So, I just broke up with a man, for several reasons, but the main reason was his drinking.

I thought he drinks too much and is dependent. He disagreed.

I did not make a big fuzz about it, I just broke up.



So, what do you guys think is normal or too much?

He drank one bottle of wine an evening and several during the weekend. Plus beers.

Well first of all...why'd you keep the new dude a secret? Don't you know that you have an obligation to your ODC brethren to keep us informed of your social life?


Now...a bottle of wine a day translates to four glasses, am I correct?
Considering how I could theoretically have a glass with lunch and 2 glasses with dinner (and I am not a strong drinker), 4 glasses in the course of an evening doesn't sound THAT extreme. Was he a big guy? The more mass, the less effect alcohol will have, so bigger guys can drink alot without getting too drunk.

What do you mean by "several"? Are you counting Friday?

AND more importantly, did he get noticeably drunk?

dJJ said:

So, I just broke up with a man, for several reasons, but the main reason was his drinking.

I thought he drinks too much and is dependent. He disagreed.

I did not make a big fuzz about it, I just broke up.



So, what do you guys think is normal or too much?

He drank one bottle of wine an evening and several during the weekend. Plus beers.

usually, folks have a way of bein in denial about certain aspects of their life.

deependin, by how strongly they protest would be the indicater

of how much in denial they are.

with that bein said,

however much 'too much' is for you in the relationship

is too much. also, i think, true maturity dictates that you can

end anything you want, at any time you want, without havin to give

explanation.

KingBAD said:

dJJ said:

So, I just broke up with a man, for several reasons, but the main reason was his drinking.

I thought he drinks too much and is dependent. He disagreed.

I did not make a big fuzz about it, I just broke up.



So, what do you guys think is normal or too much?

He drank one bottle of wine an evening and several during the weekend. Plus beers.

usually, folks have a way of bein in denial about certain aspects of their life.

deependin, by how strongly they protest would be the indicater

of how much in denial they are.

with that bein said,

however much 'too much' is for you in the relationship

is too much. also, i think, true maturity dictates that you can

end anything you want, at any time you want, without havin to give

explanation.

You were drunk when you posted that, admit it.

PurpleJedi said:

KingBAD said:

usually, folks have a way of bein in denial about certain aspects of their life.

deependin, by how strongly they protest would be the indicater

of how much in denial they are.

with that bein said,

however much 'too much' is for you in the relationship

is too much. also, i think, true maturity dictates that you can

end anything you want, at any time you want, without havin to give

explanation.

You were drunk when you posted that, admit it.

" IT WASN'T MEEEEEE!!!"

oh yeah,

its never good to drink when u r sad................

and it is important to know when to stop - if u cant do that then its a problem

stopping at a low number like 1 or 2 drinks is sometimes hard but if u can do that then u have control over it.....

dJJ said:

He drank one bottle of wine an evening and several during the weekend. Plus beers.

That sounds like a lot to me.

PurpleJedi said:

Well first of all...why'd you keep the new dude a secret? Don't you know that you have an obligation to your ODC brethren to keep us informed of your social life?







*Yeah, sorry. I met him trough a dating site. First date was 25 decembre, and I had a blast. I really liked him, because he made me laugh so much.

*It all seemed wonderful at the start (as it always does). He was 45, recently divorced, 2 kids, good job, handsome and we laughed a lot, and we talked for hours on the phone.

*It went wrong when I brought him into my world. He was nasty and impolite to my best friend and he refused to applaud after a play or concert. He was always bitchin' about other people and how dirty everybody was. When I started to distance myself, he became manipulative. Even threw in his kids! He knew I alsways wanted to have kids, but now I'm 40 and it's not very likely I will find a men with whom I can have kids with.


Now...a bottle of wine a day translates to four glasses, am I correct?
Considering how I could theoretically have a glass with lunch and 2 glasses with dinner (and I am not a strong drinker), 4 glasses in the course of an evening doesn't sound THAT extreme. Was he a big guy? The more mass, the less effect alcohol will have, so bigger guys can drink alot without getting too drunk.



*Really? I think one bottle of wine on your own is a lot for just a week day. I mean, he drinks a bottle every night on week days!

What do you mean by "several"? Are you counting Friday?

*Yes, Friday and Saturday were his drinking nights. He would start drinking beer at 3 or 4 and would just drink on all evening.

AND more importantly, did he get noticeably drunk?


