TotalANXiousNESS said:

Discuss.

How do you cope when you feel ultimatley betrayed by someone close to you and you feel brocken hearted over it?

What if it happened not only once? But AGAIN a week after the first 'offense'? Would that mean the other person has a problem? An addiction? And would you feel commited to stick by their side and help them through it? Or would you feel they cannpt be trusted and have no regard for your feelings? And if that's the case do you cut ties, or stay commited and again....help them through it?

Also what about lying in a relationship? What if you found you were being lied to on a regular basis? How would you deal with that?

Cut the bitches cunt off.

.

.

Next subject.

I go numb.

if it's a boyfriend or spouse most likely i would walk away if it's that big of a betrayal.

I've been on the recieving end of some. But, never again.

Once is always enough and then your set.

I'm now a killing machine, sort of. Well not really. I'm too bloody nice.

That's my problem. But don't let it be yours

i go through a process of self obession. then i think. then i go back to being sad. then eventually i'll get wrap up in something and gradually forget about. its better, really there a ton of people in this world and like you know its hard to establish a good relationship wiith one. but i feel that eventually through eliminating people you'll find your true friends.

I cut the bitch

Then cry

and cry

and cry some more..

and then move on..

^^^that sounds about right...:-I

Well, I used to play the keyboards a lot when things like this still mattered to me.

Now I just go to the nightclub of the nearby hotel and try to find someone to have sex with.

That's an honest reply.

novabrkr said:

Well, I used to play the keyboards a lot when things like this still mattered to me.

Now I just go to the nightclub of the nearby hotel and try to find someone to have sex with.

That's an honest reply.

Does that help? Isn't the pain there anyways?

dJJ said:

novabrkr said:

Well, I used to play the keyboards a lot when things like this still mattered to me.

Now I just go to the nightclub of the nearby hotel and try to find someone to have sex with.

That's an honest reply.

Does that help? Isn't the pain there anyways?

To be honest, I've never been cheated by ayone that I would have considered settling down with for a very long period of time. I also wrote "try to find someone to...", because it's not like I always succeed in that or just feel too tired at the end of the night, hah. Sex is not really the part that does the trick, but it seems to help just to know that there are always other people out there and it's not that excruciatingly hard to establish a closer connection with a new person. I used to be one of those people that kept thinking about the other person way too much even after the whole thing had ended ages ago.

I understand it's not really the right solution for those that are married and / or still live together.

Allow yourself to feel what you feel then move on-and emphasis on moving on. Things do get better. Much Much better

I have nothing to do with them ever again and if at all possible, I like to get revenge.

No revenge. The revenge is finding better lol

Heybaby said:

No revenge. The revenge is finding better lol

THE very BEST form of revenge is LIVING WELL !

What if a mere explaination is considered as a revenge when you didn't want it to be a revenge?

Can you just move on when betrayal is related to your reason to live?

About a month ago I found out that a slightly close friend of mine had been lying to me pretty much the whole time since I met him two years before. Like to know how I reacted to it? I distanced myself from him and then cut him off. I didn't even discuss it with him because I knew that he would deny it and it would become a big ass argument. So I decided that I wasn't going to deal with a pathological liar, period and let it and him go. Just like that.

missfee said:

About a month ago I found out that a slightly close friend of mine had been lying to me pretty much the whole time since I met him two years before. Like to know how I reacted to it? I distanced myself from him and then cut him off. I didn't even discuss it with him because I knew that he would deny it and it would become a big ass argument. So I decided that I wasn't going to deal with a pathological liar, period and let it and him go. Just like that.

excellent

pathological liars are creepy, one day you just find out that she/he is NOT the person you think she/he was and then the creepy thoughts pop out: why did he/she lie? is he/she hidding something? how is her/his real life?

so it's painful and creepy at the same time...

[Edited 9/5/11 18:41pm]

JoeTyler said:

missfee said:

About a month ago I found out that a slightly close friend of mine had been lying to me pretty much the whole time since I met him two years before. Like to know how I reacted to it? I distanced myself from him and then cut him off. I didn't even discuss it with him because I knew that he would deny it and it would become a big ass argument. So I decided that I wasn't going to deal with a pathological liar, period and let it and him go. Just like that.

excellent

pathological liars are creepy, one day you just find out that she/he is NOT the person you think she/he was and then the creepy thoughts pop out: why did he/she lie? is he/she hidding something? how is her/his real life?

so it's painful and creepy at the same time...

