I don't get it - explain it to me. How can it be a relationship if you're hardly together and have to travel long distances (infrequently) to see the other person? Sounds like a vacaton fuck buddy to me. It's one thing if you have a spouse in the military or are with someone who occasionally travels for business and stays away for long periods of time, but I'm talking about people who met somebody on the internet or while on a trip and then claims this person as their significant other with no plans whatsoever to relocate. What say you? Are such arrangements genuine love relationships with fidelity or are the parties fooling themselves and others?

why are you having trouble with this?...if the people involved in a long distance relationship, they have no problem with it. you are projecting your own feelings into the situation...

BlackAdder7 said:

no, never! it's a bad idea. not good, bad! it could. not. work. period. the. end.

ok fine. i'll move next door

I don't think you can understand it till you've been in one. And you can't generalize, you have to take each relationship on it's own merit.

I've been in one for the better part of the last 6 years. She lived with me for 2 of these years in England before moving back, and I'm moving to the US permanently this year to be with her. But for most of our relationship it simply hasn't been possible to spend long periods of time with each other. On average we see each other 3 or 4 times a year, usually for a month at a time.

I'm on tour all around the world with the band for a few months every year anyway, and she works full time and is studying for a degree. We talk every day and we make it work. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't difficult and that we haven't had serious problems. But it's worth it when you find that one special person.

Militant said:

I don't think you can understand it till you've been in one. And you can't generalize, you have to take each relationship on it's own merit.

I've been in one for the better part of the last 6 years. She lived with me for 2 of these years in England before moving back, and I'm moving to the US permanently this year to be with her. But for most of our relationship it simply hasn't been possible to spend long periods of time with each other. On average we see each other 3 or 4 times a year, usually for a month at a time.

I'm on tour all around the world with the band for a few months every year anyway, and she works full time and is studying for a degree. We talk every day and we make it work. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't difficult and that we haven't had serious problems. But it's worth it when you find that one special person.

Your situation seems different in that you lived together for two years and you're relocating permanently to be with this woman. What about people who hardly see each other (if ever) and who didn't spend enough time together in the beginning to even qualify as a dating relationship? That is so freakin' odd to me.

XxAxX said:

BlackAdder7 said:

no, never! it's a bad idea. not good, bad! it could. not. work. period. the. end.

ok fine. i'll move next door

Dear, i was expecting you to move in

Wow, have you ever fallen in love with somebody from another part of the world? I am in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend lives at the other end of the world. I totally wish we could be together all the time, but visas (I just hate them, they are just totally against human rights ), money and apartment renting rules make it impossible, at least now and for some time to come . I miss him like crazy. We talk on the phone for hours even though it's not cheap. I remember I was asked once if he is only my bf when I am staying with him and I was so pissed and answered of course he is not, he is always my boyfriend and that person said "So long distance relationhips actually do work???" Of course he is not my vacation fuck buddy . He is the love of my life and it is a genuine relationship and of course I would never cheat on him no matter how many months we are apart. I love sex and cannot get enough of it, but he is my man and I am living celebate when we are apart. Same goes for him.

Of course long distance relationships are not easy at all and you face all kind of obstacles. But that alone proves that people who go for it take that relationship serious IMO.

[Edited 1/31/11 14:07pm]

HotGritz said:

Militant said:

I don't think you can understand it till you've been in one. And you can't generalize, you have to take each relationship on it's own merit.

I've been in one for the better part of the last 6 years. She lived with me for 2 of these years in England before moving back, and I'm moving to the US permanently this year to be with her. But for most of our relationship it simply hasn't been possible to spend long periods of time with each other. On average we see each other 3 or 4 times a year, usually for a month at a time.

I'm on tour all around the world with the band for a few months every year anyway, and she works full time and is studying for a degree. We talk every day and we make it work. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't difficult and that we haven't had serious problems. But it's worth it when you find that one special person.

Your situation seems different in that you lived together for two years and you're relocating permanently to be with this woman. What about people who hardly see each other (if ever) and who didn't spend enough time together in the beginning to even qualify as a dating relationship? That is so freakin' odd to me.

In MOST cases this is some unnatural shit. One of my BFF's lives in LA and her man is in NYC. She woulda bet her life that he'd never cheat. He was a complete angel during her bout with ovarian cancer, there for her every step of the way. Her family loved him to pieces and he spent every major holiday with her and her family.