*Yes. And that is what I hated about it.

I don't drink at home at all. Only when a friend is coming over for diner or when I'm going over to friends. And when I'm in a pub. So, my alcohol is merely a social thing, and I don't need alcohol. If I don't feel like drinking, I can easily sit with my friends in a pub and drink soda all evening.

He needed to drink.

And I did not want to be in another relationship that got dictated by his need for alcohol.

Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.

KingBAD said:

dJJ said:

So, I just broke up with a man, for several reasons, but the main reason was his drinking.

I thought he drinks too much and is dependent. He disagreed.

I did not make a big fuzz about it, I just broke up.



So, what do you guys think is normal or too much?

He drank one bottle of wine an evening and several during the weekend. Plus beers.

usually, folks have a way of bein in denial about certain aspects of their life.

deependin, by how strongly they protest would be the indicater

of how much in denial they are.

with that bein said,

however much 'too much' is for you in the relationship

is too much. also, i think, true maturity dictates that you can

end anything you want, at any time you want, without havin to give

explanation.

Thank you.

You are absolutely right.

I decide what my standard is

And he was in denial about it. He said that if I made him happy, he would not have to drink so much anymore.

That enraged me, so I did tell him that his alcoholism was by no means my responsebility, nor related to anything I did.

That was another thing of him, he tended to make other people responsible for his own actions.

I realize now that I made the right call.

nursev said:

That muthafukka was a drunk

Yes. And I'm happy I left his drunk ass.

ThisOne said:

its never good to drink when u r sad................

and it is important to know when to stop - if u cant do that then its a problem

stopping at a low number like 1 or 2 drinks is sometimes hard but if u can do that then u have control over it.....

Exactly.

Another thing that I resented was that he drank when he had his kids.

So, he would drink, while his kids were around him!
I think that is very irresponsible. Moreover, at night, when he got really drunk, I found him not capable of responding alert in case something happened to one of his kids (5 and 8).

What if one of them got sick? He would be too drunk to drive them to the hospital, and too drunk to be there for him.

At first he looked like a great and responsible dad. Well, that was how he considered himself and how he presented himself.

But he couldn't even cook! Once, on a friday midday, I cooked with him for the whole weekend, so he could spend time with his kids when they were with him and did not have to get groceries and cook. I made apple in pastry, a big carrot-broccoli pie and a soup.

He later called me that his kids had hugged him spontaneously, because he cooked! He never had done that. He just got them donuts for breakfast and prefab food from the supermarket.

Now that I'm typing this, I realize I have very different standards than him.

It's a good thing I broke up early.

dJJ said:

So, I just broke up with a man, for several reasons, but the main reason was his drinking.

I thought he drinks too much and is dependent. He disagreed.

I did not make a big fuzz about it, I just broke up.



So, what do you guys think is normal or too much?

He drank one bottle of wine an evening and several during the weekend. Plus beers.

Dealing with a very similar situation. Sorry to hear about yours. It's hard to let go but, my man is not loving himself enough to quit drinking...day and night!

However, AA is 'sometimes' part of his schedule. Church and inspirational reading is also part of his routine.

Not to sound cliche' but I pray for people like him. Stay positive on your end and towards him. But I've put my foot down and I hope we can get back together down the road soon.

BEST WISHES FOR YOU!

excited said:

Yeah wise move, he sounds like a pisshead

Thanks.


It was a first attempt to be in a relationship again. I guess I should be proud that I was open to bond again.

And eventhough my friends joke about my fear of relationships and commitment, I still am glad I did not force myself to stay, because things might get better..........

iZsaZsa said:

[img:$uid]http://calaveraswines.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/018207-shopping-basket-of-wine-bottles.jpg[/img:$uid] [img:$uid]http://cdn.sheknows.com/articles/2012/10/diy-thanksgiving-beer-bottle-centerpiece-watermark.jpg[/img:$uid] Seems like a lot for one person - even over a weeks period.

Thanks, I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that.

dJJ said:

PurpleJedi said:

Well first of all...why'd you keep the new dude a secret? Don't you know that you have an obligation to your ODC brethren to keep us informed of your social life?







*Yeah, sorry. I met him trough a dating site. First date was 25 decembre, and I had a blast. I really liked him, because he made me laugh so much.

*It all seemed wonderful at the start (as it always does). He was 45, recently divorced, 2 kids, good job, handsome and we laughed a lot, and we talked for hours on the phone.

