InspirationalOne said:

ScarletScandal said:

Thank You.

I didn't make this thread to brag about anything. Hell, because of my complex I'm trying to get over, I really don't have anything to brag about anyway lol

I just told those stories to give some back story as to why I developed this way of mind, that's all. It's also stunted my creativity tremendously, and usually when I'm doing something, there's ALWAYS that little voice in the back of my mind telling me "you can do better than this..." and this endless pursuit begins of me trying to unlock this creative potential that I was brought up to supress.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I cannot stand labels. Being labeled gifted actually isolated me from the majority as I went through elementary, middle and high school. I'm African American and I was in class with the majority of Caucasion or Asian kids. I was teased relentlessly for speaking proper, for being different, and not being "black". It made me hide who I really am because I wanted to be accepted and not seen as different.

Plus, I saw being gifted as a curse growing up. In my family they expected me to be perfect because I was gifted. I HATED that!!! I began piano lessons at age eight. By twelve (I'll never forget) I was visiting my family in South Carolina and played a piece by Beethoven (Fur Elise). Well, I messed up and my aunt from NY told me there are no excuses for messing up because I've been taking lessons too long. I grew to hate playing the piano. After taking lessons for 10 years I quit when I turned 18 (cause Momma couldn't make me do it anymore). But what happened was I grew up to be a perfectionist, that led me to depression when I fell short of what I felt was great. My standards for myself were so high that it took me YEARS (until two years ago) to realize that I am not, nor will I ever be perfect. I feel so much better now, though I still strive for the best. I'm in graduate school and classmates tell me to relax, that as long as I get a B I will graduate with honors. That's not good enough for me, I want my A's! If that sounds like I'm bragging, I'm not. It's just that I know what I am capable of and I will feel bad if I do not reach that marker. Maybe, it's mixed with growing up with high expectations from family members and not wanting to let them down and now it's part of who I am. One thing that remains, like childhood, it's difficult for me to fit in with my peers. I find myself changing my speech to fit those around me quite often. My professors are the only ones that have the bigger picture of who I am because I express it in my work. I was chosen to speak in front of a panel during American Education Week last year and my classmates were stunned when they found out. Not me, quiet me, that sits in the back of the classroom and offers nothing unless asked. I submitted an essay on Education Meeting the Needs of the 21st Century and was chosen among many other applicants to share it before Department heads of various cities, professors, students, and others. This drew unwanted attention to me because I am generally a behind the scenes individual. However, I am proud of myself for finding that balance with loving and accepting me and sharing a part of me and what I care about with those who will listen. That is the beauty of being me. I don't care about the "gifted" "perfectionist" label anymore. At my age, I refuse to hide who I am to make others feel better about themself.

Plus, my sons were both identified gifted in elementary school and I worked hard to make sure that they remained humble and self assured with that label. I never placed unwarranted pressure on my sons to GO GO GO because that will be a hindrance in the long run. My oldest (turned 18 today) went to college at 15. Recently he told me he was burnt out and wanted to take a year off from college. I said, "cool". He has a part time job and is traveling this summer. I'm happy for him.

ScarletScandal, when your mind and your heart connects all of your creative potential will be unleashed. Allow it to merge and endless possibilities will flow, I promise you!

It's that easy? How come I never thought of that lol! Wow...I'm proud of you! And you totally feel where I'm coming from. I used to take piano as well, and I was taking it for a couple weeks when I was about 12 years old, and I guess my mom expected me to be writing conciertos and shit. It felt good that she expected it out of me, but at the same time I didn't think it was fair to put that kind of pressure on me. I was in a talent show in 10th grade where a classmate and I danced together. I choreographed the whole thing, and everybody was going crazy and there were like "Is that Lonnie up there dancing like that???" Then after we finished, all these people were shocked that I did that. Another thing that bothers me is when I do something, people ask me "YOU did that???" Like I'm not capable or they weren't expecting me to be. That's so cool to hear about your son too! I always wanted to go to college early. I ended up going to art school.

InspirationalOne said:

ScarletScandal said:

Thank You.

I didn't make this thread to brag about anything. Hell, because of my complex I'm trying to get over, I really don't have anything to brag about anyway lol

I just told those stories to give some back story as to why I developed this way of mind, that's all. It's also stunted my creativity tremendously, and usually when I'm doing something, there's ALWAYS that little voice in the back of my mind telling me "you can do better than this..." and this endless pursuit begins of me trying to unlock this creative potential that I was brought up to supress.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I cannot stand labels. Being labeled gifted actually isolated me from the majority as I went through elementary, middle and high school. I'm African American and I was in class with the majority of Caucasion or Asian kids. I was teased relentlessly for speaking proper, for being different, and not being "black". It made me hide who I really am because I wanted to be accepted and not seen as different.

