Whatever happened to acknowledging ones better half?

Are boyfriends and girlfriends a thing of the past?

Have you ever met someone who has someone but refers to that someone as a "friend".

Maybe I'm old fashioned....but it seems like allot of people are "leaving their options open" by not claiming someone they're sleeping with as their "gf/bf".

People used to be proud to say they had a "gf/bf", now its like a big secret

Someone help me out here, what's really going on? Are committed relationships a thing of the past?

edit: space

[Edited 1/28/12 10:21am]

And may I add, saying "my girl" or "my man" is equal to "girlfriend" and "boyfriend". The word "friend" just seems purposely vague.

I never use this term because it restricts the relationship to rules formed by society and the prototype for the word "relationship".

For instance, if you call someone "your girlfriend", you reduce that relationship and what actually makes you special to what society expects you to do or not to do. I don't sleep with other women than a certain person because I am not allowed to, but because I don't want to.

Another reason is privacy. I don't need or want other people to think they know anything about my relationship towards another person, just because I label it a certain way. Every relationship is unique and you have a relationship with every single person you have ever met. Some relationships are better, some are worse.

Personally, I just don't like labels.

And, in the end, if you get along with someone, they are a friend, no matter what you do with them and how often you do it. If you sleep with them, they're still you're friend. I don't sleep with someone just because I have the intention of finding somebody to call my "girlfriend". It just happens.

Dave1992 said:

I never use this term because it restricts the relationship to rules formed by society and the prototype for the word "relationship".

For instance, if you call someone "your girlfriend", you reduce that relationship and what actually makes you special to what society expects you to do or not to do. I don't sleep with other women than a certain person because I am not allowed to, but because I don't want to.

Another reason is privacy. I don't need or want other people to think they know anything about my relationship towards another person, just because I label it a certain way. Every relationship is unique and you have a relationship with every single person you have ever met. Some relationships are better, some are worse.

Personally, I just don't like labels.

What exactly do you mean by "restricts?"

How is "claiming" someone "reducing" the relationship?

I understand the choice of not sleeping with another, thats the meaning of committed relationship?

I understand keeping your business to yourself; but if you're "with" someone that's a good thing? Why care?

I don't like labels either; however if you're "with" someone, isn't o.k. to say...."they're not like everyone else--they're special" in some sort of way?

Dave1992 said:

And, in the end, if you get along with someone, they are a friend, no matter what you do with them and how often you do it. If you sleep with them, they're still you're friend. I don't sleep with someone just because I have the intention of finding somebody to call my "girlfriend". It just happens.

Yes, hopefully they are a friend and remain a friend, but I'm referring to someone special in another's life--a place of honor, respect, admiration, love?

An example: if you meet someone and are attracted to them (in some way) and they state they have a "gf or bf" isn't it most appropriate to interface with them in consideration of their "other" in the same way as if someone says their married....kind of hands off?

Lets face it things have changed.

What if you are dating more than one person but not sleeping with them?

What are those people called?

If you are dating someone but have zero intent on marrying them are they your girlfriend?

There was a time in my life when I wanted to someday be married. That is not a goal any longer. Calling someone my boyfriend implies that I am in a relationship with a man that is heading in that direction.

Deadflow3r said:

What if you are dating more than one person but not sleeping with them?

What are those people called?

If you are dating someone but have zero intent on marrying them are they your girlfriend?

And this is exactly what I would consider as irrelevant. Why try to label someone or give them a "special" name? If they mean a lot to you, they will feel it nevertheless.

Deadflow3r said:

Lets face it things have changed.

What if you are dating more than one person but not sleeping with them?

What are those people called?

Friends

If you are dating someone but have zero intent on marrying them are they your girlfriend?

Do you mean dating or sleeping with? If dating, friend; if sleeping with....well that's also a question to me?

There was a time in my life when I wanted to someday be married. That is not a goal any longer. Calling someone my boyfriend implies that I am in a relationship with a man that is heading in that direction.

What do you refer to him as?

Dave1992 said:

Deadflow3r said:

What if you are dating more than one person but not sleeping with them?

What are those people called?

If you are dating someone but have zero intent on marrying them are they your girlfriend?

