circumstances don't exist anymore, for the better.

But I still harbor a disposition of that romantic love toward him: I can still get turned on by the thought of him. I'm still gratified by intimacies (and not necessarily sexual) we explored. I'm still amazed at the notion he "got" me and vice versa, something I've found extraordinarily rare. I'm still driven to various passions by his lingering effect on me. And I still deeply care about his well being, even as we've had no contact for years and years. I'd not want to be in a relationship with him again, mind you (and I'm currently far better paired), but I do still love him.

[Edited 8/4/10 12:01pm]

purpledoveuk said:

Serious said:

He says no, but I don't think that's true. According to him he would be even okay if I had sex with him as he loves me and wants me to be happy and knows how lonely I am without him being close to me . Of course I told him that won't ever happen .

He met my bf when I met him back in 2007 and hasn't seen him since as he has never been to my country yet. So it is a pretty weird situation. He knows that I am still very close to my ex even though my ex tries to not be too close to me because of his new gf . I think both my new bf and my ex will feel strange when they see each other again one day.

No offence but that's a relationship based on the fear of being alone/losing you....and you seem to be prepared to take advantage of it. I know exactly how he feels...EXACTLY as ive been there and said thise things...ive also been the shitty love toy (actually 'other man' ive just realised) when i wanted to patch the relationship up (see previous account) and she just wanted to fuck but was happy to let me think we were on the road to recovery- its not as great as it sounds.Let's hope he's not here in a few months giving an account of his Ex who slept with her Ex and thought it was ok. Anyway, none of my business but just try to understand that what you think he feels is actually ten times worse than he'll ever let on.

I am very sorry that you experienced things like that.

But no it's not. I can understand that you think it's like that, but you don't have any insight in any details. I can assure you it's not like that at all and everybody who knows me knows that's true. He current bf (and hopefully the man I will be with for the rest of my life) is the love of my life and will always be no matter what happens. And he knows that quite well. I cannot imagine I will ever love anybody as much as I love him ever again in my life. He defines the word love for me . He means the world to me. I am doing a lot for him to make it work with him which isn't easy at all. Both of us lost a lot because we met. I my happy relationship, my job, my financial stabilty and loads of other things and he his family (wife and 2 small kids who he hasn't seen for a year now ).

And I don't think it really is a big problem for him that I still have feelings for my ex as he knows quite well how very much he is loved and that I would never ever take advantage of him or cheat on him.

What do you mean with "see previous account"?

Hell.No.

That said - all of my exes are at least 20 years ex. I have no contact with any of them - and if they contacted me after all this time, my reaction would be -->

Serious said:

purpledoveuk said:

Serious said:

What do you mean with "see previous account"?

I'm sorry - I didn't mean to be judgemental, I thought from your previous post and the icons used that you were laughing at him for being so 'slushy' and also considering the free-pass with the Ex that your current seemed to have on the table...my bad and not my place to comment. With regards to 'see previous account' I was referring to my first serious girlfriend...the one who went to uni, I went to visit, squeaky-squeaky, bumpy humpy sounds from room etc (mentioned above). When she came back for the holidays we met up and that's when I thought we were patching when in fact we were just doing the wild thing to satisfy her needs. I would have given anything to get her back and I thought it was working...I only literally just realised she was actually cheating on the guy she cheated on me with...on the one hand what a nasty thing to do to him but on the other....HA HA HA HAAAAH...in your face matey!!!! But back to the point...despite that she's still on my 'just give me a shout if you ever really need me and you're in trouble' list. Like Hoggle at the end of Labyrinth

No problem . No I am laughing how he can be so stupid to think I would even consider to have sex with somebody else just because I don't see him for half a year or longer.

I have a free pass not only with my ex, but with every man as long as I have feelings for the other man . He knows that I don't want to have one and would never ever use it, we even have fights about that.

I can imagine how hurt you are.

I too havent has an "ex" for well over 24 years! Do I love them... No... Do I hate them...No... They dont even come into thought... I love that they were part of my lifes journey, but thats it...

Mine are a mixed bag. One I hate. One I still have love for. The rest fall somewhere inbetween.

I don't love them, but I can't say that I hate them either. I care about them, except one that I had to completely cut out of my life because he became so inappropriate when I got together with the man I am with now.

NDRU said:

I can't think of any exes that I hate. They are all still special to me.

Personally once I feel something for someone that will never change, even if I don't obsess about them anymore.

I expect to love them forever, what about you?

I can't hate anyone who ever had the bad taste to love me at some point. I'm friends with all of my exes I'm still in contact with. The others have accepted my friend requests on facebook and the like.

Nope.

An ex is an ex for a reason! If you don't have kids together there is no reason to keep an old flame in the mix. For what? It makes getting past old emotions that much harder and it's really not fair to a new person you may be able to start something meaningful with.

People are just cowards, afraid of letting go and always wanting something to fall back on even if only in their minds.

No guts, no glory.

...and no hate or animosity but when it's ova, IT'S OVA.

Not love but do tend to keep in touch with some on FB. We're friends.

chocolate1 said:

- my most recent ex: I love him very much, but I'm trying to figure out if it's really about him, or dreading being alone.

Elisabeth Hasselback syndrome

we're still friends, but i wouldn't say i still 'love' him. not in the same way anymore

TheVoid said:

Lammastide said:

I've got only one psuedo-ex, and, yes, I still love him beneath a slew of conflicted feelings I have about him.

But how do you stay in love with somebody? I don't understand this. (I'm not putting it down in any way, as I know we are all wired differently). I'm just truly, honestly curious as to how those emotions can still be around as I assume you're in radically different worlds now and so much must have changed.

you might be in radically different situations, but do we ever really change who we are?

I feel like the same person I always have been (as much as I try to change for the better) so why would my feelings for someone change? If I loved them once I don't see why I should ever feel differently about them.

The only difference is the amount of time you spend thinking about them. Most of the time they are not on my mind because I don't see them or talk to them on any regular basis, but every so often it all comes back and I am right there feeling the exact same thing as years before.

joseph8 said:

Nope.

An ex is an ex for a reason! If you don't have kids together there is no reason to keep an old flame in the mix. For what? It makes getting past old emotions that much harder and it's really not fair to a new person you may be able to start something meaningful with.

People are just cowards, afraid of letting go and always wanting something to fall back on even if only in their minds.

No guts, no glory.

...and no hate or animosity but when it's ova, IT'S OVA.

But that's still not the question.

I don't particularly keep in contact with any of my exes, but I wish them well and I'm glad to know they're out there.

"Love" doesn't mean there's an active relationship of any kind.

There are many kinds of love.

TheVoid said:

ZombieKitten said:

whatever

Back to the topic at hand. My exes are my exes for a reason. After Erik Torkells, I simply can't bring myself to think about the others.

Sometimes the reason is not lack of love, it's just circumstances