TotalANXiousNESS said:

PunkMistress said:

I don't have testicles, but guess what? I'm not a mind reader, and I'm in a situation with a close friend right now over this very same concept. Getting pissy without telling anyone what's wrong is a poor way of handling yourself. In the case of my friend, I really had no idea what was bothering her, and if I had known, I would have tried to make it right. But I wasn't given a chance to.

Just because I love someone and know them well does not mean I know all their wants, needs, thoughts and feelings unless they TELL ME.

I think what Supa is saying, is that since you DON'T have balls, it's okay for you to be a retard.

You dick.

Sometimes you are so fucking witty out of nowhere.

PunkMistress said:

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

2 things.

1 - I can't stand that men are allowed to be retards in the name of not being mind readers. If you're with someone you know what they want and don't want. Don't laze out because you have balls.

2 - You need to find a different outlet than obsessive compulsive behavior because some of this sound a little manic

I don't have testicles, but guess what? I'm not a mind reader, and I'm in a situation with a close friend right now over this very same concept. Getting pissy without telling anyone what's wrong is a poor way of handling yourself. In the case of my friend, I really had no idea what was bothering her, and if I had known, I would have tried to make it right. But I wasn't given a chance to.

Just because I love someone and know them well does not mean I know all their wants, needs, thoughts and feelings unless they TELL ME.

Very well said. Communication is sooo important.

Some of these responses are pretty mean-spirited.

I'd say don't deal in shoulds and shouldn'ts. It's irrelevant whether he should be able to mind-read. He's not picking up on what you want so deal with the reality. Tell him how you feel and what's important to you and see what he says. You've obviously got a lot on your plate so it's not so terrible or unexpected that you got upset. It doesn't make you a bad person and certainly not a 'bitch' or crazy. You just need to ask for help sometimes. It's much better for you than building up anger and resentment, imo. You're trying to lighten the load, remember, and he may just be willing to help you do that. You can find out.

Fauxie said:

Some of these responses are pretty mean-spirited.

I'd say don't deal in shoulds and shouldn'ts. It's irrelevant whether he should be able to mind-read. He's not picking up on what you want so deal with the reality. Tell him how you feel and what's important to you and see what he says. You've obviously got a lot on your plate so it's not so terrible or unexpected that you got upset. It doesn't make you a bad person and certainly not a 'bitch' or crazy. You just need to ask for help sometimes. It's much better for you than building up anger and resentment, imo. You're trying to lighten the load, remember, and he may just be willing to help you do that. You can find out.

Thanks Fauxie.

I hear ya. Tell him what I want and then see if he actually does it. Which he does, so that's good.

missfee said she's an "anal cleaner"

women are fucking scary.

Fauxie said:

You've obviously got a lot on your plate so it's not so terrible or unexpected that you got upset. It doesn't make you a bad person and certainly not a 'bitch' or crazy.

...maybe that doesn't make her a crazy bitch...

what the heck, my two cents:

1. Keep in mind just because you will tell someone what you want, doesn't mean he has to do it, or will do it all the time, especially if he is being cursed at.

2. I know you have little kids, but start instilling in them to pick up too, they can learn this early. They also learn how to fight poorly if they see mom cursing out the bf, and other behavior (as you well know).

3. If I recall, you were in a controlling relationship, with you being the one on the oppressed end. This seems to me you are trying to be the one in control now. With a good relationship, there is no "control". You cannot control your bf. He cannot control you, so work on communication, and accept a person for who he is, if he is someone you want to be with. Seems he is accepting you even when you ream him out for his not knowing what YOU want...

4. Get a therapist. Support group, whatever, to help you work through stuff.

5. Don't do your ex any favors, including watching his kid.

bluesbaby said:

what the heck, my two cents:

3. If I recall, you were in a controlling relationship, with you being the one on the oppressed end. This seems to me you are trying to be the one in control now. With a good relationship, there is no "control". You cannot control your bf. He cannot control you, so work on communication, and accept a person for who he is, if he is someone you want to be with. Seems he is accepting you even when you ream him out for his not knowing what YOU want...