Well, last june during the family vacation in Florida his phone rang while he was out and she answered. The heffa calling informed her she's been fucking with dude for the last 3 years and she knew everything about her, her cancer, and her family.

After knowing him all this time and knowing how he was when she was sick *I* felt completely betrayed like he had cheated on ME. I was always in his corner and would never believe he was capable of such a thing. The following week when I was in LA with her I told her to dump him.

Me and 3 girlfriends listened to her and all agreed that this shit with the sidechick was WAY too personal to just be a fuckbuddy. You don't tell your sidepiece about your main chick's cancer and family, ya know? Plus, this dude was Dominican and so was the sidepiece, Latinos tend to have a different attitude about cheating. Anyway, we talked to this heffa for 3 hours and at the end of all that i asked her, "If he walked in the room right now would you fuck him?" Without skipping a beat, she said "Yes!" Okay, nuff said, good luck with that shit.

Cut to last December. Dude goes to LA and spends two weeks chilling with her and the fam. Out of nowhere she gets a msg on FB from ol' girl saying they still fucking and that when he goes outta town to see her he leaves his Range with her. The sidepiece wrecked it over Thanksgiving, when he was with my friend. Now, he talking about restraining orders and some other BS.

All that to say, you don't know what anyone is doing when they live with you and sleep in the bed next to you every night. Much less when someone is in another city, state, or country. People are people and just because you may be all the way in, committed, and monogamous you have no way of knowing if the other person is being genuine and truthful. Anyone who really believes that another person is incapable of cheating just because they say so is truly naive and cruising for a rude muthafuckin awakening.

Serious said:

Wow, have you ever fallen in love with somebody from another part of the world? I am in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend lives at the other end of the world. I totally wish we could be together all the time, but visas (I just hate them, they are just totally against human rights ), money and apartment renting rules make it impossible, at least now and for some time to come . I miss him like crazy. We talk on the phone for hours even though it's not cheap. I remember I was asked once if he is only my bf when I am staying with him and I was so pissed and answered of course he is not, he is always my boyfriend and that person said "So long distance relationhips actually do work???" Of course he is not my vacation fuck buddy . He is the love of my life and it is a genuine relationship and of course I would never cheat on him no matter how many months we are apart. I love sex and cannot get enough of it, but he is my man and I am living celebate when we are apart. Same goes for him.

Of course long distance relationships are not easy at all and you face all kind of obstacles. But that alone proves that people who go for it take that relationship serious IMO.

[Edited 1/31/11 14:07pm]

Another part of the world? No. I would not entertain it unless we could be together in every aspect of the word. Makes no sense to me to fall for somebody I will either never see again or see only at the next full moon eclipse.

Ok Seri I have to ask you. Visas; did the two of you have travel, resident or educational visas? My understanding is that the travel visa is the worst as it expires the moment you exit the country but resident and educational visas can last for years and you can come and go without having to reapply. For the money issue, who is it more of a problem for, you or him?

How much time have you spent together and how did he come to be the love of your life? When people have spent quite a lot of time cultivating their relationship (years) before distance becomes an issue, I can see how they can make the relationship work in spite of being so far apart. That makes sense to me. What doesn't make sense is people who have had little time together and then decide they are bound and committed even though they hardly ever or may never see each other let alone cohabitate. Living with someone is a very real and challenging way to get to know a person because you see the best and the worst of their traits and habits.

Years spent cultivating a relationship in person before becoming separated by long distances is totally understandable and is something you can possibly work out but if you just meet someone for a couple days/weeks or even a couple months and then all of a sudden you or that person has to return to their state/home land, I don't see how you can say in all honestly you are in a relationship. Maybe such people were in a relationship but they aren't now. It's almost like those people who fall in love with convicts serving life sentences and not allowed conjugal visits. That's not a real relationship; it's an illusion of a relationship.

I don't get it either...and I did try it. I moved away and my bf and I decided would try to stay together even though we were apart. It lasted 3 months then we both realized how ridiculous it was.

