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The Life of Leonardo Da Vinci (1971)

10/10

We watched "Non-Stop" last night.

Now, this was a movie with a grat premise - Liam Neeson is a federal marshall on a plane and someone starts a game whereby every 20 minutes a passenger dies until the bad guy is wired $150 million.

SPOILER ALERT - I'm going to tell you everything that happens, including who the bad guy is. So in case you are trying to decide whether to: (A) Read one of my always-hilarious reviews but get the movie spoiled; or (B) Watch the movie first, hoping it's good, and then come back to read this hilarious review, let me get my rating out of the way first. I'll provide this public service so that you can make an informed decision.

I rate this movie 2.5 Air Marshall Badges out of a possible 5 Air Marshall Badges. Yeah, I know. Thanks, RodeoSchro! You put it right in the middle, so how the heck am I supposed to figure out whether to watch or read? Actually, that question answers itself, so see you in the next paragraph!

"Non-Stop" is a movie built on cliches - Neeson is an alcoholic loner cop/air marshall, with a crumbling life, a jerk for a boss, and apparently all kinds of other problems. As he parks in the lot before boarding his New York-to-London flight, he mixes a big drink (with his toothbrush) (and he only takes one sip out of the drink), as the AM right-wing talk radio show blaring over his sound system is dominated by a caller who claims air marshalls are a waste of tine because all they do is sit on their fat asses in first class and fly around the world on the taxpayers' dime. Foreshadowing!!!!!

A few things happen to Neeson as he gets to the plane, all of which seem innocuous but are in fact parts of a grand scheme to set him up.

He gets onboard and ends up next to Julianne Moore. Now, someone in an earlier post said they were putting Ms. Moore on their s**tlist but you should watch her in this movie, because she is quite good.

When Neeson goes through the airport scanner, we see that he has a roll of duct tape in his pocket. You will end up telling yourself, "Wow! This is just like Apollo 13, where all they had was duct tape, too! It sure is a good thing astronauts and air marshalls always have duct tape available!!!"

Neeson's first use of the duct tape is to violate a federal law, tape over the bathroom smoke detector, and fire up a cancer stick. As my faithful readers know, I am vehemently against smoking and will always maintain smoking is for losers - especially in movies. But in this case, it actually does add to the plot.

Because, when Neeson gets to his seat, he gets a text. Did you know you could get texts at 38,000 feet? Me neither! But apparently there is a "network" and Neeson tells the texter that using that network is a violation of federal law. The texter tells Neeson, "So is smoking in the lavatory". ZING!

He tells Neeson that unless someone wires him $150,000,000 to a special account in 20 minutes, someone will die. Neeson calls his boss from the special Airplane-To-Air Marshall direct phone located in the plane's galley (didn't know they had those!), and of course his jerk boss tells him that they traced the account number and the account is in Neeson's name.

PLOT HOLE ALERT - Neeson's boss is a real jerk. He sounds like a mid-20's smarmy ahole. Remember that for a second. Neeson's boss is set up as a jerk because before Neeson gets on the plane, he calls his boss and says he can't accept a 3-day layover in London - he has to return to America iimmediately. We are never told WHY Neeson has to get back immediately but we are kind of led to believe it has something to do with his daughter. So anyway the boss says, "Hey, sorry but I've to to do what I've got to do". Neeson replies, "Then I'll do what I've got to do".

This, of course, is a key part of setting up Neeson, because later the jerk boss interpolates Neeson saying he'd do what he had to do as meaning I WILL HIJACK AN AIRPLANE, KILL SOME PASSENGERS AND THE PILOT, AND DEMAND $150,000,000 - ALL BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T GET ME BACK TO AMERICA IN TIME! Yeah, but no. And something else - the jerk boss isn't even in on the plot to set Neeson up! So how could the bad guys have POSSIBLY known Neeson's jerk boss was going to jerk Neeson around in such a way as to get Neeson to say something that could later be interpreted as bad for Neeson?

It's plot holes like this that lead me to believe I could make a lot of money writing movies without plot holes.

Oh, and before I forget - after Neeson saves the world, we finally get to see Neeson's jerk boss (after only hearing him on about six Airplane-to-Air-Marshall direct phone calls), and it turns out the guy is some middle age bearded doofus. He looked NOTHING like his voice. Bad casting! I was sure the jerk boss was some young kid in an Imagine Dragons t-shirt.