Ya, this is a good point, I actually said this to one of my friends the other day. I feel like I am turning into Jeremy. I've been acting just like him and I can actually see what he FELT at times. No excuse for psychotic behavior. But I am just now understanding the pressure of being the one who has to be 'IN CHARGE' and RESPONSIBLE. Nothing irritates me more than walking in from work and hes on the couch playing fucking playstation or guitar. and he sleeps till like 830 am. WTF???

These are just things that get on my fucking nerves.

PunkMistress said:

Fauxie said:

You've obviously got a lot on your plate so it's not so terrible or unexpected that you got upset. It doesn't make you a bad person and certainly not a 'bitch' or crazy.

...maybe that doesn't make her a crazy bitch...

TotalANXiousNESS said:

PunkMistress said:

...maybe that doesn't make her a crazy bitch...

TotalANXiousNESS said:

bluesbaby said:

what the heck, my two cents:

3. If I recall, you were in a controlling relationship, with you being the one on the oppressed end. This seems to me you are trying to be the one in control now. With a good relationship, there is no "control". You cannot control your bf. He cannot control you, so work on communication, and accept a person for who he is, if he is someone you want to be with. Seems he is accepting you even when you ream him out for his not knowing what YOU want...

Ya, this is a good point, I actually said this to one of my friends the other day. I feel like I am turning into Jeremy. I've been acting just like him and I can actually see what he FELT at times. No excuse for psychotic behavior. But I am just now understanding the pressure of being the one who has to be 'IN CHARGE' and RESPONSIBLE. Nothing irritates me more than walking in from work and hes on the couch playing fucking playstation or guitar. and he sleeps till like 830 am. WTF???

These are just things that get on my fucking nerves.

I slept til like 11:00 am yesterday.

PunkMistress said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

Ya, this is a good point, I actually said this to one of my friends the other day. I feel like I am turning into Jeremy. I've been acting just like him and I can actually see what he FELT at times. No excuse for psychotic behavior. But I am just now understanding the pressure of being the one who has to be 'IN CHARGE' and RESPONSIBLE. Nothing irritates me more than walking in from work and hes on the couch playing fucking playstation or guitar. and he sleeps till like 830 am. WTF???

These are just things that get on my fucking nerves.

I slept til like 11:00 am yesterday.

I slept all of last weekend away. ALL. OF. IT.

But I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you probably do atleast one of the above.

Have a job?

Raise Children?

Cook? Clean? Something? I'm sure you spend atleast 7-8 hours a day doing Something?

PunkMistress said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

Ya, this is a good point, I actually said this to one of my friends the other day. I feel like I am turning into Jeremy. I've been acting just like him and I can actually see what he FELT at times. No excuse for psychotic behavior. But I am just now understanding the pressure of being the one who has to be 'IN CHARGE' and RESPONSIBLE. Nothing irritates me more than walking in from work and hes on the couch playing fucking playstation or guitar. and he sleeps till like 830 am. WTF???

These are just things that get on my fucking nerves.

I slept til like 11:00 am yesterday.

yep. just because you have to get up at 4:30 doesn't mean he has to. When you met him, I bet he played video games..you probably thought it was boyish and part of him....but now you find it irritating. Trust me, if you head down this road, he won't be there long...

TotalANXiousNESS said:

PunkMistress said:

I slept til like 11:00 am yesterday.

I slept all of last weekend away. ALL. OF. IT.

But I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you probably do atleast one of the above.

Have a job?

Raise Children?

Cook? Clean? Something? I'm sure you spend atleast 7-8 hours a day doing Something?

Are you asking me out?

bluesbaby said:

PunkMistress said:

I slept til like 11:00 am yesterday.

yep. just because you have to get up at 4:30 doesn't mean he has to. When you met him, I bet he played video games..you probably thought it was boyish and part of him....but now you find it irritating. Trust me, if you head down this road, he won't be there long...

Alrite I feel bad talking about him. I'm not talking shit, just really cranky and pointing out the things that get on my nerves. He is a great guy. He is.

Its just that he's laid off rite now, and its annoying me. He plays this stuff and watches TV all day, and only does what I ask him too. So when I get home from work and the house is a mess and he's on the couch I get a little frustrated. Especially when I get up at 430 to GET SHIT DONE that could be getting done during the day.

