So...I have a delusional friend that thinks this guy is really in love with her. Her awful track history aside (she was a side piece for 7 years with her last "man") I want to ask the infomative folks on the org.

She is already ignoring that A: He's a doctor, but always asks you to meet him at the destinations of their vacations. B: He says he "loves" her, but she has never seen nor been to any of his residences. and C: He is incredibly jealous and manipulates her into not doing things because he doesn't want her to cheat on him.

I would LOVE to compile a list of useful tidbits!

[Edited 6/26/11 13:01pm]

A............he will cheat on her

B............he will hit her

C............being with him will ruin her life

• He disappears for periods of time without explanation and starts calling you "clingy", "suspicious", "insecure", "jealous"... etc. if you question it.
• He sometimes answers texts or returns calls hours after you've contacted him.
• He can never make "definite plans"; he'll "let you know".
• He never wants to go out to eat or on any kind of date; he prefers to "stay in"- at your place.
• You have to be available when he says he wants to see you; you often have to change your plans or "miss your chance" because he's so busy!

KatSkrizzle said:

So...I have a delusional friend that thinks this guy is really in love with her. Her awful track history aside (she was a side piece for 7 years with her last "man") I want to ask the infomative folks on the org.

She is already ignoring that A: He's a doctor, but always asks you to meet him at the destinations of their vacations. B: He says he "loves" her, but she has never seen nor been to any of his residences. and C: He is incredibly jealous and manipulates her into not doing things because he doesn't want her to cheat on him.

I would LOVE to compile a list of useful tidbits!

[Edited 6/26/11 13:01pm]

Give her the book by Robin Norwood, 'Women who love too much'

Hopefully she will read it. More likely, she will say that the book doesn't apply to her.

Then when she really lost everything in life, due to her love and relationship addiction, she will read the book. However, it is my personal experience that a severe crisis, a damaging marriage, psychological or even physical abuse, is necessary to finally admid to yourself that everything written in that book applys to oneself.

Also think, she would be enlighted if she read the book by M.-F. Hirigoyen, "Stalking the soul".

The only thing you can do is be there for her. Unconditionally. Don't judge or make mean comments to her. Just tell her that, if she really thinks, that the way he treats her, is the way she should be treated, that is okay with you, because it is her own decision.

You can't change her. She apparently needs these kind of experiences before she realizes she has an addiction and is in denial.

Wish you and your friend the best.

dJJ said:

KatSkrizzle said:

So...I have a delusional friend that thinks this guy is really in love with her. Her awful track history aside (she was a side piece for 7 years with her last "man") I want to ask the infomative folks on the org.

She is already ignoring that A: He's a doctor, but always asks you to meet him at the destinations of their vacations. B: He says he "loves" her, but she has never seen nor been to any of his residences. and C: He is incredibly jealous and manipulates her into not doing things because he doesn't want her to cheat on him.

I would LOVE to compile a list of useful tidbits!

[Edited 6/26/11 13:01pm]

Give her the book by Robin Norwood, 'Women who love too much'

Hopefully she will read it. More likely, she will say that the book doesn't apply to her.

Then when she really lost everything in life, due to her love and relationship addiction, she will read the book. However, it is my personal experience that a severe crisis, a damaging marriage, psychological or even physical abuse, is necessary to finally admid to yourself that everything written in that book applys to oneself.

Also think, she would be enlighted if she read the book by M.-F. Hirigoyen, "Stalking the soul".

The only thing you can do is be there for her. Unconditionally. Don't judge or make mean comments to her. Just tell her that, if she really thinks, that the way he treats her, is the way she should be treated, that is okay with you, because it is her own decision.

You can't change her. She apparently needs these kind of experiences before she realizes she has an addiction and is in denial.

Wish you and your friend the best.

You are wise, my friend! And you are right about the crisis. We humans can be so hard-headed!

chocolate1 said:

• He disappears for periods of time without explanation and starts calling you "clingy", "suspicious", "insecure", "jealous"... etc. if you question it.
• He sometimes answers texts or returns calls hours after you've contacted him.
• He can never make "definite plans"; he'll "let you know".
• He never wants to go out to eat or on any kind of date; he prefers to "stay in"- at your place.
• You have to be available when he says he wants to see you; you often have to change your plans or "miss your chance" because he's so busy!

I agree with all of the above except the one I bolded..partially. Sometimes that's not always the case that a man is up to no good. I've met plenty of single guys who don't like to make things set in stone because things come up and they don't want to disappoint if they have to change or drop plans....however....it all depends. If the guy says "I'll let you know" when he's available but to only come over to your house, then that's a red flag. If the guy says "I'll let you know and give you a call to see what's up" and he does in fact call, during the day and either invites you to his place to chill or to go out then I don't see anything wrong with that. But here are some other red flags:

• If someone calls him and he acts like he's by himself, with no mention of you, then lies to whoever it is on the other end about where he's at, red flag
• If a family member calls him and wants to stop by while you are with them and they make up an excuse to get rid of the family member, red flag
• If he takes his cell phone with him EVERY single place he goes, including to the bathroom to go shit, red flag
• If you call and he NEVER picks up the phone and always calls you back 3 or more hours later, red flag
• If you say something is wrong with you (sick, depressed, stressed, etc.) and he changes the subject or finds an excuse to hang up the phone, red flag

He wants you to stop by around 2 or 3 am just to "hang out".

