SeventeenDayze said:

JustErin said:

Since my question about what it says about a man if he pays vs not paying has been ignored, I'm just going to share my take on it. Women who think that men should pay still consider themselves as property to be bought.

"If he pays for you he likes you if he doesn't, he doesn't think you're worth it". I have read this as a reason why it is important for men to pay.

Similarly I read, "If you like the man, you should expect and allow him to pay. If you do not, you should pay for your share and walk away forever".

So basically you're for sale. If you like him, he can buy you. Don't like him, he is not allowed to buy you.

Yeah, I know...I'm simplifying but I can't see any other reason why this is still expected, key word expected. And I do know that some men feel the same way. He has expectations as well, "If I like her, I shell out the $$$. I shell out the $$$, I get to be rewarded with her continued company or sex or whatever".

It's not that I think men should never pay for an outing, if he wants to, he should. Just like if I want to, I should.

We go out with friends and it's nice when that friend offers to pay, but we would never, ever expect them to, would we? Of course not, because our friendships are not based on transactions like dating seems to be; where money is used to convey someone's intentions and feelings of connection. Would you expect your best friend to pay for your dinner to prove that she likes you? Ugh, no way...that would be insulting to your bestie.

I'm confused as to why any adult would want to be in a relationship/partnership where power was not distributed equally, because that in turn makes the balance of control and ultimately respect off as well.

Anyway, getting back to the OP dating a younger man...I don't think it's a good idea. Based on her posts, she seems to need a well established, old school type of man...which typically means older.

[Edited 8/14/15 10:36am]

I've given "older" guys a chance but it didn't necessarily mean they were established and more mature. I've met plenty of older guys who are cheap, immature and/or lazy

You just described me to a tee.
Listen StD, I'm kinda into women who, every so often, tend to forget their periods (at the end of a sentence).
And since you've met plenty of us cheap, immature and/or lazy types,
if you're looking to add at least one more notch to your list of conquests,
please.
feel free to send me an orgnote.
I'd send you one, but that would go against at least one third of my description.

morningsong said:

To me it just sounds like the same old mumble jumbo, how she should be to fit somebody else's idea. It just doesn't set right to me, regardless of what my personal preference in a dating situation I don't see why she has to accept a certain way of being just to go on a date. If he doesn't want to pay don't go out with her, period, I'm getting from her there's tends to be a manipulation game of pretending to be one way to later changing up making up a ton of bs excuses. She's being up front about what she wants, it isn't asking someone to put new tires on her car or pay her light bill all these a lot of women do expect when dating. By the way I think that's when blowjobs are suppose come into the picture, maybe I'm just old fashioned in that respect. I know I know it damn sure isn't a blowjob these days. I still see nothing wrong with her wanting what she wants, obviously she's not about following trends anyway.

Hey Morningsong Thanks for the comment. I think I was able to follow what you were saying for the most part but missed a few things here and there. Are you saying that it's okay for a man to pay and it's not like the woman is asking him to pay for her major expenses, etc? I think I agree with you for the most part. A man's ultimate goal is to get the most special thing a woman can offer to a man but if she's paying for dates or even paying half her dates....I dunno...that's just weird.

SeventeenDayze said:

morningsong said:

To me it just sounds like the same old mumble jumbo, how she should be to fit somebody else's idea. It just doesn't set right to me, regardless of what my personal preference in a dating situation I don't see why she has to accept a certain way of being just to go on a date. If he doesn't want to pay don't go out with her, period, I'm getting from her there's tends to be a manipulation game of pretending to be one way to later changing up making up a ton of bs excuses. She's being up front about what she wants, it isn't asking someone to put new tires on her car or pay her light bill all these a lot of women do expect when dating. By the way I think that's when blowjobs are suppose come into the picture, maybe I'm just old fashioned in that respect. I know I know it damn sure isn't a blowjob these days. I still see nothing wrong with her wanting what she wants, obviously she's not about following trends anyway.