And this is exactly what I would consider as irrelevant. Why try to label someone or give them a "special" name? If they mean a lot to you, they will feel it nevertheless.

yes, they will know how you feel the "special" name is about social boundaries?

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

Dave1992 said:

And this is exactly what I would consider as irrelevant. Why try to label someone or give them a "special" name? If they mean a lot to you, they will feel it nevertheless.

yes, they will know how you feel the "special" name is about social boundaries?

Well, there are other, way more efficient ways to tell someone not to cross a certain boundary.

And someone having a girlfriend of even being married doesn't mean you are not allowed to fall in love with them or that they aren't capable of falling in love with you. A "label" or "name" does not affect the choice a person makes or the things they feel (at least I am convinced it should not!).

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

Deadflow3r said:

Lets face it things have changed.

What if you are dating more than one person but not sleeping with them?

What are those people called?

Friends

If you are dating someone but have zero intent on marrying them are they your girlfriend?

Do you mean dating or sleeping with? If dating, friend; if sleeping with....well that's also a question to me?

There was a time in my life when I wanted to someday be married. That is not a goal any longer. Calling someone my boyfriend implies that I am in a relationship with a man that is heading in that direction.

What do you refer to him as?

Just their first name. There is not anyone in my life right now but I have a feeling that if things begin with this one man I am flirting with I will refer to him as "friend" for as long as I can.

It also ends all that "breaking up" and " back together" shit too.

Deadflow3r said:

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

Just their first name. There is not anyone in my life right now but I have a feeling that if things begin with this one man I am flirting with I will refer to him as "friend" for as long as I can.

It also ends all that "breaking up" and " back together" shit too.

Oh hell, yes! That shit I always found disturbing and extremely childish!

Also: "Since when have you two been together?"

- "Well, I picked her up half an our ago with my car... "

[Edited 1/28/12 11:04am]

Dave1992 said:

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

yes, they will know how you feel the "special" name is about social boundaries?

Well, there are other, way more efficient ways to tell someone not to cross a certain boundary.

And someone having a girlfriend of even being married doesn't mean you are not allowed to fall in love with them or that they aren't capable of falling in love with you. A "label" or "name" does not affect the choice a person makes or the things they feel (at least I am convinced it should not!).

Agree, however a "special" name is polite and non-ambiguous.

Agree again, you can fall in love with anyone...but if the person is not available its best to spend your time cultivating relationships with someone who is.

Deadflow3r said:

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

Just their first name. There is not anyone in my life right now but I have a feeling that if things begin with this one man I am flirting with I will refer to him as "friend" for as long as I can.

It also ends all that "breaking up" and " back together" shit too.

Are you saying calling someone a certain name or the condition of being in a committed relationship?

Deadflow3r said:

Lets face it things have changed.

What if you are dating more than one person but not sleeping with them?

What are those people called?

If you are dating someone but have zero intent on marrying them are they your girlfriend?

There was a time in my life when I wanted to someday be married. That is not a goal any longer. Calling someone my boyfriend implies that I am in a relationship with a man that is heading in that direction.

I totally don't understand that part, girlfriend/boyfriend has nothing to do with a future marriage. You can very much be in a serious relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend without having any plans to ever marry that person. I was with my ex for 17 years. We never cheated on each other and we were closer than every married couple I ever knew. His mother always introduced me as her daughter-in-law and many people assumed we were married. But neither he nor I ever had any plans to marry, but of course without a doubt we were girlfriend and boyfriend.

Serious said:

Deadflow3r said:

Lets face it things have changed.

What if you are dating more than one person but not sleeping with them?

What are those people called?

If you are dating someone but have zero intent on marrying them are they your girlfriend?

There was a time in my life when I wanted to someday be married. That is not a goal any longer. Calling someone my boyfriend implies that I am in a relationship with a man that is heading in that direction.

I totally don't understand that part, girlfriend/boyfriend has nothing to do with a future marriage. You can very much be in a serious relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend without having any plans to ever marry that person. I was with my ex for 17 years. We never cheated on each other and we were closer than every married couple I ever knew. His mother always introduced me as her daughter-in-law and many people assumed we were married. But neither he nor I ever had any plans to marry, but of course without a doubt we were girlfriend and boyfriend.