[Edited 9/5/11 18:41pm]

Exactly. He had no reason to lie about himself at all to me yet he did. I'm starting to think he's in denial too because he's still sending me text messages even though I haven't answered any of them at all. I'm like, wow you don't get it? Leave me the fuck alone. Cause after a person doesn't call me back or answer a couple of my text messages I'm done, I don't contact them anymore but this dude, I'm thinking he really got a problem.

shunning...

missfee said:

JoeTyler said:

excellent

pathological liars are creepy, one day you just find out that she/he is NOT the person you think she/he was and then the creepy thoughts pop out: why did he/she lie? is he/she hidding something? how is her/his real life?

so it's painful and creepy at the same time...

[Edited 9/5/11 18:41pm]

Exactly. He had no reason to lie about himself at all to me yet he did. I'm starting to think he's in denial too because he's still sending me text messages even though I haven't answered any of them at all. I'm like, wow you don't get it? Leave me the fuck alone. Cause after a person doesn't call me back or answer a couple of my text messages I'm done, I don't contact them anymore but this dude, I'm thinking he really got a problem.

Years ago I also had to cut off an ex-close friend (not only a liar, but also a frivolous asshole, he used to be a nice guy ) and the guy KEPT calling me to my phone like FIVE or SIX times each day I didn't answer, and hell I had to put the phone on silent mode, which was annoying, and there were his 6 calls, everyday, during a couple of weeks denial indeed...

I do think cutting of a friendship without an exit-talk is impolite and immature. The least you can do is tell that person why you don't want to see him/her anymore. Otherwise, they truly don't understand.

Most people who lie, don't see any harm in that themselves. They sometimes even convince themselves they lie in order to protect you. In other words, it's for your own good. Therefore, lyers, sometimes really don't understand that they have hurted somebody and will never relate to it. However, just leaving somebody without telling them why, to me, is disrespectful. Even if you expect they will not understand, maybe they will in a decade, when they have been confronted by a lot of people about it.

dJJ said:

I do think cutting of a friendship without an exit-talk is impolite and immature. The least you can do is tell that person why you don't want to see him/her anymore. Otherwise, they truly don't understand.

Most people who lie, don't see any harm in that themselves. They sometimes even convince themselves they lie in order to protect you. In other words, it's for your own good. Therefore, lyers, sometimes really don't understand that they have hurted somebody and will never relate to it. However, just leaving somebody without telling them why, to me, is disrespectful. Even if you expect they will not understand, maybe they will in a decade, when they have been confronted by a lot of people about it.

Are you listening to yourself?

1) How exactly is cutting a friendship off "impolite" and "immature"? But lying for no reason to a person who trusts you is polite and mature? Honey please. Choosing to cut off a friendship doesn't spell immaturity at all, it's chosing to disassociate yourself from a person who doesn't deserve my friendship. The way I see it, if a person chooses to lie, they know good and well that they are lying...and therefore doesn't DESERVE an explanation as to why I don't want to associate with them anymore.

2) Exactly. Which proves my point. Lying never protects anyone...c'mon now. But yet you believe that a liar deserves an explanation for something that they KNOW they are doing? Umm no. I've had plenty of experience with dealing with liars or ANYONE who didn't hold my best interests at heart and each time I've cut them off, I've been better off without them.

I'm not trying to be argumentative with you, but I just really 100% disagree with your opinion.

missfee said:

dJJ said:

I do think cutting of a friendship without an exit-talk is impolite and immature. The least you can do is tell that person why you don't want to see him/her anymore. Otherwise, they truly don't understand.

Most people who lie, don't see any harm in that themselves. They sometimes even convince themselves they lie in order to protect you. In other words, it's for your own good. Therefore, lyers, sometimes really don't understand that they have hurted somebody and will never relate to it. However, just leaving somebody without telling them why, to me, is disrespectful. Even if you expect they will not understand, maybe they will in a decade, when they have been confronted by a lot of people about it.

Are you listening to yourself?

1) How exactly is cutting a friendship off "impolite" and "immature"? But lying for no reason to a person who trusts you is polite and mature? Honey please. Choosing to cut off a friendship doesn't spell immaturity at all, it's chosing to disassociate yourself from a person who doesn't deserve my friendship. The way I see it, if a person chooses to lie, they know good and well that they are lying...and therefore doesn't DESERVE an explanation as to why I don't want to associate with them anymore.

