Watching Steve Harvey a week or so ago and they had a "Secret Crush" episode. Before the woman found out who her Secret Crush is, she talked about how "all I want is a nice guy". Turns out she didn't have a romantic interest in the guy, despite the fact all accounts indicated he was very nice.

So is that line the most common lie, the "just want a nice guy" line that seemingly every single woman uses?

Because probably 95% of the time, the same women who say it end up not having any interest in nice guys they meet because the guy is:

1) Not tall enough

2) Not wealthy enough

3) Not handsome enough

4) Doesn't have a big enough ... err, shoe size

5) Doesn't have perfect teeth

6) Doesn't dress stylish enough

7) Doesn't have a nice enough car
8) Etc etc.

Why can't all women just be honest and say what's truly important to them? Has anyone here shunned a nice guy because of one of the above reasons? I suppose some men do the same thing, but for the most part it's not kindness that men are saying they care most about in a potential date.

[Edited 6/15/15 18:45pm]

I get what you're saying, but I think the right thing to do then is to say "One" of the things they are seeking is a nice guy ... rather than saying it's the only thing they are seeking. You see all these nice guys getting their hopes up because they think they've got a shot due to their kindness, just seems a little cold to me.

Pokeno4Money said:

I get what you're saying, but I think the right thing to do then is to say "One" of the things they are seeking is a nice guy ... rather than saying it's the only thing they are seeking. You see all these nice guys getting their hopes up because they think they've got a shot due to their kindness, just seems a little cold to me.

If people are naive enough to believe one trait alone determines attraction, that's on them.

As for the rest, I don't personally have any friends who have turned down dates for a man not being wealthy, tall, stylish, perfect toothy, etc. enough. I also don't know anyone who cares about what kind of car a guy drives. I think those are all excuses men use when they don't want to own up to personality flaws. Or just accept the fact that just because you find someone attractive doesn't mean they will find you attractive. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's not personal. It just is.

The most common lie is; "I'm fine"

.

To the point of your post, the people who wait for this list of perfections will end up being alone.

.

The "perfect" person doesn't exist.

.

The person who's perfect for you is out there.

.

One has to look though, they don't fall into your lap like Hollyweird has programmed us to believe.

.

Shallow people are uglier then those with crooked teeth or no money, IMO

If it's a lie, why am I constantly seeing men that are

short

broke

not conventionally attractive

have a small penis (can only really talk about a guy I once hooked up with that is now in a LTR)

have crooked teeth

have no style

drive beaters

in relationships?

JustErin said:

CarrieMpls said:

Pokeno4Money said:

I get what you're saying, but I think the right thing to do then is to say "One" of the things they are seeking is a nice guy ... rather than saying it's the only thing they are seeking. You see all these nice guys getting their hopes up because they think they've got a shot due to their kindness, just seems a little cold to me.

If people are naive enough to believe one trait alone determines attraction, that's on them.

As for the rest, I don't personally have any friends who have turned down dates for a man not being wealthy, tall, stylish, perfect toothy, etc. enough. I also don't know anyone who cares about what kind of car a guy drives. I think those are all excuses men use when they don't want to own up to personality flaws. Or just accept the fact that just because you find someone attractive doesn't mean they will find you attractive. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's not personal. It just is.

Have we as a society declined so much that it's now customary to bring shame upon those who believe what others say, rather than bringing shame on those who are actually telling the lies?

Yes, there is plenty of evidence to support the fact that many people become attracted to a person because of just one trait.

It's not "many" by any stretch of the imagination. All you have to do is look around for proof of this.

Carrie is right. This type of claim seems to always be made by people who are not willing to look at themselves to understand why they are being rejected. It's everyone else that's the problem - never them.

Pokeno4Money said:

1) Not tall enough

2) Not wealthy enough

3) Not handsome enough

4) Doesn't have a big enough ... err, shoe size

5) Doesn't have perfect teeth

6) Doesn't dress stylish enough

7) Doesn't have a nice enough car

...what did I ever do to you? Leave me out of these threads.