Hey Morningsong Thanks for the comment. I think I was able to follow what you were saying for the most part but missed a few things here and there. Are you saying that it's okay for a man to pay and it's not like the woman is asking him to pay for her major expenses, etc? I think I agree with you for the most part. A man's ultimate goal is to get the most special thing a woman can offer to a man but if she's paying for dates or even paying half her dates....I dunno...that's just weird.

I'm just saying if you feel you want to have a more traditional relationship where the man pays and you are up front about it, then you shouldn't have to change what you want to fit what someone else thinks. I think people should define themselves and their needs. Myself, I could go dutch or have a "free" date but it would be for my own personal reasons not because I think that's what I'm supposed to do or because that's what I'm told to do. To me trading sexual favors in a dating setting is kind of creepy, and I'm assuming people in here are generally joking, but if they are serious I think it's their business if that's what they want out of life. It isn't what I want so I'd pass.

morningsong said:

SeventeenDayze said:

morningsong said:

I'm just saying if you feel you want to have a more traditional relationship where the man pays and you are up front about it, then you shouldn't have to change what you want to fit what someone else thinks. I think people should define themselves and their needs. Myself, I could go dutch or have a "free" date but it would be for my own personal reasons not because I think that's what I'm supposed to do or because that's what I'm told to do. To me trading sexual favors in a dating setting is kind of creepy, and I'm assuming people in here are generally joking, but if they are serious I think it's their business if that's what they want out of life. It isn't what I want so I'd pass.

I see...well yeah I think until the guy has earned trust and isn't a user its perfectly fine to have him pay. This guy that I went out with treated me to the first date and has texted me almost everyday since but I think he's waiting for me to ask him out and of course he would probably expect me to offer to pay...

Jeez...if you like him then when he next texts ask him if he's ever going to get round to asking you out again. If it's such a bit deal about him paying then be upfront and say so. It amazes me how many people second guess others. If he don't wanna pay or take you out again at least you'll know. If he does - happy days

maplenpg said:

SeventeenDayze said:

morningsong said: I see...well yeah I think until the guy has earned trust and isn't a user its perfectly fine to have him pay. This guy that I went out with treated me to the first date and has texted me almost everyday since but I think he's waiting for me to ask him out and of course he would probably expect me to offer to pay...

Jeez...if you like him then when he next texts ask him if he's ever going to get round to asking you out again. If it's such a bit deal about him paying then be upfront and say so. It amazes me how many people second guess others. If he don't wanna pay or take you out again at least you'll know. If he does - happy days

Yeah I know LOL I think it would be weird to be like, "Hey when are we going out again....and oh yeah...you're paying!"

SeventeenDayze said:

maplenpg said:

Jeez...if you like him then when he next texts ask him if he's ever going to get round to asking you out again. If it's such a bit deal about him paying then be upfront and say so. It amazes me how many people second guess others. If he don't wanna pay or take you out again at least you'll know. If he does - happy days

Yeah I know LOL I think it would be weird to be like, "Hey when are we going out again....and oh yeah...you're paying!"

You could just say something like 'I really enjoyed our last date & I think you did too. I'm kinda wondering when you're going treat me again?'.

Then take some money, be prepared to at least go halves & if he doesn't offer to pay then you're obviously on different wavelengths & you can move on

OK...

Some expect a man to pay their way on a date because of courtship. It is a tradiitional way that a man can say "Hey, I can take care of you, and to show you that I'll have your back, Imma feed your ass." This way she doesn't have to say "How much money do you earn?" because it is downright tacky to do so.

He is not buying her like a whore nor is he treating her like a child... the man is making an unsaid statement that he can support her and take care of her because he can. This can be only one date, or a few, most times many couples over time pay equally anyways. It is never stressed either way unless someone has issues with control IMHO

It is what many women look for in a husband, a provider. Men want to provide, and it is the basis of what a man is in many cultures. In this age of equality, most women bust their asses raising kids and cooking most of the meals and also bringing home a good portion of the money. A few dates on his dime should not make him bat an eyelash considering he gains much more when he makes her his wife.

All this of course depends on culture.

As for me and the OP's question, I dated a young guy once, he lied about his age, and it was a mess and it ended quickly. Never again. I need maturity and a man who is on the same chapter in life as I am.

paintedlady said:

OK...