PunkMistress said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

I slept all of last weekend away. ALL. OF. IT.

But I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you probably do atleast one of the above.

Have a job?

Raise Children?

Cook? Clean? Something? I'm sure you spend atleast 7-8 hours a day doing Something?

Are you asking me out?

mmmmmmm i dunno. Do you like to be big spoon or little spoon?

TotalANXiousNESS said:

bluesbaby said:

yep. just because you have to get up at 4:30 doesn't mean he has to. When you met him, I bet he played video games..you probably thought it was boyish and part of him....but now you find it irritating. Trust me, if you head down this road, he won't be there long...

Alrite I feel bad talking about him. I'm not talking shit, just really cranky and pointing out the things that get on my nerves. He is a great guy. He is.

Its just that he's laid off rite now, and its annoying me. He plays this stuff and watches TV all day, and only does what I ask him too. So when I get home from work and the house is a mess and he's on the couch I get a little frustrated. Especially when I get up at 430 to GET SHIT DONE that could be getting done during the day.

You sound like Chris.

Except I work, cook and care for the kids. But he still does way more than I do, and he always will. He will always have that drive to get up early and take care of stuff because he's anxious otherwise.

I'm very different and far more laid back about things like that. I can't stand too much clutter or chaos, but I will never, ever get upset and anxious over small messes the way he does. I'm very thankful that he's understanding of the fact that we're simply different.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

PunkMistress said:

Are you asking me out?

mmmmmmm i dunno. Do you like to be big spoon or little spoon?

I don't really care, as long as there's food on it and it's going into my mouth.

PunkMistress said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

mmmmmmm i dunno. Do you like to be big spoon or little spoon?

I don't really care, as long as there's food on it and it's going into my mouth.

Ya, I guess. I just thought it was typical for everyone to be anxious over little messes. This is the first time I've ever been with someone who is laid back, which I like so I guess I have to accept it.

Before I give my thoughts on this, can I ask what make the fridge it is? And is it a regular fridge or a fridge/freezer?

Thanks

mcmeekle said:

Before I give my thoughts on this, can I ask what make the fridge it is? And is it a regular fridge or a fridge/freezer?

Thanks

It's old. It's the one that was here when I moved here and I F'ING HATE IT. You can hardly fir anything in it, but whater. It's a white WhirlPool and its side by side. If I had to guess, I'd say it's from the early 90s.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

mcmeekle said:

Before I give my thoughts on this, can I ask what make the fridge it is? And is it a regular fridge or a fridge/freezer?

Thanks

It's old. It's the one that was here when I moved here and I F'ING HATE IT. You can hardly fir anything in it, but whater. It's a white WhirlPool and its side by side. If I had to guess, I'd say it's from the early 90s.

Well, I think that's your problem right there.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

PunkMistress said:

I don't really care, as long as there's food on it and it's going into my mouth.

Ya, I guess. I just thought it was typical for everyone to be anxious over little messes. This is the first time I've ever been with someone who is laid back, which I like so I guess I have to accept it.

It's not easy. Especially for a loony broad.

I'm happy for you, though. It seems he really likes your loony ass.

TotalANXiousNESS said:

bluesbaby said:

yep. just because you have to get up at 4:30 doesn't mean he has to. When you met him, I bet he played video games..you probably thought it was boyish and part of him....but now you find it irritating. Trust me, if you head down this road, he won't be there long...

Alrite I feel bad talking about him. I'm not talking shit, just really cranky and pointing out the things that get on my nerves. He is a great guy. He is.

Its just that he's laid off rite now, and its annoying me. He plays this stuff and watches TV all day, and only does what I ask him too. So when I get home from work and the house is a mess and he's on the couch I get a little frustrated. Especially when I get up at 430 to GET SHIT DONE that could be getting done during the day.

When getting laid off, a lot of people mope for a few months. OR if he has been looking for jobs and no response, that can also shut him down. I remember when my man and I got together he was laid off too. And right before he finally said fuck it and went to work at Jiffy Lube, (yes, and it FUCKING sucked) he shut down. He laid in his room all day. The only time we went any where was when I came to the house and made him get up and out. The economy was rough back then too, I don't care what anyone says (2005).