PurpleJedi said:

Pokeno4Money said:

1) Not tall enough

2) Not wealthy enough

3) Not handsome enough

4) Doesn't have a big enough ... err, shoe size

5) Doesn't have perfect teeth

6) Doesn't dress stylish enough

7) Doesn't have a nice enough car

...what did I ever do to you? Leave me out of these threads.

you so crazy

TD3 said:

PurpleJedi said:

...what did I ever do to you? Leave me out of these threads.

you so crazy

PurpleJedi said:

Pokeno4Money said:

1) Not tall enough

2) Not wealthy enough

3) Not handsome enough

4) Doesn't have a big enough ... err, shoe size

5) Doesn't have perfect teeth

6) Doesn't dress stylish enough

7) Doesn't have a nice enough car

...what did I ever do to you? Leave me out of these threads.

JustErin said:

It's not "many" by any stretch of the imagination. All you have to do is look around for proof of this.

Carrie is right. This type of claim seems to always be made by people who are not willing to look at themselves to understand why they are being rejected. It's everyone else that's the problem - never them.

This topic came to mind after watching yet another seemingly nice guy get crushed on Steve Harvey's show by a woman who insisted she's a God-loving non-shallow person and said "all she wants is a nice guy who she can go to church with".

How often has anybody heard a man say "all I want is a nice girl"? I don't recall ever hearing it, because men are usually brutally honest with their desire to be with either an intelligent woman, an attractive woman, or someone who is both. It's not a matter of "being the problem", it's a matter of expressing your feelings honestly and not raising the hopes of a guy who is trusting.

And how would a man know why they are being rejected if women don't tell them why? Every woman is different, they place different values on things such as attractiveness, wealth, height, etc. If a dude is 5'6" and worth over a mill, there's plenty of women willing to overlook the height thing. So just because one woman rejects him for being short, it doesn't mean every other woman would do the same.

Why did Brad leave Jen for Angelina? Obviously because Brad values certain things that Angelina has and Jen doesn't. Sure as hell doesn't mean Jen has a "problem".

I thought the most common lie was, "It's bigger than 8 inches."

JustErin said:

If it's a lie, why am I constantly seeing men that are

short

broke

not conventionally attractive

have a small penis (can only really talk about a guy I once hooked up with that is now in a LTR)

have crooked teeth

have no style

drive beaters

in relationships?

What is a LTR?

PurpleJedi said:

Pokeno4Money said:

1) Not tall enough

2) Not wealthy enough

3) Not handsome enough

4) Doesn't have a big enough ... err, shoe size

5) Doesn't have perfect teeth

6) Doesn't dress stylish enough

7) Doesn't have a nice enough car

...what did I ever do to you? Leave me out of these threads.

She left Hobbit like off the list and your still mad!

Pokeno4Money said:

JustErin said:

It's not "many" by any stretch of the imagination. All you have to do is look around for proof of this.

Carrie is right. This type of claim seems to always be made by people who are not willing to look at themselves to understand why they are being rejected. It's everyone else that's the problem - never them.

This topic came to mind after watching yet another seemingly nice guy get crushed on Steve Harvey's show by a woman who insisted she's a God-loving non-shallow person and said "all she wants is a nice guy who she can go to church with".

How often has anybody heard a man say "all I want is a nice girl"? I don't recall ever hearing it, because men are usually brutally honest with their desire to be with either an intelligent woman, an attractive woman, or someone who is both. It's not a matter of "being the problem", it's a matter of expressing your feelings honestly and not raising the hopes of a guy who is trusting.

And how would a man know why they are being rejected if women don't tell them why? Every woman is different, they place different values on things such as attractiveness, wealth, height, etc. If a dude is 5'6" and worth over a mill, there's plenty of women willing to overlook the height thing. So just because one woman rejects him for being short, it doesn't mean every other woman would do the same.

Why did Brad leave Jen for Angelina? Obviously because Brad values certain things that Angelina has and Jen doesn't. Sure as hell doesn't mean Jen has a "problem".