I've been there (and still am sometimes) and I can say from experience that it sucks. The whole "you're not black because you take the hardest classes and don't dress in urban streetwear and don't speak in ebonics" thing used to really get to me, but now I know it's because they'd rather see me fail than succeed.

just1lousydime said:

InspirationalOne said:

I totally understand where you are coming from. I cannot stand labels. Being labeled gifted actually isolated me from the majority as I went through elementary, middle and high school. I'm African American and I was in class with the majority of Caucasion or Asian kids. I was teased relentlessly for speaking proper, for being different, and not being "black". It made me hide who I really am because I wanted to be accepted and not seen as different.

I've been there (and still am sometimes) and I can say from experience that it sucks. The whole "you're not black because you take the hardest classes and don't dress in urban streetwear and don't speak in ebonics" thing used to really get to me, but now I know it's because they'd rather see me fail than succeed.

Yeah. I got over that a long time ago.

InspirationalOne said:

ScarletScandal said:

Thank You.

I didn't make this thread to brag about anything. Hell, because of my complex I'm trying to get over, I really don't have anything to brag about anyway lol

I just told those stories to give some back story as to why I developed this way of mind, that's all. It's also stunted my creativity tremendously, and usually when I'm doing something, there's ALWAYS that little voice in the back of my mind telling me "you can do better than this..." and this endless pursuit begins of me trying to unlock this creative potential that I was brought up to supress.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I cannot stand labels. Being labeled gifted actually isolated me from the majority as I went through elementary, middle and high school. I'm African American and I was in class with the majority of Caucasion or Asian kids. I was teased relentlessly for speaking proper, for being different, and not being "black". It made me hide who I really am because I wanted to be accepted and not seen as different.

Plus, I saw being gifted as a curse growing up. In my family they expected me to be perfect because I was gifted. I HATED that!!! I began piano lessons at age eight. By twelve (I'll never forget) I was visiting my family in South Carolina and played a piece by Beethoven (Fur Elise). Well, I messed up and my aunt from NY told me there are no excuses for messing up because I've been taking lessons too long. I grew to hate playing the piano. After taking lessons for 10 years I quit when I turned 18 (cause Momma couldn't make me do it anymore). But what happened was I grew up to be a perfectionist, that led me to depression when I fell short of what I felt was great. My standards for myself were so high that it took me YEARS (until two years ago) to realize that I am not, nor will I ever be perfect. I feel so much better now, though I still strive for the best. I'm in graduate school and classmates tell me to relax, that as long as I get a B I will graduate with honors. That's not good enough for me, I want my A's! If that sounds like I'm bragging, I'm not. It's just that I know what I am capable of and I will feel bad if I do not reach that marker. Maybe, it's mixed with growing up with high expectations from family members and not wanting to let them down and now it's part of who I am. One thing that remains, like childhood, it's difficult for me to fit in with my peers. I find myself changing my speech to fit those around me quite often. My professors are the only ones that have the bigger picture of who I am because I express it in my work. I was chosen to speak in front of a panel during American Education Week last year and my classmates were stunned when they found out. Not me, quiet me, that sits in the back of the classroom and offers nothing unless asked. I submitted an essay on Education Meeting the Needs of the 21st Century and was chosen among many other applicants to share it before Department heads of various cities, professors, students, and others. This drew unwanted attention to me because I am generally a behind the scenes individual. However, I am proud of myself for finding that balance with loving and accepting me and sharing a part of me and what I care about with those who will listen. That is the beauty of being me. I don't care about the "gifted" "perfectionist" label anymore. At my age, I refuse to hide who I am to make others feel better about themself.

Plus, my sons were both identified gifted in elementary school and I worked hard to make sure that they remained humble and self assured with that label. I never placed unwarranted pressure on my sons to GO GO GO because that will be a hindrance in the long run. My oldest (turned 18 today) went to college at 15. Recently he told me he was burnt out and wanted to take a year off from college. I said, "cool". He has a part time job and is traveling this summer. I'm happy for him.

ScarletScandal, when your mind and your heart connects all of your creative potential will be unleashed. Allow it to merge and endless possibilities will flow, I promise you!

The creativity process is a very fragile one. It can be damaged or completely stifled by traumas. When it happens, the feeling of not fitting in is awful; like having a part of yourself amputated. Normal people? You don't belong. Skilled people? You're not anymore a part of them. And this feeling of emptiness you got inside when skills are dead is like no other. You can't speak your mind properly anymore. When you're not lucky enough to be surrounded by a loving family and relatives, there's no one to make you feel secure and confortable about yourself.