There are three killings - one of which Neeson does himself - before Neeson finally starts to get the picture. I will say - you aren't going to figure out who the bad guys are until Neeson does, too. They did a GREAT job masking the bad guys. Because I love you, I won't tell you exactly who the bad guys are, but I can describe them without giving away their identities.

This movie actually rocks and is very entertaining until the last ten minutes. It turns out the bad guys are NOT AFTER MONEY (but hilariously, only one of the two bad guys knows that!). They want to hold the Air Marshalls responsible for 9/11! The main bad guy lost his dad on 9/11 and is absolutely sure that if the Air Marshalls had been doing their job that day, none of this would have happened.

So he's concocted this grand scheme to destroy an airliner, kill a bunch of people, and have it blamed on an Air Marshall. This, he surmises, will finally wake up the people of America and make them realize that the real terrorists are Air Marshalls.

Worst. Bad. Guy. Reason. EVER.

The best part is that after the "Air Marshalls Are The Real Terrorists" monologue and the big fight, the second bad guy tells the main bad guy that they can still parachute out of the plane to safety. The main bad guy says, "C'mon - you knew we were never going to make it off this plane alive". The second bady guy looks at him like "WTFFFFFF?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!? I thought we were going to make a point AND THEN PARACHUTE OUT AND COLLECT OUR $150,000,000!" Just to erase any doubt about whether the second bad guy will get off the plane alive, the first bad guy shoots him.

There are a dozen bad cliches at the end (the passengers try to beat up Neeson but he subdues them all; Neeson's daughter had actually died 10 years ago; Neeson was a poor cop; Neeson's daughter's old good-luck ribbon is passed on to some other little girl; the jerk boss tells Neeson he is sorry for thinking Neeson was a terrorist who killed people and hijacked an airplane for $15,000,000; the remaiing co-pilot lands the plane on one wheel, with a giant hole in its side, all while cracking wise; Neeson and Moore smile at each other after the plane lands like nothing has happened; etc; etc; and, etc).

So if you can stomach a movie that is great for about 1.5 hours, and then take every bad action movie cliche ever devised for about 10 minutes, you will like this movie. But the main take-away is:

LIAM NEESON NEEDS TO BE ADDED TO "THE EXPENDABLES" CAST.

Super Juice Me 7 / 10

Documentary about 8 people with 22 chronic diseases between them that go on a 28-day juicing only diet and the results at the end of the experiment. Pretty good results but not sure if it was due to the fact that they didn't eat any crap for 28 days. Food for thought. Have been drinking juices since. Worth a look.

six stars out of five! this is laugh out loud funny. plus, billy bob is a hottie.

logger said:

Super Juice Me 7 / 10

Documentary about 8 people with 22 chronic diseases between them that go on a 28-day juicing only diet and the results at the end of the experiment. Pretty good results but not sure if it was due to the fact that they didn't eat any crap for 28 days. Food for thought. Have been drinking juices since. Worth a look.

yes, that's exactly what it is

after long term juicing, deficiencies (especially of fat soluble vitalmins) make themselves apparent

XxAxX said:

six stars out of five! this is laugh out loud funny. plus, billy bob is a hottie.

I agree with all of this. I have an unhealthy thing for Billy Bob.

Anyone attended a private screening of Boyhood?

Stymie said:

XxAxX said:

six stars out of five! this is laugh out loud funny. plus, billy bob is a hottie.

I agree with all of this. I have an unhealthy thing for Billy Bob.

He's just cool. He's got the perfect accent, IMO. He was awesome in "Faster". BTW, according to IMDB, "Bad Santa 2" is in the "Rumor" phase!

Slight, but enjoyable. Great pop songs by Gregg Alexander (as usual).

XxAxX said:

six stars out of five! this is laugh out loud funny. plus, billy bob is a hottie.

I can't watch Christmas movies in the summer.

Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain (2001) - Amelie, an innocent and naive girl in Paris, with her own sense of justice, decides to help those around her and along the way, discovers love.

I revisited this film on Bastille Day earlier this week. It's a very nice slice of whimsy (sorry, Ace). 1/2

Europa Report

3/5

I watched this to hear my favourite accent - Rumanian actress Anamaria Marinca's.