He tells you "he's been hurt before and is careful with his heart."

You've only ever met his ugly friends.

He has kids that you've never seen.

He has a tan line on his ring finger

He won't hold your hand in public

He only wears condoms WITH YOU.

He has more than one cell phone and calls you from the "disposable" one.

He has forgotten your name on more than one occassion. Always calls you "girl".

He bought you a t-shirt that says "IMA SIDE PIECE"

HotGritz said:

He wants you to stop by around 2 or 3 am just to "hang out". (or come to your house)

He tells you "he's been hurt before and is careful with his heart."

He has kids that you've never seen. (or you meet them and they give you the side-eye)

He bought you a t-shirt that says "IMA SIDE PIECE"

HotGritz said:

He wants you to stop by around 2 or 3 am just to "hang out".

He tells you "he's been hurt before and is careful with his heart."

You've only ever met his ugly friends.

He has kids that you've never seen.

He has a tan line on his ring finger

He won't hold your hand in public

He only wears condoms WITH YOU.

He has more than one cell phone and calls you from the "disposable" one.

He has forgotten your name on more than one occassion. Always calls you "girl".

He bought you a t-shirt that says "IMA SIDE PIECE"

HotGritz said:

He wants you to stop by around 2 or 3 am just to "hang out".

He tells you "he's been hurt before and is careful with his heart."

You've only ever met his ugly friends.

He has kids that you've never seen.

He has a tan line on his ring finger

He won't hold your hand in public

He only wears condoms WITH YOU.

He has more than one cell phone and calls you from the "disposable" one.

He has forgotten your name on more than one occassion. Always calls you "girl".

He bought you a t-shirt that says "IMA SIDE PIECE"

LOL.

HotGritz said:

He wants you to stop by around 2 or 3 am just to "hang out".

He tells you "he's been hurt before and is careful with his heart."

You've only ever met his ugly friends.

He has kids that you've never seen.

He has a tan line on his ring finger

He won't hold your hand in public

He only wears condoms WITH YOU.

He has more than one cell phone and calls you from the "disposable" one.

He has forgotten your name on more than one occassion. Always calls you "girl".

He bought you a t-shirt that says "IMA SIDE PIECE"

How would you know that?

robertlove said:

HotGritz said:

He wants you to stop by around 2 or 3 am just to "hang out".

He tells you "he's been hurt before and is careful with his heart."

You've only ever met his ugly friends.

He has kids that you've never seen.

He has a tan line on his ring finger

He won't hold your hand in public

He only wears condoms WITH YOU.

He has more than one cell phone and calls you from the "disposable" one.

He has forgotten your name on more than one occassion. Always calls you "girl".

He bought you a t-shirt that says "IMA SIDE PIECE"

How would you know that?

Because he has lots of kids by random hood rats but you are not baby momma worthy. I saw that in a movie.

HotGritz said:

robertlove said:

How would you know that?

Because he has lots of kids by random hood rats but you are not baby momma worthy. I saw that in a movie.

Say WHA?????

KatSkrizzle said:

HotGritz said:

Because he has lots of kids by random hood rats but you are not baby momma worthy. I saw that in a movie.

Say WHA?????

Yep. Dude had this side piece that he didn't want his boys knowing about but they knew all his baby mommas. When they found out about said side piece he said something like "she aint cute...she aint worthy of my seed".

he keeps u at arms length for 9 years.

HotGritz said:

KatSkrizzle said:

Say WHA?????

Yep. Dude had this side piece that he didn't want his boys knowing about but they knew all his baby mommas. When they found out about said side piece he said something like "she aint cute...she aint worthy of my seed".

Oh my damned, that was actually a statement? Is this what the mentality has come to these days? Shouldn't it be the woman to say "get the condom" because she'll be damned before she becomes baby momma #4 because the guy isn't worthy of fertilizing her eggs?

thisisit said:

he keeps u at arms length for 9 years.

To be a side piece you have to have gotten WAYYY closer than arm's length .

You've been with him for a year and you've never met his friends, never met any of his family, and the only time he ever calls you is after 2 A.M.

Paris9748430 said:

You've been with him for a year and you've never met his friends, never met any of his family, and the only time he ever calls you is after 2 A.M.

Remember that Chris Rock song: "if you've been dating the same guy for six months and you've never met any of his friends, you are NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND!"