2) Exactly. Which proves my point. Lying never protects anyone...c'mon now. But yet you believe that a liar deserves an explanation for something that they KNOW they are doing? Umm no. I've had plenty of experience with dealing with liars or ANYONE who didn't hold my best interests at heart and each time I've cut them off, I've been better off without them.

I'm not trying to be argumentative with you, but I just really 100% disagree with your opinion.

The thing is, I'm convinced that most lyers have convinced themselves that their lies were justified. And sometimes they start to believe their own lies.

I resort to intimidation. Repeat offenses are met with violent repercussions.

dJJ said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

I know rite?

Djj Thanks for the info about the books, though I'm not sure what you meant by your last sentence......change isn't expected? That lyers are lyers and thats that?

I don't know the context and what has happened, so ofcourse, I can't judge.

It has been my experience that a person who lies and cheats will continue doing that.

Lying and cheating is knowingly acting in favor of yourself at the cost of the other. It's not an innocent phenomenon that stems from a trauma or bad childhood.

There are a lot of people who have experienced an unhealthy childhood. However, most go in therapy/counseling and build up healthy relationships and lifes.

People who lie, cheat and are addicted, have done so, in spite of knowing that there are other solutions possible. They lack conscience and respect for other people. With lying they sabotage the possibility for those involved to make their own decisions and control their own life. A lyer knowingly and intentionally sabotages the information others' get, in order to prevent them from making the right decisions for themselves. That's the reason they lie. And that lacks any respect for the peopel involved. And it's not a bad childhood that inflicts a person to lie, nor the substance/person/process they are addicted to. The person is lying in order to stay addicted and not let those involved protect themselves from this person and his/'hers addiction.

It has been my experience that there will be presented a lot of dramatic and pityfull (childhood)experiences and/or promises to change. However, these are just acts in order to be able to sustain the situation, in order to keep the person attached to the lyer and not walk away. It's rarely a sincere attempt for true and fundamental change.

I really like you TotalAnxiousness, and pray for you. Because eventhough you know your are a though girl and can handle it, I don't wish you those kind of harmfull situations. I truly wish you joy and happines. And for now a lot of wisdom and support form people with good intentions.

Wow. This response was touching. Thank You.

By reading my original post I can see how it may look like I have been cheated on. It is not that, I'm happy to say, although it feels similar.

Thank You guys all for your responses and advice/well wishes.

its hard, i have an old friend...30 years we were alwys cool til marriage, she lied acted a fool clowned me, fucked my dude. i always let her make it cause her mom had died and she was th eonly child til one day i cleaned smacked the shyt outta her in the middle of one of her plots...old fat bitch....i love her stilll.... ..

dJJ said:

BlackAdder7 said:

1) do not be complacent. express your feelings of hurt anger and disappointment as often as you need to.

2) Couple's therapy....sometimes you need a third person in the room to be able to say what you want to.

3) Al-Anon, and other support groups for spouses of addicts exist

4) Decide if you want to fix things. it takes a lot of work, patience, and love.

do you want to invest in all of those?

5) Communication.....only by talking calmly and without judgement willl an addict feel comfortable in discussing the reason why there is an addiction.

Al-Anon generates def. powerful healing forces for structural attendees.

And I apreciate your positive and hopefull views about how people are capapble of change. Maybe I'm too pessimistic. I sure do hope you are right, and things can work out for the best.

I do not think Al-Anon gets the credit and publicity it deserves. I was an adult child of an alcoholic and attended Al-Anon in my 20's. Luckily there was a large group on the lower Cape. I learned a great deal about boundaries and where I began and where I ended.

As someone mentioned who are we talking about here? How much do you love them? If they are the father to one of your children they will be in your life anyway so dealing with their lying ass is something you will have to learn to do for the long hall whether you leave them or not. If it is a neighbor or friend axing them out of your life is not as difficult.

Siblings also haunt your life as do parents.

FauxReal said:

I resort to intimidation. Repeat offenses are met with violent repercussions.

I have a horrible feeling that if I was born with the XY chromosome pair instead of the XX this is exactly what I would look like .

What I assumed was a very close friend of mine turned his back on me earlier this year. I felt totally duped! For months I was angry and he thought it was very cute and he would do things to irritate me. But, karma is a son-of-a-bitch! He allowed his over-inflated ego to get the best of him and he ended up verbally threatening me over something work-related. I ended up getting management involved and now the threat is part of his permanent record. He doesn't think stabbing me in the back is so cute anymore. My point is, just let it go. What goes around comes around. You may not be there to see it, but it will.