HotGritz said:

Serious said:

Wow, have you ever fallen in love with somebody from another part of the world? I am in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend lives at the other end of the world. I totally wish we could be together all the time, but visas (I just hate them, they are just totally against human rights ), money and apartment renting rules make it impossible, at least now and for some time to come . I miss him like crazy. We talk on the phone for hours even though it's not cheap. I remember I was asked once if he is only my bf when I am staying with him and I was so pissed and answered of course he is not, he is always my boyfriend and that person said "So long distance relationhips actually do work???" Of course he is not my vacation fuck buddy . He is the love of my life and it is a genuine relationship and of course I would never cheat on him no matter how many months we are apart. I love sex and cannot get enough of it, but he is my man and I am living celebate when we are apart. Same goes for him.

Of course long distance relationships are not easy at all and you face all kind of obstacles. But that alone proves that people who go for it take that relationship serious IMO.

[Edited 1/31/11 14:07pm]

Another part of the world? No. I would not entertain it unless we could be together in every aspect of the word. Makes no sense to me to fall for somebody I will either never see again or see only at the next full moon eclipse.

Ok Seri I have to ask you. Visas; did the two of you have travel, resident or educational visas? My understanding is that the travel visa is the worst as it expires the moment you exit the country but resident and educational visas can last for years and you can come and go without having to reapply. For the money issue, who is it more of a problem for, you or him?

How much time have you spent together and how did he come to be the love of your life? When people have spent quite a lot of time cultivating their relationship (years) before distance becomes an issue, I can see how they can make the relationship work in spite of being so far apart. That makes sense to me. What doesn't make sense is people who have had little time together and then decide they are bound and committed even though they hardly ever or may never see each other let alone cohabitate. Living with someone is a very real and challenging way to get to know a person because you see the best and the worst of their traits and habits.

Years spent cultivating a relationship in person before becoming separated by long distances is totally understandable and is something you can possibly work out but if you just meet someone for a couple days/weeks or even a couple months and then all of a sudden you or that person has to return to their state/home land, I don't see how you can say in all honestly you are in a relationship. Maybe such people were in a relationship but they aren't now. It's almost like those people who fall in love with convicts serving life sentences and not allowed conjugal visits. That's not a real relationship; it's an illusion of a relationship.

I did not choose to fall in love with him. I fell in love with him. You cannot choose who you fall in love with.

I have seen him once for 3 days, then for 2 weeks. Then I lived with him for 6 months and then for 3 months. So I know what living with him is like and trust me we both know our best and worst traits and habits pretty well because we have been facing all sort of problems. I visited him with travel visas and 6 months is the very longest possible. The last time they promised me 6 months again, but kicked me out of the country after 3 months until they had adviced me to change my flight and I lost 400 Euros because of that and had to leave totally unexpected within days . Of course we are in a real relationship. We were in a relationship in the months we were apart and we are in a relationship now and we will see each other again sometime this year, maybe already in April.

SCNDLS said:

HotGritz said:

Your situation seems different in that you lived together for two years and you're relocating permanently to be with this woman. What about people who hardly see each other (if ever) and who didn't spend enough time together in the beginning to even qualify as a dating relationship? That is so freakin' odd to me.

In MOST cases this is some unnatural shit. One of my BFF's lives in LA and her man is in NYC. She woulda bet her life that he'd never cheat. He was a complete angel during her bout with ovarian cancer, there for her every step of the way. Her family loved him to pieces and he spent every major holiday with her and her family.

Well, last june during the family vacation in Florida his phone rang while he was out and she answered. The heffa calling informed her she's been fucking with dude for the last 3 years and she knew everything about her, her cancer, and her family.

After knowing him all this time and knowing how he was when she was sick *I* felt completely betrayed like he had cheated on ME. I was always in his corner and would never believe he was capable of such a thing. The following week when I was in LA with her I told her to dump him.

Me and 3 girlfriends listened to her and all agreed that this shit with the sidechick was WAY too personal to just be a fuckbuddy. You don't tell your sidepiece about your main chick's cancer and family, ya know? Plus, this dude was Dominican and so was the sidepiece, Latinos tend to have a different attitude about cheating. Anyway, we talked to this heffa for 3 hours and at the end of all that i asked her, "If he walked in the room right now would you fuck him?" Without skipping a beat, she said "Yes!" Okay, nuff said, good luck with that shit.

Cut to last December. Dude goes to LA and spends two weeks chilling with her and the fam. Out of nowhere she gets a msg on FB from ol' girl saying they still fucking and that when he goes outta town to see her he leaves his Range with her. The sidepiece wrecked it over Thanksgiving, when he was with my friend. Now, he talking about restraining orders and some other BS.

All that to say, you don't know what anyone is doing when they live with you and sleep in the bed next to you every night. Much less when someone is in another city, state, or country. People are people and just because you may be all the way in, committed, and monogamous you have no way of knowing if the other person is being genuine and truthful. Anyone who really believes that another person is incapable of cheating just because they say so is truly naive and cruising for a rude muthafuckin awakening.

That is so sad! Sad that your friend got played like that but even sadder that she was willing to keep on getting played.

You are right that you never know what someone is doing behind your back when they just step outside the house but you really don't know what they're doing when they live hundreds or thousands of miles away. I mean you couldn't even follow somebody under those circumstances. People are people and it seems to me that putting great distance between yourself and another and living this way for years is not normal or even healthy. I mentioned the military earlier; the divorce rate is on the rise and I would think this is due in part to the stress of not seeing one's spouse for months and years on end, not to mention the difficulty of trying to start a family with someone who basically isn't there.

I'm still not understanding those people who have quick encounters in person then think phone sex and emails qualify as a continuing relationship. I've had 3 long distance friendships in my life. I won't call them relationships because I spent hardly any time if at all with each one and I'm an out of sight out of mind type person. If I can't touch you, hold you, smell you and look into your eyes on a regular basis then what's the point of me excluding all others to be with just you?

I can't do it.

Tried it, couldn't do it. It would have been nice if he lived closer.

Acrylic said:

I can't do it.

Tried it, couldn't do it. It would have been nice if he lived closer.

See? Proximity is important. At least you tried and at least you were honest with yourself and hopefully him.

HotGritz said:

SCNDLS said:

In MOST cases this is some unnatural shit. One of my BFF's lives in LA and her man is in NYC. She woulda bet her life that he'd never cheat. He was a complete angel during her bout with ovarian cancer, there for her every step of the way. Her family loved him to pieces and he spent every major holiday with her and her family.

Well, last june during the family vacation in Florida his phone rang while he was out and she answered. The heffa calling informed her she's been fucking with dude for the last 3 years and she knew everything about her, her cancer, and her family.

After knowing him all this time and knowing how he was when she was sick *I* felt completely betrayed like he had cheated on ME. I was always in his corner and would never believe he was capable of such a thing. The following week when I was in LA with her I told her to dump him.

Me and 3 girlfriends listened to her and all agreed that this shit with the sidechick was WAY too personal to just be a fuckbuddy. You don't tell your sidepiece about your main chick's cancer and family, ya know? Plus, this dude was Dominican and so was the sidepiece, Latinos tend to have a different attitude about cheating. Anyway, we talked to this heffa for 3 hours and at the end of all that i asked her, "If he walked in the room right now would you fuck him?" Without skipping a beat, she said "Yes!" Okay, nuff said, good luck with that shit.

Cut to last December. Dude goes to LA and spends two weeks chilling with her and the fam. Out of nowhere she gets a msg on FB from ol' girl saying they still fucking and that when he goes outta town to see her he leaves his Range with her. The sidepiece wrecked it over Thanksgiving, when he was with my friend. Now, he talking about restraining orders and some other BS.

All that to say, you don't know what anyone is doing when they live with you and sleep in the bed next to you every night. Much less when someone is in another city, state, or country. People are people and just because you may be all the way in, committed, and monogamous you have no way of knowing if the other person is being genuine and truthful. Anyone who really believes that another person is incapable of cheating just because they say so is truly naive and cruising for a rude muthafuckin awakening.

That is so sad! Sad that your friend got played like that but even sadder that she was willing to keep on getting played.

You are right that you never know what someone is doing behind your back when they just step outside the house but you really don't know what they're doing when they live hundreds or thousands of miles away. I mean you couldn't even follow somebody under those circumstances. People are people and it seems to me that putting great distance between yourself and another and living this way for years is not normal or even healthy. I mentioned the military earlier; the divorce rate is on the rise and I would think this is due in part to the stress of not seeing one's spouse for months and years on end, not to mention the difficulty of trying to start a family with someone who basically isn't there.

