i'm not sure if that's the most realistic or the most pessimistic appraisal of marriage i've ever heard...

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Alej said:

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Hot bitch!

Yes. But not the most important thing.

No... you can be intimate in other ways, but sex is a part of most relationships. I dont think sex is really important in a relationship.

johnart said:

Yes. But not the most important thing.

Bad sex is the first step in the wrong direction, though, imo.

Spinlight said:

johnart said:

Yes. But not the most important thing.

Bad sex is the first step in the wrong direction, though, imo.

Well, bad sex would make it important in a different way.

But if say, my partner could no longer do certain things due to...I don't know, illness or an accident (god-forbid) I wouldn't throw in the towel on our relationship.

johnart said:

Spinlight said:

Bad sex is the first step in the wrong direction, though, imo.

Well, bad sex would make it important in a different way.

But if say, my partner could no longer do certain things due to...I don't know, illness or an accident (god-forbid) I wouldn't throw in the towel on our relationship.

I'm a pessimist, so I was thinking more like sex is an easy indicator for the health of your relationship (barring things like illness).

I wouldn't have stayed with ANYONE if the sex was bad

johnart said:

johnart said:

Spinlight said:

Bad sex is the first step in the wrong direction, though, imo.

Well, bad sex would make it important in a different way.

But if say, my partner could no longer do certain things due to...I don't know, illness or an accident (god-forbid) I wouldn't throw in the towel on our relationship.

Co-sign.

Oh my god. I don't know. ...I don't think I could do it. Then again, I guess you never know unless it happens. The physical closeness is a big part of a relationship for me. There'd have to be something to take it's place.

At the end of the day, someone who 'gets' me is paramount.

All else, I can deal with.

SagsWay2low said:

At the end of the day, someone who 'gets' me is paramount.

All else, I can deal with.

If the person I am with just can not have sex for some reason, then it would not be that important to me, but with a regular functioning healthy person, yes it's important to me.

Even if it's not straight up hot sex, I need some sort of regular physical/sexual intimacy to differentiate my mate from my friends.

Sex is VERY important in a relationship.

Take it from the horse's mouth.

You can have the best relationship imaginable, but when the sex becomes stale (the way it often does in long-term relationships) then the relationship changes. That's when people stray.

Like TheKidsGirl said, even if it's not the hot, steamy sex that you had when you were first dating...you need to keep some kind of regular physical/sexual intimacy, otherwise then you're "just friends".

And of course, the true test of a good relationship is whether or not it can stand the test of some physical ailment or illness that may prevent you from having sex. Because we are, after all, compassionate beings and part of LOVING someone means being there through thick & thin, "in sickness and in heath"...and all that bullshit.

PurpleJedi said:

errant said:

SagsWay2low said:

At the end of the day, someone who 'gets' me is paramount.

All else, I can deal with.

As others have said, it’s important, but it’s not the most important.

A few of you have mentioned, if illness or accident were to take away certain abilities it wouldn’t mean the end of the relationship. Considering I’ve posted about my bf’s MS diagnosis, that’s a very real possibility in our future. Issues in that area are fairly common for those with MS, and he’s super concerned about it, it seems more for my sake than his own, even. He makes jokes about me having to find that elsewhere.

In any case, I keep assuring him we’ll deal with whatever we have to as it happens. We’ll figure it out.

Men are 6 times more likely to leave a partner who has MS than a woman is. I wonder how much of that is over the caretaking aspect and how much is over, say, the sexual aspect.

CarrieMpls said:

Serious said:

PurpleJedi said:

Sex is VERY important in a relationship.

Take it from the horse's mouth.

You can have the best relationship imaginable, but when the sex becomes stale (the way it often does in long-term relationships) then the relationship changes. That's when people stray.

Like TheKidsGirl said, even if it's not the hot, steamy sex that you had when you were first dating...you need to keep some kind of regular physical/sexual intimacy, otherwise then you're "just friends".

And of course, the true test of a good relationship is whether or not it can stand the test of some physical ailment or illness that may prevent you from having sex. Because we are, after all, compassionate beings and part of LOVING someone means being there through thick & thin, "in sickness and in heath"...and all that bullshit.

Not many people are up for that anymore. Today people just don't fight for their relationships anymore IMO . When I read comments like there are so many other fish in the sea on that divorce thread in the last days it just makes me sad how easily partners are replaced by somebody new these days. I know that those comments are meant to make the person who was left by his wife feel better, but I still feel very sad when I read something like that.

