your partner checking out your messages on your mobile phone ..?...does anyone else think this is over stepping the mark ?...i have told her that she shouldnt be reading my messages on my phone without my approval but i caught her doing it again the other day and i know she has done it in the past...

i have never given her any reason to be jealous or suspicious of me so why is she doing it ?....she also used to check my facebook page til i changed the password on it....surely everybody is entitled to some privicy...even from partners....

i think it is out of order....if you dont trust your partner then whats the point ?.....i dont do it to her...even though i saw her kiss one of my friends when she was very drunk a few years ago (a quick kiss..but still a kiss and not in a friendly way)..but i took it as it was...a drunken kiss and i forgave her for it because i dont get jealous...if i dont trust her...she is gone...simple...but this continual checking of my phone really annoys me...do any of you do it or have caught your partner doing it ?...whats your feelings on this....thanks..

Never dealt with it before and I will be putting my foot down if it ever came about. Not acceptable.

If she feels the need to do that, then that shows major insecurity on her part. Time to talk to her about that!

nd33 said:

Never dealt with it before and I will be putting my foot down if it ever came about. Not acceptable.

If she feels the need to do that, then that shows major insecurity on her part. Time to talk to her about that!

i have..but it obviously doesnt stop her..

If you have a suspicion, and you REALLY want to know, then do it.

It's worse IMO to walk around with the doubt and what-if's.

Once you know, either way, then you deal with either the infidelity or your lack of trust.

I never had anything to hide, so I felt no need to lock my phone. If she ever wanted to read my texts, then feel free. Unfortunately for her, she didn't learn to delete texts and/or lock her phone until I knew what I had to know.

This has only happened 2 me with 1 person Bob and it made my life hell....Not just her looking at my txts but just my message alert going off was enuf 4 her 2 turn green and become some total nutjob!!!A psycho of the highest calibre.

Daves life was much happier b4 these fucking fones showed there ugly faces eye can tell u that.

On 1 occasion when eye was sleeping this person who was drunk went thru my mobile txting every number telling them that i belonged 2 her and they were all 2 fuck off!!!!She even rang a couple of people...What a twisted bitch!!!!!

But even if i was 2 turn my fone off eye couldnt win......Eye was hiding something and turned fone off cuz she was there....Women r fucking mental at times...Thank god 4 porn thats all eye can say Bob.

davetherave6767 said:

This has only happened 2 me with 1 person Bob and it made my life hell....Not just her looking at my txts but just my message alert going off was enuf 4 her 2 turn green and become some total nutjob!!!A psycho of the highest calibre.

Daves life was much happier b4 these fucking fones showed there ugly faces eye can tell u that.

On 1 occasion when eye was sleeping this person who was drunk went thru my mobile txting every number telling them that i belonged 2 her and they were all 2 fuck off!!!!She even rang a couple of people...What a twisted bitch!!!!!

But even if i was 2 turn my fone off eye couldnt win......Eye was hiding something and turned fone off cuz she was there....Women r fucking mental at times...Thank god 4 porn thats all eye can say Bob.

are relationships really worth all the f**kin bother...i really dont think so...maybe we have just been unlucky dave..

blackbob said:

davetherave6767 said:

This has only happened 2 me with 1 person Bob and it made my life hell....Not just her looking at my txts but just my message alert going off was enuf 4 her 2 turn green and become some total nutjob!!!A psycho of the highest calibre.

Daves life was much happier b4 these fucking fones showed there ugly faces eye can tell u that.

On 1 occasion when eye was sleeping this person who was drunk went thru my mobile txting every number telling them that i belonged 2 her and they were all 2 fuck off!!!!She even rang a couple of people...What a twisted bitch!!!!!

But even if i was 2 turn my fone off eye couldnt win......Eye was hiding something and turned fone off cuz she was there....Women r fucking mental at times...Thank god 4 porn thats all eye can say Bob.

are relationships really worth all the f**kin bother...i really dont think so...maybe we have just been unlucky dave..

1 day we will b happy again Bob.......u will find the 1.......and eye will find a couple of fuck buddies 2 take away the stresses of life....

Looking at messages on someone else's phone is the same as opening their mail - ie, wrong.

