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Thread started 07/02/18 11:25am

FullLipsDotNos
e

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Father thinks I'm fat

I am approximately 30 years old woman. I am small and my BMI suggests slight overweight even though I go hiking or dancing. I have had weight issues since my teenage years because I felt I was not slim enough. Whenever I lost weight, my relatives applauded me, but shamed me whenever I put on some. I started taking antidepressants three years ago. At first, I lost appetite and ate only once or twice a day. After a few years, I put on some weight. I finished school, started a job and was unhappy at it. I fell ill and had to stay at home for more than a month (psychiatric reasons). Then I found a new job, but was stressed at the beginning. I couldn't eat again, nor could I sleep properly. It's all good now.

But my father told me tonight I have put on some weight and went on explaining how I may be ill because of that (because I have a cold now). I wish he just let me be. He has a stressful job, which means he has panic attacks from time to time, but he is quick to criticise me. Luckily, I don't live with him, but I'm not sure if I want to cut him offf my life. Besides, I would have to cut off more relatives because of that and that would mean I would have almost no family.

What should I do?

full lips, freckles, and upturned nose
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Reply #1 posted 07/02/18 12:35pm

StrangeButTrue

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Try asking nicely like:

.

Otherwise cut that umbilical and let them make someone else miserable.

.

Don't talk about yourself. Don't give them ammo.

.

I talk to my parents like a handful of times, each time divert from questions about me that may supply them with ammunition, instead its hey how ya doin, whos miserable, who works more than who, who wants money then. Always other folks. Never about me. Then:

.

if it was just a dream, call me a dreamer 2
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Reply #2 posted 07/02/18 12:57pm

luvsexy4all

FullLipsDotNose said:

I am approximately 30 years old woman. I am small and my BMI suggests slight overweight even though I go hiking or dancing. I have had weight issues since my teenage years because I felt I was not slim enough. Whenever I lost weight, my relatives applauded me, but shamed me whenever I put on some. I started taking antidepressants three years ago. At first, I lost appetite and ate only once or twice a day. After a few years, I put on some weight. I finished school, started a job and was unhappy at it. I fell ill and had to stay at home for more than a month (psychiatric reasons). Then I found a new job, but was stressed at the beginning. I couldn't eat again, nor could I sleep properly. It's all good now.

But my father told me tonight I have put on some weight and went on explaining how I may be ill because of that (because I have a cold now). I wish he just let me be. He has a stressful job, which means he has panic attacks from time to time, but he is quick to criticise me. Luckily, I don't live with him, but I'm not sure if I want to cut him offf my life. Besides, I would have to cut off more relatives because of that and that would mean I would have almost no family.

What should I do?

why do people feel obligated to talk to people who make them feel like shit....

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Reply #3 posted 07/02/18 12:58pm

FullLipsDotNos
e

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luvsexy4all said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

I am approximately 30 years old woman. I am small and my BMI suggests slight overweight even though I go hiking or dancing. I have had weight issues since my teenage years because I felt I was not slim enough. Whenever I lost weight, my relatives applauded me, but shamed me whenever I put on some. I started taking antidepressants three years ago. At first, I lost appetite and ate only once or twice a day. After a few years, I put on some weight. I finished school, started a job and was unhappy at it. I fell ill and had to stay at home for more than a month (psychiatric reasons). Then I found a new job, but was stressed at the beginning. I couldn't eat again, nor could I sleep properly. It's all good now.

But my father told me tonight I have put on some weight and went on explaining how I may be ill because of that (because I have a cold now). I wish he just let me be. He has a stressful job, which means he has panic attacks from time to time, but he is quick to criticise me. Luckily, I don't live with him, but I'm not sure if I want to cut him offf my life. Besides, I would have to cut off more relatives because of that and that would mean I would have almost no family.

What should I do?

why do people feel obligated to talk to people who make them feel like shit....

Because they are your family.

full lips, freckles, and upturned nose
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Reply #4 posted 07/02/18 1:08pm

luvsexy4all

FullLipsDotNose said:

luvsexy4all said:

why do people feel obligated to talk to people who make them feel like shit....

Because they are your family.

my family became conspirators in the murde rof another family member...do u think i still talk to them?

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Reply #5 posted 07/02/18 1:53pm

FullLipsDotNos
e

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luvsexy4all said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

Because they are your family.

my family became conspirators in the murde rof another family member...do u think i still talk to them?