Again, all you have to do is look around and see men that fit your first descriptions in relationships. So it's simply not a case of women rejecting men for the reasons you listed. Maybe, just maybe it's because those men are nice - the very thing you claim women lie about actually really wanting the most. Ugly, broke, short men are in relationships...how come?

You have no idea if Jennifer Aniston has/had a problem when it comes to relationships.

Relationships end for a million different reasons, but that is not comparable to a person not even being able to get into a relationship with someone because they are rejected from the get go.

Just because a guy thinks he is nice doesn't mean that he actually is.

7thday said:

JustErin said:

If it's a lie, why am I constantly seeing men that are

short

broke

not conventionally attractive

have a small penis (can only really talk about a guy I once hooked up with that is now in a LTR)

have crooked teeth

have no style

drive beaters

in relationships?

What is a LTR?

Long term relationship.

prittypriss said:

I thought the most common lie was, "It's bigger than 8 inches."

lick index finger, a line thei sky....one for the ladies.

prittypriss said:

I thought the most common lie was, "It's bigger than 8 inches."

Subway got caught red-handed with that lie ...

JustErin said:

Pokeno4Money said:

This topic came to mind after watching yet another seemingly nice guy get crushed on Steve Harvey's show by a woman who insisted she's a God-loving non-shallow person and said "all she wants is a nice guy who she can go to church with".

How often has anybody heard a man say "all I want is a nice girl"? I don't recall ever hearing it, because men are usually brutally honest with their desire to be with either an intelligent woman, an attractive woman, or someone who is both. It's not a matter of "being the problem", it's a matter of expressing your feelings honestly and not raising the hopes of a guy who is trusting.

And how would a man know why they are being rejected if women don't tell them why? Every woman is different, they place different values on things such as attractiveness, wealth, height, etc. If a dude is 5'6" and worth over a mill, there's plenty of women willing to overlook the height thing. So just because one woman rejects him for being short, it doesn't mean every other woman would do the same.

Why did Brad leave Jen for Angelina? Obviously because Brad values certain things that Angelina has and Jen doesn't. Sure as hell doesn't mean Jen has a "problem".

Again, all you have to do is look around and see men that fit your first descriptions in relationships. So it's simply not a case of women rejecting men for the reasons you listed. Maybe, just maybe it's because those men are nice - the very thing you claim women lie about actually really wanting the most. Ugly, broke, short men are in relationships...how come?

You have no idea if Jennifer Aniston has/had a problem when it comes to relationships.

Relationships end for a million different reasons, but that is not comparable to a person not even being able to get into a relationship with someone because they are rejected from the get go.

Just because a guy thinks he is nice doesn't mean that he actually is.

Most people think they are nice, but many are wrong. Whether or not somebody is nice (or attractive for that matter) should be based purely on what the majority of others believe. It always cracks me up when people describe themselves as nice or attractive ... because those qualities are obviously determined in the eyes of the beholder.

So if a woman says all she wants is to find a nice guy, and a guy comes along with a great reputation for being nice, the woman should stay true to her words. It's like if you tell a car dealer that you're desparate for a new car, and all you want is one that is dependable and will get you where you wanna go. So the dealer goes through the trouble of finding a dependable car in your price range, and then you say "I'm not interested, I don't like the color" or "It doesn't have a good enough sound system" or "It doesn't get good enough gas mileage". The dealer is gonna get angry and tell you "Then why the hell didn't you say that you wanted all those things too???"

kewlschool said:

PurpleJedi said:

...what did I ever do to you? Leave me out of these threads.

She left Hobbit like off the list and your still mad!

JustErin said:

Pokeno4Money said:

This topic came to mind after watching yet another seemingly nice guy get crushed on Steve Harvey's show by a woman who insisted she's a God-loving non-shallow person and said "all she wants is a nice guy who she can go to church with".

How often has anybody heard a man say "all I want is a nice girl"? I don't recall ever hearing it, because men are usually brutally honest with their desire to be with either an intelligent woman, an attractive woman, or someone who is both. It's not a matter of "being the problem", it's a matter of expressing your feelings honestly and not raising the hopes of a guy who is trusting.