Yes, it's a sad reality but so, so true.

Everything in our society is disposable...our clothes, our appliances, our autos, and now even our relationships. "Out with the old, and in with the new!" you know?

To be fair, the "plenty of fish" comment was offered because he needs to move on. You can't have a one-sided battle. Believe me, I tried. You can change things about yourself and try to right the wrongs and try to spark the cold embers...but if that other person has moved on emotionally...truly moved on...then you only come across as being pathetic. It takes two to tango, you know? It takes two to make a relationship, it takes to to ruin it, and it takes two to fix it.

I realize that every relationship is different, just like every person is different, but in these past few months that I've experienced this...I have discovered that SO MANY people are in the same boat, experiencing the same issues, that there has to be a common thread that unites our misery. Something is off, something is amiss in the way our society trivializes our bonds.

I dunno. Maybe I'm just reading too much into it.

PurpleJedi said:

I prefer sex without a relationship any day. Get the best out of the motherfucker, which is sex. Then send the bastard home to his wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, or whatever the hell he has, and let him be their problem.

vainandy said:

CarrieMpls said:

As others have said, it’s important, but it’s not the most important.

A few of you have mentioned, if illness or accident were to take away certain abilities it wouldn’t mean the end of the relationship. Considering I’ve posted about my bf’s MS diagnosis, that’s a very real possibility in our future. Issues in that area are fairly common for those with MS, and he’s super concerned about it, it seems more for my sake than his own, even. He makes jokes about me having to find that elsewhere.

In any case, I keep assuring him we’ll deal with whatever we have to as it happens. We’ll figure it out.

Men are 6 times more likely to leave a partner who has MS than a woman is. I wonder how much of that is over the caretaking aspect and how much is over, say, the sexual aspect.

I would bet every cent that it is over the caretaking aspect. Men also don't do well when a child is born disabled or when they later learn the child is autistic etc. Of course there are many men who stay no matter what. I don't want to make it sound like they are all like that.

I also think that people in general don't want to be a burden on someone that they love and could sabotage a relationship because of wanting to "spare" the other person.

Serious said:

vainandy said:

I prefer sex without a relationship any day. Get the best out of the motherfucker, which is sex. Then send the bastard home to his wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, or whatever the hell he has, and let him be their problem.

As much as I enjoy reading your posts as they are always funny I consider it really sad that sex is the best you think you can get out of somebody. When my man tells me he loves me and looks me in the eyes or when he holds me in his arm when we fall asleep it makes me more happy than when I come 5 or 10 times when we fuck. [Edited 4/28/11 7:47am]

There is deffinately a Berlin Wall around vainandy's heart, how it got there is anybodies guess.

When real love kicks in is when you will wipe the crap and bathe any person you love because they are sick and you want to comfort and help them. Sex is so not an issue at that point.

To get to that point... a couple should invest in one another.

Until then, sex is the natural draw. Damn hormones.

But..... before puberty boys didn't matter to me one bit, they didn't exist... they were just consequential annoyances that got in the way of my sidewalk paintings, stunk, and were just yucky all around.

Serious said:

CarrieMpls said:

As others have said, it’s important, but it’s not the most important.

A few of you have mentioned, if illness or accident were to take away certain abilities it wouldn’t mean the end of the relationship. Considering I’ve posted about my bf’s MS diagnosis, that’s a very real possibility in our future. Issues in that area are fairly common for those with MS, and he’s super concerned about it, it seems more for my sake than his own, even. He makes jokes about me having to find that elsewhere.

In any case, I keep assuring him we’ll deal with whatever we have to as it happens. We’ll figure it out.

Men are 6 times more likely to leave a partner who has MS than a woman is. I wonder how much of that is over the caretaking aspect and how much is over, say, the sexual aspect.

It's wonderful that you are dealing with it the way you do . My dad had MS and he and my mom still had wonderful sex even at a time when he was in a very bad health condition because of his MS and other health problems, was over 70, dependent on my mom to take care of him and could not walk anymore. So there is a real hope that your sex life won't be affected too much .

I don't know why, but I find it shocking that you know the quality of your parents' sex lives.

In any case, yes, I am very optimistic that we are creative (and sexy) enough to overcome anything we have to. Good to know it's worked out fabulous for others.