I'm still not understanding those people who have quick encounters in person then think phone sex and emails qualify as a continuing relationship. I've had 3 long distance friendships in my life. I won't call them relationships because I spent hardly any time if at all with each one and I'm an out of sight out of mind type person. If I can't touch you, hold you, smell you and look into your eyes on a regular basis then what's the point of me excluding all others to be with just you?

Yes of course I cannot say for sure that my boyfriend is not cheating. But who can? Yes it may be more likely than when we would live together all the time (that's not correct English, right ), but there is nothing I can do about that right now. I know that he truly loves me and that he wants a future with me.

It is not him or me putting the distance between us, it is the visa laws of our countries mainly and some other circumstances too. It is not our choice to be apart.

And to answer the bolded part: Because I love him and don't want anybody new. And I am not an out of sight out of mind person at all.

HotGritz said:

Acrylic said:

I can't do it.

Tried it, couldn't do it. It would have been nice if he lived closer.

See? Proximity is important. At least you tried and at least you were honest with yourself and hopefully him.

Why do you try to prove that it cannot work? Just because it did not work for you? It is hard, that is for sure. I don't know if we will still be together in 10 or 20 years, but I hope so. I am a fighter and very serious about relationships and I don't give up easy.

^ But if the laws of both your countries are so strict that you can't be together at all then what does your future hold? At some point one or both of you will have to move on. Not to sour your mood but it sounds like there is too much standing in the way of you two having the kind of full and complete relationship that most would desire. Don't you get physically lonely at least?

HotGritz said:

^ But if the laws of both your countries are so strict that you can't be together at all then what does your future hold? At some point one or both of you will have to move on. Not to sour your mood but it sounds like there is too much standing in the way of you two having the kind of full and complete relationship that most would desire. Don't you get physically lonely at least?

We try to find one way or another to spend at least some months together each year. My dream would be that I could spend 6 months every year with him and he could spend at least 3 months here. We will see if we can make that happen.

Of course I feel lonely, but if he was out of my life I would feel a million times more lonely.

Serious said:

HotGritz said:

See? Proximity is important. At least you tried and at least you were honest with yourself and hopefully him.

Why do you try to prove that it cannot work? Just because it did not work for you? It is hard, that is for sure. I don't know if we will still be together in 10 or 20 years, but I hope so. I am a fighter and very serious about relationships and I don't give up easy.

I'm waiting for someone to prove to me it can work. The proof I would need is an example of people who overcame great space and time and are physically together NOW. So far all I've heard about is people who met, hooked up, and are now keeping in contact with the other person. That just doesn't sound like a relationship no matter how many times you interject the word "love" into it.

I've already said I'm not into long distance relationships for myself, mainly because it doesn't make any sense to me to be exclusive with someone who is so far away when I could have a healthy relationship with someone that's a short road trip away. Plus, I don't understand the quickness of such relationships. With the exception of orger Militant, who according to him was with his girl for 2 years before they became long distance, every LDR I've ever heard about originated with a vacation, a meet up at a family function, or a chat over the internet and it ended up being short lived in the minds of at least one of the interested parties.

HotGritz said:

Serious said:

Why do you try to prove that it cannot work? Just because it did not work for you? It is hard, that is for sure. I don't know if we will still be together in 10 or 20 years, but I hope so. I am a fighter and very serious about relationships and I don't give up easy.

I'm waiting for someone to prove to me it can work. The proof I would need is an example of people who overcame great space and time and are physically together NOW. So far all I've heard about is people who met, hooked up, and are now keeping in contact with the other person. That just doesn't sound like a relationship no matter how many times you interject the word "love" into it.

I've already said I'm not into long distance relationships for myself, mainly because it doesn't make any sense to me to be exclusive with someone who is so far away when I could have a healthy relationship with someone that's a short road trip away. Plus, I don't understand the quickness of such relationships. With the exception of orger Militant, who according to him was with his girl for 2 years before they became long distance, every LDR I've ever heard about originated with a vacation, a meet up at a family function, or a chat over the internet and it ended up being short lived in the minds of at least one of the interested parties.

Well of course you can say for me if I am in a relationship or not . I have been in a 17 year long relationship before living with that man for most of that time, I know what serious relationships are like. There are so many relationships I see that I would never ever want to be in. People who are just with somebody so that they can have a family or are not alone or because they cannot find somebody better or they are just too used to be with their partner to end it or they are just together because of their children or the house they built together. My sister is married (and living with her husband) for 33 years and I am much more in a loving relationship than she is.

I would never use the word love if I would only be with somebody if he lives in the same city I do . That is just going for the easiest person to be with IMO. It may be a relationship then, but not love.

you've avoided my question. why does it bother you so much if some people are happy in a long distance relationship? is it hurting you?

BlackAdder7 said:

you've avoided my question. why does it bother you so much if some people are happy in a long distance relationship? is it hurting you?

Why would you think she's "bothered?" On the contrary, you seemed more bothered. Folks ask all kindsa crazy shit on here every damn day, it doesn't mean they're invested in anything posted on the Org in any real way. It's just another thread, on another topic. You're not obligated to participate.

BlackAdder7 said:

you've avoided my question. why does it bother you so much if some people are happy in a long distance relationship? is it hurting you?

I didn't avoid your question I just didn't see it.

It doesn't bother me if some people are happy in a long distance relationship - even though I've personally seen no evidence of this AT ALL.

It does bother me to see people waste their time on an empty relationship and on someone who will never be there in any form other than texts/emails/skyping/phone calls and then complain about said relationship down the road when all the warning signs were there staring you smack in your face. Yeah, when the odds were against you from the very beginning you can't cry foul later on.

BlackAdder7 said:

you've avoided my question. why does it bother you so much if some people are happy in a long distance relationship? is it hurting you?

Now let me ask you a question. Are you bothered by this discussion? Are you hurt over the fact that some people don't believe in long distance relationships? Is it hurting you?

HotGritz said:

BlackAdder7 said:

you've avoided my question. why does it bother you so much if some people are happy in a long distance relationship? is it hurting you?

I didn't avoid your question I just didn't see it.

It doesn't bother me if some people are happy in a long distance relationship - even though I've personally seen no evidence of this AT ALL.

It does bother me to see people waste their time on an empty relationship and on someone who will never be there in any form other than texts/emails/skyping/phone calls and then complain about said relationship down the road when all the warning signs were there staring you smack in your face. Yeah, when the odds were against you from the very beginning you can't cry foul later on.

thank you for being specific. who is this person complaining...a friend?...someone you'ld like to be in a relationship with?...

i think it depends on the people. i know couples who are together physically, married and sharing a roof, but know nothing about each other and don't care to. i know couples who are far apart geographically, but closer than most.

maybe you get back what you put in

BlackAdder7 said:

HotGritz said:

I didn't avoid your question I just didn't see it.

It doesn't bother me if some people are happy in a long distance relationship - even though I've personally seen no evidence of this AT ALL.

It does bother me to see people waste their time on an empty relationship and on someone who will never be there in any form other than texts/emails/skyping/phone calls and then complain about said relationship down the road when all the warning signs were there staring you smack in your face. Yeah, when the odds were against you from the very beginning you can't cry foul later on.

thank you for being specific. who is this person complaining...a friend?...someone you'ld like to be in a relationship with?...

Who is this person? Who said it's 1 person? Why would it have to be one?

HotGritz said:

Serious said:

Why do you try to prove that it cannot work? Just because it did not work for you? It is hard, that is for sure. I don't know if we will still be together in 10 or 20 years, but I hope so. I am a fighter and very serious about relationships and I don't give up easy.

I'm waiting for someone to prove to me it can work. The proof I would need is an example of people who overcame great space and time and are physically together NOW. So far all I've heard about is people who met, hooked up, and are now keeping in contact with the other person. That just doesn't sound like a relationship no matter how many times you interject the word "love" into it.

I've already said I'm not into long distance relationships for myself, mainly because it doesn't make any sense to me to be exclusive with someone who is so far away when I could have a healthy relationship with someone that's a short road trip away. Plus, I don't understand the quickness of such relationships. With the exception of orger Militant, who according to him was with his girl for 2 years before they became long distance, every LDR I've ever heard about originated with a vacation, a meet up at a family function, or a chat over the internet and it ended up being short lived in the minds of at least one of the interested parties.