Some expect a man to pay their way on a date because of courtship. It is a tradiitional way that a man can say "Hey, I can take care of you, and to show you that I'll have your back, Imma feed your ass." This way she doesn't have to say "How much money do you earn?" because it is downright tacky to do so.

He is not buying her like a whore nor is he treating her like a child... the man is making an unsaid statement that he can support her and take care of her because he can. This can be only one date, or a few, most times many couples over time pay equally anyways. It is never stressed either way unless someone has issues with control IMHO

It is what many women look for in a husband, a provider. Men want to provide, and it is the basis of what a man is in many cultures. In this age of equality, most women bust their asses raising kids and cooking most of the meals and also bringing home a good portion of the money. A few dates on his dime should not make him bat an eyelash considering he gains much more when he makes her his wife.

All this of course depends on culture.

As for me and the OP's question, I dated a young guy once, he lied about his age, and it was a mess and it ended quickly. Never again. I need maturity and a man who is on the same chapter in life as I am.

Thank you... this is what i was saying but some folks didn't wanna hear it. That's cool... That's why my father said what he said.

paintedlady said:

Give it a chance & play it by ear.

You never know, he might be a cool guy. There're plenty of so-called "mature" douchbags, on the other hand there also plenty of genuinely decent younger guys. Guys are different.

Enjoy the ride for what it is and try to maintain a zero expectations policy

Hamad said:

Give it a chance & play it by ear.

You never know, he might be a cool guy. There're plenty of so-called "mature" douchbags, on the other hand there also plenty of genuinely decent younger guys. Guys are different.

Enjoy the ride for what it is and try to maintain a zero expectations policy

That's good advice Thanks!!!!

Hamad said:

Give it a chance & play it by ear.

You never know, he might be a cool guy. There're plenty of so-called "mature" douchbags, on the other hand there also plenty of genuinely decent younger guys. Guys are different.

Enjoy the ride for what it is and try to maintain a zero expectations policy

Exactly!

It's amazing how much bagage people haul around with themselves at all time. Treat each and every experiance as it's own thing, with all it's own curcumstances. If you already have set expectations about about any one group or another, and are so rigid in your thinking, then you miss out on a lot and put yourself in a box.

SeventeenDayze said:

Hamad said:

Give it a chance & play it by ear.

You never know, he might be a cool guy. There're plenty of so-called "mature" douchbags, on the other hand there also plenty of genuinely decent younger guys. Guys are different.

Enjoy the ride for what it is and try to maintain a zero expectations policy

That's good advice Thanks!!!!

Yer right,
that is good advice.
I think I'll try it too.
Except, y'know....
with women.

Hey, any of y'all ladies out there lookin' fer a guy who just wants an enjoyable ride and has zero expectations?
Cuz my orgnote box is full of that kind potential right now...

i found this movie has some interesting pros and cons re "younger men" via "ladies of the org"

A career driven professional from Manhattan is wooed by a young painter, who also happens to be the son of her psychoanalyst.

Plot

Rafi (Uma Thurman) is a recently divorced, 37-year-old career woman from Manhattan who becomes romantically involved with David (Bryan Greenberg), a talented 23-year-old Jewish painter from the Upper West Side

a line from the movie that sticks out in the minds of many via the younger man interest on.

David Bloomberg: I'm 23.

Rafi Gardet: No, you're not. I don't believe you. Let me see the license... Oh, my God! You're a child. Taxi! I have t-shirts older than you.

: http://www.imdb.com/title...514/quotes

so as in my conclusion imo any luva-lika-intimate new friendship, if it don't seem right for you, don't do it.

if it the energies seem positive between the 2 of you, then go 4 it.

I just saw this...

Want to Woo a Woman? Feed Her First, Says Study

Scientists from Drexel University report using functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI) studies that women respond to romantic cues better on a full stomach.

The human brain is known to be receptive to food cues, which activate the reward zones. Under normal conditions, the functions of hunger and satiation are well controlled. In obese individuals, the ability to control hunger and oppose the expected reward is reported to be impaired. Apart from hunger and satiety, intense romance in humans is considered a developed form of the “attraction system” observed in birds and mammals, which is also associated with the dopaminergic reward system of the brain.

