Just this past week after a very strange, interesting, beautiful and terrible weekend my ex and I have decided that we're going to give each other another go.

Now we're very different people, but both very strong-willed. I'm a total head-thinker while he's a heart-thinker, if that makes any sense and I'm outspoken where he isn't. He's smiley, I'm serious etc. These are the sorts of things that people think are great because of the "opposites attract" thing but in reality does it really work?

We were together for a year and a half before splitting up (which in all honesty I did to protect myself) and I'm actually over the moon about it, but worried at the same time.

Have any of you been in this or a similar situation? If so, how did it pan out? Were you able to work through your differences or did it all end in tears? My gut and heart are telling me it's the right thing but my bloody head is getting in the way.
[Edited 9/29/09 7:43am]

I was with my ex for six years....and i found out she was cheating on me
for two of those six years....a couple of weeks ago we hooked up again...

one of the worse things in my life 2 do...cause it reminded me of how much we
used 2 care for each other....she still is in my life as a friend....
but all I can say to u is

do not think with your heart, and love with your mind...if you do..it won't end right

I wish u the best....I have been through hell and back...then back 2 hell.
do not want the same 4 u

Yah it's been awhile. The second time around didn't last (of course) and I realised that issues from the past eventually resurfaced. My ghosts of the past now remain behind me and in saying that, I do know of couples that keep at it and get somewhere with it.

Best not to compare ur relationship with others though, thrive on ur own experience and see where it leads U. All the best mate.

Why did you end it after a year a half?

Is there a possibility of that becoming an issue again ?

Are you going to head down that same road with the same result ?

Brave soul.....

This is great!




Yes, I've been in the same situation. But unfortunately an ex of mine and I had sort of a weird revolving door of breakups and get-togethers. In the end the entire situation started to feel like a high school relationship--and I was in my mid 30s!

For me, when I was really into her and excited about starting 'fresh', it never panned out that way. Old ghosts always popped up during the oddest times. Trust never really was re-established and both of us had abandonment issues (deservedly for both of us).

I had to block her out of my mind for well over a year, and even though I had absolutely 0% interest in getting back with her, the fact that we gave it so many 'gos' instilled a 'tick' in me that always felt compelled to be in a relationship.

The 'tears' did end for me the 3rd time we got back together . But, that's not because the mistrust and pain wasn't there. It was because these unresolved issues were better left buried as neither of us wanted to claw at each other. It really depends on your own circumstances, and I'm totally NOT a good template for this kind of situation (I won't even add my ex to facebook ), but the one thing I've learned is you NEVER have a template to go by and you never know if it's worth a try until you try. But really wanting something, and realistically obtaining it are two different things.

A year ago, I would have said 'dive in.'
Now, I'll just say do what feels right to you, communicate as much as you can without smothering, and be very candid about your needs.


I wish I could say I'm happy for having been with my exes and learned from them. But that's PC bullshit. I wish I'd never met my exes and learned the lessons anyway--but that's a pipe dream and not how you build a human being.

nyse said:

Thank you! This is a very very good thing to hear right now. Oh wise one!!
I think the whole 'love with your mind' thing is a problem of mine

PanthaGirl said:

Thank you!

newpower99 said:

I left because I could see that he was 'switching off' and I wanted to save myself before the inevitable sorrow. I'd been out of my previous relationship for a year before we hooked up, and that was seven years that ended horribly. I think I was scared to repeat a bad ending.

Looking back, though, it really was unfair of me to do that. He is the one that's asked me back and is just as scared about it as me. He's learning about himself in ways I did years ago. He doesn't have the whole relationship experience I have so I guess it could possibly happen again but he's head and shoulders above the best guys I've ever met in the past and I'd be doing him such a disservice to underestimate him....

He really is fantastic

Imago said:

This is the kind of stuff I need to hear. I really feel as if I'm doing the right thing and we're both being as open as possible, which is where we made the mistake last time.

Thank you

connorhawke said I really feel as if I'm doing the right thing


And THAT is all that matters.


Best of luck to you guys !

I divorced the ex years ago coz he was abusive and controlling. At the time because he was in denial that told me going for counselling and/or getting back with him would be a mistake. I'm glad I never went back. He's free to beat up and control other women

luv4u said:

Awww fuck it I can't help it gotta post a piccie.

My sisters love 'im too


[Edited 9/29/09 9:07am]

They are an ex for a reason...I find that it just doesn't work out after you initially break up the first time.

Just my opinion....good luck to ya!

Asians are FOINE!!!

Imago said:

I'm still laughing about Morrissey and the

connorhawke said:

It's my best avvie yet

Imago said:

I wish it was animated as an avvie though.

Isn't he hawwwt though?
Although I look a bit pished in the shot

^^^^
imago has the gif....funny as shit...lol

CarrieLee said:

..unless its just sex, anything else isn't a mystery.

I'm a heart person, my ex was a head person. I gave until I couldn't give no more. Make sure you give back! Our hearts need it

Me, I'll never have a relationship with any of my exes. Gotsta move on!
[Edited 9/29/09 12:16pm]

connorhawke said:

In other words, you struck pre-emptively so you wouldn't be struck?

And how old are the both of you?

Eh...

I hope thangs ota work out for you guys

Going back for love never worked for me...so now I only go back for great sex with them.

But good luck!

the man i've had is very strategic, shyt, he's a player! he never does anything for anyone but himself...(sounds like i heard that somewhere before...)

but i've noticed a pattern.....he schmoozzes when he thinks he's being ignored, only to turn around and shyt in your face first chance he gets. he paranoid and doesn't think i notice...if i do, he wants to declare war....but how many phyric victories will you pay for before you realize, i wassn't a warrior, i was an artist...?????



he if does anything he could hook me up with his ex.....

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

Yep. Nail meet hammer.

There's a big age difference. I'm 33 he's 26. Not too big considering I'm an immature fucker and he's a wise old man

I went back to my first ex 2 times both times he broke it off and asked me back.

the last time I broke it off and that was that.

The master broke up with me after a year. For 8 months we were officially single (yet still hooking up 3 times a week ) and then we've been together ever since.

ZombieKitten said:

You and the master have lasted a zillion years so there's hope for me yet, right?

JustErin said:

This is totally true I went back for sex, then my heart stupidly got involved & I tried to turn it into something real, it blew up in my face, I broke it off, now I'm back to JUST SEX I really have to find someone new & move on from him, but until I do he can hit it

Best of luck! Gotta really & truly solve whatever tripped it up before it you want if to last long term



.
[Edited 9/29/09 23:53pm]

CalhounSq said:

Haha well the sex IS fantastic....but luckily not the primary point :phew: