My dude and I just broke up.
He asked me if we can still be friends. I told him no,that I want to cut off all communication. If we continue to talk,I think it will just give me false hope because I still love him.

He was upset because I don't want to be friends. Why do you think that is?

My friends say he's not ready to be in a relationship and he wants to keep me as a friend for when he's ready?

Do you agree?

First, sorry to hear that and I wish you the best during this transition.

Secondly, Fuck that nucca and the horse he rode in on. Hell naw you shouldn't be friends with him if YOU don't want to be. He's just trynta keep you from getting another candidate for your new vacancy. He ain't slick.

PS: Lemme know if you need somebody to do a driveby witcha and we'll throw a brick through his window, you know I'm just down the skreet.

when you first break up with someone, no matter what your intentions are or what their intentions are, YOU ARE NOT FRIENDS. i don't care how progressive or "special" or exceptional two people think they are, it takes time to go from exes to friends. you can't just instantly transition from lover to buddy unless, i don't know, your entire relationship consisted of two fun dates with really bad sex, i guess.

whatever his agenda, whatever your feelings, you guys can NOT be friends right now. no no no.

maybe in a few months. maybe in a year. but not today and not tomorrow.

SCNDLS said:

Gatdamn ya just gotta love some SCNDLS advice! Totally what she said...

*note to self, stay waaay off the SCNDLS shit list*

RenHoek said:

Amuthufuggenmen!!!!

SCNDLS said:

LMAO!!!!! Oh wow! Thanks so much for that.

Anxiety said:

I agree.

RenHoek said:

Funny thing is I'm friends with all my exes, but I did the breaking up, and I didn't initiate the friendship. We only communicate when they initiate it unless I need something done around the house.

Anxiety said:

agreed agreed agreed.

nope, you can't. This is based on your personality (from the little that I know) combined with my own experiences. Some people out there are perfectly content in being friends after a breakup.



possibilities

1. He's not sincere about wanting to be friends and is asking this out of a polite gesture. To soften the blow so to speak.

2. He's wanting to be friends in the prospects that you may be able to continue sleeping together from time to time (I've done this before )


3. He's wanting to be friends sincerely because he's emotionally well passed loving you in an intimate manner so it never occurs in his mind that maybe this will be unhealthy or difficult for you--he's probably had a head start on you with the breakup in that he's been thinking about it for a long time and has had plenty of time to 'transition' his emotional state. He's being rather selfish even asking you for this then, and this shows just how little respect he has for you.


4. He wants to be your friend cause it's the right thing to do. It's also the healthiest way to come out of a breakup. Again, he's not respecting the fact that it's probably very difficult for you, and again this shows how little sensitivity he has even asking that question to begin with.


Considering the fact that you do not want to be friends, I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that this is harder on you than it is on him. In which case, if he is truly sincere he should have posed the offer this way: "When you're ready, and at your own pace, I'll always be there for you as a friend. You can always call me up."

in which case you should still say no because you're fine as hell and I want to sleep with you.

SCNDLS said:

Right! He's really handy. I'm going need him to mow my lawn and change my oil.

ThreadCula said:

You make that sound SO appealing...

ThreadCula said:

I'm serious, in time after you heal and move forward, you're only allowed to call him when you got work for him to do, at least until you find a new handy man.

RenHoek said:

Well she can have him do that while she's got her new man in the crib sipping a cool drink.

paintedlady said:

He wants to be friends because:

a) he's a weakling
b) he still wants ass

RenHoek said:

or her throwin arm!

ThreadCula said:

aww sweetie....hugssss...if it is meant to be it will happen..maybe he is scared that is why he got upset when u said u did not want to remain friends..

SCNDLS said:

ThreadCula hangin in there this too shall pass.

I didn't answer your question. No, you can't be friends right after a break up and it depends on many others things if you can be friends later on. People who use this line. "Can we be friends", are trying to avoid a scene. I know I've used it and I'm sure many have.

... it's time for some much needed humor and a song.

http://www.youtube.com/wa...ZAi2CuW2yI

[Edited 6/11/09 17:17pm]

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

c) he blocking anybody new from gettin' at Threadcula's good stuff

Again, he ain't slick.

Anxiety said:

I completely agree with this.

I will consider being friends with my exes only in due time. I would place the timing just around when we've swapped our economy from fossil fuels to a hydrogen based economy.

SupaFunkyOrgangrinderSexy said:

I'm practicing for this weekend's excursion to Thread's ex's house.

SCNDLS said:

Scndls? Will you be my new best friend? I think I love you!
[Edited 6/11/09 17:09pm]

SCNDLS said:

or that which is even worse

SCNDLS said:

she'll need another dude there to "cockblock"....once she does that, the ex will be like:
"Why didn't you have him do this?"

our girl could be like:
"Because he's busy with me, and besides, you are my like my brother now, and I know you will make sure its fixed right since you won't be distracted by me. "

MrsGoodnight said:

Of course. I DO love you.

SCNDLS said:

I know this is a serious thread but

paintedlady said:

You diabolical hussy, you!!!

SCNDLS said:

Can I get in on that drive by?

We could go pick up Ocean and her chair... Beat the shit outta that muhfucka

I'm sorry to hear this

When my ex-boyfriend and I broke up we remained friends, but I could only go for less than a month like that. I just couldn't stand still talking to him without being able to tell him how much I love him

So, I stopped talking to him for a while, mainly because he did some stuff that just pissed me the hell off.

Seven months later he called and asked if we could be friends, to which I agreed. I still love him but I just can't leave him out of my life

The point is that, it's really YOUR decision and you're the only one who knows what the limits would be, if you WERE to be just friends.