The study being reported here examined the brains of women in how they responded to romantic cues in states of hunger and satiety. The participants were all young women who were categorized into historical dieters (HD) and non-dieters (ND). Previously, the research team had reported that the HD participants showed a higher degree of brain activation in the reward-related regions when compared to the ND group following a food cue. This pattern is observed in obesity.

Following up on their previous findings, the scientists examined if the HD and ND groups showed a differential response to romantic and neutral cues and whether hunger status played a role in their response. The women were shown romantic and neutral photographs and the activity of their brains was recorded by performing fMRI. The results showed that:

• Both the HD and ND groups were more responsive to romantic cues in a fed state than when they were hungry.
• A greater brain activity was observed in the reward-related neural regions following a romantic cue.
• The HD group’s brain neural activity was more responsive in an area known as the superior frontal gyrus, when compared to the ND group (This was the same region that showed higher activity in the previous study with tasty food cues in the HD group).

Dr. Alice Ely, the lead author of the study, said to Drexel News, “This data suggests that eating may prime or sensitize young women to rewards beyond food. It also supports a shared neurocircuitry for food and sex.”

“The pattern of response was similar to historical dieter’s activation when viewing highly palatable food cues, and is consistent with research showing overlapping brain-based responses to sex, drugs and food,” adds Dr. Ely.

Men, please take note: women respond better to romantic cues on a full stomach.

Written by Mangala Sarkar, Ph.D.

Reviewed and Approved by a member of the DoveMed Editorial Board
First uploaded: Aug. 21, 2015
Last updated: Aug. 21, 2015

[Edited 8/21/15 17:00pm]

Oh I got somthin' to feed her alright......

Visionnaire said:

SeventeenDayze said:

That's good advice Thanks!!!!

Yer right,
that is good advice.
I think I'll try it too.
Except, y'know....
with women.

Hey, any of y'all ladies out there lookin' fer a guy who just wants an enjoyable ride and has zero expectations?
Cuz my orgnote box is full of that kind potential right now...

free2bfreeda said:

Visionnaire said:

Oh I got somthin' to feed her alright......

Old dudes know how to funk it.

We also actually saw Purple Rain in theatres. oooooooooooooo, worship us.

2freaky4church1 said:

Just see how it goes. You don't know him at all, do you? Just explore what he's like.

Tip: Watch his actual behavior, in stead of believing his words.

My best relationships were with younger men.

Because they were more socially sensitive than their elder counterparts.

Another reason was my own ligheartedness. Because I never expected these relationships to last long, I was relaxed and fun.

When I'm in a serious relationship, I have higher expectations and standards and become more uptight.

So, if you just want fun, go for it.

If you want children of your own, talk about it. Don't waste your time with cute young hunks.


I'm Dutch, so I split the bill or pay it every other time. Dutch men don't automatically pay for diners or dates. They expect girls to pay too.

Unfortunately, Dutch men are not that emancipated when it comes to do household chores, pay wages or create career opportuneties for women. But when it comes to letting women pay and have them to the DIY around the house, Dutch men are very emancipated.

dJJ said:

Just see how it goes. You don't know him at all, do you? Just explore what he's like.

Tip: Watch his actual behavior, in stead of believing his words.

My best relationships were with younger men.

Because they were more socially sensitive than their elder counterparts.

Another reason was my own ligheartedness. Because I never expected these relationships to last long, I was relaxed and fun.

When I'm in a serious relationship, I have higher expectations and standards and become more uptight.

So, if you just want fun, go for it.

If you want children of your own, talk about it. Don't waste your time with cute young hunks.


I'm Dutch, so I split the bill or pay it every other time. Dutch men don't automatically pay for diners or dates. They expect girls to pay too.

Unfortunately, Dutch men are not that emancipated when it comes to do household chores, pay wages or create career opportuneties for women. But when it comes to letting women pay and have them to the DIY around the house, Dutch men are very emancipated.

Wait! No, no, no. Waste some time.

^^^

Thanks for all of the humor Cinny!