Wow. Well, I don't know, but I wouldn't judge you either way.

full lips, freckles, and upturned nose
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Reply #6 posted 07/02/18 3:27pm

EmmaMcG

I've never been overweight but I was slightly underweight at one point and didn't really reach a healthy weight until after my daughter was born. But during the 6 months or so that I was underweight I got a lot of colds and other ailments. My doctor told me it would have been better had I been slightly overweight than underweight. In other words, I doubt very much that your weight is contributing to your current illness. Your father probably means well but is just ill informed.

I know it's easier to say than to put into practice but the only person who's opinion of you should matter is your own. Your family/friends/strangers on the street don't matter. You are the only one who matters. If you are happy as you are then that's what counts. Don't allow others to influence you in a negative way. You don't need to cut them off completely. All you need to do is realise that your opinion of yourself means more than theirs.
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Reply #7 posted 07/02/18 4:05pm

NorthC

FullLipsDotNose said:

I am approximately 30 years old woman. I am small and my BMI suggests slight overweight even though I go hiking or dancing. I have had weight issues since my teenage years because I felt I was not slim enough. Whenever I lost weight, my relatives applauded me, but shamed me whenever I put on some. I started taking antidepressants three years ago. At first, I lost appetite and ate only once or twice a day. After a few years, I put on some weight. I finished school, started a job and was unhappy at it. I fell ill and had to stay at home for more than a month (psychiatric reasons). Then I found a new job, but was stressed at the beginning. I couldn't eat again, nor could I sleep properly. It's all good now.



But my father told me tonight I have put on some weight and went on explaining how I may be ill because of that (because I have a cold now). I wish he just let me be. He has a stressful job, which means he has panic attacks from time to time, but he is quick to criticise me. Luckily, I don't live with him, but I'm not sure if I want to cut him offf my life. Besides, I would have to cut off more relatives because of that and that would mean I would have almost no family.



What should I do?


Don't cut him off. I'm sure he means well, but reading all of this, it seems like he has issues of his own that may cloud his judgement. So try to not worry about what he says too much. Good to see that you're doing better now, keep it up! Keep enough distance from him and try to stay in touch with him at the same time. Easier said than done, I know! Both my parents are gone and I'm glad that there were no regrets, no "I wish I could have said/done this"...
I hope this makes any sense...
I may disagree with everything you say, but I will defend your right to say it.
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Reply #8 posted 07/02/18 4:58pm

happinessinits
uncutform

FullLipsDotNose said:

I am approximately 30 years old woman.

To me that's good enough reason not to let what your fam say affect you. My family has been openly discussing women's weight and figure my whole life. It's just in their culture to do so and apparently it's not considered "rude" or "sexist" (they're not American). When I was a teenager their opinion mattered so much to me. I strived to be healthy and pretty, I mean who doesn't, even the boys do. And my standard used to be something that was mostly built based on my fam's opinions.

Not anymore though, I know it's cliche thing to say but I gradually but surely come to realize it's all about being healthy, self-respect and confidence. Now that I know I'm healthy and happy with the way I look I couldn't care less of what my uncle says about how women should really put a lot of efforts into stay slim their whole life because they tend to gain fat more easily than men and all that yadiyada. I don't hate him or think less of him, I still love&care about him as my family, I just became indifferent to his views his comments. Wishing you'd find the way to do the same:)

🎵
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Reply #9 posted 07/03/18 9:15am

S2DG

.

[Edited 7/3/18 13:18pm]

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Reply #10 posted 07/03/18 10:41am

Genesia

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All you can do is ignore it.

A father should never, under any circumstances, comment on a daughter's weight - and yet they do it anyway. I spent my entire teenage years thinking I was fat because (when I was 12 or 13) my dad told me I was getting "a little broad across the beam." In other words, my dad told me I had a big butt. Seriously, Dad? I wasn't fat, I was in the middle of normal female puberty. Meanwhile, he looked like he was in his second trimester with twins.

I have forgiven but (obviously) haven't forgotten. Parents are people. They can be just as thoughtless as anyone else.

We don’t mourn artists because we knew them. We mourn them because they helped us know ourselves.
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Reply #11 posted 07/03/18 3:53pm

Cinny

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They say it as if you will go "really? I never noticed! Okay, let me control my portions! smile " as if it is that simple.