The standards according to yourself aren't helping being so high (just the way you mentionned). We're very stricts to ourselves. Having talent isolates oneself whether you want it or not, you just don't fit in. Nothing to do with boasting.

ScarletScandal, what you teached did to you is unfair.

ScarletScandal said:

It's that easy? How come I never thought of that lol! Wow...I'm proud of you! And you totally feel where I'm coming from. I used to take piano as well, and I was taking it for a couple weeks when I was about 12 years old, and I guess my mom expected me to be writing conciertos and shit. It felt good that she expected it out of me, but at the same time I didn't think it was fair to put that kind of pressure on me. I was in a talent show in 10th grade where a classmate and I danced together. I choreographed the whole thing, and everybody was going crazy and there were like "Is that Lonnie up there dancing like that???" Then after we finished, all these people were shocked that I did that. Another thing that bothers me is when I do something, people ask me "YOU did that???" Like I'm not capable or they weren't expecting me to be. That's so cool to hear about your son too! I always wanted to go to college early. I ended up going to art school.

I find myself so much happier now that I live according to my standards and make choices for self rather than allowing others to impose their beliefs on me. I realized 'they' were living my life, I was just going through the motions like a puppet on strings. Everyone must live their life and accept responsibility for 'their' choices made, it's absolutely depressing living any other way. May you go where your heart leads you and love every minute on the journey there!

just1lousydime said:

InspirationalOne said:

I totally understand where you are coming from. I cannot stand labels. Being labeled gifted actually isolated me from the majority as I went through elementary, middle and high school. I'm African American and I was in class with the majority of Caucasion or Asian kids. I was teased relentlessly for speaking proper, for being different, and not being "black". It made me hide who I really am because I wanted to be accepted and not seen as different.

I've been there (and still am sometimes) and I can say from experience that it sucks. The whole "you're not black because you take the hardest classes and don't dress in urban streetwear and don't speak in ebonics" thing used to really get to me, but now I know it's because they'd rather see me fail than succeed.

It does suck at times because I feel awkward in group contact/work. But I've gotten a lot better with it because I realize either they will accept me or not, but it doesn't validate me either way. I try to look at it this way, I am who I am and I am destined to succeed in life and I will NOT fall short, even if I decide to settle for a different outcome (therefore, it will not be falling short it will be making minor adjustments to my initial goals that were set).

InspirationalOne said:

just1lousydime said:

I've been there (and still am sometimes) and I can say from experience that it sucks. The whole "you're not black because you take the hardest classes and don't dress in urban streetwear and don't speak in ebonics" thing used to really get to me, but now I know it's because they'd rather see me fail than succeed.

It does suck at times because I feel awkward in group contact/work. But I've gotten a lot better with it because I realize either they will accept me or not, but it doesn't validate me either way. I try to look at it this way, I am who I am and I am destined to succeed in life and I will NOT fall short, even if I decide to settle for a different outcome (therefore, it will not be falling short it will be making minor adjustments to my initial goals that were set).

I think if your doing anthing for the love of it and have learned to validate yourself that is beautiful. I have thougtht about this thread a lot and I did think of this one girl in school who got on my nerves. She seemed to always be motivated by the prize, ribbon, trophy, grade, etc. It was like she was a praise whore. Honestly no one could stand her and everyone seemed to love it when she came in second place because she could not tolerate second place she absolutely had to be first at everything. To me that shows a love of praise if you can't accept that sometimes someone bests you. Her mom was also one of those push bitches that demand a reason from the teacher if Anne got a B+. It was obnoxious because it wasn't about Anne really enjoying performing it was about her getting the best part in a play. I began to wonder if Anne truly enjoyed anthing exept the final day when ribbons were being handed out or the audience arrived. It was all about the destination and not about the journey. Lastly, many children from Alcoholic homes end up with the negative form of over achieving just to get some attention.

I wonder if me being an over achiever may have something to do with my attraction to Asian men

ScarletScandal said:

I wonder if me being an over achiever may have something to do with my attraction to Asian men

......

Deadflow3r said:

ScarletScandal said:

I wonder if me being an over achiever may have something to do with my attraction to Asian men

......

harder and faster please.

ScarletScandal said:

Deadflow3r said:

......

harder and faster please.

I am not an overachiever, so that is good enough....

Deadflow3r said:

ScarletScandal said:

harder and faster please.

I am not an overachiever, so that is good enough....

Then don't do it at all

ScarletScandal said:

Deadflow3r said:

I am not an overachiever, so that is good enough....

Then don't do it at all

oh,

Deadflow3r said:

ScarletScandal said:

Then don't do it at all

oh,

You have to over-do it for me to feel it

ScarletScandal said:

Deadflow3r said:

oh,

You have to over-do it for me to feel it

on the inside no doubt