But...I still think that was kinda foul that your man came out, gave you a stool to stand on and hose the house, and then went back inside to play more video games.

If you have a basic convo about why he didn't help, maybe dig deeper. Sounds like he may be slipping into a depression. Just my thesis, from the computer. For most men, work is a reflection of their manhood. It fucks with them more than women.

Just so everyone here knows.............

the PS3 is some pretty dope shit.

bluesbaby said:

what the heck, my two cents:

1. Keep in mind just because you will tell someone what you want, doesn't mean he has to do it, or will do it all the time, especially if he is being cursed at.

2. I know you have little kids, but start instilling in them to pick up too, they can learn this early. They also learn how to fight poorly if they see mom cursing out the bf, and other behavior (as you well know).

3. If I recall, you were in a controlling relationship, with you being the one on the oppressed end. This seems to me you are trying to be the one in control now. With a good relationship, there is no "control". You cannot control your bf. He cannot control you, so work on communication, and accept a person for who he is, if he is someone you want to be with. Seems he is accepting you even when you ream him out for his not knowing what YOU want...

4. Get a therapist. Support group, whatever, to help you work through stuff.

5. Don't do your ex any favors, including watching his kid.

I'd add that, from a guy's perspective, a lot of your behavior as you described it successfully pushed me away from an ex-g/f. Not cool behavior. I found life a lot lighter and happier when I told her goodbye.

If you want a mature relationship with a man based on communication, trust, honesty and respect, take a step back and reevaluate your approach, D.

ThreadBare said:

bluesbaby said:

what the heck, my two cents:

1. Keep in mind just because you will tell someone what you want, doesn't mean he has to do it, or will do it all the time, especially if he is being cursed at.

2. I know you have little kids, but start instilling in them to pick up too, they can learn this early. They also learn how to fight poorly if they see mom cursing out the bf, and other behavior (as you well know).

3. If I recall, you were in a controlling relationship, with you being the one on the oppressed end. This seems to me you are trying to be the one in control now. With a good relationship, there is no "control". You cannot control your bf. He cannot control you, so work on communication, and accept a person for who he is, if he is someone you want to be with. Seems he is accepting you even when you ream him out for his not knowing what YOU want...

4. Get a therapist. Support group, whatever, to help you work through stuff.

5. Don't do your ex any favors, including watching his kid.

I'd add that, from a guy's perspective, a lot of your behavior as you described it successfully pushed me away from an ex-g/f. Not cool behavior. I found life a lot lighter and happier when I told her goodbye.

If you want a mature relationship with a man based on communication, trust, honesty and respect, take a step back and reevaluate your approach, D.

Thanks Chris!

Good to see you.

KatSkrizzle said:

TotalANXiousNESS said:

Alrite I feel bad talking about him. I'm not talking shit, just really cranky and pointing out the things that get on my nerves. He is a great guy. He is.

Its just that he's laid off rite now, and its annoying me. He plays this stuff and watches TV all day, and only does what I ask him too. So when I get home from work and the house is a mess and he's on the couch I get a little frustrated. Especially when I get up at 430 to GET SHIT DONE that could be getting done during the day.

When getting laid off, a lot of people mope for a few months. OR if he has been looking for jobs and no response, that can also shut him down. I remember when my man and I got together he was laid off too. And right before he finally said fuck it and went to work at Jiffy Lube, (yes, and it FUCKING sucked) he shut down. He laid in his room all day. The only time we went any where was when I came to the house and made him get up and out. The economy was rough back then too, I don't care what anyone says (2005).

But...I still think that was kinda foul that your man came out, gave you a stool to stand on and hose the house, and then went back inside to play more video games.

If you have a basic convo about why he didn't help, maybe dig deeper. Sounds like he may be slipping into a depression. Just my thesis, from the computer. For most men, work is a reflection of their manhood. It fucks with them more than women.

I hear ya, I do. Make sperfect sense. I asked him a couple of times if he was depressed, cuz he sleeps a lot, he said no he's never been happier, but maybe he is depressed? He HAS just recently has A LOT of changes in his life.

Ya...................................the stoll thing.