Just forgive it. The older generation is much less sensitive to this kind of thing.

Sometimes it is projection, and you are hearing this unsolicited advice from someone who oughta be telling themselves.

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Reply #12 posted 07/03/18 9:07pm

gandorb

In addition to it being inappropriate to make weight comments to you in this way, his timing sucked given it sounds like you have started feeling better about yourself again. Perhaps if you don't know whether to cut him off or not means you are not ready to take such a drastic step. I know women who have set firm limits with their fathers about making comments about their weight, and still have a relationship with them. If you not ready to assert yourself in that way, focus your energy on the activities and people that help you feel good about yourself. That is something he can't control!!!!

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Reply #13 posted 07/04/18 3:09pm

TrivialPursuit

What other people think of you is none of your business.

I do find that we often get offended or hurt with things because we find truths in them. Do you feel overweight? Does any extra weight bother you on some level? Either way, it's still your journey. It's shitty that your dad says such things to his daughter.

I don't give a pass to older generations, either. They've been around longer, they've seen more. They aren't blind. They realize how words hurt and how things used to be, so it's up to them to continue to set an example for future generations to be better people.

Lastly, it says more about him pointing out flaws than it does you possibly possessing them.

This experience will cover courtship, sex, commitment, fetishes, loneliness, vindication, love, and hate.
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Reply #14 posted 07/06/18 1:28am

nextedition

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FullLipsDotNose said:

I am approximately 30 years old woman. I am small and my BMI suggests slight overweight even though I go hiking or dancing. I have had weight issues since my teenage years because I felt I was not slim enough. Whenever I lost weight, my relatives applauded me, but shamed me whenever I put on some. I started taking antidepressants three years ago. At first, I lost appetite and ate only once or twice a day. After a few years, I put on some weight. I finished school, started a job and was unhappy at it. I fell ill and had to stay at home for more than a month (psychiatric reasons). Then I found a new job, but was stressed at the beginning. I couldn't eat again, nor could I sleep properly. It's all good now.

But my father told me tonight I have put on some weight and went on explaining how I may be ill because of that (because I have a cold now). I wish he just let me be. He has a stressful job, which means he has panic attacks from time to time, but he is quick to criticise me. Luckily, I don't live with him, but I'm not sure if I want to cut him offf my life. Besides, I would have to cut off more relatives because of that and that would mean I would have almost no family.

What should I do?

Maybe you should ask yourself the question why something your father says makes you so upset.

Its not about your father but how you react to it.

People can say what they want, its how you take it.

"I wish he just let me be"....your father can do whatever he wants, but you have the power to just be and not be concerned about what people say but you ave to work for it.

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Reply #15 posted 07/10/18 5:26pm

SuperFurryAnim
al

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My father said the same thing to me. Once I bought a shirt and the bottom of it was a solid color unlike the rest of the shirt and he said the shirt made me look fat or well I was getting fat. I think it was from a loving place that my father wants me to be healthy. So I just don't know if your father is coming from a loving place or being a jerk? Though sometimes the truth it hurts. I don't talk to anyone. Anymore that I don't have to.

Trump turns from 'humbling' grief to midterm fire and furry
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Reply #16 posted 07/10/18 5:29pm

SuperFurryAnim
al

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nextedition said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

I am approximately 30 years old woman. I am small and my BMI suggests slight overweight even though I go hiking or dancing. I have had weight issues since my teenage years because I felt I was not slim enough. Whenever I lost weight, my relatives applauded me, but shamed me whenever I put on some. I started taking antidepressants three years ago. At first, I lost appetite and ate only once or twice a day. After a few years, I put on some weight. I finished school, started a job and was unhappy at it. I fell ill and had to stay at home for more than a month (psychiatric reasons). Then I found a new job, but was stressed at the beginning. I couldn't eat again, nor could I sleep properly. It's all good now.

But my father told me tonight I have put on some weight and went on explaining how I may be ill because of that (because I have a cold now). I wish he just let me be. He has a stressful job, which means he has panic attacks from time to time, but he is quick to criticise me. Luckily, I don't live with him, but I'm not sure if I want to cut him offf my life. Besides, I would have to cut off more relatives because of that and that would mean I would have almost no family.

What should I do?

