Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)
There are times when you are so spiritual and ethereal you put the rest of us to shame. But mostly you're just a money-grubbing, sex-obsessed arsehole.


Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
If the symptoms persist, see your GP. Yeah, good luck with that.

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
Sitting there on your balcony, eating roast dog, you're still glad you moved into that swanky new dockside development turned metaphor for the thinly disguised barbarism of the human race.

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)
Discussions at work involve more hoopla and fine words than actual delivery. Which means, yes, it is okay for you to just keep spewing out your usual bullshit.

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
Events this week will prove you have been right all along. Twat.

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
Go outside. See the trees? See the sky? Walk until you drop. Don't go home. There's nothing there for you any more.

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Your crippling self-doubt and neurotic fear of rejection will finally pass this week and be replaced by pathological paranoia and self-loathing. Make the most of it.

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
What you now set in motion reverberates loudly for a month. For the love of Christ, will you please see a doctor?

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
Be prepared to repeat yourself until the message gets through: You were in the pub with your brother all evening and are allergic to baboons anyway.

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
Your inability to make a reasoned decision and then stick to it may make you opt for a reckless course of action you later regret, or it may not.

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
The weight of other people's expectations hangs heavy, so why not just give up now before you fail with what will almost certainly be a sickening degree of inevitablity?

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Chance meetings, health issues, changes at work, new horizons, conflict with loved ones, blah blah fucking blah.

What's a GP? A doctor?

I especially like the first one LOL

ocean said:

What? Are they funny?
Are you a Gemini or just nosey?

PANDURITO said:

Yep

razor said:

What's yep? Yes?

PANDURITO said:

Yep

PANDURITO said:

Nope not a Gemini ...so I guess that leaves nosey

ocean said:

It's something YOU were born with.
It's OK
We all love you just the same

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
Go outside. See the trees? See the sky? Walk until you drop. Don't go home. There's nothing there for you any more.

What's funny is, I walk in the park 4 miles every day. So I do get to see a lot of trees and skies (as well as a lot of other cool stuff).

psychodelicide said:

Wow, that is funny.

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
The weight of other people's expectations hangs heavy, so why not just give up now before you fail with what will almost certainly be a sickening degree of inevitablity?


well ...

I know the weight of my ... fuck it

nevermind

I put so much fucking pressure on myself in my attempts to take care of others

I swear I just had a minny breakdown and went loco on my Mom who really can not HELP IT

someone should hug me or or just slap the fuck outta me

Mach said:

Given the choice...

PANDURITO said:

I am afraid you would not truely be able to do it just right

but thanx for the desire to slap th fuck outta me

Anytime

PunkMistress said:

Normally, I don't believe in horoscopes, but this one was amusingly accurate.

Mach said:

psychodelicide said:

Another slap is being raffled

razor said:

what

a

day,




especially the last part.

ocean said:

It's mainly true!

Amaxx said:

That's why I liked it

razor said:

story of my life

razor said:

I don't have a brother, BUT if I did, that is EXACTLY what I would have been doing

razor said:

this bit is 100% correct

I'd swear you just called me neurotic!

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Your crippling self-doubt and neurotic fear of rejection will finally pass this week and be replaced by pathological paranoia and self-loathing. Make the most of it.

Capricorn- I don't get it.