BUT

she sounds English in this

Nice movie, suspense, realism and it has Sharlto Copley and Mikael Nykvist too

sexton said:

Le fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain (2001) - Amelie, an innocent and naive girl in Paris, with her own sense of justice, decides to help those around her and along the way, discovers love.

I revisited this film on Bastille Day earlier this week. It's a very nice slice of whimsy (sorry, Ace). 1/2

Actually, based on some clips I've seen, the cinematography looks really nice, so I might check it out for that.

Much Ado About Nothing (2012)

A nice addition to the Wheedonverse, nice modern take on the tale. Maybe one or two actors away from being really good. But Nathan Fillion stole the show, as he is wont to do.

this was actually a great film. looks like it has the potential to go cheesy, but manages a nice balance of reality and sentimentality. five stars

[Edited 7/20/14 15:15pm]

^^I love, love, love "My Girl!"

"The Purge 2(2014)"

Do not waste your money and time. Awful film that has so many obvious but awkward cringe-worthy moments. 1/10

L'Age d'Or (1930) - A surrealist tale of a man and a woman who are passionately in love with one another, but their attempts to consummate that passion are constantly thwarted, by their families, the Church and bourgeois society.

Hmmm. There is some funny stuff going on here visually. Being a collaboration with Salvador Dali, I give it 1/2 out of five.

[Edited 7/21/14 22:06pm]

Deliver us from Evil

only good thing in this movie is the 2006 Dodge Charger

Lucky the tix were free.

I got more entertainment from the woman sitting next to me who was giving her boyfriend a handjob.

1/5

(NB: I am not a horror movie fan)

ZombieKitten said:

I got more entertainment from the woman sitting next to me who was giving her boyfriend a handjob.

Ace said:

ZombieKitten said:

I got more entertainment from the woman sitting next to me who was giving her boyfriend a handjob.

yup, not even joking

she had her back to me during the entire movie, and they were kissing and slurping all the while. then in the last third of the movie her arm started moving and then faster and faster until there was a lot of giggling

They were mid 30s, regular looking people, but after they left I saw they both had a litre bottle of beer in their cup holders

The movie was a free preview screener, so I'm guessing everyone had free tix and couldn't really care less about the movie itself. It's a massive cinema with very wide seats thank god

ZombieKitten said:

Ace said:

yup, not even joking

she had her back to me during the entire movie, and they were kissing and slurping all the while. then in the last third of the movie her arm started moving and then faster and faster until there was a lot of giggling

They were mid 30s, regular looking people, but after they left I saw they both had a litre bottle of beer in their cup holders

The movie was a free preview screener, so I'm guessing everyone had free tix and couldn't really care less about the movie itself. It's a massive cinema with very wide seats thank god

Ace said:

ZombieKitten said:

yup, not even joking

she had her back to me during the entire movie, and they were kissing and slurping all the while. then in the last third of the movie her arm started moving and then faster and faster until there was a lot of giggling

They were mid 30s, regular looking people, but after they left I saw they both had a litre bottle of beer in their cup holders

The movie was a free preview screener, so I'm guessing everyone had free tix and couldn't really care less about the movie itself. It's a massive cinema with very wide seats thank god

and I'm the one feeling embarassed!

I was there with my husband and his sister and our brother in law, I couldn't even TELL THEM!!! (I told the master, but he thinks I imagined it, just because he can't imagine bizarro people like that)

Watched this movie again (it was a gift) after 30 years. One of the very few movies in the past 3 decades that wasn't predictable to me. Great movie, intense, and crazy has hell. Makes the movie "Traffic" look dull and a tad pretentious.

Jodorowsky's Dune - 4/5 Great fun for anyone with a taste for 70's sci-fi or fans of Jodorowsky's trippy cult films.

ZombieKitten said:

Ace said:

and I'm the one feeling embarassed!

Ace said:

ZombieKitten said:

and I'm the one feeling embarassed!

So, you actually went to a movie double feature... one on the screen and the other "show" next to you.

TD3 said:

Rise Dawn of the Planet of the Apes - 4/5 A few cliches & shortcuts, but so what? I thought it was great fun & a perfect way to block out the real world for a few hours.

[Edited 7/25/14 6:41am]