You might want to think about locking your phone.

blackbob said:

davetherave6767 said:

This has only happened 2 me with 1 person Bob and it made my life hell....Not just her looking at my txts but just my message alert going off was enuf 4 her 2 turn green and become some total nutjob!!!A psycho of the highest calibre.

Daves life was much happier b4 these fucking fones showed there ugly faces eye can tell u that.

On 1 occasion when eye was sleeping this person who was drunk went thru my mobile txting every number telling them that i belonged 2 her and they were all 2 fuck off!!!!She even rang a couple of people...What a twisted bitch!!!!!

But even if i was 2 turn my fone off eye couldnt win......Eye was hiding something and turned fone off cuz she was there....Women r fucking mental at times...Thank god 4 porn thats all eye can say Bob.

are relationships really worth all the f**kin bother...i really dont think so...maybe we have just been unlucky dave..

Your problem is the reason why I'm single today. I want a relationship, but my past one got on my nerves doing stuff just like what's being done to you, I've never cheated on any woman, or gave any of them the suspicion of it.....

...& the bad thing about it is, I don't care to have my phone locked, Nor do I care if my women goes through it, But don't make a daily thing. It's a huge buzzkill on the trust tip....

[Edited 10/18/11 7:15am]

Genesia said:

Looking at messages on someone else's phone is the same as opening their mail - ie, wrong.

You might want to think about locking your phone.

Lock your phones!

blackbob said:

nd33 said:

Never dealt with it before and I will be putting my foot down if it ever came about. Not acceptable.

If she feels the need to do that, then that shows major insecurity on her part. Time to talk to her about that!

i have..but it obviously doesnt stop her..

So why do you not know the answer then?

From your OP:

"i have never given her any reason to be jealous or suspicious of me so why is she doing it ?".

Time to dig deeper!

My husband has open acess and permission to use my cell anytime ( and always has/will )

... I have nothing to hide even if he DID choose to read my messages

He can and is welcome to access my emails ... my org account ... my facebook

He's my best friend

I really do not do or say much of anything I would not say to or around him

It would feel wrong to me to have it any other way

nd33 said:

Genesia said:

Looking at messages on someone else's phone is the same as opening their mail - ie, wrong.

You might want to think about locking your phone.

Lock your phones!

Locking that nosey distrusting bitch out the house sounds a better solution 2 me....Freeze bitch!!!!

davetherave6767 said:

nd33 said:

Lock your phones!

Locking that nosey distrusting bitch out the house sounds a better solution 2 me....Freeze bitch!!!!

Or that.

Machaela said:

My husband has open acess and permission to use my cell anytime ( and always has/will )

... I have nothing to hide even if he DID choose to read my messages

He can and is welcome to access my emails ... my org account ... my facebook

He's my best friend

I really do not do or say much of anything I would not say to or around him

It would feel wrong to me to have it any other way

A true relationship.

If a partner has to feel the need to check your phone, email accounts, FB pages, etc. then that's a serious trust issue/red flag. As the saying goes, if you go around looking for things, then you just might find it or worse. Its all about what you can deal with. Some people don't mind their partners looking through their personal stuff, but others, such as myself, feel that their personal space is being violated.

missfee said:

If a partner has to feel the need to check your phone, email accounts, FB pages, etc. then that's a serious trust issue/red flag. As the saying goes, if you go around looking for things, then you just might find it or worse. Its all about what you can deal with. Some people don't mind their partners looking through their personal stuff, but others, such as myself, feel that their personal space is being violated.

Not judging...honestly...but can I ask WHY?

If you're in a committed relationship, and you're intimate - sharing bodily fluids and emotions and opening yourself to that other person as true life partners - then why feel violated if he/she picks up your phone and looks through your texts?

Is it because you're intrinsically personal and allow NO ONE in to your inner world? Or is it a "respect" thing?

Of course, there's a difference between someone saying; "Gee I wonder what he's been posting on FB" and someone documenting every post and text on a daily basis "looking for something". The latter is more of an "investigative" process that you'd undertake once you get that "gut feeling" that something is off.

When I was happily married we knew each others passwords and I'd frequently go in and delete her junk mail and she'd have stuff emaile dto my acocunt b/c I checked it more frequently.

But honestly I cared little for what she emailed/texted/posted on a daily basis.

The "investigative" process only began when I felt the change happening and knew in my GUT that shit was up.