Maybe you should ask yourself the question why something your father says makes you so upset.

Its not about your father but how you react to it.

People can say what they want, its how you take it.

"I wish he just let me be"....your father can do whatever he wants, but you have the power to just be and not be concerned about what people say but you ave to work for it.

I write everything down. Cause and effect. What I feel and what my thoughts are to get me into that place. I would deal with someone putting me down business like. If it was coming from a bad place.

Trump turns from 'humbling' grief to midterm fire and furry
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Reply #17 posted 07/16/18 2:24pm

mynameisnotsus
an

I don't think there was anything I could do that my father wouldn't have something to say about it to point out what was wrong. How much can you push back? Cause he sure wasn't perfect and if I got fed up I'd let him know about it! But I don't have my father anymore - and you don't live with him so I would definitely say don't cut him off. Try and focus on building happy memories- next time he says something about your weight ask him to help you by going for a walk in the park or whatever - some kind of activity you can do together. Try and laugh together. If he consistently is saying things to try and make you feel bad - call him out on it. Say "Why are you trying to make me feel bad?" And you feeling bad is a choice. I would question what is really going on.
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Reply #18 posted 07/16/18 3:06pm

XxAxX

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FullLipsDotNose said:

I am approximately 30 years old woman. I am small and my BMI suggests slight overweight even though I go hiking or dancing. I have had weight issues since my teenage years because I felt I was not slim enough. Whenever I lost weight, my relatives applauded me, but shamed me whenever I put on some. I started taking antidepressants three years ago. At first, I lost appetite and ate only once or twice a day. After a few years, I put on some weight. I finished school, started a job and was unhappy at it. I fell ill and had to stay at home for more than a month (psychiatric reasons). Then I found a new job, but was stressed at the beginning. I couldn't eat again, nor could I sleep properly. It's all good now.

But my father told me tonight I have put on some weight and went on explaining how I may be ill because of that (because I have a cold now). I wish he just let me be. He has a stressful job, which means he has panic attacks from time to time, but he is quick to criticise me. Luckily, I don't live with him, but I'm not sure if I want to cut him offf my life. Besides, I would have to cut off more relatives because of that and that would mean I would have almost no family.

What should I do?




turn it back on him and express your righteous anger. hold a hand mirror up to him, showing him his own body or walk him until he stands before a full-length mirror. i'm guessing that - like most guys - he has a potbelly, or some other physical feature that is not perfect. draw his attention to this in an unflattering way and ask him how he feels when you criticize him for this. if he is shocked or hurt then honestly tellhim how he did/does the same thing to you. turn about is fair play, even for family members.

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Reply #19 posted 07/25/18 11:36am

Cinny

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XxAxX said:

FullLipsDotNose said:

I am approximately 30 years old woman. I am small and my BMI suggests slight overweight even though I go hiking or dancing. I have had weight issues since my teenage years because I felt I was not slim enough. Whenever I lost weight, my relatives applauded me, but shamed me whenever I put on some. I started taking antidepressants three years ago. At first, I lost appetite and ate only once or twice a day. After a few years, I put on some weight. I finished school, started a job and was unhappy at it. I fell ill and had to stay at home for more than a month (psychiatric reasons). Then I found a new job, but was stressed at the beginning. I couldn't eat again, nor could I sleep properly. It's all good now.

But my father told me tonight I have put on some weight and went on explaining how I may be ill because of that (because I have a cold now). I wish he just let me be. He has a stressful job, which means he has panic attacks from time to time, but he is quick to criticise me. Luckily, I don't live with him, but I'm not sure if I want to cut him offf my life. Besides, I would have to cut off more relatives because of that and that would mean I would have almost no family.

What should I do?




turn it back on him and express your righteous anger. hold a hand mirror up to him, showing him his own body or walk him until he stands before a full-length mirror. i'm guessing that - like most guys - he has a potbelly, or some other physical feature that is not perfect. draw his attention to this in an unflattering way and ask him how he feels when you criticize him for this. if he is shocked or hurt then honestly tellhim how he did/does the same thing to you. turn about is fair play, even for family members.


That's just asking for more trouble. It appears the thread starter did nothing but post here. shrug

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Reply #20 posted 07/27/18 10:20pm

SpamelaAnusorn

I don't like it.

[Edited 7/27/18 22:51pm]

DANCE 4 ME!!
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