Dating someone? What is dating someone? Are you hanging out with a friend, going to a movie, playing golf, basketball, shopping? Or is it sleeping with someone, having sex with them, etc.? What the heck does LONG TERM dating mean then?

Calling someone your boyfriend doesn't automatically say you're going to marry someone...it means you're in a relationship with him/her.

Fiancee implies marriage.

[Edited 1/28/12 11:24am]

whutz that like???

you know, when you get put in "THE FRIEND ZONE"

i always say "we just fuckin" if it's not a serious relationship.

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

Serious said:

I totally don't understand that part, girlfriend/boyfriend has nothing to do with a future marriage. You can very much be in a serious relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend without having any plans to ever marry that person. I was with my ex for 17 years. We never cheated on each other and we were closer than every married couple I ever knew. His mother always introduced me as her daughter-in-law and many people assumed we were married. But neither he nor I ever had any plans to marry, but of course without a doubt we were girlfriend and boyfriend.

Dating someone? What is dating someone? Are you hanging out with a friend, going to a movie, playing golf, basketball, shopping? Or is it sleeping with someone, having sex with them, etc.? What the heck does LONG TERM dating mean then?

Calling someone your boyfriend doesn't automatically say you're going to marry someone...it means you're in a relationship with him/her.

Fiancee implies marriage.

[Edited 1/28/12 11:24am]

I agree with the bolded part.

I was in a comitted relationship and living together with my boyfriend. That has nothing to do with dating.

Serious said:

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

Dating someone? What is dating someone? Are you hanging out with a friend, going to a movie, playing golf, basketball, shopping? Or is it sleeping with someone, having sex with them, etc.? What the heck does LONG TERM dating mean then?

Calling someone your boyfriend doesn't automatically say you're going to marry someone...it means you're in a relationship with him/her.

Fiancee implies marriage.

[Edited 1/28/12 11:24am]

I agree with the bolded part.

I was in a comitted relationship and living together with my boyfriend. That has nothing to do with dating.

^ yeah that....my quote was meant for the other poster.

KingBAD said:

whutz that like???

you know, when you get put in "THE FRIEND ZONE"

i always say "we just fuckin" if it's not a serious relationship.

this will take the conversation to whole 'nother level....

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

Serious said:

I agree with the bolded part.

I was in a comitted relationship and living together with my boyfriend. That has nothing to do with dating.

^ yeah that....my quote was meant for the other poster.

Okay, I totally agree with you then .

I still see people refer to their s.o. as their boyfriend or girlfriend, it's not that uncommon. Having said that, yeah I'm seeing the 'friend' thing too and honestly yeah I think a lot of times it's people trying to 'keep the door open', so to speak. Because boyfriend/girlfriend has a more serious connotation behind it than 'friend' does.

WhatdoUwantme2do said:

KingBAD said:

whutz that like???

you know, when you get put in "THE FRIEND ZONE"

i always say "we just fuckin" if it's not a serious relationship.

this will take the conversation to whole 'nother level....

i'm waitin...

JustErin said:

Any dude that continues to call me his "friend" after a couple months of dating can fuck right off.

Don't you want to be his friend anylonger?

Would you rather be called "girlfriend", no matter how you are actually treated and made to feel?

Aren't actions more important than the shallowness of words?

Dave1992 said:

JustErin said:

Dave1992 said:

Don't you want to be his friend anylonger?

Would you rather be called "girlfriend", no matter how you are actually treated and made to feel?

Aren't actions more important than the shallowness of words?

If we are spending all this time together acting like a couple yet he calls me his "friend" it means that he's just keeping his options open in case someone better comes along and then he just can just easily move on to them...after all we were just "friends" right? Being called a friend is just code word for you're not enough to be someone I want to be serious with but you will do for now. Seriously, fuck off with that shit.

Why would it be difficult to go away and spend time with someone better even if you're called "girlfriend"?

It will hurt you either way, and, if he really does/did like you, he will explain it to you either way.

Apart from that, calling someone "girl-/boyfriend" doesn't force them to stay with you. And even if it did, would you really want that to be the only reason someone spends time with you?