And how would a man know why they are being rejected if women don't tell them why? Every woman is different, they place different values on things such as attractiveness, wealth, height, etc. If a dude is 5'6" and worth over a mill, there's plenty of women willing to overlook the height thing. So just because one woman rejects him for being short, it doesn't mean every other woman would do the same.

Why did Brad leave Jen for Angelina? Obviously because Brad values certain things that Angelina has and Jen doesn't. Sure as hell doesn't mean Jen has a "problem".

Again, all you have to do is look around and see men that fit your first descriptions in relationships. So it's simply not a case of women rejecting men for the reasons you listed. Maybe, just maybe it's because those men are nice - the very thing you claim women lie about actually really wanting the most. Ugly, broke, short men are in relationships...how come?

You have no idea if Jennifer Aniston has/had a problem when it comes to relationships.

Relationships end for a million different reasons, but that is not comparable to a person not even being able to get into a relationship with someone because they are rejected from the get go.

Just because a guy thinks he is nice doesn't mean that he actually is.

That is definitely true, and besides, I've actually gotten feedback from some women claiming that my alleged "niceness" is a flaw, one girl even suggested I should swear more and talk to women like they don't matter Her advice might have been stupid but it doesn't change the fact that being "nice" only gets you so far. I might have thought I was a nice guy at one time but today I wouldn't consider myself one. I'm quite cynical and occasionally too negative and introverted and I get along better with pets than children. It's probably no wonder that I'm single.

Pokeno4Money said:

JustErin said:

Again, all you have to do is look around and see men that fit your first descriptions in relationships. So it's simply not a case of women rejecting men for the reasons you listed. Maybe, just maybe it's because those men are nice - the very thing you claim women lie about actually really wanting the most. Ugly, broke, short men are in relationships...how come?

You have no idea if Jennifer Aniston has/had a problem when it comes to relationships.

Relationships end for a million different reasons, but that is not comparable to a person not even being able to get into a relationship with someone because they are rejected from the get go.

Just because a guy thinks he is nice doesn't mean that he actually is.

Most people think they are nice, but many are wrong. Whether or not somebody is nice (or attractive for that matter) should be based purely on what the majority of others believe. It always cracks me up when people describe themselves as nice or attractive ... because those qualities are obviously determined in the eyes of the beholder.

So if a woman says all she wants is to find a nice guy, and a guy comes along with a great reputation for being nice, the woman should stay true to her words. It's like if you tell a car dealer that you're desparate for a new car, and all you want is one that is dependable and will get you where you wanna go. So the dealer goes through the trouble of finding a dependable car in your price range, and then you say "I'm not interested, I don't like the color" or "It doesn't have a good enough sound system" or "It doesn't get good enough gas mileage". The dealer is gonna get angry and tell you "Then why the hell didn't you say that you wanted all those things too???"

Yeah, and you see that all the time. Women with awesome men.

So what's the issue again?

JustErin said:

Pokeno4Money said:

Most people think they are nice, but many are wrong. Whether or not somebody is nice (or attractive for that matter) should be based purely on what the majority of others believe. It always cracks me up when people describe themselves as nice or attractive ... because those qualities are obviously determined in the eyes of the beholder.

So if a woman says all she wants is to find a nice guy, and a guy comes along with a great reputation for being nice, the woman should stay true to her words. It's like if you tell a car dealer that you're desparate for a new car, and all you want is one that is dependable and will get you where you wanna go. So the dealer goes through the trouble of finding a dependable car in your price range, and then you say "I'm not interested, I don't like the color" or "It doesn't have a good enough sound system" or "It doesn't get good enough gas mileage". The dealer is gonna get angry and tell you "Then why the hell didn't you say that you wanted all those things too???"

Yeah, and you see that all the time. Women with awesome men.

So what's the issue again?

The women who go on and on about how they're single ONLY because "they can't find a nice guy" and who insist that's "all they want". If a woman can't "find" a nice guy after a few months of searching, then she needs to look in the mirror and figure out what's wrong with her.