Why do they need to be physically together now to prove it works though? The fact that two people are still together despite the distance, such as Serious, seems like proof to me. Shit, some marriages don't last that long under the same roof. Doesn't stop people from supporting and believing in them. I don't get why proximity is more important than the actual feelings two people would have for one another.

HotGritz said:

With the exception of orger Militant, who according to him was with his girl for 2 years before they became long distance, every LDR I've ever heard about originated with a vacation, a meet up at a family function, or a chat over the internet and it ended up being short lived in the minds of at least one of the interested parties.

That's not what I said.

I only knew her for a few days when I met her. Then I came back to the UK, and we began talking on the phone, which quickly turned into a daily thing. Then a few months later she flew over here to see me and we spent a few weeks together. Then a few months after that, I did the same and spent a few weeks with her. It continued like that for 3 years before she actually MOVED here. Then she was here for 2 years. But, she grew to dislike the UK. And I completely understand, because I dislike it here too. Intensely. I've wanted to leave for a long time but I've had various commitments and things to do first. So, her mom got sick and around the same time she was offered a very good job back in the US, so she moved back and took the job to be closer to her mom. That was 18 months ago. So we were back to doing the long distance thing and seeing each other every few months, then after a while we decided to start applying for my US visa. It's taken about 9 months so far and we're only halfway through the process. It might be another 6 before I get it, and after that I'll need at least a couple of months to go through the actual process of moving.

If neither person was willing to move to the other place in any long distance relationship at any future stage, then I could understand questioning the whole concept. But like I said you have to judge each relationship on it's own merits. You can't really make ANY generalizations about whether long distance relationships work or don't work. Because each one is unique, each people have unique situations.

As XxAxX says..... there are people in long distance relationships that are closer than some people who live with each other. I know for sure that's the case with me and some people I know that are in relationships and live together.

it doesn't make any sense to me to be exclusive with someone who is so far away when I could have a healthy relationship with someone that's a short road trip away.

Don't you think this is a little of a local-minded mentality? Essentially you're opening yourself up to the possibility of "settling" for someone who you might be somewhat compatible with, rather than someone you are TOTALLY compatible with, just because they happen to live within a shorter geographical distance? To me, this makes no sense. I've never met a single girl in my entire COUNTRY that makes me feel like my woman does. She has an entirely different life experience. A different culture. A different accent that I find incredibly hot. I LIKE all of those things and more.

Frankly I can't think of anything more boring than being with someone that's from the same area, knows the same places, have the same cultural experience of growing up that city/country/era, same accent, heard the same songs on the radio and watched the same shows on the TV growing up. It's not interesting to me. The key to any relationship, for me, is the ability for two people to learn. To learn other perspectives, to grow from sharing vastly different upbringings.

Sure, you could try and find someone like that that just so happens to come from somewhere else and move into your area, but what's the chances of that as opposed to visiting another country for an extended period of time and just meeting people, you know? Another reason I might feel this way is due to being from somewhere like England. This tiny-ass island lol. Coming from a small place like this just always made me feel like there was so much more potential and opportunity out there in the world for meeting new and interesting people.

FauxReal said:

HotGritz said:

I'm waiting for someone to prove to me it can work. The proof I would need is an example of people who overcame great space and time and are physically together NOW. So far all I've heard about is people who met, hooked up, and are now keeping in contact with the other person. That just doesn't sound like a relationship no matter how many times you interject the word "love" into it.

I've already said I'm not into long distance relationships for myself, mainly because it doesn't make any sense to me to be exclusive with someone who is so far away when I could have a healthy relationship with someone that's a short road trip away. Plus, I don't understand the quickness of such relationships. With the exception of orger Militant, who according to him was with his girl for 2 years before they became long distance, every LDR I've ever heard about originated with a vacation, a meet up at a family function, or a chat over the internet and it ended up being short lived in the minds of at least one of the interested parties.

Why do they need to be physically together now to prove it works though? The fact that two people are still together despite the distance, such as Serious, seems like proof to me. Shit, some marriages don't last that long under the same roof. Doesn't stop people from supporting and believing in them. I don't get why proximity is more important than the actual feelings two people would have for one another.

Proximity is more important IMO because physical expression and closeness are a significant element of a love relationship. People who live under the same roof and are unhappy are most likely missing intimacy and lack closeness.