Sorry for the sidebar...but I'm curious as to why you feel that way.

blackbob said:

nd33 said:

Never dealt with it before and I will be putting my foot down if it ever came about. Not acceptable.

If she feels the need to do that, then that shows major insecurity on her part. Time to talk to her about that!

i have..but it obviously doesnt stop her..

password your mobile!

PurpleJedi said:

Machaela said:

My husband has open acess and permission to use my cell anytime ( and always has/will )

... I have nothing to hide even if he DID choose to read my messages

He can and is welcome to access my emails ... my org account ... my facebook

He's my best friend

I really do not do or say much of anything I would not say to or around him

It would feel wrong to me to have it any other way

A true relationship.

It's just what works for me/us ... and in the end THAT is really all that matters

PurpleJedi said:

missfee said:

If a partner has to feel the need to check your phone, email accounts, FB pages, etc. then that's a serious trust issue/red flag. As the saying goes, if you go around looking for things, then you just might find it or worse. Its all about what you can deal with. Some people don't mind their partners looking through their personal stuff, but others, such as myself, feel that their personal space is being violated.

Not judging...honestly...but can I ask WHY?

If you're in a committed relationship, and you're intimate - sharing bodily fluids and emotions and opening yourself to that other person as true life partners - then why feel violated if he/she picks up your phone and looks through your texts?

Is it because you're intrinsically personal and allow NO ONE in to your inner world? Or is it a "respect" thing?

Of course, there's a difference between someone saying; "Gee I wonder what he's been posting on FB" and someone documenting every post and text on a daily basis "looking for something". The latter is more of an "investigative" process that you'd undertake once you get that "gut feeling" that something is off.

When I was happily married we knew each others passwords and I'd frequently go in and delete her junk mail and she'd have stuff emaile dto my acocunt b/c I checked it more frequently.

But honestly I cared little for what she emailed/texted/posted on a daily basis.

The "investigative" process only began when I felt the change happening and knew in my GUT that shit was up.

Sorry for the sidebar...but I'm curious as to why you feel that way.

Okay, I have absolutely nothing to hide from my Sweetie. And yet, the idea of him going through my phone or email makes me

There are some things that are mine. It is both an "intrinsically personal" and a respect thing.

My entire history is open to my partner. There's no lock on any electronic devices, mail is filed away old bank statements from my time with my ex are still filed there so pretty much he has access to anything.

The thing is....he would never bother. He knows there's no need to check my phone or anything because there's no way I'd never do anything to abuse his trust.

And vice versa. I trust him whole-heartedly.

I guess what you'd need to consider is this: is the reason she's checking it a problem with her, with you or with both? From your posts on here I think it's probably not you. Is it purely insecurity on her part and, if so, is there anything you yourself can do to alleviate it?

You may have to consider also that those who can't be trusted are usually the first to mistrust others, regardless of their trustworthiness. So this might be a representation of a pretty fatal character flaw on her side.

Regardless, I wish you both the best.

JustErin said:

It is no different than opening someone else's mail. 100% inappropriate. Being in a relationship does not mean you give up all your privacy. I'd be running for the hills from any man who thought I needed to share everything with him.

Me too ...

Machaela said:

JustErin said:

It is no different than opening someone else's mail. 100% inappropriate. Being in a relationship does not mean you give up all your privacy. I'd be running for the hills from any man who thought I needed to share everything with him.

Me too ...

Me three.

Genesia said:

Machaela said:

Me too ...

Me three.

If Michael "thought" I should ... then I wouldn't

Machaela said:

Genesia said:

Me three.

If Michael "thought" I should ... then I wouldn't

Exactly. I mean...I've shown Sweetie my Facebook wall (for example), just because he doesn't have a Facebook page and was curious about what people post on there. No biggie.

But I would never show him this place under any circumstances.

Machaela said:

My husband has open acess and permission to use my cell anytime ( and always has/will )

... I have nothing to hide even if he DID choose to read my messages

He can and is welcome to access my emails ... my org account ... my facebook

He's my best friend

I really do not do or say much of anything I would not say to or around him

It would feel wrong to me to have it any other way

To all of that.

Yeah, I don't hide anything. Nor do I have the desire to look thru ppls things. Ever. I prefer to live transparently and openly.

I can't imagine having anything around that I wouldn't want my partner to see. Also, I can't imagine being in a relationship where

we felt compelled to check up on each other. Too much wasted energy. All that energy could be going toward some mind blowing sex and shit.

That's just me tho. To each their own.

Genesia said:

Machaela said:

If Michael "thought" I should ... then I wouldn't

Exactly. I mean...I've shown Sweetie my Facebook wall (for example), just because he doesn't have a Facebook page and was curious about what people post on there. No biggie.

But I would never show him this place under any circumstances.

Really ? ... I show Michael things here often and we laugh and talk about other's perspectives, projections and posting styles

I have even used this place to show/teach the teens many things about public statements and the refletions and perceptions that can arise from them

PurpleJedi said:

missfee said:

If a partner has to feel the need to check your phone, email accounts, FB pages, etc. then that's a serious trust issue/red flag. As the saying goes, if you go around looking for things, then you just might find it or worse. Its all about what you can deal with. Some people don't mind their partners looking through their personal stuff, but others, such as myself, feel that their personal space is being violated.

Not judging...honestly...but can I ask WHY?

If you're in a committed relationship, and you're intimate - sharing bodily fluids and emotions and opening yourself to that other person as true life partners - then why feel violated if he/she picks up your phone and looks through your texts?

Is it because you're intrinsically personal and allow NO ONE in to your inner world? Or is it a "respect" thing?

Of course, there's a difference between someone saying; "Gee I wonder what he's been posting on FB" and someone documenting every post and text on a daily basis "looking for something". The latter is more of an "investigative" process that you'd undertake once you get that "gut feeling" that something is off.

When I was happily married we knew each others passwords and I'd frequently go in and delete her junk mail and she'd have stuff emaile dto my acocunt b/c I checked it more frequently.

But honestly I cared little for what she emailed/texted/posted on a daily basis.

The "investigative" process only began when I felt the change happening and knew in my GUT that shit was up.

Sorry for the sidebar...but I'm curious as to why you feel that way.

Because I feel being in a relationship doesn't mean that I have share every SINGLE thing with that person. Its the same concept as when you are in relationship that you don't conform to the person that they want you to be, you still have to be your own individual self even though you are compromising with that person and sharing most things with one another. It's not about letting no one into your inner world...I look at it as letting someone into SOME of your inner world but not all of it. And it doesn't mean that you are necessarily "hiding" something if you don't let them into all of your inner world. I believe it's healthy to have something personal that you can call your own at the end of the day. What's so wrong with that? I just don't believe in "losing" myself 100% with a man. If you do that, how in the world do you pick yourself up if for instance one day you aren't with that person anymore, whether its by breakup or by death?

missfee said:

PurpleJedi said:

Not judging...honestly...but can I ask WHY?

If you're in a committed relationship, and you're intimate - sharing bodily fluids and emotions and opening yourself to that other person as true life partners - then why feel violated if he/she picks up your phone and looks through your texts?

Is it because you're intrinsically personal and allow NO ONE in to your inner world? Or is it a "respect" thing?

Of course, there's a difference between someone saying; "Gee I wonder what he's been posting on FB" and someone documenting every post and text on a daily basis "looking for something". The latter is more of an "investigative" process that you'd undertake once you get that "gut feeling" that something is off.

When I was happily married we knew each others passwords and I'd frequently go in and delete her junk mail and she'd have stuff emaile dto my acocunt b/c I checked it more frequently.

But honestly I cared little for what she emailed/texted/posted on a daily basis.

The "investigative" process only began when I felt the change happening and knew in my GUT that shit was up.

Sorry for the sidebar...but I'm curious as to why you feel that way.

Because I feel being in a relationship doesn't mean that I have share every SINGLE thing with that person. Its the same concept as when you are in relationship that you don't conform to the person that they want you to be, you still have to be your own individual self even though you are compromising with that person and sharing most things with one another. It's not about letting no one into your inner world...I look at it as letting someone into SOME of your inner world but not all of it. And it doesn't mean that you are necessarily "hiding" something if you don't let them into all of your inner world. I believe it's healthy to have something personal that you can call your own at the end of the day. What's so wrong with that? I just don't believe in "losing" myself 100% with a man. If you do that, how in the world do you pick yourself up if for instance one day you aren't with that person anymore, whether its by breakup or by death?

Good point.