*It went wrong when I brought him into my world. He was nasty and impolite to my best friend and he refused to applaud after a play or concert. He was always bitchin' about other people and how dirty everybody was. When I started to distance myself, he became manipulative. Even threw in his kids! He knew I alsways wanted to have kids, but now I'm 40 and it's not very likely I will find a men with whom I can have kids with.


Now...a bottle of wine a day translates to four glasses, am I correct?
Considering how I could theoretically have a glass with lunch and 2 glasses with dinner (and I am not a strong drinker), 4 glasses in the course of an evening doesn't sound THAT extreme. Was he a big guy? The more mass, the less effect alcohol will have, so bigger guys can drink alot without getting too drunk.



*Really? I think one bottle of wine on your own is a lot for just a week day. I mean, he drinks a bottle every night on week days!

What do you mean by "several"? Are you counting Friday?

*Yes, Friday and Saturday were his drinking nights. He would start drinking beer at 3 or 4 and would just drink on all evening.

AND more importantly, did he get noticeably drunk?


*Yes. And that is what I hated about it.

I don't drink at home at all. Only when a friend is coming over for diner or when I'm going over to friends. And when I'm in a pub. So, my alcohol is merely a social thing, and I don't need alcohol. If I don't feel like drinking, I can easily sit with my friends in a pub and drink soda all evening.

He needed to drink.

And I did not want to be in another relationship that got dictated by his need for alcohol.

Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.

OK, that says it all.

More than quantity...the compulsion is what raises the red flags.

That does seem to be a bit much, but I guess it depends on the size of the bottles. I' not much of a drinker myself, barely touch the stuff. So like Jedi said, if a bottle of wine is usually 4 glasses, then if he's drinking a bottle of wine during and after dinner a day and then topping it off with a few beers, that seems excessive. But if you were sharing the bottle with him, and both of you had two glasses, that's fine, but for him to drink the entire bottle in one sitting, well...

I dated a guy who was a functioning alcoholic, but I couldn't deal with that. Every time I saw him, he was drunk. I mean clumbsy drunk. He was a sweet man, but I couldn't and wouldn't tolerate his drinking.

dJJ said:

Sounds like a heckuva lotta booze to me. I'd be so sick if I drank all that. Man o man. Yuck.

Shyra said:

maybe he is working on a Pinterest project and needs all the corks...

dJJ said:

excited said:

Yeah wise move, he sounds like a pisshead

Thanks.


It was a first attempt to be in a relationship again. I guess I should be proud that I was open to bond again.

And eventhough my friends joke about my fear of relationships and commitment, I still am glad I did not force myself to stay, because things might get better..........

well done you! follow your heart & instinct!

SuperSoulFighter said:

Shyra said:

That does seem to be a bit much, but I guess it depends on the size of the bottles. I' not much of a drinker myself, barely touch the stuff. So like Jedi said, if a bottle of wine is usually 4 glasses, then if he's drinking a bottle of wine during and after dinner a day and then topping it off with a few beers, that seems excessive. But if you were sharing the bottle with him, and both of you had two glasses, that's fine, but for him to drink the entire bottle in one sitting, well...

I dated a guy who was a functioning alcoholic, but I couldn't deal with that. Every time I saw him, he was drunk. I mean clumbsy drunk. He was a sweet man, but I couldn't and wouldn't tolerate his drinking.

A bottle of wine is 0.75 litres. That's more than 4 glasses, more like 6-8.

Well, in that case, if he's consuming that whole bottle alone, he's got a problem IMO.

A bottle of wine per day and more during the weekends is too much.

dJJ said:

So, I just broke up with a man, for several reasons, but the main reason was his drinking.

I thought he drinks too much and is dependent. He disagreed.

I did not make a big fuzz about it, I just broke up.



So, what do you guys think is normal or too much?

He drank one bottle of wine an evening and several during the weekend. Plus beers.

i grew up in a family severely damaged by alcohol; the guy you describe sounds like an alcoholic to me but please keep in mind that 'alcoholism' is defined differently in different cultures. i think you were right to break up since imo alcohol adds complications to a relationship that can be severe. good luck

I agree with most people are saying too much drinking going on there.

I myself don't drink, but don't mind if people drink.

sexton said:

dJJ said:

He drank one bottle of wine an evening and several during the weekend. Plus beers.

That sounds like a lot to me.

that's def an addiction

I know dutch/germans drink like animals, but that's an addiction